Could I Possibly be too Ugly to Date?

[ZipperZapper]

Hey all,

 

I've been on match.com for a little while and have not been having any real luck. It doesn't seem to matter how I respond to a woman's online profile, I rarely if ever get any responses back. The very few that do respond drift away fairly quickly. I even paid to have my profile written for me, and that hasn't helped any. And no, I haven't approached any women who are clearly out of my league, looks-wise. Same deal with OKCupid.

 

I wonder if it's possible to be too ugly to attract anyone. I mean, what else could you conclude about your looks if over 1000 women see your profile and none bother to write, much less show any interest? In my offline attempts to get dates, many of the women I've approached look at me like I'm some horrible creep.

 

Some would say I just need more confidence, but how in the hell can you be confident if people can't get past your looks? Others might say, "You just haven't met the right one yet." Isn't that kind of like saying, "Just keep buying lottery tickets, eventually the winning ticket will come along"?

 

 

This whole business of dating has really shredded my self-esteem.

Edited October 17, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Photo URL redacted in accordance with forum policy

[theothersully]

Hey Man,

 

The process of dating puts everyone's self esteem through the shredder. We all get rejected from time to time. Don't feel bad.

 

I've been on those sites you are talking about and had very poor results too, when in real life I do pretty well. If I may... I think you might just need a bit of an image enhancement. Style wise.

 

If you are going for the business type look, up the ante on those shirts. That shirt in the picture isn't all that great. It's kind of "middle management" style and not putting off a good image. Look for silkier shirts with nice collars. Go to Nordstrom's and have one of the ladies there help if you don't know what I'm talking about. if you go business look, you want to look like the top guy (CEO, manager, owner).

 

I have hair loss too. Buzz that stuff. Go shorter. It looks better. Maybe even a full shave.

 

Glasses - can you wear contacts maybe or get some glasses that are a little more funky and stylish? I notice the square glasses (I have a pair on right now) are not cutting it anymore in the style department.

 

I think with a few little updates like that, you'll be in fine shape. It's not so much what genetics you have (for anyone), but how you work with what you do have.

 

Those sites, also, seem pretty bad. I think there are tons of guys on them and comparatively less women. Try to research what sites have the most women on them and go there with the new look. Also, try out some local classes or groups in areas of interest you have, if you can find the time (make the time). If you make some other kind of connection with someone, outside the internet, outside profiles and dating, it can much more easily blossom into a great relationship.

 

As for the offline approaching... we'd kind of have to see your approach to understand that one.

 

 

Hey all,

 

I've been on match.com for a little while and have not been having any real luck. It doesn't seem to matter how I respond to a woman's online profile, I rarely if ever get any responses back. The very few that do respond drift away fairly quickly. I even paid to have my profile written for me, and that hasn't helped any. And no, I haven't approached any women who are clearly out of my league, looks-wise. Same deal with OKCupid.

 

I wonder if it's possible to be too ugly to attract anyone. I mean, what else could you conclude about your looks if over 1000 women see your profile and none bother to write, much less show any interest? In my offline attempts to get dates, many of the women I've approached look at me like I'm some horrible creep.

 

Some would say I just need more confidence, but how in the hell can you be confident if people can't get past your looks? Others might say, "You just haven't met the right one yet." Isn't that kind of like saying, "Just keep buying lottery tickets, eventually the winning ticket will come along"?

 

This whole business of dating has really shredded my self-esteem.

Edited October 17, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Disillusioned]

You should know that many of the no-reply ones are the result of you unknowingly trying to contact a fake profile.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

OP, you need to change up your style.

 

- either get rid of the hair completely or get plugs

- go to the gym and get in shape

- ditch the glasses and get contacts

- go shopping for more stylish clothes

 

This will help you in real life.

 

With online dating, you will need to either message hundreds of girls (maybe more) or be a male model to be successful there.

[HeartDesires]

Honestly ZipperZapper, I don't think you're ugly...and I'm being sincere.

 

You have a good nose, and I like your shirt.

 

If I may be so bold as to suggest perhaps professional teeth-whitening?

 

You look fine in glasses, but maybe some new, more stylish angular frames would look best.

 

Don't shave your head because I don't think it would suit you...and plugs never look genuine.

 

Best of luck

[jlola]

Honestly ZipperZapper, I don't think you're ugly...and I'm being sincere.

 

You have a good nose, and I like your shirt.

 

If I may be so bold as to suggest perhaps professional teeth-whitening?

 

You look fine in glasses, but maybe some new, more stylish angular frames would look best.

 

Don't shave your head because I don't think it would suit you...and plugs never look genuine.

 

Best of luck

 

 

HD said it well. You are definitely not ugly. The teeth whitening will help tremendously. Also, for your health go to the gym and lose a few pounds. It can never hurt.

 

Nice ,very sincere smile. I can tell you are one of the good guys. A good woman will be lucky to have you.

[Assasda]

The whole deal is how you carry yourself.

zYou just have to be comfortable in who you are. Dont make it a problem for yourself.

-If you make it a problem for yourself, its going to be a problem for other people.

 

Carry yourself with a certain Swagger. you know what type of guy you are, so just exude it. Dont let anyone throw you off your game.

 

If you get rejected, tough, that chick missed out on a good time with a fun dude. Get 'em

[TigerCub]

Yes, HD noted it before I could - teeth need whitener.

That was the first thing I noticed.

 

Other than that, OP you look fine and you look friendly.

 

I'm just wondering - are you contacting women in your age bracket?

I ask because I've known of many men that refuse to date women their age, and just keep trying/and getting shot down when they try to date women that are ~15-25 years younger.

[Criticality]

I think, OP, it's important to have self confidence while also being realistic. Know your league. Though there are always exceptions and other factors, typically birds of a feather flock together.

 

I don't know about that... Confidence, attitude and being interesting and fun to talk to can go a long way. (Except for maybe on dating sites...)

 

I used to have good success with approaching really good looking women. And while I suppose I'm all right looking, I'm no model.

 

But the thing is...

 

Girls that are really beautiful usually don't get approached out of the blue cause guys might think that she's way out of their league, and they never have a chance. So they never get approached by normal guys in a non creepy way, which worked out well for me, when I'd ask them what they were reading in the airport or train or whatever.

 

One time I actually had a girlfriend that could pass for a model, but you know what kind of guys she liked? Like round guys. Not fat, but the teddy bear type, she called them. She even wanted me to gain weight.

 

Anyways, people like different types, and not everybody like the same thing. Some women place more value on qualities and attitudes. Especially women in OPs age, who had all the hot studs they wanted when they were 20 or 30...

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I don't know about that... Confidence, attitude and being interesting and fun to talk to can go a long way. (Except for maybe on dating sites...)

 

I used to have good success with approaching really good looking women. And while I suppose I'm all right looking, I'm no model.

 

But the thing is...

 

Girls that are really beautiful usually don't get approached out of the blue cause guys might think that she's way out of their league, and they never have a chance. So they never get approached by normal guys in a non creepy way, which worked out well for me, when I'd ask them what they were reading in the airport or train or whatever.

 

One time I actually had a girlfriend that could pass for a model, but you know what kind of guys she liked? Like round guys. Not fat, but the teddy bear type, she called them. She even wanted me to gain weight.

 

Anyways, people like different types, and not everybody like the same thing. Some women place more value on qualities and attitudes. Especially women in OPs age, who had all the hot studs they wanted when they were 20 or 30...

 

+1

 

I've approached and dated some girls WAY hotter than me. Leagues are complete nonsense (especially in terms of looks for men). Most men limit themselves by putting themselves into a league (not approaching girls they view as hotter than them).

 

Even some girls could get away with not-so-great looks with the right personality. I've seen it a few times.

[FitChick]

You are not young so you need to take care of your health. Perhaps women look at your pic and don't want to get involved with someone who could drop dead of a heart attack at any moment.

 

Lose the weight. Go to Weight Watchers or Lindora. You need to be accountable to someone who will weigh you every week and make you keep track of everything you put in your mouth.

 

Then start slowly by doing a lot of walking workouts and, as the weight comes off, use free weights or the machines at a gym. Pay for a trainer to create a routine for you that you can do on your own after a few sessions with him showing you proper form. There are also exercise DVDs and youtube videos with professional fitness instructors.

 

Teeth bleach and shaved head since you are bald anyway. Most women your age wear glasses for reading so I doubt it's a deal breaker.

[Criticality]

I wish more regular, cute guys would try.

 

Well, if you're lucky maybe you'll get to sit next to a guy like me or Honeybadger next time you're on the metro, lol!

 

You should try the amazing double rating scale, btw...

(Invented in all modesty by yours truly)

 

It's the biggest advancement in rating people's hotness since the original 1-10 scale!

 

The first number is the one you know already. The second number however, is how hot or how sexy it would actually be to mess around with the person.

 

So a kinda boring girl who looks amazingly might be a 9-5. If that girl is the preachers daughter however, she'd most likely go to 9-7!

 

Regular looking guy with charisma and bad boy attitude? Could be a 7-8. What if this regular looking guy is in a band? 7-9. His good looking brother however, who can't stop talking about how much he can bench press and uses pickup lines from "The Game" 9-3...

[lollipopspot]

I can't see your picture, but I can tell you that on-line dating is not for everyone. Some people don't "show" well. On-line dating pretty much weeds people out by looks, and people often photograph differently than they look in real life, and it completely misses "chemical attraction" or whatever you want to call it.

 

If I had only seen the guy I'm into on on-line dating, I'm really not sure if I would have given him a second look. I wasn't initially attracted to his appearance, and honestly, he's objectively not attractive by society's standards. But I love his personality and how he is with me, and so in my eyes he has become super attractive. My initial impression has been completely overcome. So you need to reveal yourself in person, not on a website.

 

Maybe take a drawing class, or pottery, or yoga, or something else that is sure to attract a lot of females, and let them get to know you.

Edited October 17, 2013 by lollipopspot

[FitChick]

Maybe take a drawing class, or pottery, or yoga, or something else that is sure to attract a lot of females, and let them get to know you.

 

Pose for a life drawing class.

[ZipperZapper]

Ugly is so subjective.

 

I think, OP, it's important to have self confidence while also being realistic. Know your league. Though there are always exceptions and other factors, typically birds of a feather flock together.

 

For instance, my friend is a 6. She only likes 10 guys. She is still single.

 

See what I mean?

 

Also, the many, many, MANY hordes of middle aged men who want 20 something or early 30 something year old women.

 

They're mostly just delusional. I mean...yeah right.

 

EDIT: OP, you remind me of my dad's father (not an insult, just an observation) and you look very jolly. It's friendly and inviting and I don't think you look like a creep. Due to my age, if you messaged me, I'd be creeped out but if I were your age I don't think I'd be.

 

The men in my family age relatively well and I don't know how old you are exactly but an honest guess on my part is about 53-55.

 

Sorry if that's an insult if you're younger! I'm just giving you my honest first guess based on nothing but that photo.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

 

Well, you were pretty close on age. I'm turning 51 in a few days from now.

 

I've often been told I look somewhat older than my actual age, and I come by that honestly, because my grandfather and father both looked older than their actual ages. On the plus side, my hair colour was influenced by my mother's side of the family, and even at age 59, she wasn't terribly grey.

 

As for playing in the right league, I never try to date anyone younger than 38, and even that might be pushing things a little. I probably couldn't keep up with, much less be able to relate to a woman more than 10 years my junior. Girls in their early 20s seem like babies to me now, but they didn't look that way when I was 20-ish!

 

Even so I still get rejected a lot by women in my own age range.

[crazyinluv]

Online dating is an atrocity to start with but I can tell you this..

 

I agree with one of the other posters, go for a more edgier look. If you do wear glasses, make sure they are black frames..

 

Also, in your emails to women, make it short but interesting. Something like.. Hey pretty girl, thanks for looking at my profile, I'm interested

 

Don't OVERDUE it in your emails. Also, make sure your profile sounds confident but not arrogant or irrational. Try to be creative and unique sounding.

[Tayla]

WOW! I've not read your profile or seen your pic, Will say this though....It sure does seem like most dating sites are "judging a book by its cover" mentality. Sadly some comments here go via way of that thinking too by telling you to lose weight and whiten your teeth.

Accentuate the positive for yourself but by no means is it necessary to change physical traits unless YOU feel comfortable in that suggestion.

I've found that you can recreate yourself thru character traits that last longer then the "superficial" stance.

 

The ugliest folks I know are rude, arrogant, materialistic, ill-moral, and self absorbed, which sure doesn't sound like you at all!