no sex in strong relationship

[sexless&inlove]

Hello,

 

My boyfriend and I have a really good, but sexless relationship. He says that he has a very difficult time having sex with a woman that he respects and loves. This is not the first relationship in which he has had this problem.

 

We have had sex once, but it was early in the relationship. He says he is physically attracted to me and wants to have sexual intimacy with me. I know he is physically capable of sex, and I do know that he is attracted to me. Is there any advice for what I could do to help him with this problem? Thanks.

[Tony T]

Many men form ideas about sex when they are very very young. Some, for instance, form the idea that sex is extremely painful for a woman so, as children, they promise themselves they would never have sex with a woman they love because they would not want to cause her pain.

 

Even though as adults they learn this is NOT true, the stand they took as youngsters is extremely strong and has formed an indelible mark on their subconscious mind.

 

There are other men who equate nice, loving women with their mother and are simply unable to have sex with someone who is much like their mother. The could engage in great sex with a women for whom they had no feelingsm respect or with whom they would never consider marrying. However, having sex with someone for whom they have great respect and admiration is tantamount to incest.

 

There are still other men who are so in awe of a woman they love, their anxiety overwhelms them. To them, the love they feel is so strong, they see the beloved as almost an untouchable Goddess rather than someone with whom they could have sex.

 

Some men, who have come from extremely abusive families or families where there was emotional or physical abandonment, do not want to put themselves in a position of having children. To them, a sexual experience could result in pregnancy...bringing a child into this world who could experience the same trauma they experienced as a child. In their very young years, they vowed...or took the stand...that they would never be a party to bringing a child into the very cruel world they came from.

 

There is hope and there is a cure. You need to stop being so nice and gradually get a little dirty with him. Let him know this won't last long without the sexual component and let him know you have to try things that will get him off this no sex kick.

 

Talk dirty, do sexy things in front of him in private...lift your dress, expose your breats quickly...in other words, do things a mother or a Goddess would NOT do. This should do the trick. You simply need to show him you are a human female who has sexual desires...you are not his mother...you are not a Goddess...sex does not cause you pain...you won't get pregnant...and you look forward to the pleasure and will NOT experience pain.

 

This will be an interesting experiment for you. I'm sorry I can't sit and have a long conversation with you about this because it's pretty complex. I hope I have given you some insight here...and you can move on from there.

 

But you are going to have to work a lot harder to get into his head and see where this attitude came from. It is not unheard of but it is rare. This guy is headed for a really empty life in some important ways. If you can't help him, make sure he seeks psychological counselling to get to the root of this and work it out.