Messy situation - how to deal with it?

[Robert_90]

Hi,

 

I've been with my gf for past several months. But there is a big problem. I have a crush on her best friend. I actually intended to get together with her friend from the beginning, but she has a boyfriend already and my now gf ended up liking me more anyway, so I decided to go with it.

 

During all that time I was together with my gf I couldn't help but think about her best friend. I mean, gf is quite pretty, it feels good when we are together, etc. but I still think about her friend all the time. She struck me from the beginning and I don't know how to deal with it. I feel incredibly tense whenever we meet in group. Nothing physical between me and best friend has happened yet.

 

What should I do? My gf seems crazy in love with me and oblivious to this problem.

[bluechocolate]

What should I do?

 

lol -you really don't know ?

 

Nothing physical between me and best friend has happened yet.

 

Yet ? Given the chance then I presume you will be more than willing to cheat on your girl friend.

 

Why are you going out with this girl if you're not really that interested in her ? Man up & let her go.

[TaraMaiden]

Hi,

 

I've been with my gf for past several months.

She's not your GF.

 

She's a gap-filler.

You have little or no enthusiasm in turning up the ante with her.... So you're taking her along for the ride.

 

Nice.

 

But there is a big problem. I have a crush on her best friend. I actually intended to get together with her friend from the beginning, but she has a boyfriend already and my now gf ended up liking me more anyway, so I decided to go with it.

 

See?

 

Gap-filler.

Second best.

"You'll do for now."

 

During all that time I was together with my gf I couldn't help but think about her best friend. I mean, gf is quite pretty, it feels good when we are together, etc.

That's big of you.

kind of superficial, aren't you?

What kind of a heel drags a girl along for the ride, all the while wanting someone else?

how fair is that?

 

Really?

 

but I still think about her friend all the time. She struck me from the beginning and I don't know how to deal with it. I feel incredibly tense whenever we meet in group. Nothing physical between me and best friend has happened yet.

 

'Yet'.

Meaning, you believe it's only a matter of time until something actually does.

You planning this?

Is GF's friend aware of your feelings?

Or is she blissfully unaware and completely insensitive to your vibes?

And do you think your GF hasn't picked up on this?

 

What should I do? My gf seems crazy in love with me and oblivious to this problem.

You tell her the truth and break it off.

 

If she 'seems' in love with you, and 'seems' oblivious to this problem, you may be wide off the mark, on the latter factor, and hopefully just as wide off the mark in the former.

 

Hopefully, she's NOT 'crazy in love with you' because if she is, you need to tell her you most certainly don't deserve it.

 

You're hurting her by this lie.

 

How would you feel if she felt the same way about your best friend, and frankly, was really only using you to get close to him?

 

Which is what you're doing, in reverse, of course.....

[Robert_90]

lol -you really don't know ?

No I don't. Options I have:

 

1. Break up with gf and distance myself from entire group.

2. Break up with gf and stay in group.

3. Try to suffer it through and hope crush on a friend will pass.

4. Cheat on gf and agree to keep it a secret with a friend.

5. Cheat on gf and confess.

 

1 and 2. I don't really want to break up with my gf. She told me she was single for past several months and it sucked, so she is glad to have me. Since she seems happy with that I don't have a heart to do so. Besides these are pretty interesting people and we get along pretty well in general so I don't want to lose contact with them.

 

3. Would solve the problem. Will it happen though? What if it won't?

 

4 and 5. Obviously getting with a friend would be awesome. The thing is we have never talked about it and I don't even know if it's not one-sided, it might be for all I know, we barely talk in group and when we do, it's mostly casual stuff.

 

4. I'm not sure she's a very secretive person and might slip up eventually.

 

5. Confessing would stir up a lot of drama and possibly break the group.

 

You tell her the truth and break it off.

 

If she 'seems' in love with you, and 'seems' oblivious to this problem, you may be wide off the mark, on the latter factor, and hopefully just as wide off the mark in the former.

 

Hopefully, she's NOT 'crazy in love with you' because if she is, you need to tell her you most certainly don't deserve it.

 

You're hurting her by this lie.

 

How would you feel if she felt the same way about your best friend, and frankly, was really only using you to get close to him?

 

Which is what you're doing, in reverse, of course.....

She never brought it up or seemed really unhappy due to what might be it. I must be hiding it pretty well for now.

 

Yet ? Given the chance then I presume you will be more than willing to cheat on your girl friend.

No. I don't plan on cheating on my gf. But I would say that if I was 1 on 1 with a friend in a compromising situation I probably wouldn't be able to resist. Such situation hasn't happened for now though.

 

Why are you going out with this girl if you're not really that interested in her ? Man up & let her go.

It's not that I'm not interested in my gf. She's very pretty and nice, likes to do sweet things for me, is good in bed. But I still have these stray thoughts about her friend all the time.

[TaraMaiden]

No I don't.

This thread has the potention of you being a Troller....

 

Options I have:

 

1. Break up with gf and distance myself from entire group.

This one.

Definitely.

You don't deserve to have friends with such a shallow and amoral attitude.

 

 

2. Break up with gf and stay in group.

Awkward, and unfair on your (ex)GF. Not to mention selfish.

Imagine having to see you socially, even though you broke her heart. You'd happily destroy her social life simply because you're crushing on her pal?

 

 

3. Try to suffer it through and hope crush on a friend will pass.

"Suffer"...?! You're kidding me....

Suffer?

Jeesh, if this is how you see staying with your GF is resulting, then you'd be far fairer to put HER out of her suffering....

'Suffer'....Gimme a feckin' break.....

 

 

4. Cheat on gf and agree to keep it a secret with a friend.

The fact you even consider to be an option, shows what a piece of sidewalk-crap you really are.

 

This shouldn't even BE an option.

 

5. Cheat on gf and confess.

As previous response.

And then some.

 

1 and 2. I don't really want to break up with my gf. She told me she was single for past several months and it sucked, so she is glad to have me. Since she seems happy with that I don't have a heart to do so.

So largely, you're staying with her because you feel sorry for her, and pity the situation she found herself in.... What a way to build a relationship.

Out of condescension.

 

Besides these are pretty interesting people and we get along pretty well in general so I don't want to lose contact with them./QUOTE]

Aw, didums need fwends?

Trust me.

With your attitude, they won't miss you one bit.

 

3. Would solve the problem. Will it happen though? What if it won't?

I'm beyond words with this.

I'm still trying to get over 'suffer'....!:mad:

 

4 and 5. Obviously getting with a friend would be awesome. The thing is we have never talked about it and I don't even know if it's not one-sided, it might be for all I know, we barely talk in group and when we do, it's mostly casual stuff.

You're living in cloud-cuckoo, La-la land, here, aren't you?

 

4. I'm not sure she's a very secretive person and might slip up eventually.

 

5. Confessing would stir up a lot of drama and possibly break the group.

She'd be telling anyone who was in earshot. I know I would....

your best bet is to leave the group, because trust me, they wouldn't have a very high opinion of you.

What the hell makes you think they'd want anything to do with you after this little charade?

 

She never brought it up or seemed really unhappy due to what might be it. I must be hiding it pretty well for now.

Love is blind, as they do say. All the more of a shock to her when she finds out what an a-hole you really actually are....

 

No. I don't plan on cheating on my gf. But I would say that if I was 1 on 1 with a friend in a compromising situation I probably wouldn't be able to resist. Such situation hasn't happened for now though.

Weak, feeble and incapable of resisting even the most basic urges.

What a fine fellow you're turning out to be!

 

It's not that I'm not interested in my gf. She's very pretty and nice, likes to do sweet things for me, is good in bed. But I still have these stray thoughts about her friend all the time

.

You're condescending, patronising and shallow.Break up with her, leave and don't come back.

 

Sorted.

[Criticality]

This seems like one of those rare situations, where a threesome solves more problems than it creates!

[Robert_90]

This seems like one of those rare situations, where a threesome solves more problems than it creates!

 

Actually, that got me thinking. Threesome itself probably won't happen because friend has a bf already.

 

But I got different idea. I've stumbled upon some raunchy pics of my gf and her friend from the past. Dunno if posed or they had a thing for each other. May be best to go in that direction...

[Robert_90]

Why? What if this little "tryst" would invigorate the relationship? Honestly, idea sounds hot to me, dunno what my gf thinks yet as we haven't had the talk.

 

If it doesn't work out I'll take advice of leaving.

[TaraMaiden]

Why on earth, even in the wildest depths of your imagination, would you ever think this could work?!

 

If she was remotely interested in having sexual adventures, then, if you are to be believed, she would have explored the possibility with you sooner.

 

As it is, I would strongly suspect this is an episode she would prefer to keep to herself.

 

Revealing your extent of knowledge can only be of further detriment.

 

As if you haven't done enough already....

 

We know, from what you say, that this is just another angle you perceive as viable, to connect with her friend, and get your apparently uncontrollable sexual kicks.

[William]

OK folks, if you can't address the topic in a civil manner, then please do not post here. Three members suspended. Anyone else?

[Robert_90]

Why on earth, even in the wildest depths of your imagination, would you ever think this could work?!

 

If she was remotely interested in having sexual adventures, then, if you are to be believed, she would have explored the possibility with you sooner.

 

As it is, I would strongly suspect this is an episode she would prefer to keep to herself.

 

Revealing your extent of knowledge can only be of further detriment.

I dunno.

 

The pic I've seen was of them cuddling. Well duh, they're best friends, of course they get cuddly especially for pics - except they were naked. Topless at least. I dunno, maybe I am reading too much into this, but why does it hurt to clarify?

 

Maybe it was just posed for fun and there is nothing. Maybe there is something but she only reserves it for her single time. Maybe there is something and I might at least get to witness it.

 

Damn, if it turns out right, of course it's gonna be great, but if not, I've probably dug my own grave...

 

That's a lot of questions for my gf and I'm actually getting more interested in her as all these thoughts cross my mind.

 

As for why didn't she touch the subject already, I guess it could be because she assumed by default I would not be OK with that. We never talked about anything sexual involving any other person whatsoever.

 

As if you haven't done enough already....

Done what? Up until that point I have not done anything with a friend and honestly, if I've seen my gf and her friend together, that might be good enough for me.

 

Heck, even seeing them making out would be hot as hell. If they are up to it of course.

Edited October 17, 2013 by Robert_90