How do you feel today? Go ahead and share

[haggard969]

i wake up in the morning, not well rested, i can feel the knife stabbing into my back, piercing my left lung and heart, exiting the front with just the tip poking out. once i stand i can feel the spiked ball in my stomach. cutting up the insides, causing me to lose wieght and to vomit everything i consume. my breathing is short of breath, because of the blood from the knife filling up my lung, i look in the mirror at my self, but its not me, not who i once was, the man in the reflection was strong, unbroken, and proud of what he built and created, but this new man, pale white, with the grim reaper standing over his shoulder. i drink a bottle to try and take away the pain, but the alchohol just burns the wounds even worse. my eyes are on fire,my cheeks are red, some how my tears turned into acid. if i was to see a picture of me n my family, my heart would stop, and i would die.

[Haydn]

Why cant i see all the negative things? I only see the positive in her and its killing me, My life was hell when she was in it! Why do i feel utterly lost.

[Salvatore85]

Pretty crappy actually. For some reason a friend decided to tell me my ex is seeing someone again and it hurt. It hasn't even been a year yet and she's already been in two more relationships after 5 years of us being together. I know she doesn't owe me a thing but it still sucks. I sort of feel like I meant nothing.

[Mz_sassy_77]

Pretty crappy actually. For some reason a friend decided to tell me my ex is seeing someone again and it hurt. It hasn't even been a year yet and she's already been in two more relationships after 5 years of us being together. I know she doesn't owe me a thing but it still sucks. I sort of feel like I meant nothing.

 

I can relate to that. Although its only been a few months for me my ex has slept with quite a few women, been on dating sites, chasing after the next person he thinks will be perfect for him etc. He BU with me and never looked back. I know now that I meant nothing to him and he just doesn't care. It's a horrible feeling.

[geegee81]

Today i feel calm. I'm able to think about my ex without filling up with anxiety. I feel back to reality. Of course i still occasionally wonder about what he's doing or does he miss me...I was connected to him, so i dont expect to completely rid him from my thoughts. But Ive been doing good.

 

I can say that its time for me to start analyzing my self esteem. Why do i accept behavior that is not acceptable. Why do i try so hard to make things work when its not working? Why do i see too much good in people and choose to ignore red flags. I know better. For me its easy to do No Contact, because i know better. I just wish i would be smart enough to get rid of guys the first time i see a red flag. I would save my self so much heart break if i began to use my mind and not my heart.

[Gretl]

Rather emotional day since it used to be our anniversary date

[Mario79]

Today I started feeling scared, because I awake to know that she is not there and I am searching for her. Fantasized about how she asked me how things where going, what I have learned...still trying to accept she is gone.

 

I wanted to share this with everyone.

[JDPT]

I feel calm today, rerouting thoughts as usual. I wen to the gym first thing in the morning, now studying. Looking forward to a concert tonight.

[ponchsox]

Feeling a little down today. Combination of work stress and a recent breakup has been a challenge.

[barrelwave]

Went from limited contact to no contact.

 

Distracted myself a lot with meditation, games, books and some fitness regimes to let off some steam.

 

I must say, I let the feelings take me on a rollercoaster, and I've been feeling better.

 

Take one day at a time, like I am. You wanna cry, let it out. You wanna vent your anger, punch a pillow; go sprint around the block till you're breathless; take it out on violent games (but know your limits); shout it out loud when you're alone indoors.

 

And then have some laughter therapy. Read some funny web-comics, watch some sitcoms, comedies or even silly clips on Vine (works for me!)

 

Eat and drink whatever you want, but with moderation please. Snack on that midnight toast once in a while, take yourself out for dinner.

 

I am starting to feel comfy with myself. That space. The alone time. Taking my time to observe my surroundings, the people around me. I think about where I wanna be, where I need to go, what to do next in my life.

 

I hope everyone's feeling better.

[barrelwave]

Today I started feeling scared, because I awake to know that she is not there and I am searching for her. Fantasized about how she asked me how things where going, what I have learned...still trying to accept she is gone.

 

I wanted to share this with everyone.

I know what it feels like, Mario. The panic anxiety of "something's missing in the background"

[sambo77]

(1) Sh&t...realised I've just done my first full week of NC. Seems like forever.

 

(2) Suddenly missing her heaps again. Wrote her a text in I-Phone notes that I didn't send - "Hey. Miss you and still think of you. Hope you're happy.x"

 

(3) Doubting she's giving me even a second thought. But wondering if she even thinks of me.

 

(4) Torturing myself of thoughts about new guys.

 

(5) Constantly typing stupid sh&t into Google (like...I miss her so so much, or will she come back), as if Google is some sort of oracle.

 

(6) Very lonely this evening as I've been working on my own in the flat since 15.00. Despite good intentions and initial positivity, mood has plummeted.

 

(7) Horny for my ex...only.

 

(8) Tried to meditate...she was probably in my head for 30 of the 40 minute session.

 

(9) Angry at my mum cos she's not been a very good support figure...doesn't seem to get that I need to talk things out and just moves on to talking about her *****. Seems dismissive of my pain. Not gonna call her again fit support...it's p!ssing me off. Will try my Dad and best friend instead.

 

(10) Wondering if I'll ever (some day) hear from my ex again.

 

(11) Getting closer to getting involved in something to keep me moving forward but can't quite find the motivation to get that kick started.

 

(12) Angry with her in a childlike way...for not loving me and for not missing me.

 

Hasn't been the best day. Been a one step back day after a couple of OK ones.

 

Sleep will be a most welcome end.

[Mario79]

I know what it feels like, Mario. The panic anxiety of "something's missing in the background"

 

The panic also ceased me while trying to be outside, there is somehting about seeing couples, all of them so happy, that just triggers something in me.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

(1) Sh&t...realised I've just done my first full week of NC. Seems like forever.

 

(2) Suddenly missing her heaps again. Wrote her a text in I-Phone notes that I didn't send - "Hey. Miss you and still think of you. Hope you're happy.x"

 

(3) Doubting she's giving me even a second thought. But wondering if she even thinks of me.

 

(4) Torturing myself of thoughts about new guys.

 

(5) Constantly typing stupid sh&t into Google (like...I miss her so so much, or will she come back), as if Google is some sort of oracle.

 

(6) Very lonely this evening as I've been working on my own in the flat since 15.00. Despite good intentions and initial positivity, mood has plummeted.

 

(7) Horny for my ex...only.

 

(8) Tried to meditate...she was probably in my head for 30 of the 40 minute session.

 

(9) Angry at my mum cos she's not been a very good support figure...doesn't seem to get that I need to talk things out and just moves on to talking about her *****. Seems dismissive of my pain. Not gonna call her again fit support...it's p!ssing me off. Will try my Dad and best friend instead.

 

(10) Wondering if I'll ever (some day) hear from my ex again.

 

(11) Getting closer to getting involved in something to keep me moving forward but can't quite find the motivation to get that kick started.

 

(12) Angry with her in a childlike way...for not loving me and for not missing me.

 

Hasn't been the best day. Been a one step back day after a couple of OK ones.

 

Sleep will be a most welcome end.

 

This. I feel everything in this post. 5 especially that made me smile. Remember guys there is nothing wrong with us just because they dumped us. I hope we find happiness soon, let's try and choose to be happy.

[JDPT]

At the concert now, feel a bit lonely for some odd reason, can it be the drink? possibly. Almost feel as if she was here, truth is the chances of her being here are slim to none. I need to get back to enjoying the show.

[ayudorama]

Emotionally, I feel lifted, carefree. But physically, very tired.

 

I believe I've gone full circle with my past relationship, and I'm just one step away from completely moving on. I'll get there someday, I'm sure of it.

[Haydn]

JDPT, i hope the concert was good. I know where you are and my place is the same as yours. Yes it probably was the drink.

 

 

I want us to get out of this hole we are in. For me every DAY has been bad for a while now. She is constantly in my mind. Last night i lay in bed just despairing over how she could be so distant and cold. I dont want to believe she is but she is. Putting on a brave face for everyone else. Smiling working, dying on the inside. I miss you S.

 

Sambo, you summed up everything.

[Mario79]

Wish I could break NC. There is so much I want to get off my chest. But I know it wouldnt make a difference just a momentary feeling of satisfaction and then It wouldnt make a difference.

[im_thedude]

Just that dull pain from missing her. No hope nor desire to contact her, she is interested/trying with a guy she met online, and she doesn't deserve another chance with me after all she did.

 

Even if things were just like the good old days, it's plainly easy to see the red flags in hindsight.

 

New week that I'm sort of excited for, hopefully I will make some more progress.

[Mariposa10]

Oh same here trust me, focusing is still very challenging for me as well. I have two midterms in roughly two weeks. I keep telling myself that I will not under any circumstances allow my emotional state to affect my performance in school, absolutely NOT!

 

I can't. I think I'm just gonna let myself fail one class, so I can pass the other other ones...

[JDPT]

I can't. I think I'm just gonna let myself fail one class, so I can pass the other other ones...

 

Don't say you can't say "I CAN!!" And fawk your ex

I would never allow my ex to ruin my future. This is more important than her and more important than anything at this point. This is my only objective it's like runner vision. I'm not goin to cry or dwell over someone who clearly does not want to be with me. I honestly had way more important things to worry about.

[JDPT]

JDPT, i hope the concert was good. I know where you are and my place is the same as yours. Yes it probably was the drink.

 

 

I want us to get out of this hole we are in. For me every DAY has been bad for a while now. She is constantly in my mind. Last night i lay in bed just despairing over how she could be so distant and cold. I dont want to believe she is but she is. Putting on a brave face for everyone else. Smiling working, dying on the inside. I miss you S.

 

Sambo, you summed up everything.

 

The concert was awesome I had such a blast. Just had a quick silly moment thinking about the past that's all. Then it was nothing by rapture at the concert. I feel pretty good today. We will make it out of this, truth is we have really come a long way. I've learned to aligned my priorities and know what I can and can't worry about and the past is clearly not one of them. Moving forward learning from our experiences.

[Mariposa10]

Don't say you can't say "I CAN!!" And fawk your ex

I would never allow my ex to ruin my future. This is more important than her and more important than anything at this point. This is my only objective it's like runner vision. I'm not goin to cry or dwell over someone who clearly does not want to be with me. I honestly had way more important things to worry about.

 

I actually think I'm doing pretty good, after all I was with my ex four years, so it was a long time and I'm getting used to this new life. I don't want to be too hard on myself So I'm giving myself a little break. Also, some other things I was working on haven't worked out the way I wanted, so I've been feeling pretty stressed out.

 

I will continue to do my best, but I don't want to overwork myself and start feeling so overwhelmed when I'm finally starting to feel better.

 

Thanks for the good vibes though!!

[Netsky4life]

Like a wreck crying

[sambo77]

(1) Awoke about 5 am with knots in stomach. Kinda half dreaming about her, longing for her, but also knowing she is gone.

 

(2) Tried to sleep in that pathetic state until about 8.

 

(3) Looked a ceiling for what seemed like an eternity. Noticed a little insect I hadn't seen before.

 

(4) Dragged butt out of bed and had breakfast. Did manage to laugh at an episode of Frasier whilst eating.

 

(5) Didn't have too much time to think about her at work cos I was teaching classes and giving lectures until 3. Had a meeting with a colleague at 3. Was looking at him, saw his mouth moving, know he was talking an awful lot about himself, wanted me to marvel at how awesome he was. Don't remember him asking a single thing about me. I did a good job of making him think he was awesome...he seemed satisfied - but all I thought of was her. Stomach knotted again.

 

(6) Left work in the dark, feeling alone, nobody to come home to. Cried on the way home in the car...this seems to be regular cry time.

 

(7) When eyes looked normal-ish after crying, I did food shopping. Thought about us doing it together. Stomach knotted. Everyone under 85 seems to be shopping as a couple, it's kinda nice that they know what each other likes to eat (reminded me of what she liked - cheese, cold meats, vodka, wine). Stomach knotted.

 

(8) Home late. To empty house. Eat dinner alone. Planned to work out and have hot bath. Neither plan materialises. Seek out LS.

 

(9) Read post about dating after BU. Reminds me that that's what she's doing. Stomach knotted.

 

Looking forward to sleep. Gonna see therapist tomorrow.