Austin Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Ok- so I caught my BF downloading porn, and am having a tough time with it. I know its a guy thing, and he does try to hide it(I mean he doesn't talk about it or put it in my face). But now I keep having these thought of him looking at thse porn sites and when I walk past him and he's on the computer- I get a sick feeling in my stomache! I thought if someone could relate it to something that women do it might be easier....like men look at porn- woman look at.... or something like that:) Thanks in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 I've likened it to PMS 1. It's chemical in nature. 2. It's private. 3. It's natural. 4. One can refrain from it, but it's easier not to. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Porn is like any other vice. It can be used for casual enjoyment or it can be used to mask problems. Its not really the porn, its how its used and what it does to existing relationships. It can be hard though, when its a 'casual use' thing and one partner hates it and the other sees nothing wrong with it. The key to resolving any issue with porn is communication, understanding and compromise between partners. If it is a deeper pathological issue, then therapy comes into play: not therapy for the porn use per se, but therapy for whatever it is that causes a person to substitute porn for healthy sexual interaction within a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Does he know how you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 It's a private release for many men and women. Any number of couples use it mutually as well. I agree with Lucrezia in that pornography is utilized for a variety of reasons. It's a problem if the person consistently prefers viewing porn to having sexual acts with another breathing person. Also, it's disturbing if it's pedophiliac, zoophiliac or simulated snuff pornography. Reach a compromise with your boyfriend--ask him to keep his pornography behind closed doors and not leave it out where you can see it. On the other hand, don't do porn raids on the computer or through his personal items--he has a right to his privacy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Austin Posted December 7, 2004 Author Share Posted December 7, 2004 It IS a very private thing for him, I have told him how I feel and he has explained it as best he can. The problem, I admit, is with me....catching him was an accident and I'm trying to deal with it. Thats why I thought if someone could relate it to something female, that would help. The PMS relation really helps! Thanks:) Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Originally posted by Austin men look at porn- woman look at.... shoes, expensive $350 shoes that they don't need and end up buying cause they were on Sex and the City. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker I've likened it to PMS 1. It's chemical in nature. 2. It's private. 3. It's natural. 4. One can refrain from it, but it's easier not to. DUDE you hit the nail on the head. Perfect comparison! Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 i think her point is that she is offended by it... i doubt many men are offended by what kind of shoes their girl buys (provided they aren't ugly, harmful, or paid for by that man) i don't think that buying expensive shoes should be a comparison. but then again, i adore porn, and i really hate shoes. so maybe i don't count as a typical female...and no i'm not a lesbian. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Originally posted by GirlDown i think her point is that she is offended by it... Well GIRLDOWN: Many men are totally and utterly OFFENDED when their woman goes schitzoid on a PMS hormone fueled rampage which she then thinks give her the right to say or do ANYTHING! We don't understand PMS and its effects and women will never understand Porn and its effect. So we are even. I draw the line in the sand. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 I've likened it to PMS 1. It's chemical in nature. 2. It's private. 3. It's natural. 4. One can refrain from it, but it's easier not to. A guy I used to work with says PMS really stands for Punish my spouse, or better yet, Phil Must Suffer! LMFAO!!! Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 i was talking about the comparison of porn and shoes. nowhere did i mention PMS. and anyway, pms is natural, as are "lustful" thoughts...porn is manmade. really no comparison. but like i said, i'm not your average female, i guess...pms, lustful thoughts, porn...i get all three. Link to post Share on other sites
Dakini Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker I've likened it to PMS ... 4. One can refrain from it, but it's easier not to. Dyer, could you please tell me exactly how one can "refrain" from PMS? To my knowledge, one cannot refrain from a medical / physiological syndrome. "I shall refrain from having Trisomy 21" Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 Originally posted by Dakini Dyer, could you please tell me exactly how one can "refrain" from PMS? To my knowledge, one cannot refrain from a medical / physiological syndrome. I mean the effects of such a syndrome. During PMS, women become irritable, and often take out their new agression on others. They could, of course, refrain from that, but it seems to be easier not to. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 Originally posted by GirlDown i was talking about the comparison of porn and shoes. what i was trying to point out was that women will never understand porn and why men need it and women will never understand women's fascination with shoes and why they need 400 pairs. that is all. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 i understand porn, and i have no issues with it. lots of women are like this. the ones that don't understand it just don't like it. i am sure some guys like shoes...i know one, but i think he's gay. but not all guys who like shoes are gay, i would assume. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 Originally posted by GirlDown i understand porn, and i have no issues with it. lots of women are like this. I can not agree with you that lots of women understand porn had have no issues about it. In my personal experience I would guess that 95% of women over 30 yrs old have MAJOR issues with pornography. See this is why porn is not on public display. If it were up to men there would be naked women and sex and all that shyt plastered everywhere and they wouldn't even care what the kids thought. Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 Shoes do not cause men to question their attractiveness and/or suitability as a partner. PMS does not bring physical pleasure to a woman. I don't think either of these are good comparisons. The only close comparison i can come up with (unless you are a female into gay porn) is how teenaged girls and some women get over boy bands/ pop stars. You know, the women who have every song in every format ever recorded by Enrique Iglesias, a pillow cover with his face on and insist on going and screaming and crying at every show he plays within a 200mile radius. You often find that the happless male partner doesn't get it at all but allows the indulgence. Me, i don't get it either, but that's all i can think of. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 You can extend any comparison to a point where it is no longer apt. I think the crux of the PMS/Porn comparison is that it's something you don't have to do, but because of the chemical pressure, it's easier to do than refrain. Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 i get that and whilst it works in that respect i feel a crucial difference is that PMS is not even remotely pleasant for the woman experiencing it. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 It's more of a relief than bliss. Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 PMS isn't relieving, it's debilitating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Austin Posted December 8, 2004 Author Share Posted December 8, 2004 Alright- I don't have a shoe problem, nor a porn problem.... what is difficult was catching him looking at other woman online, while I was there. I mean we have as much sex as he can handle, so I guess I thought that would be enough...... but now I'm understanding that even though the two are related, there different. And I shouldn't take it personally. And now I have another question: Maybe I want more sex then he can handle? And masterbating is a quick substitute when your tired? I guess I can relate to that. Also-How much is too much? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Austin Posted December 8, 2004 Author Share Posted December 8, 2004 <insert sarcasm> oh- and come on...PMS is AWESOME!!! Having uncontrollable emotions- its like the opposite of an orgasm(one +, one -).... But boys are on a cycle too! Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 Hi, I have some issues with porn too. (I used to be okay with it some time ago, now I hate it and my bf has a ton of it on his computer). I think it could be compared to fantasizing on a carachter from a romance novel or a romance movie. Surely not to shoes or pms Right now I'm trying to fantasize on guys from novels/movies without feeling guilty and I'm trying to look at some porn myself, hoping it will make me feel a little better with my bf's use of porn. If he can do it, why couldn't I do the same?? If I'll eventually "learn" to use porn too, perhaps I'll reconcile with it. Link to post Share on other sites
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