Do girls really like a bad boy? - Consolidated discussion

[dichotomy]

I'm 26 and a recovering nice guy. I only had one proper relationship in my adult life (1 year) which ended about 9 months ago when my (ex)girlfriend broke up with me mostly due to distance. She was the first girl that I slept with and I was naturally heart broken….

 

Being naturally curious about everything in the world, I decided to embark on a journey to experience different woman in an effort to understand romantic dynamics better.

 

I've slept with 11 girls since then, and I found that the more of an ******* that I became, the more that the girls kept coming back. Now I actually have the paradoxical problem that there are too many girls for me to sleep with and Ignoring them or being mean (not intentionally) doesn't help the situation.

 

I know this sounds like the ramblings of a narcissist, but I don't put any of it down to looks or money etc. I think it's just the bad boy persona that I faked to begin with that seems irresistible to women.

 

It's an old cliche but I would love to hear everybody's thoughts on this. I know I am attracted to the ones that I can't have.

 

It is hard to pin down "bad boy"... but at two times in my life, once in college, and once about 2-3 years ago, I broke out out of my normal nice reserved, boy scout, clark kent kind of style to explore being cocky, aggressive/dominate, straight up flirt/sexual innuendo....and yes it resulted in more opportunities. Perhaps easier as a relatively tall/big guy to put on the wolf suit....Not that I did not get any female attention before - but it got alot easier.

 

I would also say that I found that expressing the dominate side was beneficial in ordinary social interactions with men.

 

In college I let this side of me go after about six, because it was too much of an act, and honestly - I didn't like type of casual NSA sex which I got in those six months. Most recently I incorporated some of this permanently due to issues in my marriage. It has helped.

 

Again - what is a "bad boy" from a "nice guys" perspective?. For me it was easier to say bad boy was more dominate, and self assured, sometimes cocky, and more forward in challenging/pushing both women and men. It does not mean insulting or getting into fights or cheating ...but it does entail allowing a certain amount of ...selfishness and forcefulness ..over the normal nice guy "doormat" mode.

Edited October 17, 2013 by dichotomy

[King_Crimson]

I think it more boils down to confidence and preference.

 

If you're confident and a nice guy you will eventually get laid/a girlfriend. Which is the same for guys who are *******s (most likely confident... at least on the outside)... every person has their own preference.

[carhill]

Again - what is a "bad boy" from a "nice guys" perspective?

 

From a good man's perspective, I can supply a comparison from my racing career, where brash actions and words were paramount in popularity with and attractiveness to women. In a sport where risk-taking is the norm, they (bad boys) were those who pushed the limits of unsportsmanlike conduct on the track, along with their loud and self-involved bragging off the track and general disregard for others, which differentiated them from very competitive drivers who played by the rules, were generous to their fellow racers and supportive of those who were both the victors or losers.

 

There was generally at least a few noisy pits at the race track, trending to the unruly back when drinking was allowed in the pits, and one could invariably find the bad boys in those pits. The 'nice guy' doormats (good men) were helping fellow racers out, even their direct competitors, and never had altercations with other racers nor the track officials. Some were more popular with the crowd than others, generally relevant to their social skills and competitive rank.

 

Myself, I just did my thing, won some races, hoisted a few with friends, helped them with their cars since mine rarely broke and generally was invisible, not because I was a nobody but, compared to the bad boys, I didn't register on the decibel scale. It was the comparison which mattered, not the individual. Again, one must be noticed and a quiet, unassuming driver/owner is not noticed, hence not participating in the potential attraction group. As I participated generally from age 18 until into my early 30's and was single during that time, I gathered a lot of observations.

 

I found that relatively polarized experience set to mimic less clear examples in real life away from the racing circuit, relevant to 'bad boys'. Some were bullies, some were outlaws, some were substance abusers, some were mentally ill and, generally, all the ones I interacted with had sexual/relationship partners, some singular and some serial. A few were married and I came to understand the female perspective on their behavior sets from their spouses over time. This is when I came to understand what 'invisible' meant in that demographic. As competition for females was stiff, being invisible was the worst possible place to be, so men who wanted partners necessarily had to up the ante to get noticed.

 

Do girls really like bad boys? I can never know what is in their minds (marriage taught this lesson) but I can state I observed them to be with such men consistently, so empirical evidence indicates that some women in my demographic like, or at least prefer to be coupled with bad boys, either circumstantially or intrinsically.

[hotpotato]

Ive had enough of bad boys. I once tried to date a man who spent 4 years in prison for assault. I gave him a chance, and he went right back to jail. No thanks!

 

Thats what I call a bad boy...

 

Most of the guys ive dated have been dorks.

[William]

After a few infractions and nine deleted postings, moderation looks forward to reading topical comments on:

 

Do girls really like bad boys?

 

Thanks!

[aussie sam]

What did you do to make yourself a bad boy exactly?

 

I should have probably clarified that I'm not an actual bad boy... just adopting a couple of traits with great success. However it has made me wonder how many girls go for the genuine bad boys which is why I started this thread.

 

I was at a party the other day and I met a girl that I wanted to sleep with. However another girl who I had already slept with was there and tried to stake her claim by making sure everybody knew that I had a threesome with her and her friend. This only served to make the second girl want me more so I went home with her, and then the next night I met up with the threesome girl and stayed at her house.

 

The old me would have thought that neither girl would still be interested after all of that but I now see things differently. I think the fact that I am open and honest about what I want and don't TRY to play games helps the cause.

 

It's probably worth stating here for reassurance that I earn less money than I would on an unemployment benefit and am currently between houses. Also both of these girls are graduates from top schools with good jobs.

[Pompeii]

I should have probably clarified that I'm not an actual bad boy... just adopting a couple of traits with great success. However it has made me wonder how many girls go for the genuine bad boys which is why I started this thread.

 

I was at a party the other day and I met a girl that I wanted to sleep with. However another girl who I had already slept with was there and tried to stake her claim by making sure everybody knew that I had a threesome with her and her friend. This only served to make the second girl want me more so I went home with her, and then the next night I met up with the threesome girl and stayed at her house.

 

The old me would have thought that neither girl would still be interested after all of that but I now see things differently. I think the fact that I am open and honest about what I want and don't TRY to play games helps the cause.

 

It's probably worth stating here for reassurance that I earn less money than I would on an unemployment benefit and am currently between houses. Also both of these girls are graduates from top schools with good jobs.

 

That sounds awesome and exactly what should be happening. Girls fighting over you not you fighting over them.

[hotpotato]

I have more respect for guys who are honest.

 

I would rather a man tell me he only wanted me physically. I can say yes or no, probably no lol. I dont appreciate the games or even outright lying.

[travelonic]

IMO the whole "bad boy""Nice guy" dichotomy is a crock of ****, at least until it distinguishes between doormats, people who are genuinely nice and have boundaries, people who are nice, have boundaries, and are say recovering from being cheated on, bad boys, guys who act bad, guys who act nice but are really dickheads, and all sorts of other categories.

 

Though related, all of these categories are not the same, hence IMO the problem with just "bad boy" and "nice guy" as the distinguishing terms.

[emva07]

I think it all relates to confidence.

 

I notice that guys love "bad girls" too.

 

I think the reason I like "good boys" is because I am a "good girl" myself.

 

I used to be nerdy with glasses, didn't dress sexy and guys never approached me.

 

Once I ditched the glasses, bought sexy clothes that showed skin, did my hair and pretended to be dumb like "bad girls" oh man, guys swarmed me. Now when I tell friends I am a nerd, they don't believe it, which to me is weird because I still see myself as that girl. They see me as sexy emva, I didn't know she was smart and had a double degree and speaks multiple languages!!! Once that comes out....FRIENDZONED.

 

It all about avoiding clingy....if someone is looking for a ONS, they won't go for the good boy/good girl out of fear of that person getting clingy. I know when guys saw me they probably assumed "clingy, will want me to be her bf" type and avoided me. I guess girls who are looking for the ONS have a similar mentality. The "badder" the guy looks, the less likely he is to ask for her number, a date, etc.

Edited October 18, 2013 by emva07

[Phoe]

Once I ditched the glasses, bought sexy clothes that showed skin, did my hair and pretended to be dumb like "bad girls" oh man, guys swarmed me. Now when I tell friends I am a nerd, they don't believe it, which to me is weird because I still see myself as that girl. They see me as sexy emva, I didn't know she was smart and had a double degree and speaks multiple languages!!! Once that comes out....FRIENDZONED.

 

Same.

 

 

I'm a "good girl" and I'm very nerdy. Guys friendzone me every time. I lack that certain "something", that appeal that bad girls have that many men find enticing.

 

 

I know that some men like good girls, but I'd probably have an easier time if I had that "bad girl" edge.

[emva07]

well there is a saying "whatever it is that you used to attract someone is what you will have to do for the rest of your life to keep them"

 

I'd rather have my personality and intelligence attract a guy because that will never go away. Looks do. And as far as girls liking bad boys.....not so cute when they are married to you and that "badness" turns into abuse and cheating. Nah, I'd rather save myself years of hurt and eventual divorce and just look for a good guy now.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I don't.

 

I've never been with a 'bad boy' personally.

 

I can say I'm attracted to bad boy characters in movies and on TV, but I've never dated/had a relationship with a bad boy.

 

Quite simply, I don't want to be treated like s***. I do like someone with confidence, or an 'edge' but 'edge' doesn't translate to bad.

[Keenly]

Yep. Because men like casual sex, not relationships. Men get into relationships to get sex, they don't really enjoy being with a woman. This is all men too, the nice men just simply cant get sex as easily. There are no true "nice guys"

Just reinforced how shallow men are thanks.

 

You clearly have no idea what your talking about. Sorry that your experiences have been rough, but it sounds like the problem is you.

[emva07]

Yes, they do. Some even admit it openly. Excerpt from this forum, username not needed:

 

I literately had a roomate who loved bad boys. She'd get cheated on early into relationships, take abuse , was told they don't want her and she would force them to be with her saying she'd take what she can.... Etc.

 

Whenever the other roomate and I saw her crying we'd tell her " why don't you try dating a nice guy ?? They'd treat you so much better " and she says " bc guys, I want a mans man. And real men cheat and are *******s."

 

:eek:

 

The other roomate always kept her mouth shut but I was constantly fighting with her about her way of thinking.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Wowwwwwwwww....some issues right there.

 

I think what most girls want is basically, a man that looks sexy and bad as hell, but is a puppy inside.

 

That's always been what I'm looking for.

 

Probs the opposite of what a man wants i.e. looks like an angel but inside is a w****.

[MrCastle]

I should have probably clarified that I'm not an actual bad boy... just adopting a couple of traits with great success. However it has made me wonder how many girls go for the genuine bad boys which is why I started this thread.

 

I was at a party the other day and I met a girl that I wanted to sleep with. However another girl who I had already slept with was there and tried to stake her claim by making sure everybody knew that I had a threesome with her and her friend. This only served to make the second girl want me more so I went home with her, and then the next night I met up with the threesome girl and stayed at her house.

 

The old me would have thought that neither girl would still be interested after all of that but I now see things differently. I think the fact that I am open and honest about what I want and don't TRY to play games helps the cause.

 

It's probably worth stating here for reassurance that I earn less money than I would on an unemployment benefit and am currently between houses. Also both of these girls are graduates from top schools with good jobs.

 

So what traits have you adopted for this change in success?

[thefooloftheyear]

Wowwwwwwwww....some issues right there.

 

I think what most girls want is basically, a man that looks sexy and bad as hell, but is a puppy inside.

 

That's always been what I'm looking for.

 

Probs the opposite of what a man wants i.e. looks like an angel but inside is a w****.

 

 

You cant have it both ways...If you want someone to drag around on a leash, then find a nerdy dufus...Legit guys dont go for that shyt...

 

Just sayin'

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

Lol

 

Most guys are dragged on a leash. Their attitude is irrelevant.

 

Key word...

 

YMMV

 

TFY

[aussie sam]

So what traits have you adopted for this change in success?

 

Mostly just confidence and leading. Like if I see a girl that I like then I take control of the interaction and escalate pretty fast. She knows what's up and can either decline or follow my lead and end up back at my house or somewhere else fun. Recently I had sex with a girl in the bathrooms at a club (I'm a classy guy I know) about 20 minutes after I had met her. It basically just happened because I took control and led her from one step to the next until we were ****ing.

 

I think sometimes a girl just wants to have that kind of fun without having to think about it or be responsible for it.

[markmartinisfast]

why do girls like bad boys so much? i know i'm not a bad boy and it's frustrating. i mean do they eventually realize they want a guy that they know they can count on to help out with bills and be a good family man?

[HappyLove]

Not all girls want bad boys. Try to get to know some of the sweet girls out there that want a good man, there's plenty of them.

[d0nnivain]

Bad boys are all extremely self confident to the point of being c0cky. Many young women mistake all that bravado for something it's not. They also think they can change him & tame him. It's like a challenge.

 

 

You don't have to be a jerk or criminal to be self confident. But you can't be a door mat or women will walk all over you.

[TAV]

At one point we grow up and realise that a kind man is much better

[Tayken]

At one point we grow up and realise that a kind man is much better

 

Really....."grow up", or just morph into something more scary?