is there any help,,,,,,or hope????

[boo4272002]

my question is this. is there really help for people who are addicted to watching porn? i have been with my boyfriend for almost a year and he is so addicted to watching porn. i mean it is all day until he goes to work at 3:00. now, at first it didnt bother me. i like to watch porn sometimes too when im really horny. but all the time? all day? after work? before bed? cmon isnt there a line to be drawn? and the fact that he is bisexual doesnt help. all that means is that he will do anything that moves. so what kind of help or hope is there for this man? he's 43 btw and we arent married he has no kids i have three. im 32

[Austin]

Sweetie- only a person can change themself. What I mean is that he probably won't change, so you can find a way to deal with it, or don't . I don't understand the porn obsession either, but almost all guys watch it. Do you have any guy friends that could help?

[sylviaguardian]

Hmm, I do think that watching porn is addictive for some people. What also concerns though, is when does this man have time to do anything else? Do you spend any time together? Does he help around the house? Does he have any friends? I would find this behaviour a bit concerning.

 

What also concerns me is the fact that you have 3 kids. Kids and porn DO NOT mix so I am hoping that he keeps all his porn away from them.

[scatter]

Pornography is wrong.

it is NOT just harmless fun, it's a very sad cultural phenominon.

 

It takes away from real love, it is unhealthy.

If either partner in a relationship feels the need to look at porn, there IS a problem.

he was probably subjected to it at a young age, and then it became a habit.

 

you are being slightly hypocritical if you look at porn at all.

 

you can't really tell him to stop if you occasionally "indulge" in it.

 

It is normal to be curious, But pornography makes real sexual love less pure.

 

It makes sex impersonal and dirty, It makes it a selfish act. and quite often it is violent.

 

it dehumanizes us into impersonal pieces of flesh, while we are so much more.

 

porn, obscures sexual love. feeding off first of human curiosity, after curiosity sets in. perversion is advanced forward robbing the soul.

 

It hurts us all. It keeps us from evolving as a society.

 

putting women as only objects of pleasure, and men studs without feeling.

 

there is no place for porn in a really good relationship.

 

sex should be about expressing love, physically...yeah it feels good, yeah it's fun.

 

but without the love connection sex is empty and worthless.

 

He has to WANT help in the first place, before you can get him help

 

if he does, he needs to remove all sources of pornography from his life

 

Just like any addiction, anything to tempt him left......will snowball back into an avalanche

 

you have to realize porn hurts him too.

[jmargel]

Scatter, you are not the messiah. To spit that kinda garbage out is wrong. Talk about being self-righteous.

 

sylviaguardian is right with her post. If he is neglecting you & the kids needs because of porn that is when there is an issue. This subject has been debated on here for countless times. It basically comes down to 'each to their own'. IMO, watching porn isn't bad, even if you watch it for hours a day, as long as all other needs are met and the spouse is comfortable with it. By needs I mean the needs of their spouse, kids, chores, work, etc.. Granted not too many people would be able to do all of that and watch porn hours a day, but there are some I guess.

 

You can't stop his porn viewing, what you can do is try to communicate to him in a civilized manner that alot of needs are not being met due to his viewing porn. If you get in his face about it, he'll just get defensive and nothing will change. Its all about how to approach the issue in the right way.

[scatter]

jmargel,

 

I'm sorry I come off that way...I need to work on it , it's just something I'm really passionate about.

I'm not some religious crackpot, I'm a teenage girl that has been hurt more than once by pornography.

 

I do not however think I am better than anyone.

 

I am a feminist, I believe in equal rights,

 

and I never said people who use porn are evil.

I just strongly believe people have better relationships without porn. Just like people have better relationships without drug , or gambling addictions.

 

If someone feels like they need to view porn...that is an addiction.

 

and it needs to be treated like an addiction, for example; it's very hard for a drug addict to not do drugs when they are around even if they are in small amounts they can be tempting, it goes hand in hand with my snowball comment from my last post.

 

when someone becomes an addict they stay an addict, only way to progress it to compleatly rid yourself of the addiction.