My guy friends need to back off

[hotpotato]

While that may be true in your case, that has never, ever, ever, EVER been the case with me.

 

Or me. Even when I tried to be friends with men who were 30 or more years older (thinking it would be obvious i'm not attracted to them), in the end, they were still trying to tap dat.

[joystickd]

When this comes up I laugh. You should stick with having female friends or at least gay guys. I think you come across guys that settle for friendship instead of actually wanting to be your friend.

 

Steve Harvey the guy some of you women loved his book said this: "Just about all of my friends are men. I don’t really have any female friends. For the most part, I am incapable of maintaining a platonic friendship with a woman. My wife is my closest female friend, and beyond that, I don't have any. Many women will say, 'I have a number of men who are my good friends.' That’s not true. Those men are your friend only because you have made it absolutely clear that nothing else is happening beyond the platonic friendship that you created, not him.

Men will remain your friends in the hope that someday, there will be a 'crack in the door' or a 'chink in the armor.' Once you open the door of opportunity, that guy who you thought was just your 'buddy' will put forth his best effort to slide into that 'crack in the door' you opened. 99.9% of men feel the same way I do about platonic friendships.

If you don't believe me, ask your 'male friends' if they would be okay dating you or having sex with you. Then, watch the fireworks happen."

 

 

The truth about it is that the majority of heterosexual men feel the same way. Men do things for a purpose. They don't hang around women just to be hanging around.

[hotpotato]

In short, no man is going to look at a woman and say, "She's so beautiful. Her rack is perfect, and her butt is so round. Gosh, I can't wait to be her FRIEND!"

Plus, anytime he is around and you where something he thinks is revealing-could be workout short or yoga pants-he thinks you are doing it to entice him. Btdt also.

 

Just ask, if you dont believe me.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I would like to make a correction.

 

I have a male friend who hasn't try to have sex with me

 

buuuut

 

he's paralyzed from the waist down.

 

So he can't.

 

 

 

Indeed many may view this as a hot potato (controversial topic)

[HorseLuck]

Aaaah..this is an eye-opening topic for me, albeit a little disheartening.

 

I get along better with males than females. I guess i'm going to have to work to establish female friends!? *reflects* Now that I think about it, there have been three male friends I can say for sure weren't interested in me.

 

Also, I prefer to date males who are friends.. I get to know them for an extended period of time and establish a form of trust. Is that a bad way to go about meeting mates? I just noticed my pattern.

 

You mean to tell me the guy who I buy food from every so often, that makes chit chat and eventually asked for my face book wants to kick it to me? Oh my naive world is crumbling down. I don't want to believe I can't have male friends with no strings attached.. that would make me lose trust with guys in general I think. Eeeeh, my ex had no female friends and I always thought it was odd but he seemed fine with it. >_<

 

Don't want to hi-jack this thread just needed to exclaim my shock.

 

To answer the original question, I would make a clean cut from them if they don't listen to what you're asking and expressing the first time.

Edited October 20, 2013 by HorseLuck

[Phoe]

People can continue to disagree all they want but I am living proof that men are quite capable of being platonic friends with females, capable of not being interested in a girl but enjoys her company because he likes her personality and has fun when she's around.

 

Just because there are men here who don't do that, and women here who have not experienced this, does not mean that it does not exist.

 

 

Straight men are totally capable of this. Point blank.

[emva07]

 

Straight men are totally capable of this. Point blank.

 

I think the key to having platonic male/female relationship is when both enjoy each others company and personality but otherwise aren't interested in each other as a partner....whatever that reason may be.

 

My guy friends and I are platonic because even though I think they are good looking and they think the same as me, they are not my type and I'm not theirs.

[hotpotato]

I can't help but notice so far in this thread

 

the ones who are saying men can be platonic are women

 

while men say "Of course, men cannot be platonic"

 

Interesting.

 

There are some funny videos on youtube about this.

Can men and women be friends? Most of the women said yes. Pretty much every man say "Oh heyall nah!" One man admitted in front of his female friend that he would sex her in a heartbeat, yet she thought they were only friends.

[emva07]

I can't help but notice so far in this thread

 

the ones who are saying men can be platonic are women

 

while men say "Of course, men cannot be platonic"

 

Interesting.

 

There are some funny videos on youtube about this.

Can men and women be friends? Most of the women said yes. Pretty much every man say "Oh heyall nah!" One man admitted in front of his female friend that he would sex her in a heartbeat, yet she thought they were only friends.

 

I think I've seen this video too. I remember the host saying that 90-something of men said no way. I was referring to a relationship , sex.... Pretty sure they would if the friendship stayed intact lol.

 

To be fair though .... My guy friends net me during my ugly duckling phase so that's prob why .... Now it's prob too late as we are too good of friends to change anything.

Edited October 20, 2013 by emva07

[odin673]

OP, you need to show respect for your boyfriend and cut these "friendships" loose. These "friends" of yours are only around because they see you as a possible option. Deep down you know this. You want to keep them "friends" because you love the attention and feel more secure knowing you have many options.

 

The only legitimate guy friends you can have are those that are not attracted to you physically.

 

Make some more female friends. If you're not comfortable going out one on one with someone, you're not "friends".

[Phoe]

I can't help but notice so far in this thread

 

the ones who are saying men can be platonic are women

 

while men say "Of course, men cannot be platonic"

 

Interesting.

 

See, I might consider this if it weren't for the fact that my good male friends have made it clear, multiple times, that they do not find me attractive and find the thought of being involved with me appalling.

 

 

Anytime another person makes a comment insinuating something between me and a guy friend, he is always the one quick to shoot that down.

 

 

Phoe is the lovable little sister type. Not the dateable type.

[yankees51988]

You are mostly all crazy, lol. Guys can be friends with chicks just fine. I am friends with tons of hot girls, and yes, while I would screw some of them, we are straight up FRIENDS. As in, call that biatch to hang out, pick up a 30 pack and get super ****ty and joke around like I do with my guy friends. You can't honestly want to bang EVERY single chick in your crew do ya? I have friend zoned plenty of hot girls for a variety of reasons. One of my best friends all through college was a chick (yes we hooked up when we first met but we didn't after that and became good pals), and I'm a dude and I was turning her down.

 

Maybe for a lot of the older people on here they think guys and girls can't be friends but they are super wrong. There are tooooons of hot girls out there, you don't need to bang every single one. Why can't a chick be just a fun to hang out with as the guys? You do the exact same **** when you hang out anyway, can you not really see pass one pair of bazongas when you are constantly surrounded by them anyway?

 

And just because you find someone attractive does not mean you cannot be friends. I have a few chick friends that were are obviously attracted to each other, and we both know, but just laugh it off. And then there are girls I met through hooking up with other girls, ones that hooked up with my friends, and girls that are just super down to earth that I chill with all the time and am not trying to get in their pants.

 

It has nothing to do with being shallow, as I can be very guilty of that, but girls are people too. Is the thought of sex so overpowering that you can't hang out and have fun with the girl? Get over yourselves, there are so many attractive girls out there, you don't need to bang all your female friends, just have sex with another girl you meet instead. How can you NOT have any chick friends? I'm seriously friends with tons of girls. Isn't that weird that you aren't with any? Is it just a straight up sausage fest every time you go out? If so, that sucks. I think a guy with zero chick friends is just as weird as a guy with all chick friends.

 

As for what Phoe just said: They don't have to find you unattractive or the thought of you appalling to be your friend. What is wrong with thinking a friend is attractive? Still, friendship shouldn't be thrown away because you find the chick hot/not. I have female friends I am attracted to and ones I am not. Just because the thought of having sex with her crossed my mind doesn't mean I'm going to try. I'm sure it's crossed hers too, it is only natural- no reason to act like a little baby over it, and no reason we still can't party together like there is no tomorrow.

Edited October 20, 2013 by yankees51988

[hotpotato]

You are mostly all crazy, lol. Guys can be friends with chicks just fine. I am friends with tons of hot girls, and yes, while I would screw some of them, we are straight up FRIENDS. As in, call that biatch to hang out, pick up a 30 pack and get super ****ty and joke around like I do with my guy friends. You can't honestly want to bang EVERY single chick in your crew do ya? I have friend zoned plenty of hot girls for a variety of reasons. One of my best friends all through college was a chick (yes we hooked up when we first met but we didn't after that and became good pals), and I'm a dude and I was turning her down.

 

Maybe for a lot of the older people on here they think guys and girls can't be friends but they are super wrong. There are tooooons of hot girls out there, you don't need to bang every single one. Why can't a chick be just a fun to hang out with as the guys? You do the exact same **** when you hang out anyway, can you not really see pass one pair of bazongas when you are constantly surrounded by them anyway?

 

And just because you find someone attractive does not mean you cannot be friends. I have a few chick friends that were are obviously attracted to each other, and we both know, but just laugh it off. And then there are girls I met through hooking up with other girls, ones that hooked up with my friends, and girls that are just super down to earth that I chill with all the time and am not trying to get in their pants.

 

It has nothing to do with being shallow, as I can be very guilty of that, but girls are people too. Is the thought of sex so overpowering that you can't hang out and have fun with the girl? Get over yourselves, there are so many attractive girls out there, you don't need to bang all your female friends, just have sex with another girl you meet instead. How can you NOT have any chick friends? I'm seriously friends with tons of girls. Isn't that weird that you aren't with any? Is it just a straight up sausage fest every time you go out? If so, that sucks. I think a guy with zero chick friends is just as weird as a guy with all chick friends.

 

As for what Phoe just said: They don't have to find you unattractive or the thought of you appalling to be your friend. What is wrong with thinking a friend is attractive? Still, friendship shouldn't be thrown away because you find the chick hot/not. I have female friends I am attracted to and ones I am not. Just because the thought of having sex with her crossed my mind doesn't mean I'm going to try. I'm sure it's crossed hers too, it is only natural- no reason to act like a little baby over it, and no reason we still can't party together like there is no tomorrow.

 

Finding someone attractive and thinking about screwing them is not platonic.

 

I'm 26, btw.

[hotpotato]

See, I might consider this if it weren't for the fact that my good male friends have made it clear, multiple times, that they do not find me attractive and find the thought of being involved with me appalling.

 

 

Anytime another person makes a comment insinuating something between me and a guy friend, he is always the one quick to shoot that down.

 

 

Phoe is the lovable little sister type. Not the dateable type.

 

 

At the very least they would get in your pants if they could, sorry. Still not your friends.

[hotpotato]

I think I've seen this video too. I remember the host saying that 90-something of men said no way. I was referring to a relationship , sex.... Pretty sure they would if the friendship stayed intact lol.

 

To be fair though .... My guy friends net me during my ugly duckling phase so that's prob why .... Now it's prob too late as we are too good of friends to change anything.

 

Yes, which just shows my point. He's not a friend. He's an orbiter who is waiting for dating or sometimes just sex.

[emva07]

I guess it just hasn't come up.

 

Like I said, I think some of them are super attractive, but they're just not my type and the thought of sex isn't something I have thought about. Until now I suppose, when this thread made me think about it lol. I think I'm very attractive and I'm sure they'd agree....guess I'm not their type either....or they know they're not mine. I guess based on the guys I HAVE liked before they have made that deduction.

 

Maybe if I gave them a chance, I'd be an option....for the most part they or I have been in relationships so I guess it's never been a question, lol. Who knows? lol. Not something I want them thinking about. Now that we are all single who knows....my mom doesn't like me seeing them one on one because she says it doesn't look right (I'm freakin 26 mom!).

 

Granted my friends are the shy, nerdy type so I think that's why they'd never made a move on me....were they the rougher type I'm sure they'd try. Then again, shy or not, a guy lets you know how he feels.

Edited October 20, 2013 by emva07

[yankees51988]

"Finding someone attractive and thinking about screwing them is not platonic."

 

Lol, finding someone attractive doesn't mean you want to screw them, it just means they are generally a good looking person. I ain't thinking about screwing these girl friends that I would maybe bang if we felt like it- I just have no opinion on it, it doesn't really matter. Screw them, don't screw them- makes no difference to me at all and doesn't change a thing either way. I hang out with these chicks because they are fun, have a lot of the same interests, party together all the time, etc. The whole guy and girl can't be friends thing is so old-fashioned. I find it unlikely that you don't have any girls you hang out platonically at all. In my case it's always been a mixture of guys and girls hanging out. I definitely wouldn't wanna go to your party...

 

Just think about screwing other chicks/another chick instead of your girl friends, there are hot girls everywhere, why do you care if you bang this specific one? I think the guys that can't be friends with chicks are just desperate and want to hit every girl that comes their way, or that is the most attention a girl gives them so they fall for her and crap.

[hotpotato]

"Finding someone attractive and thinking about screwing them is not platonic."

 

Lol, finding someone attractive doesn't mean you want to screw them, it just means they are generally a good looking person. I ain't thinking about screwing these girl friends that I would maybe bang if we felt like it- I just have no opinion on it, it doesn't really matter. Screw them, don't screw them- makes no difference to me at all and doesn't change a thing either way. I hang out with these chicks because they are fun, have a lot of the same interests, party together all the time, etc. The whole guy and girl can't be friends thing is so old-fashioned. I find it unlikely that you don't have any girls you hang out platonically at all. In my case it's always been a mixture of guys and girls hanging out. I definitely wouldn't wanna go to your party...

 

Just think about screwing other chicks/another chick instead of your girl friends, there are hot girls everywhere, why do you care if you bang this specific one? I think the guys that can't be friends with chicks are just desperate and want to hit every girl that comes their way, or that is the most attention a girl gives them so they fall for her and crap.

 

If you're a man and find a woman attractive, you probably want to bang her. That's not platonic.

 

I forgot to say I'm 26 and female. Ive been there first hand. I'm not old fashioned, I've just btdt. No matter how hard a guy tries to hide his feelings, it always bubbles to the surface sooner or later.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

 

Straight men are totally capable of this. Point blank.

 

 

This has never been about what straight men are capable of.

 

 

We are capable of studying all night, arriving on-time to class for the tests, and getting straight A's.

 

 

Straight men just don't have much interest in doing either one.

 

 

 

And earlier you (Phoe) spoke of having been rejected "4 times" in one week (end?)... without giving pause to consider just how many at-bats one tends to get in order to be rejected 4 times in one week(end).

 

You're just, playing in a league that most of us never see, and yeah, maybe it's a dog-eat-dog world there, but you're still there.

 

The real truth is that some great guy is going to round a corner and be stunned to find you still available... and he is gonna live a grand life at your side (while the Loveshack world fades into your distant past).

 

I can't exactly suggest same about many/most others here with parallel confidence about what I say/write.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

One of my best friends all through college was a chick (yes we hooked up when we first met but we didn't after that and became good pals)

 

 

 

I don't think this person even understands the question... or the answer.

 

 

Either that, or his testimony was for the other side.

[emva07]

 

I can't exactly suggest same about many/most others here with parallel confidence about what I say/write.

 

What?

 

Confused.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

People can continue to disagree all they want but I am living proof that men are quite capable of being platonic friends with females, capable of not being interested in a girl but enjoys her company because he likes her personality and has fun when she's around.

 

Just because there are men here who don't do that, and women here who have not experienced this, does not mean that it does not exist.

 

 

Straight men are totally capable of this. Point blank.

 

I agree.

 

I've had plenty of platonic female friends throughout my life. Unfortunately, what's happened to me in the past is that these friends either asked me out, got mad at me for not asking them out (even though I always thought we were friends), or started interfering in my love life significantly in a bad way.

 

Occasionally, I remained friends with girls that turned down my romantic overtures (genuine friends....as in I no longer had interest in dating them and wanted only friendship). These girls would also inevitably change their mind about their feelings for me, of course at their convenience, which led to us not being or being friends anymore.

 

I have had some female friends that were genuinely friends, but most of them pulled the things that I described above.

 

So it works both ways, ladies.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

What?

 

Confused.

 

 

The probability of Phoe pairing-off with somebody and making at least the early stages of a happy life together far exceed those of the random, unknown/unspecified participant at Loveshack (doing same), and everybody (except possibly her?) probably knows it.

[Phoe]

The probability of Phoe pairing-off with somebody and making at least the early stages of a happy life together far exceed those of the random, unknown/unspecified participant at Loveshack (doing same), and everybody (except possibly her?) probably knows it.

 

...what???

[Sanman]

From my perspective, guys can absolutely be platonic friends with a woman. The same as a woman can be with a man. Being able to me platonic friends with someone has far more to do with how you conduct your life than what your gender is. I have a good number of good looking platonic female friends. However, I am also in an LTR. I am also old enough to have patience and realize that not everyone is for me. If I were lonely, just looking for sex, or short term dating... things would be different. I have women that were unable to be friends with me because they were single and attracted to me when I was in a relationship. Part of being platonic friends with someone is realizing they are not for you or you are not for them. I am friends with women I was attracted to, but I quickly realized I was not their type. I don't get angry about this, I simply set my sights on women that are attracted to me. Can all people do this? No, I see guys get angry and bitter at that thought.

 

In short, can a man be platonic friends with a woman? Yes. Can a desperate person be platonic friends with a single person they find attractive? Unlikely.

Edited October 21, 2013 by Sanman