Im afraid to have sex

[st]

Im 29 years old, and Im afraid to have sex. Lets just say the times I attempted to have sex, always ended in a complete disaster. I did it for all the wrong reasons. I only attempted sex 3 times, the first time I did it when I was 16, of course scared to death, I only did it with my boyfried at the time cause he was pressuring me to, he said if I loved him, I would and I did. THe second one the first time we were having sex, I started to cry before anything got started, and the third guy, treated me like I was a piece of trash.

 

Now I met this guy 4 months ago, and I really like him alot he is sweet and has treated me with respect, not forcing me or nothing. But I feel the time will come soon. But Im afraid that he will either leave me or laugh at me. I know if he cares for me he wont laugh. But since all of my bad expierence I have to interest in having sex.

 

I dont want to tell him about my past, because I am embarrassed. (he is more expierenced than me)

[Tony T]

It doesn't really sound like it's the sex you are afraid of...it's the possibility of emotional pain or abandonment that is affecting you.

 

Well, there are no guarantees. Now that you are older, the odds that guys your age may be seeking sex for the sport of it are much less than they were when you were 16. You are old enough now to make better decisions and to understand the risks of being vulnerable and loving another person.

 

After reading your post, I strongly suggest a few sessions of counselling to help you adjust to this world. The reality of romance is that not everybody is for everybody. You won't always succeed. But if you have gone out with a guy for four months, if he has been kind and dedicated to you, it is extremely doubtful that he is seeing you for the purpose of sex.

 

Of course, there is always a possibility that this man may not be with you forever. There is no way of knowing. If you are wanting to experience love and romance with firm guarantees, you are on the wrong planet.

 

You also need to look at the act of sex as an expression of your intimate feelings for another at the time of the act. Because someone doesn't stay around forever doesn't mean the intimacy was bad or insincere. Nobody is obligated to be with another person forever just because they had sex with them.

 

I can't imagine a man laughing at you because of sex, especially a man your age or older. That just isn't something people ordinarilly do...unless you tell a lot of jokes while you make love. If you do, the experience with you should be painless for you and memorable for the guy...who will most likely be back for lots more.

 

Chill, relax, take things a whole lot less seriously. Get some counselling and get out there and start enjoying your life without fear. Time is wasting. You should have gotten some counselling way before now!!!

 

You are a very sweet lady and there are many men who would be honored to have you in their life. Your job is to find them...and ignore the dorks.

[st]

Thank You so much for the advice. I know what your saying is true, I just got to believe it. As for therapy I thought it would go away, but as with sex I am afraid of loosing any man. I know thats a part of life, but I get to emoitional and dont know how to control it.

It doesn't really sound like it's the sex you are afraid of...it's the possibility of emotional pain or abandonment that is affecting you. Well, there are no guarantees. Now that you are older, the odds that guys your age may be seeking sex for the sport of it are much less than they were when you were 16. You are old enough now to make better decisions and to understand the risks of being vulnerable and loving another person. After reading your post, I strongly suggest a few sessions of counselling to help you adjust to this world. The reality of romance is that not everybody is for everybody. You won't always succeed. But if you have gone out with a guy for four months, if he has been kind and dedicated to you, it is extremely doubtful that he is seeing you for the purpose of sex. Of course, there is always a possibility that this man may not be with you forever. There is no way of knowing. If you are wanting to experience love and romance with firm guarantees, you are on the wrong planet. You also need to look at the act of sex as an expression of your intimate feelings for another at the time of the act. Because someone doesn't stay around forever doesn't mean the intimacy was bad or insincere. Nobody is obligated to be with another person forever just because they had sex with them. I can't imagine a man laughing at you because of sex, especially a man your age or older. That just isn't something people ordinarilly do...unless you tell a lot of jokes while you make love. If you do, the experience with you should be painless for you and memorable for the guy...who will most likely be back for lots more. Chill, relax, take things a whole lot less seriously. Get some counselling and get out there and start enjoying your life without fear. Time is wasting. You should have gotten some counselling way before now!!! You are a very sweet lady and there are many men who would be honored to have you in their life. Your job is to find them...and ignore the dorks.