How do you feel today? Go ahead and share

[llaura]

Today is one of those better days- maybe it's because I know I have to study for exams and do big projects over the next few days and will be busy.

 

I'm pretty sure I dreamed about him last night, but I didn't wake up with a rock in my stomach.

 

I feel optimistic that I can move on soon.

 

But I have still thought about him a lot.

[jdryrock]

Most days I wake up very abruptly at 6AM and my stomach is in knots. Today I got up to use the bathroom and went downstairs to take some Alka-Seltzer. Luckily that helped. I was able to get back to sleep and got up around 10AM. I literally drift all day. I can't eat, I can't think, I feel like I'm on auto-pilot all day. My body language and lack of emotion pretty much tell the story.

 

My heart is completely broken. My mind is completely numb. I want to cry all day but it's like crying will really confirm it's over. I keep telling myself to be strong and hold it together but then I wonder if this relationship was just an illusion. Nothing seems real today. I will go home, zone out online, and go to bed after drinking a glass of red wine and taking melotonin. Tomorrow will just be another day of the same. I'm 41 and I'm going to be starting all over again.

[JDPT]

(1) Awoke about 5 am with knots in stomach. Kinda half dreaming about her, longing for her, but also knowing she is gone.

 

(2) Tried to sleep in that pathetic state until about 8.

 

(3) Looked a ceiling for what seemed like an eternity. Noticed a little insect I hadn't seen before.

 

(4) Dragged butt out of bed and had breakfast. Did manage to laugh at an episode of Frasier whilst eating.

 

(5) Didn't have too much time to think about her at work cos I was teaching classes and giving lectures until 3. Had a meeting with a colleague at 3. Was looking at him, saw his mouth moving, know he was talking an awful lot about himself, wanted me to marvel at how awesome he was. Don't remember him asking a single thing about me. I did a good job of making him think he was awesome...he seemed satisfied - but all I thought of was her. Stomach knotted again.

 

(6) Left work in the dark, feeling alone, nobody to come home to. Cried on the way home in the car...this seems to be regular cry time.

 

(7) When eyes looked normal-ish after crying, I did food shopping. Thought about us doing it together. Stomach knotted. Everyone under 85 seems to be shopping as a couple, it's kinda nice that they know what each other likes to eat (reminded me of what she liked - cheese, cold meats, vodka, wine). Stomach knotted.

 

(8) Home late. To empty house. Eat dinner alone. Planned to work out and have hot bath. Neither plan materialises. Seek out LS.

 

(9) Read post about dating after BU. Reminds me that that's what she's doing. Stomach knotted.

 

Looking forward to sleep. Gonna see therapist tomorrow.

 

You are experiencing and working through all the symptoms and believe it or not this is a great thing. Pace yourself, you will look back in due time and realize how long you've come.

[JDPT]

I actually think I'm doing pretty good, after all I was with my ex four years, so it was a long time and I'm getting used to this new life. I don't want to be too hard on myself So I'm giving myself a little break. Also, some other things I was working on haven't worked out the way I wanted, so I've been feeling pretty stressed out.

 

I will continue to do my best, but I don't want to overwork myself and start feeling so overwhelmed when I'm finally starting to feel better.

 

Thanks for the good vibes though!!

 

Hang in there and know that you are the only person that matters from this point forward. Be strong and remain in control.

[Raena]

I'm feeling incredibly angry today.

 

I went to see my gyno to get tested for STD's.

 

I cried like a baby.

 

At the moment it seems that although there is nothing worse in the world than being betrayed but then having to tell a perfect stranger all about it... and then have him pat me on the back and tell me it's all going to be alright is just too much. I felt violated all over again.

 

It doesn't feel alright.

 

I mad as h.e.l.l. and sad all at the same time. I've been crying all night.

 

The dr said that he could tell that there is something wrong but until the cultures come back... a week from now... he won't know how to treat me. I also have to go find a lab to get blood drawn to test for HIV.

 

I have to wait a WHOLE WEEK! ugh!

 

I really hope it isn't anything more than a bacterial infection that can be treated easily. If it is anything else I think I will lose all hope of ever having a normal sane life.

 

All because I trusted someone I loved.

 

I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask to have multiple other partners brought into my bedroom.

 

I think the worst part for me is the scumbag who did this to me tried to defend the whore he slept with. He told me "Oh she doesn't have anything, trust me" Yeah right. Trust him. Trust the guy who has been sleeping with a married woman for the past year and a half. Just blindly trust that she wasn't also sleeping around on him... because he did say that they broke it off several times and didn't see each other. Trust that she wasn't also then sleeping with other men in the interim. Trust that she wasn't also sleeping with her husband. Oh wait. She was. Trust that her husband wasn't also sleeping with other women.

 

Oh gawd. It's all just so disgusting!

 

What he did wasn't just wrong morally, it was DANGEROUS. I could be HIV positive. I could have any number of things wrong with me.

 

All because I trusted him.

 

I don't think I'll ever be able to trust anyone, ever again.

[JDPT]

Plan don't make yourself crazy about it. You need to wait until the results come in. I'm not certain if there is a "plan parenthood" in your state. This is essentially a clinic with qualified professionals who can speed up all your testing as they specialize in STDs and matters of that nature. If you don't have insurance they are quiet affordable as well. Please don't maKe yourself nuts over this, I understand how draining this is as I have been in a similar situation as you. I wish you the best and I'm confident that it will all work out in your favor.

[Raena]

There is a planned parenthood in the area but I do like my Dr. He has been pretty decent. I just wish the tests didn't take so long. Thanks for your words of encouragement

[LME]

I feel fine.

 

Its been about 4.5 months since the breakup. Time has flownnnnn, its getting to the point now where he is more of a distant memory because i have not seen/talked to him in so long (over 3.5 months).

 

I think about him a lot, but only because I know he just made a big move across the country (or he had planned to around this time) and i just want everything to go smoothly for him/hope everything worked out like he planned.

 

Our breakup wasn't bad, it just wasn't working out, should have ended long before he did, looking back i really wish I had and I know exactly when I would have done it because i seriously considered it. ONly reason i didnt was because "first love, etc etc". Learned a great lesson from all of this

[MoooOinkBaaa]

I was feeling better until tonight. It's been seven weeks now. I was at the angry stage for the last two days but now it's gone and I had a mini-breakdown tonight. I was trying to convince myself I don't care. No lie lasts forever.

[Stryker101]

Unfortunately I heard through a mutual friend that my ex is seeing someone new ...and a bit of the old feelings did arise so suddenly.

 

HOWEVER, while I was a bit frustrated that my friend did alert me to this for no reason and caused me to re-live some of the old feelings...for some reason I was so determined about making a new me I headed back to the gym after not going for 4 months.

 

In a way even though she is occupying my mind alot the past 48 hours, hearing that news made me want to go back to doing something I stopped due to a break up. Though a part of my ego is doing to it to make her notice one day, I am NOT expecting a more fit body or anything like that will bring her back. She is gone, and muscles wont bring her back. I'm finally doing something for me.

Edited October 29, 2013 by Stryker101

[JDPT]

I feel calm today. I saw my ex earlier today as I was driving and surprisingly didn't feel much. I'm happy and proud of my progress. Taking this recovery journey a day at a time.

[nbman]

I am struggling living with my WS and children while we are in "limbo" about working on the marriage or divorcing. It is so rough to try and live in the house and stay civil, while trying to move forward regardless of what she wants to do.. I just want this to be resolved, one way or the other, R or D... Let's get on with it already!!!!!!

[BC1980]

I actually feel really positive about the future. I went through an awful time a few weeks ago, but I think I was just trying to process that it was really over. I am moving forward, and I feel free in a way.

[JDPT]

I actually feel really positive about the future. I went through an awful time a few weeks ago, but I think I was just trying to process that it was really over. I am moving forward, and I feel free in a way.

 

Fee and clear that's right! Keep moving forward.

[Haydn]

Feel strangely serene. Wait until morning!

[JDPT]

Glad to hear that man, take advantage of the positive momentum even if it doesn't last much. I'll give you a good moment of clarity to project ahead.

[Mario79]

if there was word, I would say ambivalent. I can feel normal, even happy and then I see something a trigger and then before I know it a flood of thoughts and I can only sit there and try let them pass.

[geegee81]

I feel good. Ive been having fun and going out a lot.

 

Now I can see that i did nothing wrong to lose him. I tried my hardest, but it didnt work out. Eventually i will find a nice man to appreciate and accept me for me.

[Mariposa10]

Feeling like I need to make more friends, trying to plan a fun weekend since weekends are the hardest plus, I won't be working!

[geegee81]

I can honestly say that i feel darn good. My feelings for the ex are subsiding. I can think about him without becoming sad and anxious. The butterflies are completly gone. Life is moving on now. I felt like i was high on him like a drug .....It feels good to have him out of my system.

 

I definitely feel wiser. I know now to stop ignoring red flags. The minutes i see something wrong, im going to run! Run damn fast!

[reddragon588]

Honestly, I feel terrible. I've been sick so I haven't been able to get in the gym, and I keep seeing pictures of her popping up on my Facebook and Snapchat from mutual friends (I deleted her). I have a date this weekend with a chick I like this weekend though so hopefully that cheers me up

[J21]

I am feeling..... reluctant.

 

I came back from a vacation in Hawaii yesterday, and it was exactly what I needed. It gave me time to think and get away for a while. Helped me look at things from another perspective. While I was there, I thought about my life and where it was going. On the airplane ride back, I was determined to "get back out there" and start dating again. I made a decision to sign up for a dating site.

 

One day later, a search query shows my ex as one of my matches. I did not click her profile, but that one picture on the thumbnail was all I needed to trigger something in my brain. It's an old picture because I remember when she took it, and all those feelings of missing her is rushing back in. I am so confused right now. Damnit, damnit, damnit....

 

We dated for 8 months, and broke up in January of this year, but it was a pretty serious relationship. We talked about marriage and a future together, so the break up was pretty hurtful (to me at least). I am 31 and she is 34, so it was a definitely marriage oriented relationship.

 

The relationship was going really well until she switched jobs. So many things changed so fast and it started to fall apart. She was always busy or in a bad mood, and it began to feel one sided for a long time (me putting in all the work). I genuinely felt neglected, taken for granted, uncared for, unrespected and was miserable at what the relationship has become. I beared it as long as I thought I could bear it but a breaking point eventually came.

 

Although I was the initiator of the break up, the more and more I think about it, the more I realize it could have been GIGS. I have not been in a lot of relationships, so I couldn't discern what I had was something special.

 

Should I take a stab in the dark and just give her a call to see if we can reconnect? Worst case, she tells me she's over me and I can at least move forward.

 

I am missing her a lot right now. I can't believe I went from having that zest for life, to feeling drained all in less than 24 hours. Ugh. What in the eff.

 

Can anybody give me any advice please?

 

Thank you.

Edited November 16, 2013 by J21