Stone Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 Oh Sweetheart I am so sorry, I don't know what to say but you are and always have been in my thoughts. Love you Here is a online support group you might want to look at http://www.angelfire.com/emo/miscarriage/Bio2.html Please take care of yourself my dear Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 Blind otter - i am sorry petal, my thoughts are with you I know the timing of the group sounds ridiculous but jobs arent important when a life shattering event like this occurs, you are more important and your health is more important. Lean on your friend, he sounds like hes there to support you big kiss x Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 I have had 2 miscarriages, and one thing I didn't realize until it happened to me, was that you still have the baby blues or postpartum depression even when you have a miscarriage. That sounds like what may have happened to you the other time you miscarried. When you combine the hormonal changes, with the grief, it is very hard to keep things together. I think you should definitely look into the counseling. It sounds like you really need some help, especially given your past experience. Also, I joined an email group for those who have been through miscarriages after mine, and I found that very helpful. The first time I miscarried, I was about 10 weeks along. It is a horrible feeling to one day be pregnant, and the next day not be. And then having to tell everyone you had a miscarriage, it tears your heart out. I wish I had something to tell you that would make this easier for you, but I don't really. All I can say, is let yourself grieve, and find someone to talk to who can help you if you drop into depression again. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Elmo Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 Hey, Sweetpea. I feel for you. Your hormones are still going to be going for awhile. I agree with all others who are encouraging to go to therapy. Group therapy, with others going through a like situation would be helpful. It really could not hurt! Take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted December 10, 2004 Author Share Posted December 10, 2004 therapy seems like the way to go at this point. My baby's father left several frantic messages on my machine wednesday night. He got caught selling coke. What an ass. I feel bad for him but it is just comical. I have too much of my own **** to deal with right now. One day I will be able to be a mother. It's something I really want to do, the most important job in the world, in my opinion. Just not now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted December 13, 2004 Author Share Posted December 13, 2004 I am utterly despondent. It seems out of proportion. I just am not happy at all anymore. Waking up, going about my day, seems like a chore that is too much to handle or tolerate. Like walking through jello. Talking to people makes me irritated and miserable. Everything seems bad. Too hard. Too hard for me to handle anything at all. I have an appointment next monday. Luckily my mom is paying to 200 bucks for the appointment. I can't seem to do anything right. I was so OK at first. It gets worse every day. Today my first day back at work in a week. My boss is extending my probationary period because I've "been having difficulties" **** this. I feel like quitting and just going on welfare. I don't have the motivation to even eat. I don't want to ****ing chew anything. I just want to roll up into a ball in front of my fireplace and sleep and sleep and sleep until I don't feel anything at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted December 13, 2004 Share Posted December 13, 2004 Goodafternoon dear, I am glad your going to a doctor, You hate that job and the woman you work for, put in your notice, relax and find a job you can get excited about. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 13, 2004 Share Posted December 13, 2004 Otter.. I'm so sorry.. I do hope you will start to feel better soon.. I'm thinking about you, and sending good thoughts your way. Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 Hi Otter I can't seem to do anything right Its not your fault. you arent to blame It gets worse every day. It does right now, and right now you havent been to your appointment and things are extremely recent so its not unexpected you feel this way. I feel like quitting and just going on welfare dont do anything at the moment, dont make any decisions unless you have to. BB Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted December 14, 2004 Author Share Posted December 14, 2004 thanks...i feel a bit better today. I won't quit, I can't. I have too much to do. my ex-BF is acting really crazy lately since he is going back to prison. he really honestly scares me now, more than ever before. I know I got myself into this situation - I had ample opportunity to force him out of my life, but I let him back in because of the baby, and now there's no baby and he is enraged at me. I want him out of my life but I know he won't go unless something drastic happens. I know if I get a restraining order, he will violate it, and I am scared of what he would do. He is clinging to me in an angry way. A restraining order won't stop him he doesn't care, he even said he knew he would go back to prison but it didn't matter because I need to "pay". Then he tries to hug me and gets angry if I don't stay in the same room he is in. He is acting very strangely. He quit his job again and now stays at my house all day. He calls me at work at least once a day to tell me he loves me, yet he is angry with me. I got home from work and slept all evening yesterday. I am extremely depressed. Trying to be functional. It is a lot of effort. I know this from my first miscarriage 2 years ago - I become crushingly depressed. I haven't been this bad in 2 years now. I am normally quite fiesty. I have become passive and quiet and it seems that it's so bad that everyone seems to notice. My mother is even worried about me and she and I have a very strained relationship that is usual civil at best. She is paying for my therapy even though she doesn't believe in it because I have lost a lot of weight and my face has become very expressionless. It's easy to get frustrated. I scare people away I think. I am intensely depressed. I just want to be able to have energy again. Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 Have you talked to a doc about getting on some type of anti depressant to get you thru this? You have been thru quite a tramatic experence Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted December 14, 2004 Author Share Posted December 14, 2004 i'm getting evaluated on monday. but it's stupid I have to go through a long process to get medication because the therapist recommends a psychiatrist who evaluates me separately and prescribes, but won't do the therapy because that's a therapist's job. Everyone is nice at first and then they get pissy with me and impatient because I've been back at work 1/2 a day and I should get it together. I feell iike I shall fail again, like I did the last time I lost a baby. I quit my job and just sat there. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 Otter.. I'm so worried for you.. not just because of the depression.. but because of this guy in your life. I really hope the therapist can help you girl.. and that you will try to keep in mind that YOU are an amazing person and worthy of someone being good to you. Take care Link to post Share on other sites
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