alison1 Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Hi. I am new to college and I have befriended two girls, nicole and danielle, who are also new students. They did not know each other from home, but they have classes together and I have no classes with them. We have gotten along really well and we would text each other and have a 3 way text message inbox between us. Even one weekend when danielle went home, i still hung out with nicole. We all live in separate dorms but we live close to each other. We all went home this weekend and left on good terms, but I have noticed that they have been excluding me since we have come back (i don't think its intentionally). For example, I write in our 3 way text message asking if they want to get dinner at 6:30, and only one of them answers. She says yes, but then she goes earlier with nicole without me, without even telling me she was going early, even though she made a commitment to go with me. Her reason was because she couldn't wait. That's fine, but she could have at least told me. However, then I come with my roommate to meet nicole and danielle at dinner. Things aren't awkward and they are really nice. We make plans this weekend to buy our halloween costumes. However, they told me they watched a movie together last night. They could have invited me to come. We all live in different dorms. I really don't want to lose touch with these girls because I have enjoyed hanging out with them and have became close with them. How can I avoid this? I feel that I am constantly asking them to hang out, and they are not asking me as much anymore. Like I feel that if i stopped keeping touch with them, they wouldn't bother to make plans with me anymore. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Outsider77 Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 If the friendships get to the point where you are the only one attempting to keep the relationships going, then it's likely they aren't really interested in being your friend. However, it sounds like it has only been happening very recently. I would give it some time and see if they attempt to get together with you. If not, I wouldn't worry about it, make some new friends. High school and college friendships often seem to be that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 (edited) Some thoughts: Going to college for the first time can initially be a really isolated time, and it's common to grab onto friends kinda early and cling to them, for protection from being isolated. But what you'll find about these early friendships is that sometimes they'll stick and sometimes they won't. It's a common process - kinda like dating, in the sense that you are "trying people out" to see how they fit your life. Realize that this is very natural; real groups and friends take a while to form and find each other. My whole first semester I didn't really settle into the really close, dear friendships and groups that I did eventually find, and maintained all throughout the rest of my time in college. Everybody won't all dry up and go away if you don't grab onto them right away. Do reach out, try different things and different people, and just know that it takes a while to "find your tribe," but you will. I know none of that directly helps with your immediate concern about drifting away from Nicole and Danielle, but I'm hoping it will help you relax a little bit. Appreciate the good times you do get to spend with them, reach out to them occasionally (but not desperately) and just keep a relaxed attitude. Things will come together, whether with them, or with others. I know it can be a little scary at first... Edited October 16, 2013 by Trimmer Link to post Share on other sites
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