Jump to content

Fear that your heart chooses your ex and will never let go.


Recommended Posts

I've read ALL of your post and I think I've helped with a couple. What youre going through sucks....

 

With that said, for a lack of a better phrase, grow some balls. You are in this self pity mode that you almost refuse to break through from. You've had numerous people tell you things to do, but you won't do it. At this point, you're just running an open journal. Help yourself

 

^^^^^^this !!!

 

This is what I've been saying dude

 

You keep hurting and torturing yourself!!

 

You need to stop with the pity

 

You let this stuff happen to you.

 

Instead of saying fk it

 

You let it eat you up whole.

 

Stop it bro.

 

Keep freaking going out and when something happens to you say FK IT!!!

 

Idk how many times I can stress that to you

 

If your out and start thinking about your ex go talk to a girl!

 

Go dance!

 

DO SOMETHING!!

 

But stop letting it eat you dude.

 

You will be like this for the rest if your life if you dont grow a pair dude

 

 

 

 

Barky

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Vinsanity1307

I know alot of my posts are repetitive with different scenarios to an extent, but as I noted before you guys input does make me feel a sliver better. It does, and thats why I post alot..... I know most of you went through/going through this but everyone is different....And I have been taking you guys advice thoughts just take over, and I have always been sentimental/sensitive even during my "dont care attitude phase when she left and came back. The sensitivity always shined through though one way or another. So please just bare with me...Its a really rough point/the roughest point in my life....

Link to post
Share on other sites

Each and everyone on here went thru it dude

 

You WILL come to a point where you're going to get sick of feeling like this,get so sick of not being able to go out and enjoy yourself that you will learn to fight back instead of letting it beat you

 

That's what we are trying to do

 

We ain't knocking you man.

 

We are trying to help.

 

I told you in your last thread that you need to find something somehow to divert your brain so you don't dwell on it.

 

When I was going thru my break up I was doing the same thing you are.

 

But I got to the point like you will,where you're sick of it!

 

Hang in there.

 

I try to tell you to get pissed off.

 

That's what I did.

 

Then you say fug it.

 

That helped me big time.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

We feel your pain that's our common denominator. And I commend you for following the advice rendered here. Your healing will not occur overnight that's understood, however, it's a battle day in and day out that we must face until we gain just a little bit of sanity. Find positives in all of this, know that you are a free agent, free and clear to do as you please. I know the world may feel like a very cold place at this moment, but only and only if you continue to propel yourself forward and proactively contribute to your recovery you will start to feel gradually better as days go on.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Vinsanity1307

barky how long were you in the rut for?...JDP I do try to look at the positive s...no other kids, I can have my own..I try to look at all that stuff as I said before I have a list of all the negatives of her abd what I couldn't have with her...I was going to start another thread with this question but with the thoughts that always turn into or sexual experience thoughts, or something sexual with her...cause that's how we were...not always but about 80% of the time...I do miss her company and companionship, and the other non sexual things but is this normal or just lust . I know I love ( was a5 year relationship)her but does that mean anytHing? How alot off the thoughts are sexual?

Link to post
Share on other sites
barky how long were you in the rut for?...JDP I do try to look at the positive s...no other kids, I can have my own..I try to look at all that stuff as I said before I have a list of all the negatives of her abd what I couldn't have with her...I was going to start another thread with this question but with the thoughts that always turn into or sexual experience thoughts, or something sexual with her...cause that's how we were...not always but about 80% of the time...I do miss her company and companionship, and the other non sexual things but is this normal or just lust . I know I love ( was a5 year relationship)her but does that mean anytHing? How alot off the thoughts are sexual?

 

I would like some insight to this as well.

 

Seems like I think about sex with my ex a lot lately. I still have lots of moments where I miss our conversations, our love, our connection, the time spent adventuring... but a lot of the time I also merely miss the sex we had.

 

I guess I just need to get laid :p

Link to post
Share on other sites

I really miss the physical aspect as well right now. The cuddling, and the complete and utter security I felt when he was, you know, on top of me.

 

I am not, unfortunately, a person who could ever "hook up" or "just have sex." I need time, I need connection with the person, and I need love. Even to just make out, I need plenty of time and connection.

 

But that is what I really want to be doing right now with someone that I had that connection and time with.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Can't say exactly how long,prob a few months.

 

I'd constantly think about fooling around with my ex

 

But seriously

 

I dusted myself off

 

I faced the feelings head on

 

I finally stopped feeling bad for myself,slowly rebuilded my life.

 

Picked up and carried on.

 

What proactive steps are you taking vin?

 

 

 

Barky

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you were in a LTR with someone, the sex with them is all you know.

 

So of course you'll constantly think when you start thinking sexual, and of course you'll compare after.

 

It's normal but don't obsess about it, not healthy.

 

 

 

Barky

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Vinsanity1307

As I informed I have been working on a project late at night when im up usually 12am to 7 am(which is when she use to be with me everynight during the week)..... I have been looking for a new job..Had a few on interviews..Rearranged my room numerous times. Going out as much as I can. I even went out alone tonight which was really depressing.....Still been going to the gym but always have been doing that. Joined a football league starting in November...So I have been doing what I can...So you dont find it abnormal or anything of the frequent sex thoughts?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix
As I informed I have been working on a project late at night when im up usually 12am to 7 am(which is when she use to be with me everynight during the week)..... I have been looking for a new job..Had a few on interviews..Rearranged my room numerous times. Going out as much as I can. I even went out alone tonight which was really depressing.....Still been going to the gym but always have been doing that. Joined a football league starting in November...So I have been doing what I can...So you dont find it abnormal or anything of the frequent sex thoughts?

 

I think it's normal to have them. I know I did. But you seem to get fixated and dwell on these thoughts for longer than most. I mean, the thoughts you are having are completely normal -- but it seems like when you have them, it's game over, you're done for for the rest of the day.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Vinsanity1307

Hey its true...They just hurt so much I cant help but cave. I feel like Im going to vomit thinking I dont have that anymore and she could be or is doing that with someone else. Ya know I love the girl.....I am weak in this department when it comes to her I accepted that..ya know?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix
Hey its true...They just hurt so much I cant help but cave. I feel like Im going to vomit thinking I dont have that anymore and she could be or is doing that with someone else. Ya know I love the girl.....I am weak in this department when it comes to her I accepted that..ya know?

 

You have to fight through this though. You can't just keep giving up. Maybe try to give yourself a time limit on these thoughts. When they pop into your head, tell yourself "You have 15 minutes to think about this, then it's on to something else" and then do it. Maybe you need to wean yourself off of these thoughts. Letting them consume you is obviously not doing anything positive for you.

 

I know this whole thing sucks, but you can't be the guy crying in the corner 3.5 months later. When you work out, I doubt you give up at the first sign of struggle. You dig deep and power through the reps. Try to translate that mentality to this.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Vinsanity1307

So its been a few weeks since I posted a thread by trying to keep away for a little bit. ..Anyways almost at 4 months post BU and having sexual thoughts of me and my ex constantly on my mind probably about 80% of the time. These thoughts include our memories and her physically with someone else...which destroy me.. I do miss and think of the memories of her as my companion, and her being there when needed, and our conversations, our jokes (even to the point of almost finishing each others sentences at times), but as I stated most of the memories are the sexual ones. We had a beyond words sexual chemistry nothing like any past relationships, and we were very open and in touch with each other. We had chemistry in general but the sexual chemistry was at the top. So my question is this normal or does this mean anything on having this many sexual thoughts. It sucks being stuck with the nostalgia...

 

Here is my story...Thoughts still appreciated.....http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/417106-dumped-after-5-years

Edited by Vinsanity1307
original post always included
Link to post
Share on other sites

Well it's been 9 months post breakup for me and in the beginning I came on here a lot for advice and support. But now I still browse sometimes when I'm feeling down. In a weird way it's comforting to know I'm not the only person out there with a broken heart.

 

OP- I saw this thread and just had to reply! I feel the same way you do. Haven't had contact w/ my ex in 6 months, that's after I found out he was seeing someone new. That fact cut me to the bone. It's hard to imagine the person you love, who claimed to love you and would never leave you, could just toss you out of their life like you suddenly don't matter.

 

Can I ask, what was your ex's reason for the breakup?

 

And don't be embarrassed about listening to Cher, that's a good song. Personally I would be worse without music to console me. And it's nice to know there are guys out there who love so deeply because my ex just seemed to go on with his life and not look back. (This was a man who talked about getting me a ring & what we would name our children someday.) While I cried myself to sleep every night.

 

Certainly I get what you mean about feeling that your heart has chosen them and will always just want them. I'd like to tell you that at 9 months you'll get much better but I'm not there yet either. Friends are telling me I will find someone else, and I've been asked out a few times but I pathetically have no desire to be in a new relationship.

 

I'm telling you this so you know you're not alone. Hopefully someday we will want to love again, even though it's hard to believe.

Edited by singme2sleep
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Vinsanity1307

Thank.you for your response....my ex broke up with me through text saying she doesn't live me anymore...There really was no signs I saw of things deteriorating. She got a new job and was struggling the past three years before that. She even drove to and from Maine 3times to see me a few days before the break up on her own..I attached mmHg sorry in the beginning of the thread on the first page. It's almost four months and still hurting..I really love her .Bit you can't just let go of someone after everyday for 5 years seeing them..Thank you for the comfort and I'm sorry your going through a break up as well...How long were you two together?...

Link to post
Share on other sites
So its been a few weeks since I posted a thread by trying to keep away for a little bit. ..Anyways almost at 4 months post BU and having sexual thoughts of me and my ex constantly on my mind probably about 80% of the time. These thoughts include our memories and her physically with someone else...which destroy me.. I do miss and think of the memories of her as my companion, and her being there when needed, and our conversations, our jokes (even to the point of almost finishing each others sentences at times), but as I stated most of the memories are the sexual ones. We had a beyond words sexual chemistry nothing like any past relationships, and we were very open and in touch with each other. We had chemistry in general but the sexual chemistry was at the top. So my question is this normal or does this mean anything on having this many sexual thoughts. It sucks being stuck with the nostalgia...

 

Here is my story...Thoughts still appreciated.....http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/417106-dumped-after-5-years

 

I know this feeling too well Vin...the sexual attachment to my ex does NOT want to let up either.

 

This might sound rather blunt...but we might as well address it. Are you still fantasising about your ex? I am...and I don't think it's helping. It's like I'm ONLY sexually aroused by thoughts of her.

 

The problem is, I think you can get stuck in a cycle or pattern of "ONLY EX = orgasm." You know, like your orgasms and arousal are always coupled with thoughts or memories of her. That probably just reinforces to your brain that she's what you need to be sexually satisfied.

 

I don't think that's so helpful in diminishing sexual attachment to her...and I'd wager that breaking the "ex = orgasm" rule would help. Only way that can be done is to show your brain it CAN orgasm and be excited by other people too...even if it's only in fantasy.

 

Maybe this is something good old classical conditioning can help with...keep pairing thoughts of the ex (A) with orgasm (B) for long enough and the two (A&B) will become difficult to separate after a while...

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...