hkh8871 Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 Hi guys! I've posted here before about all my problems wiht my boyfriend. We are in an LDR for 10 months and haven't been having a good time with it lately. We've been fighting a lot (all while i was at home and we were close distance) but now I think we are trying to move forward. The one thing is- we barely speak. Maybe 1 text message a day...if at all. We don't skype or anything either anymore. I'm just wondering if this is normal or not? He is supposed to come visit me in 2 weeks and I'm just afraid that he's coming because he had already bought the ticket before we were fighting (it costs 1000$) and doesn't want to deal with the loss financially and he is just coming to have sex and then go back home? He works a 60/70 hour week and i am studying to become a doctor- we are also 6 hours apart in time difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 No big deal. Guys dont text a lot, so dont worry. Dont even mention that when he visits you, just thank him for comming, and tell him that you thought about him all the time Link to post Share on other sites
Author hkh8871 Posted October 14, 2013 Author Share Posted October 14, 2013 But weve been fighting so much.... I mean we made up but why wouldnt he want to talk to me more Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 Haha, maybe because you argue, or maybe because you're not interested in the same thing. Dont worry too much about it. As long as you do some communication. Look for the quality of the conversation and not the quantity 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hkh8871 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Share Posted October 15, 2013 I wish it was easy. I really do have to back off though a little and keep things light and fun like they were in the beginning. He still calls me baby and stuff and the minute we have “dirtier” text message conversations he is answered every second and is so involved in it. That could just be for the sex but maybe he is still interested somewhat. Now I just have to battle my female nature to immediately solve this and talk about my feelings and talk everything out. Thank you for helping me out though!! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 One text a day, or maybe even less? No, I'm sorry, that really isn't "normal". It isn't enough to maintain a relationship and I'm sure you know that. Why don't you Skype anymore? If your communication used to be regular and now it's fizzled out to this level, you really need to have an honest discussion about it. Think about it: he is suddenly interested when the texting is dirty, so that tells you that he DOES have time to text. He just otherwise chooses not to. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
morningdew Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 hi all my problem is similar with hkh8871. we r on the same boat dear.. Its been a year I'm dating a guy I met on the internet. everything is passionate, texting everyday, Skype every week and all. then he decided to c me. we spent very good time. after he went back to his home country as well. but lately, he rarely text me and we do Skype only if I ask for it. he still nice, sweet and all during skyping. just that he admitted he was busier these days. is that normal? fyi, he works at us coast guard. it leaves many thought in my head, why he is busier now? and why he don't want to spent sometime skyping with me anymore? we used to skype to sleep. but not anymore. I mean why suddenly he is busier? sometimes I feel like he is not interested anymore. maybe bcz this ldr thing. anyone can share? thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
the tank Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 I've been there . I met a girl when I was living in Vancouver. I'm from Montreal. The girl was from another country tough. We had a really great relationship in Vancouver. When I got back home, At first we were texting , skype etc .. But one day , we were texting only one time per day. She was always busy... When I finally reach her by skype. We talk and broke up mutually. Long distance need talking, keeping in touch. It's not normal to only text one time per day. Just my 2 cent. Link to post Share on other sites
Solcita2 Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 I don't know if it's normal. Since I moved out of my country I speak (skype) daily with my F, however, he's a freelancer so he's basically all day long at home... Next week he'll be out working in a project outside the house... I'll let you know how that goes and how often we texted or skyped during that time... What I can tell you is no matter how busy I am, I skype daily, I don't feel my day is fine if I don't skype with him... if I'm crazy busy I would skype while having breakfast, doing make up and dressing up... I think in the 6 months we've been away, maybe just one day we didn't skype and we both were heartbroken LOL... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hkh8871 Posted October 19, 2013 Author Share Posted October 19, 2013 alright so this is still just getting more confusing. he has contacted me 1 time to just "talk" (via txt) where we exchanged maybe 4 texts in a time span of 4 hours and when he didn't say anything to keep the conversation going I stopped too. we have exchanged a few "hope you have a good day text" but other than that NOTHING. he is coming to visit me in 1 week and i'm afraid it is going to be awkward!!!! especially after our fighting before i left. he also changed his facebook profile picture from one of himself to one of us two the last time he visited- but we have barely communicated!! it's just so confusing for me because i've been backing off HUGELY and not texting him first and just giving him as much space as possible and yes he did text me 1 time and changed his profile picture and stuff but it's just...so confusing that we barely speak...does anyone have any insight? Link to post Share on other sites
Criticality Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 Maybe he isn't much of a texter? Wait and see what happens when he comes, it's only a week from now. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGal Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 hi all my problem is similar with hkh8871. we r on the same boat dear.. Its been a year I'm dating a guy I met on the internet. everything is passionate, texting everyday, Skype every week and all. then he decided to c me. we spent very good time. after he went back to his home country as well. but lately, he rarely text me and we do Skype only if I ask for it. he still nice, sweet and all during skyping. just that he admitted he was busier these days. is that normal? fyi, he works at us coast guard. it leaves many thought in my head, why he is busier now? and why he don't want to spent sometime skyping with me anymore? we used to skype to sleep. but not anymore. I mean why suddenly he is busier? sometimes I feel like he is not interested anymore. maybe bcz this ldr thing. anyone can share? thank you. Because this military man came to your country, had sex with you then went back home. He obviously only came for sex, sadly. He used you. Don't let it happen again. You need to be careful. He has lost interest because he got what he wanted. He's NOT "busy" he just doesn't care about you. He just wanted sex. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGal Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 (edited) alright so this is still just getting more confusing. he has contacted me 1 time to just "talk" (via txt) where we exchanged maybe 4 texts in a time span of 4 hours and when he didn't say anything to keep the conversation going I stopped too. we have exchanged a few "hope you have a good day text" but other than that NOTHING. he is coming to visit me in 1 week and i'm afraid it is going to be awkward!!!! especially after our fighting before i left. he also changed his facebook profile picture from one of himself to one of us two the last time he visited- but we have barely communicated!! it's just so confusing for me because i've been backing off HUGELY and not texting him first and just giving him as much space as possible and yes he did text me 1 time and changed his profile picture and stuff but it's just...so confusing that we barely speak...does anyone have any insight? People need to stop saying it's because he's not much of a texter. I don't care if the man does not like texting BUT because he cares about a woman he WILL text her, even if he hates texting! Let's stop making sorry excuses. You're basically about to meet up with a stranger. If there is little to no contact then what is the point of being in a relationship?? That's not a real relationship, it's a waste of 10 months is what it is. Relationships are all about communication and trust. He is NOT communicating with you enough. Getting a text from him here and there is not enough. You need regular, frequent communication. That's how you get to know each other better and it's enjoyable getting to talk to someone you care about and the feeling is mutual. By the way, have you two actually met in person yet, meaning face-to-face, in person, anytime during this 10 month relationship?? Yes, I agree that it will be VERY awkward seeing him soon. With communication this infrequent you are bound to feel uncomfortable with him around. It doesn't only have to be text messages, he can call you once in a while too to hear your voice. This guy is only coming over to visit you for sex. He spent the money and is going to make sure he gets sex from you, just like that guy did to the poster morningdew; he used her for sex then went back home to his country. You're going to feel like crap after he leaves because deep down in your heart you know that he doesn't really care, hence why he does not bother to communicate with you often. He just wants to have a little vacation from work, use you for sex then return home like nothing happened. Be careful! There are men like that that exist. They will spend money on airfare/travel just to have sex. They don't want anything else but sex ad they will lead you on to believe they want a serious relationship, it's all a fake. If I were you I would cancel it, asap! Don't allow him to come to your home. Don't meet up with him at all. Tell him that he obviously does not care about the relationship and isn't serious about you otherwise he would attempt to communicate - text, call, Skype with you more. He does not respect you. Any man who respected the woman he is with would make an effort to make her feel loved. He only wants sex which is why he only text you a lot when you're talking 'dirty' /about sex. Don't play stupid. This guy is up to no good. You've been warned! Edited October 19, 2013 by ThisGal Link to post Share on other sites
Author hkh8871 Posted October 19, 2013 Author Share Posted October 19, 2013 i think you are confusing my situation with the one this girl posted about in this thread also- we are very much together and have seen each other for 6+ months in person and then 4 months in between (2 months here and there) we haven't been physically together...this has nothing to do with military people or him coming to my country and me seeing him one time... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 (edited) i think you are confusing my situation with the one this girl posted about in this thread also- we are very much together and have seen each other for 6+ months in person and then 4 months in between (2 months here and there) we haven't been physically together...this has nothing to do with military people or him coming to my country and me seeing him one time... I think he's losing interest, to be totally honest. It makes sense that he's still coming if he'd already booked and paid. It will certainly be awkward and you need to have a talk about where it's heading or what your expectations are. It doesn't sound as though he is looking for a committed relationship right now, or he would've maintained more regular contact. I would advise not to get your hopes but based on this visit; his recent lack of contact indicate that he could pull a disappearing act once he returns home. EDIT: By the way, OP, have you talked to him about this before? If yes, how did he respond? If no, why not? Edited October 19, 2013 by ExpatInItaly Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGal Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 (edited) i think you are confusing my situation with the one this girl posted about in this thread also- we are very much together and have seen each other for 6+ months in person and then 4 months in between (2 months here and there) we haven't been physically together...this has nothing to do with military people or him coming to my country and me seeing him one time... I read yours and the other poster's posting, 2 different scenarios. However, you should have mentioned your history with your b/f in the original posting. My opinion remains the same though, he's not interested otherwise he would make it obvious, and his interest would not only be piqued when you're texting about sex. Any man who is interested in a woman would not text so infrequently. Communication is everything. He knows you want to hear from him more yet he has made no effort to change this. In fact, he would even try to talk on the phone just so he can hear your voice sometimes. It's going to be an awkward visit and it's quite obvious he's only coming for sex then going back home (wherever that may be, different state, country, whatever!), the texts will become even less infrequent (if that's even possible given the little to no communication you guys have now). You need to address this lack of communication asap! Then decide if you still want him to come visit you (if he can't cancel his ticket then he can still vacation there on his own---without me). He may not want to be in a serious relationship with you so sweeping the issue under the rug won't help, address it like mature adults. It's an uncomfortable situation to be in. Good luck! Edited October 19, 2013 by ThisGal Link to post Share on other sites
Solcita2 Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 I don't care how busy or crazy busy you are, if you want to communicate with each other, you will... I text on the train, on the line, anywhere... I stopped texting while walking because I almost killed myself once... The same with him... HE HATES emailing or chatting, but he does... he even sometimes writes me while he's in the toilet... it doesn't sound nice, but it actually is... I never know he's in the toilet until I offer him to skype instead of writing (because I know how much he hates it) and then he has to say he can't and the reason why... We come from a LTR so maybe our dynamics are different, we didn't stop telling each other's about every day life... and when there's nothing interesting to say, we just share anything else... from talking about the last movies we saw to share links and a thousand etc more... When you're in a LDR, if you're "too busy to talk", then you're "too busy to be in a relationship", because in a LDR, talking is all you have... all your relationship is based in your communications through internet... so if you lack that, well, then you lack a relationship... And to the OP... you should talk with him (in person when he comes to you)... and make a decision together of how to go on... a relationship without communication is not a good option... you will get more and more anxious and it won't be good for either of you... so I think you should sit down and have an honest talk about your status... it can't get any worse than it is right now... Hope it helps... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGal Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 I text on the train, on the line, anywhere... I stopped texting while walking because I almost killed myself once... . sounds like us. I also know when he's texting from the toilet lol. I agree with the advice, communication is everything! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
morningdew Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I've been there . I met a girl when I was living in Vancouver. I'm from Montreal. The girl was from another country tough. We had a really great relationship in Vancouver. When I got back home, At first we were texting , skype etc .. But one day , we were texting only one time per day. She was always busy... When I finally reach her by skype. We talk and broke up mutually. Long distance need talking, keeping in touch. It's not normal to only text one time per day. Just my 2 cent. I feel you I probably will do the same thing if things got worst. I don't want to waste my time even though its hurts.. Quote: Originally Posted by morningdew hi all my problem is similar with hkh8871. we r on the same boat dear.. Its been a year I'm dating a guy I met on the internet. everything is passionate, texting everyday, Skype every week and all. then he decided to c me. we spent very good time. after he went back to his home country as well. but lately, he rarely text me and we do Skype only if I ask for it. he still nice, sweet and all during skyping. just that he admitted he was busier these days. is that normal? fyi, he works at us coast guard. it leaves many thought in my head, why he is busier now? and why he don't want to spent sometime skyping with me anymore? we used to skype to sleep. but not anymore. I mean why suddenly he is busier? sometimes I feel like he is not interested anymore. maybe bcz this ldr thing. anyone can share? thank you. Because this military man came to your country, had sex with you then went back home. He obviously only came for sex, sadly. He used you. Don't let it happen again. You need to be careful. He has lost interest because he got what he wanted. He's NOT "busy" he just doesn't care about you. He just wanted sex. Well he came here n visit me. We didn't had sex though. We knew each other for 8 months before he decided to come. I told him that I'm not ready to do it for some personal reasons. He respect that. And yes I also take his words carefully. So if sex is what he want from me, fortunately he didn't get what he want. in somedays (before we met physically) if he was on duty we can't talk at all because he lost signal or was really busy. but this year he just simply said he's busy without explanation he's on duty, doing a patrol or whatsoever. so its leave a question what's wrong with him. oh maybe yeah if your words is true (all he wants is sex) maybe because he didnt get it he "runaway" LOL well i'll take my decision face to face with him if things getting worst. Thanks for the brainstorming Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 This isn't enough to keep a r/ship going, we all have different levels of how often we talk but you don't talk on the phone at all? So just the occasional text? My r/ship would've died a long time ago with no communication. Most LDR's need daily contact if possible and if that's not possible then making damn clear you miss them and can't wait to talk to them again in a day or two. Me and my partner talk online every evening and on the phone most evenings, skype (video once a week or so) we send fb msgs during the day when work allows, we don't text often as there's no need to, unless one of us is out and we can't talk that night. And he's a loner and not a chatty person, so if he can do it... Not sure why he changed his profile pic to one of the two of you, unless he's doing it to keeep you sweet as he knows things haven't been great but he still wants you sexually next week? I've no idea. Talk to him, if you haven't already, tell him what you want/need, that you are far from happy. Hi guys! I've posted here before about all my problems wiht my boyfriend. We are in an LDR for 10 months and haven't been having a good time with it lately. We've been fighting a lot (all while i was at home and we were close distance) but now I think we are trying to move forward. The one thing is- we barely speak. Maybe 1 text message a day...if at all. We don't skype or anything either anymore. I'm just wondering if this is normal or not? He is supposed to come visit me in 2 weeks and I'm just afraid that he's coming because he had already bought the ticket before we were fighting (it costs 1000$) and doesn't want to deal with the loss financially and he is just coming to have sex and then go back home? He works a 60/70 hour week and i am studying to become a doctor- we are also 6 hours apart in time difference. Link to post Share on other sites
bedelgeuse Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 It is a sign of emotional check out most likely, or maybe someone else. I knew something was up with my ex when she went from daily calls and texts and multiple check ins throughout the day to absolutely nothing. I let it go for 3 days before confronting her. Then she broke up with me. Link to post Share on other sites
ColdAlone Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 On the txting frequency: My ex and I (LDR) used to txt at least 3 times a day. Goodmorning, goodnight and some I love you with or without some event happening to her or me that day, around the afternoon. I think that's normal, and minimum. Long distance you have to keep yourself present to the other person, share in a different way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hkh8871 Posted October 27, 2013 Author Share Posted October 27, 2013 So to ask for more advice- he arrived yesterday to visit me and things were good. we haven't really had a chance to have a talk but i feel like i just want to have some fun and bring happiness and mutual enjoyment back to us before we talk. the only thing is...and i know this is a big NO NO but he logged into his Facebook on my computer and didn't log off...well when i wanted to log in it automatically went to his site and i really tried not to look but curiosity got the best of me and i just casually glanced at the first conversation with his best friend...well in that conversation his friend tells him that he should text his ex as a congratulations for getting into law school and that she likes knowing he still cares...to which my boyfriend replied i don't want to text her while her boyfriend is still in the picture and that she had texted him earlier that day and his friend said oh well she asks me about your girlfriend (me) sometimes and that he tells her nothing other than we are happy to which my boyfriend replies "next time you should say 'you guys should get back together'" and his friend responds with "will do" and then the conversation just went a different way!! i'm so confused right now!! this is a girl he dated for 3 years in college and was supposedly awful too and then he was heartbroken when they broke up and for a year he tried to get her back and it didn't work...i thought he moved past her but obviously not.....and another part of the conversation was him asking his friend (same friend) to bring girls with him and his friend said he only knows girls x,y and z (which are coincidentally my friends) and then my boyfriend responds with "aka those are the only girls my gf knows in this whole city" to which his friend replies with "ohhh ok"..................this all happened about the middle of october when we never spoke but it makes me wonder what the hell he is doing here.......why would someone be in a relationship when they really just want their ex? or other girls? as a disclaimer- i really wasn't trying to snoop! i leave all his things alone all the time even if i have the perfect opportunity to look through things (i used to be a big snooper but have made a point to not do it in this relationship) but this seems to just have fallen into my lap and now i'm at a loss. i don't know how to react towards him but he has been being affectionate and sweet and holding me and kissing me...its so confusing!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hkh8871 Posted October 28, 2013 Author Share Posted October 28, 2013 I agree with you all. These comments he made were in mid october and i just saw them niw. it has not left my mind but his behavior is throwing me for a loop. He is so affectionate and when he thinks im sleeping hell kiss me on my cheek amd stroke my hair and hell just be so sweeet where i think...why? He even talks about the future amd the next time we will see each other and what we will do......it makes leaving him so much harder Link to post Share on other sites
Solcita2 Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 So... mmm... damn... Ok, he's with you and not with his ex because his ex has a bf... so she's not an option... if she breaks up... I can bet he will try to get back together with her, if she's willing, then he's done with you... About the other chats, I have no idea... I think it depends on you... if you're very jealous type, it could mean nothing, it could mean he just wants to hang out with some girls (with or without any intentions) and doesn't wnat you to know... HOWEVER, I'm a believer that if there's something you NEED to keep from your SO, then that's a something you shouldn't be doing (like snooping on his fb, I don't blame you, last year I snooped on my SO's facebook and cell phone.. it did not go well, trust me...) Hope it all gets better... the only one with the answer is yourself... you have to decide wether this is acceptable or not... Link to post Share on other sites
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