greygnex Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 So me and my boyfriend just got into a fight. We haven't seen each other for over a month and I was getting really emotional about it. First, here's some background info. I'm trying to make this as neutral as possible, so you can make a fair assessment. 1. I'm 17 and he's 18. He works and goes to college during the week. I'm at school during the week, but free during the weekend (no job) 2. It's been well over a month since we've last seen each other. Maybe a month and a half now (maybe) 3. We both live in the same city. We're only a 30 minute train ride away from each other's homes. 4. I'm (my family) much better off financially than he is. 5. His parents have cut him off financially so he has to work. 6. He works on Saturday, but he's free after 2PM. 7. He's said travels around the city (including downtown, where I live) a few times a week. 8. When he started college, we agreed that we'd see each other during the weekend. 9. He has had legitimate excuses for not seeing me sometimes. For example, his parents said no, or he had to go do something. 10. Other times he just hasn't offered to come down on the weekend. He'll be playing video games or something, but never offers to come see me. Or he'll say that he's tired or something. Okay, I think that's everything. The thing that get's me really upset is that I'm only 30 minutes away from him. It's not as if he has to pay a ridiculous amount of money and spend hours on a train to see me. And I get that he's tired sometimes, but so often it seems like he's just doing absolutely nothing. Does it not occur to him to come and see his boyfriend who he hasn't seen for over a month? It's like we're in a long distance relationship or something. From my point of view, I should be able to see him at least twice a month. I don't think that's unreasonable. Anyways, here is the full argument. He just woke up from a nap because he was tired from work. M is me and H is him: H: I'm awake ! H: Oh god I had a book on my face M: so am I ever going to get to see you again or no lol H: LOL I swear you act like I'm going to war, you'll see me eventually...I just need some more money to save and spend. M: You might as well be. I don't even get excited anymore cuz I know something always comes up lol Like whatever No point in getting all emotional about it all the time Maybe by Christmas we'll get lucky H: You'll understand when your parents cut you off financially. I need to keep my phone up, transportation, clothes food etc... Times are rough still ! Boxing day is gonna be a killer. H: I get a break during holidays like 2 weeks. (Including the week of Christmas) M: Yea but you'll probably be busy M: And I'm going away then anyways H: WHAT! not really... Like mom could afford to take the entire fam on vacation. A plane ticket is like 1,000 dollars M: Yeah really M: I'm just gonna stop complaining about it. I feel like crying right now M: I don't wanna be a mess in the mall H: WOWW...dude your like so much better off than me and you feel like crying!?? Like I understand you miss me and all, but you'll see me again. I can understand if I was moving away to another country...but I have my own responsibilities to take care of and I'm sure you do too. M: I just want to see you M: It's been more than a month now M: And every time you say you will, you bail at the last minute M: It's just really depressing when u get me all excited thinking that ur finally gonna come and then you cancel at the last min H: You know what...fine I understand that I bail on the last minute, but I have a whole lot on my plate and this is just too ****ing much TOO ****ING MUCH. If you can't accept the harsh reality of me working and trying to better myself. Then there's really nothing much to talk about. M: I know that you're working gosh. I'm just telling you that I miss you and you're getting all upset M: anyways I'm gonna go home now H: I GET THE ENTIRE PICTURE. I'm not the boyfriend who can always be with you, look I'm already in another argument with my mom. I can't take this anymore just don't talk to me. So that is the full argument. I didn't remove or edit anything. Anyways, no he has blocked me from calling and messaging him and he's blocked me from following him on Twitter. And he's apparently chilling with some friends right now. I honestly have no clue what is going on with him. So my question for all you is: 1. Am I being unreasonable in any way? 2. Was he being unreasonable in any way? 3. Has he broken up with me? We haven't communicated at all since the messages I posted above. He hung up on me when I tried to call him. But he's never said that our relationship was over. I really don't know if he is just angry and doesn't want to talk, or if the relationship is over. Oh, and he tweeted this: Sometimes you'll need to give up something in order to move on. Thanks!
deathandtaxes Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Do you even have to ask if you're broken up? You're young. Go find another.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Everyone has bills to pay and go to college at the same time. No one is that busy that he can't make an hour in an entire month for you. What is he, the president of the U.S? Even the president has time for his marriage and kids. Sheesh. Go find another guy, you're young and there are guys who will give you time and show you love and respect. 1
mammasita Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Someone who wants to be with you will find a way no matter what their circumstances. A month is an incredibly long time to go without seeing someone you are "in a relationship" with. He's already written you off with his actions and lack of effort. Please do the same, don't waste any more of your thoughts or feelings on him - block/delete/ignore him. Find someone who is willing to respect you and put effort into you. 1
KatZee Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Yeah, back when I was going to school, I had a full time job and had my own apartment. I had to pay my bills, and buy my groceries. I had to study, and better myself, and write a 40 page master thesis. Oh, and I had a boyfriend. This whole "i'm too busy and life is too hard" is a crock. No one is EVER too busy to go 1.5 months without seeing their bf/gf. You're spilling your guts to him and he's like, "yeah well you'll see me eventually." He honestly, just doesn't care. He's not upset about it, and he doesn't particularly care that you're upset about it. I would let this one go because this is not a relationship. 1
todreaminblue Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 I do think its over,he doesn't have the time or the finances to see you , you would like to see him more, he doesnt seem phased by him being unable to, so really, you two are just incompatible,that phone call or text you wrote out probably wasnt the only phone call ro text where you were upset......next time if you are upset see that guy in real time......face to face and talk then, its easy to escalate text messages due to the barrier in understanding the other person texting is really upset.... he didnt seem invested and you are young, i dont think once a month is really a relationship why couldnt you have gone to him though, and hung out more regularly distract him from video games.....you know howthey say if the mountain wont come to you...you go to the mountain......and shake it up a little...ok i added that last bit..;0)...deb
Author greygnex Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 The didnt seem invested and you are young, i dont think once a month is really a relationship why couldnt you have gone to him though, and hung out more regularly distract him from video games.....you know howthey say if the mountain wont come to you...you go to the mountain......and shake it up a little...ok i added that last bit..;0)...deb Last time I saw him, it was me who went to him. And I asked him every weekend if I could see him. Every time he said no. And I obviously wasn't going to travel to his house if he says he can't see me.
KatZee Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Honestly, if you stopped contacting him, and stopped asking him to get together, I doubt you'd ever hear from him again. Plus, he called you "dude." You're not "dude" you're his girlfriend. 1
Author greygnex Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 (edited) so really, you two are just incompatible,that phone call or text you wrote out probably wasnt the only phone call ro text where you were upset.. The funny thing is that we got along perfectly. We could carry on conversations for hours, shared all the same interests. Our conversations via text were great as well. A few months ago, tears even started coming out of his eyes when he had to leave my house at the end of the evening because he didn't want us to be apart. And one time not that long ago, he even came to my house and waited for hours for me to wake up so we could be together. And it's not like our relationship was about sex. That's what really bothering me about this. Other than him not seeing me for a month and a half, everything about our relationship was as perfect as it could get. But I guess things change. I suppose he got used to not seeing me, as long as we texted and talked on the phone. Edited October 14, 2013 by greygnex
cif Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Have to admit i stopped reading where he says he needs cash to go see you. If youre better off financially why dont YOU get on the train and take him out. Or just save yourself the grief and find someone else.
Author greygnex Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 Have to admit i stopped reading where he says he needs cash to go see you. If youre better off financially why dont YOU get on the train and take him out. He doesn't need cash to see me. He has more than enough For one thing, he isn't broke at all. Right now he's saved over $5,000 for a car. And he has no problem spending money to buy extra nice clothes. He's not exactly rolling in cash, but he's not anywhere close to being broke. And here in Toronto, we have something called Metropass. You buy it at the beginning of the month, and can use our public transit as much as you want. He buys a Metropass at the beginning of every month so he can get around the city. Coming to see me wouldn't have cost him a dime extra. Or just save yourself the grief and find someone else. I really miss this guy, but that's probably exactly what I'm going to do. There is no excuse for the way he has treated me. If you can't find two hours in five weeks to spend time together, you're obviously no good.
cif Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 He doesn't need cash to see me. He has more than enough For one thing, he isn't broke at all. Right now he's saved over $5,000 for a car. And he has no problem spending money to buy extra nice clothes. He's not exactly rolling in cash, but he's not anywhere close to being broke. And here in Toronto, we have something called Metropass. You buy it at the beginning of the month, and can use our public transit as much as you want. He buys a Metropass at the beginning of every month so he can get around the city. Coming to see me wouldn't have cost him a dime extra. I really miss this guy, but that's probably exactly what I'm going to do. There is no excuse for the way he has treated me. If you can't find two hours in five weeks to spend time together, you're obviously no good. In that case i would go silent on the coward. Dont even bother responding. He probably starting seeing college girls.
Author greygnex Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 In that case i would go silent on the coward. Dont even bother responding. He probably starting seeing college girls. Nah. He's the kind of guy that couldn't get a girl if his life depended on it. His loss. 1
KatZee Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Nah. He's the kind of guy that couldn't get a girl if his life depended on it. His loss. Ironic that he can't get a girl if his life depended on it, but he currently has a girl that's STILL with him after he shows NO interest and puts NO effort. Lets not be unrealistic here. He got you. He will get others. He's not spending time with you, I'm sure he's spending time with others. You're right that he's not treating you well though, so it's just time to walk.
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