Am I not sexually attracted to my boyfriend?

[tooLoyalForMyOwnGood]

Hello everyone,

 

I have reached the point of desperation here where I have registered to this site in order to create this thread asking for help and/or advice.

 

You see, I am in absolute love with my boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend... we are in a confusing stage at the moment), where the thought of him with someone else makes me physically sick, and I do, quite literally, feel complete, whole, and comfortable when I am with him. I feel miserable at best when we aren't talking, and what complicates our relationship more than anything else is that more than half of it has been long distance.

 

Regardless, during our time together (almost a year now), I have only "sexually attacked" him a number of times that I can count on my hands. He has expressed concern about this considering the countless times that he has attacked me. He has never made me cum (I hope that is not too graphic), and I have never faked having done so with him. The sad thing is that I do get turned on at times, when we are just laying together or when he isn't even trying. But when he tries it's usually been at awkward times and instead of working to turn me on he asks me to suck down there and he puts it in soon after. However, my not being turned on during these times is showing in that his confidence has dropped significantly over the last month to the point where sex has become more of an action to us than anything else.

 

I guess that I am writing to know whether it is at all normal to feel this way. This is my first relationship and I am 21 years old so I am very uncertain about what is and is not normal. I am as serious that I can be in that I love him and there is nothing in the world like the feeling I get when I press my head against his chest or forehead...

 

I don't know what to do...

 

Thank you all for reading, and any advice would be more than helpful,

Best,

[Sanman]

Have you had the urge to jump anyone else? It doesn't sound like you are not attracted to him as you admit to the urge. It sounds as if he does not know how to turn you on and you are not vocal about telling him how he can meet your needs. So, when are you turned on?

[ConstantVoyager]

Do you guys engage in any foreplay at all except for you going down on him?

 

He needs to get your fires roaring too. Ask him for a massage, have him finger you and then have him go down on you.

[Assasda]

Have you had the urge to jump anyone else? It doesn't sound like you are not attracted to him as you admit to the urge. It sounds as if he does not know how to turn you on and you are not vocal about telling him how he can meet your needs. So, when are you turned on?

 

Yeah, be more Vocal sexually. Talk, Talk dirty if you can.

Tell him what you need to be turned on. you seem very passive

[Criticality]

and I have never faked having done so with him.

 

Maybe you should try that? Not every time but sometimes. Would do wonders for his confidence. And that might to him being more adventurous and, well, interesting.

 

Think of sex like a christmaspresent. (Not in terms of frequency!)

 

If your boyfriend didn't get you exactly what you wanted, but still put a little effort and thought into it, wouldn't you at least pretend to be a little happy and grateful? Not just because you don't want to hurt his feelings, but also because you know that too much disappointment on your part will just lead to him thinking "meh, what does it matter anyways, no matter what I get her, she won't like it!" After awhile.

[emva07]

you two need to communicate, he won't know to get better unless you tell him (not directly, but suggest new things). When you are starting off, it's trial and error until you see what works for the two of you. It has been a year, he knows something is not quite right, but doesn't know what. Maybe watch porn together (if you are comfortable) to see what new things you can do? You can watch it together or alone. People don't become good at sex overnight. You love him, so the learning process will be a growing experience.

 

Once you begin having that amazing sex that makes you cum, the package will be complete.

Edited October 16, 2013 by emva07

[AMusing]

Maybe you should try that? Not every time but sometimes. Would do wonders for his confidence. And that might to him being more adventurous and, well, interesting.

 

Oh, I completely disagree! That sends the message that he's doing things right, and their sex life will never improve (plus, you know, she'll be lying to her boyfriend). Sure, she needs to expressing pleasure when (if?) he does something that feels good, but not fake an orgasm.

 

The thing is, it doesn't even sound like he really is putting much effort or thought into her "presents." Giving a blowjob is not sufficient foreplay to get most women off (duh). In terms of presents, that's like getting her the new GTA game when you're the gamer and she's not; everyone knows who the gift is really for.

 

OP, you will be much happier if you take more ownership of your own pleasure. Talk to him about this--making sure to tell him that you do get excited by him, but need more attention on your pleasure. Try teaching him what you do like. Insist on more foreplay. Tell him you want him to tease you until you are begging him for sex.

[Philosoraptor]

He sounds very selfish in my opinion. He attacks you but puts in no effort to turn you on?

 

"Here, put this in your mouth" just doesn't seem to be doing it for you.

 

Why would you want to pounce him if you're not getting a ton out of it yourself?

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Hello everyone,

 

I have reached the point of desperation here where I have registered to this site in order to create this thread asking for help and/or advice.

 

You see, I am in absolute love with my boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend... we are in a confusing stage at the moment), where the thought of him with someone else makes me physically sick, and I do, quite literally, feel complete, whole, and comfortable when I am with him. I feel miserable at best when we aren't talking, and what complicates our relationship more than anything else is that more than half of it has been long distance.

 

Regardless, during our time together (almost a year now), I have only "sexually attacked" him a number of times that I can count on my hands. He has expressed concern about this considering the countless times that he has attacked me. He has never made me cum (I hope that is not too graphic), and I have never faked having done so with him. The sad thing is that I do get turned on at times, when we are just laying together or when he isn't even trying. But when he tries it's usually been at awkward times and instead of working to turn me on he asks me to suck down there and he puts it in soon after. However, my not being turned on during these times is showing in that his confidence has dropped significantly over the last month to the point where sex has become more of an action to us than anything else.

 

I guess that I am writing to know whether it is at all normal to feel this way. This is my first relationship and I am 21 years old so I am very uncertain about what is and is not normal. I am as serious that I can be in that I love him and there is nothing in the world like the feeling I get when I press my head against his chest or forehead...

 

I don't know what to do...

 

Thank you all for reading, and any advice would be more than helpful,

Best,

 

 

 

This would be more fitting of someone who was 17, but if this is your first relationship, then it still fits a 21yo.

 

I don't think the phrase "sexually attacking" fits at all with what you're trying to say... I think "initiating" would be more clear.

 

Next, with many women, orgasmic power doesn't start until their early 20's... and it is no easy task for some to relax enough when with a partner to achieve orgasm.

 

 

Much of what you've written allows for the chance that the intimacy and vulnerability is perhaps making you tense or uncomfortable. NOT in the way that you don't want it to go well, but rather, maybe it makes you nervous, and as a result, less responsive.

 

Obviously, and for his being a young male, the haste with which he wants you to fellate him, and then wants to stick it in you, without any care or concern about whether you're ready, is detrimental.

 

 

A wise man once said: "for women, orgasm begins at dinner".

 

SO IF you return to this thread, could you clarify that your being turned-on by him at times, coincides with your feelings of comfort for being near to him, and maybe some visions of (y'know, perhaps just making a life and future with him)... perhaps even in situations where you don't have to go through the exercises which entail the path toward sexual intimacy?

 

Could it just be that your relative lack of sexual experience has you rather/somewhat uncomfortable when engaged in the intimacy and physical vulnerability that is sexual interaction?

 

In an ideal world, you'd have some lucky guy who was all too keen to go down on you, and perhaps cross a barrier to where you felt something new... and spent a whole lot of waking hours just wanting to get back there again. In your world, though, it is possible that your guy simply isn't giving you your deserved attention before he sticks it in.

 

That lack of personal attention may be some part of just why you aren't seemingly as eager to race back to those shared intimate experiences as often as your guy would like.

 

 

PS - I can't approve enough of your having never faked orgasm.

 

And it is said that fully 70% of women will never reach orgasm via intercourse alone.

[kendallk]

Okay so I'm gonna say this because you are 21. He is bad at sex. Most young men are like this- only care about their own sexual needs and view women as a vessel to get themselves off.

 

Hopefully in the future you'll have good sex where a guy actually cares about your pleasure and he will do a lot of foreplay and build you up, then when you look back at this incident youll be amazed you dated a guy like this.