I've never met my boyfriend of 8 months

[syaf003]

How could one fall for someone without having seen them? You tell me. Cos that's how I feel about my boyfriend. We met through some online social site. At first it was just flirtatious play, but after a while it got serious.

 

It was tough. We're basically 6740 miles away from each other. Tbh, I have never seen his face on skype, cos it's always dark when we decide to talk. I know what this looks like. Catfish. But I completely know the reason why he can't video chat and obviously I can't say it here. But I trust him completely.

 

He told me to wait 3 years for him. Because after 8 months, after all the fights, the bull****, the tears, we are still together. Why? Maybe because we really do love each other. As real as couples in real life.

 

It's a challenge, but we've always managed to solve every single problem we face. But there's currently one which I do not know how to handle. Here's the deal.

 

I followed this girl on instagram, I do not know who she is, but she's a friend of my friend and she seems friendly. After a while, my boyfriend took a look at her instagram and told me she's pretty and hot. It bothers me for a while but I let it go. One thing leads to another and soon he asked me if he could follow her on instagram (note that he doensn't follow anyone he doesn't know). So being a good gf, I let him. But after a while, I told him I didn't like her because I found out she was fake and all.

 

That was a few months ago. Last night, he came clean and told me he's secretly crushing on her. He again told me how beautiful she was. I was pissed. I didn't know what to do, I just felt hurt. And I cried a lot. He started following her on twitter too, without asking me about it.

 

It hurts, because he said the same thing to me when we first met. He said I looked pretty and what not, and I fell for it. What if I lose him to her? Even though he said he loves me and she's just a crush, I can't help feeling worried.

 

Please help.

 

xoxo

[ScienceGal]

What is the appeal here? How can you start, never mind maintain, a relationship with someone you never get to see? This seems bizarre. My feelings are that this is all bad news. Why not date someone who lives closer to you?

[Carenth]

Something is a miss here and I don't really know why you are in a relationship with someone who treats you so poorly.

 

The excuse you make for him to why you never see him is because it is dark when you call? I'm sorry there is this magical invention called electricity that allows for light at night.

 

I would be ended contact with this guy as he obviously is not serious at all about having a relationship with you chasing after other girls.

[unicorn farts]

I met my husband on the internet (he lived over 2000 miles away), so I'm not knocking internet relationships.

 

But.

 

Seriously. 8 months? You guys are spinning your wheels. It worked out for us because we decided we wanted to be together and booked plane tickets and met within a month. Another internet couple I know did the same thing. For the relationship to make it you need to meet in real life. If you don't, it's going to fizzle into nothing.

 

Either make it happen in real life or go back to being flirty friends because you are both wasting your time and investing a lot of emotional energy into something that's going nowhere.

 

Also, it's beyond ridiculous that you haven't seen this guy's face in 8 months.

[syaf003]

Let's just say he's just like any other boyfriends. Always there, always able to make me smile. We text everyday, and he's changing from his old self (note that he had a bad childhood) and everything else that I know of him is confidential and between me and him only.

[Carenth]

Also forgot to mention as well you are in love with the idea of a person. You have no idea what this person is like in real life and if you will get along or not. If you guys have no plans to meet in a reasonable time frame (and no 3 years is not a reasonable time frame). Then there is no point being in a "relationship" it is a fantasy.

 

I'm moving countries in a few weeks to be with my girlfriend because honestly the distance is starting to kill me. Time will tell if it works out or not for us.

[ScienceGal]

How old are you?

[unicorn farts]

You are seriously wasting your time. He's not like any other boyfriend, he's an internet boyfriend who may not even be a boy, and you've never seen his face. If you guys aren't going to get serious and meet each other or even look at each other's faces (wtf) then stop bothering with this guy. You're getting all worked up over someone who hasn't even shown you his face in 8 months. Let him flirt with instagram girls all he wants. Why not? What is he going to do, Skype with them in the dark too? This is not worth your time.

[unicorn farts]

Also forgot to mention as well you are in love with the idea of a person. You have no idea what this person is like in real life and if you will get along or not. If you guys have no plans to meet in a reasonable time frame (and no 3 years is not a reasonable time frame). Then there is no point being in a "relationship" it is a fantasy.

 

I'm moving countries in a few weeks to be with my girlfriend because honestly the distance is starting to kill me. Time will tell if it works out or not for us.

 

Good luck Carenth! It's scary taking the plunge but if it works it will be so worth it!

[Carenth]

Let's just say he's just like any other boyfriends. Always there, always able to make me smile. We text everyday, and he's changing from his old self (note that he had a bad childhood) and everything else that I know of him is confidential and between me and him only.

 

You are making excuses for him. Bad childhood does not excuse him for ****ty behavior. I don't think any other boyfriends would be chasing after other girls on instagram and making their girlfriend miserable.

 

People can change, but they rarely do it takes a massive life changing event for something like that. You still haven't explained why you have never seen him even on skype that is suspect as hell.

 

As you said in your first post I smell a catfish.

[syaf003]

How old are you?

I'm 21 years old.

 

Trust me, this isn't any old puppy love. I know his reasons why he can't show his face. I've been over that thousands of times with him. He calls me once every week (because of the distance) and when to meet up is not the issue here. I have thought about it the very first time I know of him, trust me. I'm here to stay. I have met couples who are in LDR for more than 3 years WITHOUT meeting up at all, and they're gonna get married soon.

 

The issue is in my last few paragraphs. I obviously know 3 years is a freaking long time, I still have a long time to think of it.

 

Anyways, for the one who asked why I can't find someone closer? I've dated lots of guys, but I don't click with them as much as I clicked with my current boyfriend. They don't get me the way he gets me. It's crazy I know, but I tried. I really did.

[syaf003]

You are making excuses for him. Bad childhood does not excuse him for ****ty behavior. I don't think any other boyfriends would be chasing after other girls on instagram and making their girlfriend miserable.

 

People can change, but they rarely do it takes a massive life changing event for something like that. You still haven't explained why you have never seen him even on skype that is suspect as hell.

 

As you said in your first post I smell a catfish.

 

 

Reasons why he can't show himself is private and I shall not post it here. But it's valid and I know you wouldn't get it unless you hear it for yourself.

[ScienceGal]

I'm sorry, but this is not likely going to work out. I hope you're not sending him money.

 

If your mind is made up, I have nothing else to add.

 

Good luck.

[unicorn farts]

Is he a superhero in disguise or something? Come on. This is ridiculous. You are totally emotionally invested in someone you have never met. Fights and tears over 8 months for someone you have never met, who won't show you their face??? You are 21 for crying out loud, go out and have some fun. Or meet someone on the internet that wants to meet you too. I know plenty of internet couples, and the ones that want to make it happen make it happen. No excuses, no hiding in the dark, no "maybe 3 years from now". They pack their stuff and get on a plane and go make it work.

[Archanaart]

That was a few months ago. Last night, he came clean and told me he's secretly crushing on her. He again told me how beautiful she was. I was pissed. I didn't know what to do, I just felt hurt. And I cried a lot. He started following her on twitter too, without asking me about it.

 

It hurts, because he said the same thing to me when we first met. He said I looked pretty and what not, and I fell for it. What if I lose him to her? Even though he said he loves me and she's just a crush, I can't help feeling worried.

 

Please help.

 

xoxo

 

So, you want to wait three years for a guy like this who tells you he is "crushing" on another girl and then he tells you how beautiful she is?!

 

Wow!

 

You shouldn't have to worry about your boyfriend leaving you for someone else and if that is the case then you shouldn't be in the relationship. It seems like you don't have have much confidence in your relationship if you think he might leave you for another girl. You should feel secure in your relationship and it sounds like you don't.

 

And I'm long distance with my boyfriend and he has never once said to me I think she's beautiful, give me her info so I can add her on Instagram and Twitter.

 

I would kick him to the curb he that ever happened.

 

It's disrespectful to you and your relationship.

[Carenth]

Good luck Carenth! It's scary taking the plunge but if it works it will be so worth it!

 

Thanks I've spent pretty much all this year preparing for it. Saw her a back in August when she came out of to visit being on opposite sides of the globe sucks a lot.

 

It will be an experience either way so I'm looking forward to it. We are both a little bit worried about the transition of going from seeing each other rarely in person to suddenly 24/7. We will see how it goes.

[CrazyAlex]

Is this real life or an episode of Catfish?

[Carenth]

I'm sorry syaf003 there is nothing so private between you and him that makes logical sense why he can't even show his face that is bull**** and deep down you know it.

 

Stop wasting your time chasing a pipe dream. Sorry if this is overly harsh but I think you need a taste of reality. Not to mention he is crushing on other girls, what the hell is that about? Why would you wait 3 years for someone like that?

[syaf003]

So, you want to wait three years for a guy like this who tells you he is "crushing" on another girl and then he tells you how beautiful she is?!

 

Wow!

 

You shouldn't have to worry about your boyfriend leaving you for someone else and if that is the case then you shouldn't be in the relationship. It seems like you don't have have much confidence in your relationship if you think he might leave you for another girl. You should feel secure in your relationship and it sounds like you don't.

 

And I'm long distance with my boyfriend and he has never once said to me I think she's beautiful, give me her info so I can add her on Instagram and Twitter.

 

I would kick him to the curb he that ever happened.

 

It's disrespectful to you and your relationship.

 

 

Thank you. Finally someone actually addresses the issue I'm actually asking for. Well, I did "kick him to the curb" not literally, I just mainly scolded him and such.

 

I've read in another post though, people seem to think that it's natural for guys to find some other girl pretty or beautiful because there's always someone who is better than us. That's why I need help to idk, feel better? I mean in his defence he didn't say he wanted to text her or anything, and he did profusely apologise and stuff, but I still have insecurities.

 

I mean I always do, I mean I am recovering from depression. If that's valid.

[syaf003]

I'm sorry syaf003 there is nothing so private between you and him that makes logical sense why he can't even show his face that is bull**** and deep down you know it.

 

Stop wasting your time chasing a pipe dream. Sorry if this is overly harsh but I think you need a taste of reality. Not to mention he is crushing on other girls, what the hell is that about? Why would you wait 3 years for someone like that?

 

It's okay, I've received harsher replies. Anyways, it is private. There are some things in life which is confidential to share in public and I would like to keep it that way no matter how many people thinks its bull****.

 

Crushing on another *girl. Just one. It's like you seeing a girl you knew and thinking "Wow she's pretty" and you just tell your girlfriend about it.

 

And I think I missed out something when I said I had to wait three years. I meant I MIGHT need to wait 3 years. And honestly I don't mind as I need to focus on my career as well.

 

Thank you for you replies, good luck meeting the girlfriend!

[Carenth]

I'm not trying to be mean. I don't like people being taken advantage of. Sorry to say there are also sometimes in life where you want to trust someone so badly even though you know deep down there is something off.

 

There is honestly no reason in this day and age why he would be hiding his face from you other than he is not who he claims to be. The fact that you are here talking about your relationship, yet this is so super secret suggests to me that the reason he has given you would not hold up to scrutiny and thus why you will not discuss it.

 

The only possible reason I could think of is his face is mutilated or something along those lines but you are going to have to face that one day aren't you?

 

Put emotions aside for one second. You are in "love" with someone you have never met. Let alone you have never seen his face for whatever mysterious reason. With no plans to meet anytime in the near future. You are in love with a ghost.

[syaf003]

I'm not trying to be mean. I don't like people being taken advantage of. Sorry to say there are also sometimes in life where you want to trust someone so badly even though you know deep down there is something off.

 

There is honestly no reason in this day and age why he would be hiding his face from you other than he is not who he claims to be. The fact that you are here talking about your relationship, yet this is so super secret suggests to me that the reason he has given you would not hold up to scrutiny and thus why you will not discuss it.

 

The only possible reason I could think of is his face is mutilated or something along those lines but you are going to have to face that one day aren't you?

 

Put emotions aside for one second. You are in "love" with someone you have never met. Let alone you have never seen his face for whatever mysterious reason. With no plans to meet anytime in the near future. You are in love with a ghost.

 

To ease your suspicions, it involves the law, and please don't quote this I'm gonna delete it as soon as you've seen it. Because this is something even he can't help.

[Archanaart]

Just out of curiosity, do you have proof of his situation on why he can't skype? I mean like proof besides his words.

 

I'd be skeptical and especially if you're considering waiting years.

 

Witness protection is my guess.

[syaf003]

Just out of curiosity, do you have proof of his situation on why he can't skype? I mean like proof besides his words.

 

I'd be skeptical and especially if you're considering waiting years.

 

Witness protection is my guess.

 

 

I do have proof. And it's legit. He said he will try to come down to see me, I can tell he's really mad that he couldn't. It's not like he doesn't want to. It's more like he can't.

[TMichaels]

To ease your suspicions, it involves the law, and please don't quote this I'm gonna delete it as soon as you've seen it. Because this is something even he can't help.

 

FYI, you can't delete posts here. You also can't edit them after so many hours or if someone else posts to your thread.

 

Regardless, what's he think you are? Some sort of narc?

 

Sorry. If you're not wearing a hat -- as in a black one or white -- there's *no* reason why this guy can't show you his face and *he* ought to realize what an unfair and preposterous position this puts you in.

 

If he gave a rip about you at all and was serious about the relationship he'd quit making excuses and man up.

 

But alas, you're putting up with his dog-like behavior and gobbling up his bs like a can of Alpo. That tells and shows him he can do or say just about anything and you'll still be there saying "More Mister, please!"

 

Do you not have any pride, standards or common sense?

 

Apparently not. Though the fact you're questioning his "Instagram Hottie Infatuation" I suppose gives a glimmer of hope that you haven't yet gone totally around the bend.

 

Listen to your doubts, syaf03. It's not your insecurities speaking. It's your gut. Something's not right. Quit ignoring it or making excuses.

 

You may only be 21, but throwing away three years of your life at any age, is foolish -- especially on someone who's waved as many red flags as he.

 

Best,

TMichaels

Edited October 16, 2013 by TMichaels