Found out I was just the ''rebound''...

[Lizrd3000]

I had a ''relationship'' ('' because I'm starting to doubt if she even loved me like she said'' ) with a girl for half a year, we started dating 2 weeks after she got turned down by her crush, because he had just gotten out of an long term relationship.

 

I feel like she was with me to endure the pain, I'm shattered.

I found out I was just the rebound after the breakup, and everything everyone says about rebound relationships goes hand in hand with how my relationship was.

 

the thing is though, I do love her, or did. I don't know.

but finding out I was just the rebound hurt me alot.

this was my first relationship, and first time sex, same goes for her, I was her first.

I just can not comprehend all this, and just needed to get it out of my mind, so wrote it down here.

 

Lessons I learned from this ''relationship'' though:

 

• Don't carelessly says ''I love you'' after just 2 months.
  
• Take red flags serious, my relationship isn't ''special''.
  
• Don't give someone your heart so easily, they can just stomp on it after they lose interest.
  
• I don't need another person for happiness, I just need to focus on myself and find my own happiness in something else, like dancing! (I signed up for dancing classes, I've always loved it
  
• Don't want a serious relationship the coming 2/3 years, I'm way too young. (18).
  

Has anyone else ever been the rebound guy/girl? How did you feel?

[Mr Scorpio]

I was the rebound guy. My ex left me after roughly two years and immediately began dating another guy. She left him almost two years later after discovering that he was gay. So then we started hanging out again. Oh, she fed me the best lines: "I made such a huge mistake leaving you", "could we fall for each other again?", "I love you!". Turns out, I was just the rebound.

 

How did it make me feel? Well, I think you already know the answer to that one. Look at the brightside -- and I'm not saying this to be condescending -- you're still very young, and now wiser for having had this experience. You won't be so easily fooled next time.

[JoelBarish]

Honestly I don't consider your relationship a Rebound. I would say if it lasted only a few months and then moved on you would have been just a Rebound to her. However, once you passed the 3 month mark I would say you were more than just a Rebound to her.

[maturityassets]

You're far from being just a rebound. Look you the first person she had sex with.... You think she would give that up to just a rebound? So yeah you were a second choice initially... I was too in my first serious relationship. She liked me and some other guy at the same time but initially chose him because my ex and I had only been talking through text and knew one another through a mutual friend. The other guy was a close friend who she hooked up with but not have sex with because she was still a virgin. Eventually though the guy didn't want to be in a relationship so he rejected her. I didn't know any of this but 3 months later me and her started dating and we lost our virginity to one another in the relationship. After we broke up after being a year in one another's life, she went to hook up with that guy again after the break up. At first this infuriated me having me believe I was just a rebound. But after 6 months break up and both of us entering different relationships, and before we broke contact she told me she realized she could never go back to that guy again so she is in a relationship with someone else, I realized I wasn't just a rebound but was with a young female who is confused and is always "what if" and figuring out what the hell she wants. Doesn't excuse her for breaking my heart but don't fret thinking you are a rebound

[Lizrd3000]

If I wasn't the rebound, I don't understand all of this.

 

she gave me really WEIRD reasons for the break up, as if she was convincing herself of the reasons. and she's now hooking up with a guy who looks like freaking exactly like me, and I don't have a face you see around alot.

 

I'm furious as how easily she can drop me like a stone after saying she loved me and she wouldn't know what would be of her when I wouldn't be around, to just dump me.

 

made it easier for me to stop having hope for ''us'' though, so I can move on without thinking ''maybe I should've done this/that or said this/that''.

 

If I'm not the rebound, the pain would be less. Still confused as to how she's now with a guy that looks like me, and all the vague reasons for her breaking up with me.

[JoelBarish]

I was with my ex for a year and a half. She gave me vague reasons for breaking up and I saw her with a new guy a short while later. I think you should check out the thread about Grass is Greener Syndrome. These type of break ups happen way too much. By the way, I wasn't the Rebound either.

[maturityassets]

If I wasn't the rebound, I don't understand all of this.

 

she gave me really WEIRD reasons for the break up, as if she was convincing herself of the reasons. and she's now hooking up with a guy who looks like freaking exactly like me, and I don't have a face you see around alot.

 

I'm furious as how easily she can drop me like a stone after saying she loved me and she wouldn't know what would be of her when I wouldn't be around, to just dump me.

 

made it easier for me to stop having hope for ''us'' though, so I can move on without thinking ''maybe I should've done this/that or said this/that''.

 

If I'm not the rebound, the pain would be less. Still confused as to how she's now with a guy that looks like me, and all the vague reasons for her breaking up with me.

Every relationship that has ran its course for the dumper is rather vague. They know they should like you but their feelings aren't on the same page and they can't explain why. They don't necessary want to be the bad person and hurt the person that they do care for in some way or another but they don't know how to explain it. I'm telling you from experience don't think about what she is doing, don't talk to mutual friends and don't talk to her. If anything bad happens between you two post breakup it will just add to the level of regret. It's easier to view it like this. She is an 18 year old girl, has no idea who she is or what she wants, gets turned off by anything that isn't fit to her expectations, and wants to experience a life doing what she wants. It wasn't likely you were going to marry this girl, by the time you are 21 you will be a different person as will she. You will learn alot from this experience. Just dont try to rebound or make her jealous in any way. Live solely for yourself in these coming months and try to be as honest with yourself all the time... Like for example when you are about to post a Facebook status ask yourself "whose attention am I trying to get, and do I really need people's attention to feel good about myself?" Self discovery will be your best tool these coming months

[Lizrd3000]

Every relationship that has ran its course for the dumper is rather vague. They know they should like you but their feelings aren't on the same page and they can't explain why. They don't necessary want to be the bad person and hurt the person that they do care for in some way or another but they don't know how to explain it. I'm telling you from experience don't think about what she is doing, don't talk to mutual friends and don't talk to her. If anything bad happens between you two post breakup it will just add to the level of regret. It's easier to view it like this. She is an 18 year old girl, has no idea who she is or what she wants, gets turned off by anything that isn't fit to her expectations, and wants to experience a life doing what she wants. It wasn't likely you were going to marry this girl, by the time you are 21 you will be a different person as will she. You will learn alot from this experience. Just dont try to rebound or make her jealous in any way. Live solely for yourself in these coming months and try to be as honest with yourself all the time... Like for example when you are about to post a Facebook status ask yourself "whose attention am I trying to get, and do I really need people's attention to feel good about myself?" Self discovery will be your best tool these coming months

Warning: don't read this if you get bored easily, or don't have enough time.

You've been warned.

 

Thanks alot for your reply, you basically told me what I've been trying to tell myself these past few weeks, but you just confirmed my thoughts, thanks alot!

 

as weird as it sounds, a few days post break-up, I realized something.

No one other than ME can make myself happy, and happiness comes from whithin, so I've got ALOT of work to do. I always relied on other people for my happiness, but that's just an unstable form of happiness, and isn't healthy AT ALL.

 

I used to dance alot when I was younger, all kinds of styles, but I just quit it because my mom didn't have enough money to pay it off.

 

Now that I'm older, I realized that dancing has always been my passion, and a dream I wanna chase. I only came to know about this after the break-up, so luckily for me, the break-up had a few upsides to it, haha.

 

I can't wait to see myself improve, with dancing, but also my body, as I signed in at a gym. It's weird, I hate how my ex dumped me, but it feels like SO MANY doors have opened because of that!

 

and you're right, I honestly never post anything on facebook, she didn't either. untill we broke up ofcourse, she's trying to get attention and subtly trying to get it from me too. I found out through mutual friends that she's been going out with this dude who looks exactly like me, and they kissed at a party she went to (she never went to parties before, the ****) it stung a little, I cried a little but mostly anger was inside of my head. but after an hour or so, the emotions went away, as I realized she has the right to do these things now, as we're not together anymore. I hope she's happy, but secretly I know there won't be a guy my age who will be as good to her as I was, everyone says so. this kind of gives me peace of mind, as I know her loss is greater than mine is.

[maturityassets]

I'm glad you believe that you are the best guy for her at that age and that was her own lost. Its a good feeling to remind yourself you are a good boyfriend, all my friends and including my ex said "maybe you were just too perfect for her/me". But being good isn't your goal in life, being authentic to yourself is. I wish you the best of luck man, and don't be afraid to post here if you need to see things clearly. Something's on the internet like "love doctor on ask men" will tell you some bogus things like how to keep your woman's attraction up for instance, making it seem like it is your responsibility to be a certain type of boyfriend. But in truth you just want to be your own individual and that includes being healthy, well rounded, charismatic, unanxious, self-loving, well self-esteemed, not co-dependent and lastly finding fun the things you find fun. So best of luck again!