Co-worker/Friend that I want more from breaks up with her boyfriend: Now What?

[BVItortola]

I know its a little long but any help would be appreciated. First a little background. I posted some months ago about a pretty major "crush" (I think its a little more) I had on a friend/co-worker (we'll call her Ann). The basics was I wanted to tell her how I felt, but I wasn't sure if it was a good idea. - co-worker, friend, and (the big one) she had a boyfriend. Well I didn't tell her for at first but in the end I just couldn't keep my feelings inside. It went over as well as it could have. The answer was along the lines of "kind of hung up on my current boyfriend". I told her I understood, that I just had to get my feelings out, and that I wasn't really asking anything of her. Her response was "we'll see what happens". Work was a little weird for a week or so. For good or bad the subject never came up again and things have settled to the way they were before - its been 6 months now.

 

Flash to the present: I've just been informed through a mutual acquaintance that Ann and her boyfriend just broke up. Ann has not told me yet. I am still very interested in pursuing something with her but am a little unsure how to approach it. I know I will have to wait for her to tell me about the break-up but there are other issues.

 

1) Obviously I don't want to do anything just yet - its been less than a week. She is going to need some time to rebound so to speak. But I don't want to wait too long. I don't want to end up being on the outside looking in again because I didn't act soon enough but I don't wish to be the rebound guy either. Any thoughts on how long is long enough? I was thinking 4-6 weeks.

 

2) I truly appreciate knowing her as a person and while I am happy with our relationship as it stands today, I do want so much more. By raising the subject of my feelings again, I open up the possibility of losing everything. That being said, I am very sure she knows I still have the feelings I do yet we have remained friendly. I have hung out with her and some of her friends, including the boyfriend, (at her invitation) a couple of times recently. I don't mind taking a risk - trust me she is worth it, but any thoughts or general advice from others would be helpful.

 

3) The work thing is obviously still there, but that may prove inconsequential as I'm seeking a new job after the new year.

 

If anyone could provide some advice or general comments on these it would be greatly appreciated.

[kellydontwanttasleep]

just ask her out for a casual lunch, then see where it goes.

[SoleMate]

You don't need to observe a waiting period just to become her friend. Talk to her soon...if she is at all desirable there are doubtless others waiting to swoop in. For now, you're just getting to know each other and becoming platonic friends. When she lets you know the time is right (it could be this week ), you can take it up a notch.

[BVItortola]

The advice is appreciated. Lunch or a drink after work is quite logical. I guess I can make simple things overly complicated at times:)

 

One question though: Given that she knows how I felt earlier in the year and almost certainly knows I still feel the same way, asking her out for a casual lunch or drink one evening won't come across a little too weird? I guess I'm looking for a little female perspective on it. I've never found myself in this kind of situation before.

[SoleMate]

Well...don't leap on her like a mountain lion on a crippled deer. That would indeed be weird. But I don't see how you can get around the necessity of talking to this lady and becoming her friend if you ever want to become more than a friend. Just don't act too PREDATORY.

[BVItortola]

No action leads to nothing. I have no intention of being a mountan lion or anything or even mentioning anything to do with relationships - hers or otherwise. We haven't actually just sat down and shot the bull for a couple of hours for several months so there's a natural opening. And truth be told, if we end up just being closer friends then it wouldn't be the end of the world:cool: