Driving one hour for the first date?

[Redkitty]

Ok, here is the story:

 

I have been talking to this guy online about two weeks(we are both on a online dating website), never met, he suggested a date right after the first day we started talking, he planned to have a lunch together then take me to the beach, he emphasized he likes me very much (by only the pictures I posted on fb).

 

I had my own plan for the last two weekends and couldn't meet him,(I suggested to meet him during weekdays but he said he was busy) I promised him to go out with him this coming Saturday, during the two weeks, the only way we contacted each other is "gmail online chatting",he never asked my phone number.

 

This coming Saturday will be our first date, the same plan, but the restaurant is about one hour distance from my place, but near his, he said that's a classic restaurant about "Mediterranean food", he really wanted me to try it. and the beach is near his place too.

 

The problem is, for the first date he asked me to drive about 50miles to meet him? Is it more usual that at least we should meet half-way for my own safety? I also feel uncomfortable that he compliment me like he knows me while he doesn't. BTW, he said he serves in Air Force, how can I verify it? I couldn't find his profile anymore on that dating website, he insists it's still there, I just couldn't find it, even our contact history!

 

What can I do now? help!

[LuvsTrucks2]

I think for your own safety and comfort, you should agree to meet somewhere half way. Why should you do all the driving and make all the effort? I think it's way too soon to be so willing and able. If he's really interested, he will make the compromise or more of an effort.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I hope this doesn't sound 'old fashioned', but it's borne out of the sad fact that on a first date, a woman is probably statistically more likely to be hurt or attacked by her male companion than he is by her. I have no facts to back that, but it seems likely (not that I presume those things happen often or anything!)

 

Because of this, I tend to think in distance situations the first date should be closer to the female, ideally in a public place that she already knows and feels comfortable in, where she has a plan to be able to get home without him finding out where she lives. It just seems a bit risky to be driving all that way to meet him near his house, I'm sure he's perfectly fine but you never know.

 

So I'd be expecting him to drive and meet me near mine, at least for the first date. It shows his interest level, too. I've had a couple of dates where a guy has driven 1-2 hours to go out, and then they've crashed at a hotel in my city.

 

Tell him you'd feel safer meeting in your city.

[CrazyAlex]

Yes, I am sure that is exactly his plan, to attack her in the restaurant. Sounds perfectly logical.

 

Now coming back to planet earth... the reason he asked to meet you at a restaurant close to his house is because he is hoping to get laid that evening.

[soccerrprp]

Too many uncertainties here:

 

1. You can't find him on the dating site anymore? Ask him to remind you of his site name so you can search. If he's still on there then check him out, if not, he just lied to you. If your contact history is gone then he's either no longer online or he's blocked you. HE SOUNDS LIKE A CON-ARTIST!

2. He didn't ask for a number??? NO NO NO...what in the world?! He either doesn't have a phone or he's up to some kind of game. There is no way that you should be expected to drive an hour w/o the ability to communicate if plans have changed while en route or once you get there. That's crazy.

3. He doesn't know you and his excessive flatteries likely means he's after something much less than a LTR.

4. No way should you drive all the way there! Meet half-way at least and someplace public.

 

NO NO NO. DO NOT GO ON THIS DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Redkitty]

Yes, I am sure that is exactly his plan, to attack her in the restaurant. Sounds perfectly logical.

 

Now coming back to planet earth... the reason he asked to meet you at a restaurant close to his house is because he is hoping to get laid that evening.

 

I didn't think that far...thank you for the hint

[Redkitty]

Thank you all! I emailed him about half way thing, waiting for his reply. I guess I just don't go if he couldn't take my advise.

[CarrieT]

he emphasized he likes me very much (by only the pictures I posted on fb).

He doesn't like you. He doesn't even KNOW YOU!

 

He likes what he is seeing in a picture and imagining you are going to be like. He is projecting who you are as a person and 90% of that doesn't exist except in his mind.

 

With that, you can find something in between and suggest it as an alternative. And it shouldn't be a full dinner for a first meeting. A coffee date is sufficient to see if you two like each other and from there, you could possibly have dinner.

 

But if you (or he) drive an hour for a full dinner date and you don't get good vibes within the first ten minutes, then you are stuck for a whole meal that might be excruciating.

 

Dial it back for a coffee/meet-and-greet for the first time. Then go back to talking before you agree for a dinner date.

[Redkitty]

Too many uncertainties here:

 

1. You can't find him on the dating site anymore? Ask him to remind you of his site name so you can search. If he's still on there then check him out, if not, he just lied to you. If your contact history is gone then he's either no longer online or he's blocked you. HE SOUNDS LIKE A CON-ARTIST!

2. He didn't ask for a number??? NO NO NO...what in the world?! He either doesn't have a phone or he's up to some kind of game. There is no way that you should be expected to drive an hour w/o the ability to communicate if plans have changed while en route or once you get there. That's crazy.

3. He doesn't know you and his excessive flatteries likely means he's after something much less than a LTR.

4. No way should you drive all the way there! Meet half-way at least and someplace public.

 

NO NO NO. DO NOT GO ON THIS DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

He reminded me his user name, no profile matches that! I have his fb, there are a lot pictures of himself, but not many comments,not much interactive with friends.

[Phantom888]

Ya he wants you to have dinner with him, get you a little drunk and then have sex at his house. Chances are you would be too tired to drive home, so it's more of an incentive for you to go to his house. If you met 1/2 way, he would not be able to have sex with you unless you two check into a hotel.

 

IMHO, don't drive out so far for a 1st date. If someone needs to drive, make him drive more. The man needs to make more effort! But seriously be careful.

[soccerrprp]

He reminded me his user name, no profile matches that! I have his fb, there are a lot pictures of himself, but not many comments,not much interactive with friends.

 

So he lied. Or someone made a mistake. There are too many raised eye-brows here. The phone thing is a RED FLAG! Don't drive all the way there! If you decide to meet him, DON'T DRINK! Not just b/c if will affect your reasoning, but also b/c you are driving! Tell him that is the reason you will not drink.

 

I think this is all bad.

[crederer]

There's nothing wrong with meeting some guy an hour away. I mean if you want to meet him go for it. You have nothing to lose but 2 hours of driving (one there and one back). Just meet at a place that isn't your/his residence.

 

If you hit it off, tell him that next time is his turn to drive to your city.

[FitChick]

Find something to do during the day -- lunch, not dinner, at a place halfway. See if there is anything going on in that area -- sports, arts or festival.

 

Tell him your car has been acting strangely and your mechanic said not to drive it for long distances until you can take it in for servicing.

 

I would try to talk to this guy on the phone before you even meet him to see if he sounds like a creep. If he isn't your type after the call, you could always have the excuse of your car dying at the last minute and cancel.

 

Don't worry about hurting this guy's feelings. He doesn't seem to concerned about yours.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Yes, I am sure that is exactly his plan, to attack her in the restaurant. Sounds perfectly logical.

 

Now coming back to planet earth... the reason he asked to meet you at a restaurant close to his house is because he is hoping to get laid that evening.

 

No no, I wasn't saying that this guy was planning to attack her, it was just my justification for why I'd usually expect the guy to drive a little further than the woman for a first date (before someone says 'why should the guy have to make all the effort and not the woman?'). You can be safety conscious without presuming that every guy is out to assault his date.

[Art_Critic]

How many red flags do you need to see to write a guy off ?

 

 

1. Never asked for your phone number
   
2. He won't see you during the week
   
3. You have to travel and he doesn't
   
4. He keeps mentioning beach, that is a place to take a girl to have sex with her unless you know her better.
   
5. He hides his profile or blocked you
   
6. You are wanting to verify his place of work, you are having second thoughts
   

Please block and delete this guy, even if you meet him in the end he isn't showing a great character and you will wind up either being hurt by him or just turned off to the point you will feel you wasted your time.

 

If you don't block and delete him make him come half way and throw the beach crap out the window.

 

Get his military email address for verification.

[Redkitty]

Thank you guys, I read all your replies, here is the update:

 

I don't want to see him anymore, but he begged me and said I promised to see him this Saturday, well I decided to meet him anyway since I said so.

 

1. about phone: he said his phone was stolen, he will get it this Friday, what a coincidence

 

2. about his dating site profile:still couldn't find him without login.

 

2. about where we meet: I insisted to meet him somewhere else, and asked:would you like to meet me half way or somewhere near my place? Guess what he answered: since I have to work on Saturday afternoon at 4pm, can we meet half way? then he tried to convince me that he will drive all the time to my area to see me after this. He keeps saying he is looking for a life partner not playing around.

 

I will either find he is lying or all of these are a incredible coincidence! I call it discovery and adventure!

 

:rolleyes::rolleyes:

[petall]

Ugh. He begged you and said you promised? How old is he - 5?

 

This guy is bad news. He sounds like the needy, immature type who expects you to pander to all his wants.

 

Write this guy off already.

[amazingdrummer]

At least, get his phone number and do some research. Google is girl's best friend

[FitChick]

 

I don't want to see him anymore, but he begged me

 

Guess what he answered: since I have to work on Saturday afternoon at 4pm, can we meet half way? then he tried to convince me that he will drive all the time to my area to see me after this.

 

You don't want to see him. You can change your mind. Men do all the time. Just like he will do to you if you meet. There will be no next time.

[TB Rhine]

Yes, for your own safety agree to meet him no more than 25 miles from your house. It's well-documented that rapes, murders, and abductions into the Eastern European slave trade only ever occur a minimum of 25.1 miles from a person's dwelling.