Having a tough time.....

[SunShine]

I am having a really hard time in life right now and I am not sure what to do.

 

First off my mom died two year's ago of a heart attack at the age of 50. She had been sick off and on for most of my life. When she was sick I took on the roll of "mom". My dad was in a very stressful job and my sister was young, so I felt I needed to be there for everyone. In a way I put my life on hold to take care of everyone. I didn't have many friend's, I didn't go out much..and I started to realize that I couldn't relate to people my age..because they were out going to parties and thing's like that..while I was home doing the laundry. To make this short I am now 25, I have no direction in life..I never did well in school....I still don't have many friend's...and infact I really don't know how to socialize with people my own age...I feel like I can't relate to anything. For example I went to a bar last night with my boyfriend and his friend's...everyone was sitting around telling great stories about vacation's...parties and here I was with nothing to say at all. I haven't done anything along those lines. I just feel like I can relate to a mother...I mean I have more in common with my aunt't 40 year old friends then I do people my age....

 

I need a fresh start in life, I need to go back to school and finish highschool...I want to have friends, and I guess I just really want to fit in with people...and another big thing is I ALWAYS lie about thing's to make my life seem better than it is..to make myself sound somewhat interesting....

 

Anyone been in a similar situation or have any idea's????

 

thank you kindly....

[Tony T]

Your situation is not unusual. When a child is forced into an adult role, it is basically child abuse. You went through a lot of trauma as a child...and you basically bypassed your teen years, when most young people are out having fun, and went straight to taking on adult responsiblities.

 

Now, as an adult, you don't relate to people your own age because you don't share the same experiences. You long to know what "normal" is and you don't really understand what a "normal" life is all about.

 

Please don't despair. You will learn this in good time...if there is such a thing as normal. Be patient with yourself. There are some who would say you haven't missed much. But you did miss a lot of the experiences that help us actualize into healthy, well rounded adults. But because of what you went through, you are far more mature, empathetic, accepting and understanding than most.

 

If you will Email me at: <e-mail address removed> I will Email you a list of excellent books and reading materials that will help you get a grasp of how your past had the affect on you that it did, how you can overcome those, and how you can get a better sense of reality.

 

As far as small talk in bars, I have never gotten much into that myself. It probably doesn't have as much to do with what you went through as it does with that fact that you have matured to the point that the drunken ramblings that take place there are pretty meaningless and lame at times. If you can't relate to it, don't worry. One day, you will have lots of fun just rambling along...and you won't care if it means anything or not.

 

Actually you have quite a lot to look forward to because now you are free to be a teenager...or whoever you want to be. You can now experience many of the things you missed out on growing up. In Dr. Wayne Dyer's books and tapes, he is always talking about how healthy it is to act as a child or teenager sometimes. You have a frame of reference and a background that will permit you to enjoy that and to get a lot of meaning from it.

 

So don't worry about your issues. You have lots of time to have fun discovering a new universe. Looking forward to hearing from you.

[Rozanne]

First off, Tony's right (Hi Tony). You should get in touch with him and get the information. But you also mentioned going back and finishing high school.

 

You should visit your local library or nearest community college about GED programs. Usually they are low-cost or free. And it will give you a good setting to meet other people. Two goals in one.

 

If you're not comfortable with a classroom setting, some Public Television stations offer "learn from home" setups. That's something the library or local high school can/should help with also.

 

Take it one day at a time, one step at a time.

 

I hope boyfriend is supportive of you, that's something you didn't mention, and it raised my red flag.

Anyone been in a similar situation or have any idea's???? thank you kindly....

[WGirl]

I have had a hard time relating to people my own age for a while. Like you said, I have more in common with older people than people in their twenties which is kind of scary. I did go through a partying phase. That was the only time I ever felt I fit in with my age group. I have had a lot of responsibility on me since I was in my early twenties. I worked a lot, I went to school, my mother was sick for a while, I lived on my own(w/roommates). I feel like you do. My main topics are my mother, school and work, failed relationships. Everyone else seems to be talking about weddings, babies, parties, trips, boyfriends, good friends they have. I am like, huh? My life really sucks. I don't think you should lie about the way things are. At the same time, people get sick of hearing you complain even if you have valid reasons. I think you should start doing things to make your life better. I know it is hard once you get into a rut. I think going back to school will help you get your life on track. Then you could get a good job. Find some activities or clubs to join.

I am having a really hard time in life right now and I am not sure what to do. First off my mom died two year's ago of a heart attack at the age of 50. She had been sick off and on for most of my life. When she was sick I took on the roll of "mom". My dad was in a very stressful job and my sister was young, so I felt I needed to be there for everyone. In a way I put my life on hold to take care of everyone. I didn't have many friend's, I didn't go out much..and I started to realize that I couldn't relate to people my age..because they were out going to parties and thing's like that..while I was home doing the laundry. To make this short I am now 25, I have no direction in life..I never did well in school....I still don't have many friend's...and infact I really don't know how to socialize with people my own age...I feel like I can't relate to anything. For example I went to a bar last night with my boyfriend and his friend's...everyone was sitting around telling great stories about vacation's...parties and here I was with nothing to say at all. I haven't done anything along those lines. I just feel like I can relate to a mother...I mean I have more in common with my aunt't 40 year old friends then I do people my age.... I need a fresh start in life, I need to go back to school and finish highschool...I want to have friends, and I guess I just really want to fit in with people...and another big thing is I ALWAYS lie about thing's to make my life seem better than it is..to make myself sound somewhat interesting.... Anyone been in a similar situation or have any idea's???? thank you kindly....