SlidingDownRainbows Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I'm so distressed I made an account just so I could post this question and hopefully get some help. My best friend gave herself only about 7 weeks to plan her wedding from start to finish. She asked me to be a bridesmaid and I was honoured. Everything was fine until the bridesmaid dresses that she ordered online (and that we paid for)arrived just a few days ago. None of the dresses fit and needed alterations. Mine was much too big, so big that I couldn't possibly remain modest in a giant frock. I offered to pay for my dress to be altered so it fit. I was the only girl that was not allowed to. Why? The mother of the bride had taken it upon herself to organise and control the entire wedding. She thought it was not aesthetically pleasing to have 2 plus sized bridesmaids and then me, an average sized girl, and instead wanted us to look as uniform in size as possible. She told me I had to wear a fat suit (basically... Padding underneath the dress to fill it out so I'd look bigger than I am). I said no. She wouldn't take no for an answer so we ended up arguing. The bride stood up for me but it all just became too much stress. We mutually agreed that due to the tension between me and her mum I would just attend the wedding as a guest to avoid further conflict with her mum. I told my best friend I'm ok with her decision (so she wouldn't feel burdened on the day) but I am really hurt on the inside. I was being treated by her mother like I was a piece of furniture. I tried to stand up for myself but now I am punished for it. All I asked was to alter my dress so it fit me rather than have to wear a fat suit! Wedding is in a few days time. I'm so emotional I don't know how I will attend the wedding as a guest without feeling all this pain too. I want to be there for her on her wedding day but I don't know if I can keep it together after what has happened. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
thompkevin Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Hey, That's really messed up. I think you should let it hurt you. If I had to guess, I'd say her mother is a really controlling person and she is trying to live her fantasy of the perfect marriage through her daughter. You should not let it get to you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
billie jo Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I think you should have worn the padding. As a nearly-engaged BBW myself, I find nothing wrong in the mother wanting the whole thing looking uniform. I know I would. And it's not like she is telling you that you need to put on weight, right? Did she actually make mention of calorie-packing so that you put on weight? She just suggested that you wear some padding here and there to fill your dress out more. Curves aren't something to be ashamed of. They are a blessing and a thing of beauty. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Criticality Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Desperate times calls for desperate measures. You need to crush this controlling biatchs crazy fantasies about the world (including her daughters wedding!) revolving around her wishes. How? Teach her about backfire. Wreck! That! Wedding! Make it memorable! And a permanent testament to the fact that control freaks ruin everything they try to run. Even their daughters wedding. I got a few good ideas if you really want to go above and beyond, but for a simple revenge, bring a megaphone hidden in your purse, and when the priests gets to the "speak now or forever hold your peace" part stand up, fire up the megaphone and regale the whole messed up bridesmaid story to the rest of the church. Let the morale of the story be, that anything this crazy broad has touched, isn't likely to last, so best not to go through with wedding as it surely won't last. Yes, your friend will be minor, collateral damage here, but considering that she demoted you from bridesmaid cause you're not fat, screw her! She's not a friend anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I think you should be glad to be out of the wedding. Who needs that kind of stress in their life. Don't be hurt (easy for me to say because I wouldn't care) because your BFF should have put her mother in her place but chose not to. She is obviously afraid of her. Just look pretty and have a great time at the wedding. At least now you won't be stressed out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Criticality Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I think you should have worn the padding. As a nearly-engaged BBW myself, I find nothing wrong in the mother wanting the whole thing looking uniform. I know I would. Sure... Who cares if the bridesmaid is a friend or not. As long as they're all proportionally fat, who cares, right? I can only imagine how outraged you would have been, if the situation was reverse, and the fat chick got thrown under the bus, because the two other bridesmaids were thin. Or if the crazy broad who's running the show, had told an ehm BBW to take a hike, cause she didn't want to ruin the wedding scenography by having a fat girl (in what's no doubt a hideous dress) up by the altar sucking up all the light. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 The mother of the bride had taken it upon herself to organise and control the entire wedding. She thought it was not aesthetically pleasing to have 2 plus sized bridesmaids and then me, an average sized girl, and instead wanted us to look as uniform in size as possible. She told me I had to wear a fat suit (basically... Padding underneath the dress to fill it out so I'd look bigger than I am). I said no. She wouldn't take no for an answer so we ended up arguing. In a lifetime of hearing loony sh*t, that's some of the looniest. A fat suit. You did the right thing by bowing out, but go to the wedding. Honor your friend, her crazy-as-a-rabid-dog-on-meth mom notwithstanding. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 My god, that is SO demeaning. No, you're not valued as my guest because I want to do this in front of the people I love, you have to look a certain way. Imagine if you were larger and she'd told you you had to crash diet to get into a smaller dress or you'd look like a whale compared to the other slender bridesmaids? I'd be pretty ashamed if I were that bride. Even if it's her mother making the demands, if she's old enough to be marrying she ought to be old enough to stand up for her friends and her dignity and put her foot down. Attend the wedding if you wish, but you have every right to be hurt. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 You've been blessed with an entertaining story that will amuse people at cocktail parties and bbqs for the rest of your days. Hilarious! You just need a little distance (time) to see how ridiculous this situation is. There is nothing to do other than to laugh. Wedding people be crazy. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
snooplama Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 That's so rude. The mom sounds nuts and shame on your friend for letting her do that to you. You may have dodged a bullet with not being a bridesmaid. Who knows what other crazy ideas the mom would have thought of?I think you should still go to the wedding but wear something that shows off your thin waist. You could go a far as wearing spanx or undergarments that make you look even thinner. Then when you see the mother just act as cool as possible. Congratulate her on her daughter getting married and walk away. Now that your friend is married she may soon be not so influenced by her mother. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 (edited) as a big girl myself, i would not do this or allow my mother to do this...i would fire her and tell everyone to meet barefoot on the beach wearing wet suits and flippers go body surfing after i do...smilin...my mum wouldnt do this anyway,because you dont try and change friends to suit a photo line up on a wedding day....being uniform in life just doesnt happen it is the differences that make life beautiful... you are right to feel hurt and disillusioned, but you were graceful in backing off and were truly thoughtful of the bride...what a good friend you must be....rock on.....no fat suit for you....damn straight.:bunny:.one wedding day does not define your friendhsip thats going to last much much much longer........hugs....deb Edited October 17, 2013 by todreaminblue 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 I think you should have worn the padding. As a nearly-engaged BBW myself, I find nothing wrong in the mother wanting the whole thing looking uniform. I know I would. Pshaw. It's about not wanting to be upstaged by another woman in better shape than yourself at your wedding. Which is an emotion I get but it's still kind of a douchey move. Just go on a diet instead of trying to bring the other women at your event down if it makes you so uncomfortable. I'm guessing the bride in the original story is hefty herself. She might not be sticking up for you as much as you think Sliding. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SlidingDownRainbows Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 Thanks for your replies. Some of them made me chuckle It's been a day since I made this thread and my distress has settled down to sadness mixed with relief and I can certainly see the humour in it too. First thing tomorrow, I am getting my hair cut! (something I had been putting off until after the wedding so that I could honour the bride's request for us all to have identical hairstyles) On the wedding day I am going to put on my most beautiful pair of sparkly shoes and whatever dress I am most comfortable in, and go into that church! And celebrate! For my best friend. And THEN I am going to eat all that delicious food the mother of the bride paid for and have a wonderful day. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SlidingDownRainbows Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 I'm guessing the bride in the original story is hefty herself. She might not be sticking up for you as much as you think Sliding. She is actually really beautiful and not at all heavy. But you are correct about her not sticking up for me as much as I probably would have done for her. I would have insisted she stay on as my bridesmaid if the situation was reversed. But... I don't have any problem standing up for myself when needed. She has lived with an emotionally abusive mother her whole life so what she did took a lot of courage on her part, and I appreciate that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Imagine the reactions if this would be about spraypainting one of the black bridesmaides white. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SlidingDownRainbows Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 I thought I was almost over it but now I'm struggling with feelings of betrayal- from the bride and one of the other bridesmaids, who is also supposed to be a best friend. The bride defended me against her mother during the argument but did ultimately cave in again to her. The other bridesmaid stood up for the mother instead of me. It's not easy. I keep cycling between feeling I will be fine to go on the wedding day and then suddenly feeling angry that I spent all that time and energy and money on being her bridesmaid but I get told I can't be anymore just a few days before the wedding. I just deleted all the pictures on my phone of anything that reminded me of the wedding planning stages (rehearsal etc)... Yeah I guess I need more time. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 I'm definitely NOT the go-to guy on ettiquette on this board. In fact, I doubt I even spelled it right. But I think the classy thing to do would be to attend the wedding, give the bride your best wishes, and afterwards withdraw from any friendships which aren't working for you anymore. Sorry you had to go through this. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SlidingDownRainbows Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 I'm definitely NOT the go-to guy on ettiquette on this board. In fact, I doubt I even spelled it right. But I think the classy thing to do would be to attend the wedding, give the bride your best wishes, and afterwards withdraw from any friendships which aren't working for you anymore. Sorry you had to go through this. I think you are right. The brain knows this but the heart wants to be in the right place. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 The fat suit? Seriously? For the purposes of uniformity? Why the hell does that matter at all? I wouldnt take it too seriously or harsh. Of course the fat girls are going to be on the mums side, they're probably jealous of you. This could be on an episode of bridezilla. Jesus....some women when it comes to weddings.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 You've been blessed with an entertaining story that will amuse people at cocktail parties and bbqs for the rest of your days. Hilarious! You just need a little distance (time) to see how ridiculous this situation is. There is nothing to do other than to laugh. Wedding people be crazy. I like this. I'd be tempted to don a fat suit and a mask of the moms face for a photo shoot. Lol Dress nice, go and support your friend. Shes under a lot of stress and pressure. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
pinkie Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 If I were you.... I'd demand a refund on all monies spent to be a bridesmaid and if they didn't pay... I'd sue in small claims court. Judge Millian would have her mom in a sling!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Criticality Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 ^^^^ YES! Judge Judy would be on this case, like the bridesmaids in question on a Snickers! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 I keep cycling between feeling I will be fine to go on the wedding day and then suddenly feeling angry that I spent all that time and energy and money on being her bridesmaid but I get told I can't be anymore just a few days before the wedding. You're right to feel angry, but try to focus on being relieved that you're not going to be subjected to her weird mother's insane demands anymore. All the time and money you spent were a small price to pay for not having to deal with that beast or be under her control in any way. And try not to be too upset with your friend about it. It's hard for people to stand up to their parents (especially if they're paying for the wedding) and it's a busy, stressful time for your friend on top of that. I think you should give her a pass. I bet if you go and have a good time at the wedding, none of this is going to matter anymore. You'll remember that instead of the dumb wedding drama that you wisely removed yourself from. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 Well, I would go and try to have a good time. Once she's back from her honeymoon, talk to her and let her know how hurt you are and that ask HER how she would feel if she situation was reversed. WHO CARES about women's sizes and how they look in their dresses! That's bloody ridiculous that her mom asked you to wear a padded fat suit. Just shows the mom is more concerned about 'how people' look rather than just having a great time and being happy for the couple on their special day. Nobody really cares too much what the bridesmaids look like, they are forgotten about, just like the groomsmen as well as the evening goes on at wedding/reception. And as for the other girls, if they are not close friends, just cut them out. No point in even having a discussion, they didn't care about your feelings so why should you give them any thought by walking away for good. If they are close friends, then do tell them how you feel and what an odd and uncomfortable position you were put in. Tell your friend, imagine if one of the bigger girls were told to wear a tight suit to suck in and hide their fat, that they had to SQUISH into a dress to look a certain way. maybe that will open ALL their eyes about how wrong it was for her mom to ask that of you. Anyway do an update after the wedding. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SlidingDownRainbows Posted October 26, 2013 Author Share Posted October 26, 2013 It's been a week since the wedding so I thought I'd leave an update on how it went. I did go and I had a lot of fun. MORE fun than I would've had if I had remained a bridesmaid. I am certain of it. I wore whatever I wanted (actually got lots of compliments), was free to hang out with whoever I wanted (caught up with some awesome people I hadn't seen in a while and now have plans to catch up with them some more), and could leave whenever I wanted. The bridesmaids looked really uncomfortable. It's... odd... when bridesmaids have a fake plastered on smile walking down the aisle and are frowning at the same time. It's hard to explain the look. I think if people didn't know what was going on behind the scenes they would be really confused by those expressions... and looks like their bolero jackets were sewn onto their dresses after they put them on so they were basically... stuck... until someone could come and unpick it for them... ugh! I am happy to report that the bride looked stunning and she seemed really happy on the day and so was the groom. That's what matters most. Another friend and I were watching a balloon just bopping around the mother-of-the-bride when she was giving her speech. That was entertaining. My friend the bride told me she would've been sad if I wasn't there. I'm glad I went. I've decided not to contact her while she is on her honeymoon (I don't think anyone wants to be contacted during their honeymoon unless it's an emergency) but we'll hang out once she gets back. I have no hard feelings. And for now... I'm just looking forward to my own holiday... to Disney World 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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