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Spontaneous Miscarriage

blind_otter

By blind_otter,
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blind_otter

blind_otter

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I lost my baby on Saturday.

 

I spotted the night before, by around 5am I was bleeding more heavily. I called my midwife and she told me to put my feet up and wait for an ultrasound on Moday. I was about 13 weeks along. I was making something to eat around 11am and my water broke. The air smelled like seawater.

 

I called my Mom and she came to take me to the ER. I felt a tremendous pressure and I had contractions, that were far apart at first. In the ER I waited to see a doctor and the contractions came closer and closer until I knew I what was happening, so I went into the bathroom and delivered the baby by myself. It was small and pink and still, and it looked exactly like I expected. It was the size of a guinea pig, I guess. I was scared, I just sat on the floor staring at it because I didn't know what else to do. I was numb and I guess a little in shock because I had lost a lot of blood as well.

 

And then the toilet flushed automatically and I was horrified because I had just sat there and I walked out and told my Mother what had happened. She told the triage nurse and the doctor saw me right away.

 

I feel empty, it's been two days and my stomach is flat again. I don't know what to feel. I was so ambivalent about this pregnancy, unplanned, unexpected, the whole time has been so stressful and confusing, but I was determined to keep going and move forward. I'm very sad.

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Naive

Naive

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I am very sorry for your loss, I know that nothing that I say can make it better. Just have faith and hope in God.

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HokeyReligions

HokeyReligions

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OMG! blind-otter! I am sooooo sorry. Is there some counseling available through the hospital or your work, or somewhere to help you deal with this right now? Losing a baby is traumatic enough, but for you to have gone through it the way you did would be catastrophic to me.

 

It might help you to get a grip on your emotions and work through this if you can talk with others who have experienced similar things -- like a small support group. The hospital should have some information somewhere about groups in your area.

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Joyce

Joyce

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I'm sorry about your baby. I understand how you feel I had a miscarriage once too. It sounds like you were further along than I was. I didn't even know I was pregnant until I lost it.

 

It's a very hard thing to go through. Your hormones and emotions have got be a mess. Don't hold in your feelings, share them and lean on your family and friends. Like it was said before get into a support group.

 

(Hugs)

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tiki

tiki

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:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

 

OMG otter I am so sorry. Please take good care of yourself. I am thinking of you often.

 

((((hugs))))

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SoleMate

SoleMate

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otter, you have my sincere condolences. What a painful shock for you - after you have already had so much to deal with. Have a cyberhug you dear little thing ((((blind_otter))))

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Debster

Debster

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While I know this might not be seen as very helpful or sensitive - it is meant to be comforting - things do happen for a reason. When I had a friend who miscarried that was what helped her get through it.

 

I do feel for you.

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kiwi29f

kiwi29f

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I am so sorry. I lost my first baby when I was 3 months along. I was devistated but I was not at a point in my life to have a baby & the father would not have taken full responsibility for it.(he already had one that he claimed but didn't take care of.) My mother believes in reincarnation(as do I) & she told me something that helped me. she believes your baby chooses its parents & my baby decided he/she didn't want my bf at the time as a father b/c of the way he is so he/she decided to wait & come back to me when the time was right. 3 yrs later I got preg. w/ my H's baby. Keep your head up things will get better. I know how much pain your in. I now have a healthy, beautiful 2 year old little girl.

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brashgal

brashgal

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Take care of yourself, take time to grieve. I've been through this, it is a sad time of life. Sending positive thoughts your way.... :bunny:

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blind_otter

blind_otter

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Thank you for the support and sympathy. It just sucks. It's really hard. This is hard. I wish so bad I had someone in my life who cared as much about this baby as I did. I wish that the baby's father wasn't a total a**h***. I wish I had something to show for what I fought for.

 

There is a support group that meets once a month while I'm at work. Why the hell they have to have it at 11:30am on thursday is beyond me. I am angry, too. I guess working through the stages of grief. I am angry and sad and confused and I hurt all over my body aches. I wish I didn't have this much hurt balled up inside. I wish I knew a better way to get it out.

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tiki

tiki

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Posted
Originally posted by blind_otter

There is a support group that meets once a month while I'm at work. Why the hell they have to have it at 11:30am on thursday is beyond me.

 

Can you take an early lunch? I'm certain that your employer would understand.

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blind_otter

blind_otter

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I would have to take like a 3 hour lunch because the group itself is 2 hours, and the meetings are held at the Hospice here in town, which is half hour or 45 minutes away from where I work.

 

My friend told me to just go to private counseling. He said I shouldn't try to deal with this alone. The last time I had a miscarriage I really just lost it. I was so depressed that I didn't get out of bed or shower and I quit myjob. I just wanted to fade away. I had to see a psychiatrist and a therapist and I was put on all these medications...it took a year and a half for me to get better.

 

I am just very sad. I need to get better. I need to be able to deal with this. I need to get it together...

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tokyo

tokyo

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You really need to see someone. That´s so awful that it´s the second time already..... :( I find that to be very worriesome. What does your doctor say that you had a miscarriage before?

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