Question regarding " needing space"

[lydon]

I have been with my SO for a year now, we are engaged, and have a child each from previous relationships. My question is this? In the last three months my SO, has been having mood swings...I'll give an example. Last Saturday, was my sleep in day, got up around 11:30, and lounged around the house till i heard from my SO, who was just leaving work. When she got home around 12:30-1, i was out on the couch, not feeling well, and not feeling much like moving. The previous week I was on the go like crazy, and this was the first chance i have to relax. She saw me there, and asked if I wanted to go shopping, I rolled my eyes, in a playful way. She was all of a sudden not inpressed, a cowl, and folded arms, told me she was upset. Said she was looking forward to spending the day together, as was I . Just not shopping, I wanted to do other things. She then closed her eyes and lay on the couch herself. I got up shortly after that, and started to poke her to get up, and let do something. she said she didn't feel like doing some thing any more, and to give her her "space'...a minute ago she was looking forward tospending the day together...I was very confused. she wouldn't speak to me for two days, alot of one work answers, and grunts.

 

This weekend, we had the kids, and were going to get a christmas tree on saturday. friday we had a road trip, of which i had driven for 12 hours, while she and the kids slept. needless to say I was exhausted, and feel aseep friday night at about 11:30, about a hour after we got in. Saturday morning I moving slow, stiff from the drive, and still mentally exhausted. Our goal is to cut a christmas tree down with the kids. As we are getting ready, my SO mood changes again, cowl, short grunt answers. We get in the car, and head towards the tree farm. everytime I ask her a question, she looks at me, like what are you doing talking to me..im in a mood. My thoughts are I'm not sure you can have a mood when we have the kids, doing a family outing, what are we all just going to ignore you while you deside to have a mood. I mention to her to please not do this while we on a family outing...that was it, she blows her top, starts screaming, and me tpo just leave her alone and give her her space. I want to talk to her since, her and the kids slept the day before, and i was looking forward to chating with her about the week, and the plan for the day! She didn't speek to me till Sunday night

 

Is this normal, should I just "give her space" regardless of the curcumstances, or am i being bullied. Is two days of the silient treatment reasonable for such a small disagreement!.

 

On another note, we have had signifficantly less sex lately, mabye, 1-2 times per week. I atribute it to her working doubles all month. She says its not me, and not to take it personal. she says shes in a state, where shes not feeling very decisive, and feels a little directionless.

 

Can someone chime in, I need a womans point of veiw. She says it will be difficult to continue the relationship, if I cannot learn to give her some "space " when she requests it...

 

Other than this issue, we have an amazing relationship, we work well as a team, trust each other, and have a very exciting sex life!!!!

 

Help

[Merin]

I hate to even ask this.. because I so freaking hate it whenever my SO would ask.. BUT

 

Possible she's got some PMS going on?

 

Ugh! Sorry, but it really does seem like such a petty non thing for her to be upset to the point she doesn't wish to speak to you because you didn't feel like going shopping?

 

If it isn't PMS.. then I guess I would wonder what other thing(s) she's been pissed about that she's held back and it's now come to a boil.. know what I mean?

 

If she tells you to leave her alone and give her space.. then by all means.. do so. However ask her when it is she will be available to talk..

[jmargel]

Could be PMS, but when she says give her space then do it. Let me give you an analogy. I work with dogs quite a bit, and the one thing you don't want is your dog running off on you (kinda like your woman). So, in order to do this, you have someone hold your pup, while you head out about 100 feet. Call the dog's name in an exciting voice. The dog will naturally want to come to you, but have the holder, hold it for a little while longer. When they do release the pup, run away calling the dog's name.

 

Now you have the dog actually chasing you, rather than you chasing the dog. So, to put this in terms for your situation, you have to let her come upto you. Let her tell you she loves you first, let her give you the hugs, let her talk to you about the situation. All she is saying right now (not through words) is that she is stressed and frustrated with either work, family, holidays, etc.. the list can go on. The more you push though, the further stressed she is going to be. I know you want answers, but she will give you them on her own time. Otherwise if you push you'll never get the answers. Patience is a virtue. Right now, try not to do anything to piss her off. I know its hard at times, my wife can be the same way. I can say the same exact thing to her, and depending on the day she'll either laugh or get pissed off. That's the way women work I guess.

 

When you see her tonight, tell her that 'I know you have had a rough week or two and if you want to talk I am here to listen'. Doing that has given her the green light to talk to you without you pushing her.

[lydon]

Its not PMS, she really doesn't get effected by PMS. She is my best friend, as well as my lover, so not being able to speeak to her is hell at times. Especially on my days off, when I'm really looking forward to the day with her. We both work so much, I feel a little cheated if I have to give her her space on my days off. I know this sounds a little selfish, but I can't help wanting laugh, and chat with her! it's even harder if I am not able to leave the house, because of responsibilities, and or obligations. She there in my face all the time. I really have to work hard on not talking to her, those days.

 

On a side note, she does have a very short temper, and gets explosively angry on the drop of a hat. I am the oposite, I have an extremely long fuse, and always want to talk things through, instead of the silient treatment!

 

 

So you say, regarless of curcumstanses, give her her space!

[Merin]

Originally posted by lydon

Its not PMS, she really doesn't get effected by PMS. She is my best friend, as well as my lover, so not being able to speeak to her is hell at times. Especially on my days off, when I'm really looking forward to the day with her. We both work so much, I feel a little cheated if I have to give her her space on my days off. I know this sounds a little selfish, but I can't help wanting laugh, and chat with her! it's even harder if I am not able to leave the house, because of responsibilities, and or obligations. She there in my face all the time. I really have to work hard on not talking to her, those days.

 

On a side note, she does have a very short temper, and gets explosively angry on the drop of a hat. I am the oposite, I have an extremely long fuse, and always want to talk things through, instead of the silient treatment!

 

 

So you say, regarless of curcumstanses, give her her space!

 

Yay for NO PMS

 

You know it could just be the 2 of you have different temperments.. while I still think it's silly to not talk to your SO over something so small.. could be that is just the way she is.

 

Bottomline.. If you're happy overall in the relationship, then good to go;) When she asks for space.. yes I still say give it to her..

 

*Side Note* jmargel.. comparing dogs to women.. LAME.

[Debster]

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who found it inappropriate to use a dog analogy in this situation.

[jmargel]

Oh please.. I am not comparing WOMEN to DOGS. I am comparing his SITUATION to TRAINING of dogs. If it was a woman who posted this original thread, I would still give the same advice, so stop assuming things.

[Merin]

Originally posted by jmargel

Oh please.. I am not comparing WOMEN to DOGS. I am comparing his SITUATION to TRAINING of dogs. If it was a woman who posted this original thread, I would still give the same advice, so stop assuming things.

 

I'm not assuming anything.

 

"I work with dogs quite a bit, and the one thing you don't want is your dog running off on you (kinda like your woman)."

 

Thats what I read, Thats what I got from it.. and I still think it's LAME.

 

Even if it had been a Woman who asked the same question, if you had said exactly what you did only changed it to (kinda like your man) I would still say it was LAME.

[EC]

so stop assuming things.

 

stop assuming things...gets ya mad huh> kinda like when you assume two people are the same person or one person is lying???

 

Sorry I had to....

 

To the original poster...

 

About your wife I agree with everything Jmargel said except for the dog analogy.

[Scott S]

Originally posted by jmargel

Oh please.. I am not comparing WOMEN to DOGS. I am comparing his SITUATION to TRAINING of dogs. If it was a woman who posted this original thread, I would still give the same advice, so stop assuming things.

 

It also sounds like you advocate "training" women the same way one trains dogs.

 

Not to start a flame-war, but I must side with the ladies on this one.

[jmargel]

Consider it lame if you want. But the more you push someone who is stressed the further they will stray from you. The more you pull away (like the dog analogy) the better chance they will come towards you. For you to get that offended over something like that is what I call LAME. But each to their own.