LilGirlandOW Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 I've been somewhat AWOL and a little bit of a wreck living day to day, trying to be supportive of him (my MM), while giving him his needed space to sort everything with the separation out as well as focus on my own life. It's a lot tougher than I ever thought, my insecurities keep shining through. I owe 100% of my sanity to an amazing, strong, wise poster here, you know who you are . I honestly would be lost without you! So the update so far is everything is going full steam ahead, every day he gives me updates about the whole process. We still see each other often. Thanks to an amazing friend (you know who you are) I've been able to step out of my comfort zone and ask him some tough questions, regarding he and her, him and I. So this is it, the transition. For better or worse. Que sera sera. I might get that as a tattoo lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 Thank you SpinnerNYC for your kind words And thank you CanuckPrincess for your amazing friendship and just being there for me every time I've needed a shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold and an ear to listen. My anxiety and insecurities always come to a halt as soon as I hear your sweet voice I can never thank you enough for this girl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 I've been somewhat AWOL and a little bit of a wreck living day to day, trying to be supportive of him (my MM), while giving him his needed space to sort everything with the separation out as well as focus on my own life. It's a lot tougher than I ever thought, my insecurities keep shining through. I owe 100% of my sanity to an amazing, strong, wise poster here, you know who you are . I honestly would be lost without you! So the update so far is everything is going full steam ahead, every day he gives me updates about the whole process. We still see each other often. Thanks to an amazing friend (you know who you are) I've been able to step out of my comfort zone and ask him some tough questions, regarding he and her, him and I. So this is it, the transition. For better or worse. Que sera sera. I might get that as a tattoo lol. Why aren't you expecting him to be loving and supportive OF YOU? I don't understand why he gets all this focus and what about you in all this mess? Are you still pretending you're ok with it all when you're honestly concerned and questioning what's really happening with you two? Why not get honest with him? You deserve answers - start demanding info - you need it! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 (edited) 2sunny, That's just it, I'm in such a better place now, I have asked him tough questions and expressed how I'm feeling opening without worrying about being a burden (I have always historically had problems with avoidance in fear of being a burden). He was so honest and open with me about everything, and not upset or annoyed I was digging for information or seeking answers (like my insecurities had figured he would be), he welcomed and continues to welcome every discussion we have regarding anything I want to talk about or ask. He is meeting the emotional voids now he didn't realize were there, as I have spent 30yrs becoming a master of suppressing them. This is out of my comfort zone majorly so it's still tough, but at least I know I have such an amazing partner to be stepping out of my comfort zone with. And an amazing, brilliant friend to fuel my courage and self worth to make it happen. Edited October 17, 2013 by LilGirlandOW 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 2sunny, That's just it, I'm in such a better place now, I have asked him tough questions and expressed how I'm feeling opening without worrying about being a burden (I have always historically had problems with avoidance in fear of being a burden). He was so honest and open with me about everything, and not upset or annoyed I was digging for information or seeking answers (like my insecurities had figured he would be), he welcomed and continues to welcome every discussion we have regarding anything I want to talk about or ask. This is out of my comfort zone majorly so it's still tough, but at least I know I have such an amazing partner to be stepping out of my comfort zone with. And an amazing, brilliant friend to fuel my courage and self worth to make it happen. Honey, self worth comes from SELF... He can't provide that FOR you - ever. What did you ask him and what were his answers? Has he filed his divorce papers yet? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 I agree with you 2sunny, but sometimes emotional weaklings like myself need a special angel or two to help you out of the trenches. I'm not to proud to give thanks where it's due and I know it's a work in progress, my avoidance issues, but I'm finally walking in that direction Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 I agree with you 2sunny, but sometimes emotional weaklings like myself need a special angel or two to help you out of the trenches. I'm not to proud to give thanks where it's due and I know it's a work in progress, my avoidance issues, but I'm finally walking in that direction You didn't answer my questions... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 I asked him her(BS) exact role in the separation, how she felt about their pending D, and what their dynamic is currently, what he hopes it will be in the future. I asked him about our future, the possibility of him wanting to take time to experience the single life, and where things go from here. The answers were all positive. He and she are getting along better now than ever, they both want the D, they both fell out of love along time ago, they hVe aligned to help set up 2 stable homes to raise their kids in and are finding solace in their new co-parenting relationship. He doesn't want to date, he wants him and I to be together, he wanted me to know that I can come to him anytime about any insecurity I'm feeling. He said he wants me to expect that of him, not to be afraid of it or avoid expressing how I'm feeling. He wants me to be a part of setting up his new life, he wants his new life to be with me Link to post Share on other sites
jlola Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 The answers were all positive. He and she are getting along better now than ever, they both want the D, they both fell out of love along time ago, they hVe aligned to help set up 2 stable homes to raise their kids in and are finding solace in their new co-parenting relationship. . This is puzzling to me. If they are getting along better than ever, why did he leave the house at 3:00am. I would think if they discussed the ending like two rational adults, there would not have been a need to do things in such a hurry. For him to leave or get kicked out literally overnight. Her going to divorce lawyers ASAP and getting a real estate agent. Something smells really bad here! Why not just sleep in separate rooms for now and let the kids adjust to mommy and daddy being apart. Everything happened so fast. Too fast! Hope one day you get to speak to his wife, or at least see divorce records. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 I asked him her(BS) exact role in the separation, how she felt about their pending D, and what their dynamic is currently, what he hopes it will be in the future. I asked him about our future, the possibility of him wanting to take time to experience the single life, and where things go from here. The answers were all positive. He and she are getting along better now than ever, they both want the D, they both fell out of love along time ago, they hVe aligned to help set up 2 stable homes to raise their kids in and are finding solace in their new co-parenting relationship. He doesn't want to date, he wants him and I to be together, he wanted me to know that I can come to him anytime about any insecurity I'm feeling. He said he wants me to expect that of him, not to be afraid of it or avoid expressing how I'm feeling. He wants me to be a part of setting up his new life, he wants his new life to be with me Wow, all in a week. Impressive. Have you been to his new home? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 This is puzzling to me. If they are getting along better than ever, why did he leave the house at 3:00am. I would think if they discussed the ending like two rational adults, there would not have been a need to do things in such a hurry. For him to leave or get kicked out literally overnight. Her going to divorce lawyers ASAP and getting a real estate agent. Something smells really bad here! Why not just sleep in separate rooms for now and let the kids adjust to mommy and daddy being apart. Everything happened so fast. Too fast! Hope one day you get to speak to his wife, or at least see divorce records. Some personalities are quite decisive and organized and the description by Lil of MM's W sounds as if she might be one of those types. My exH came home from work one day out of the blue and announced he was leaving. There was no indication at all of this prior to his announcement. And that was that. He had it all planned beforehand, let me know, and left that day. Not at three am but any speculating about the 3 am factor in this sitch is just that, speculation. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Some personalities are quite decisive and organized and the description by Lil of MM's W sounds as if she might be one of those types. My exH came home from work one day out of the blue and announced he was leaving. There was no indication at all of this prior to his announcement. And that was that. He had it all planned beforehand, let me know, and left that day. Not at three am but any speculating about the 3 am factor in this sitch is just that, speculation. I agree. My parents were both A partners when they met and both left their M's within a month to be together. It happened VERY quickly for them and they are still together 40 years later. Anything is possible. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Some personalities are quite decisive and organized and the description by Lil of MM's W sounds as if she might be one of those types. My exH came home from work one day out of the blue and announced he was leaving. There was no indication at all of this prior to his announcement. And that was that. He had it all planned beforehand, let me know, and left that day. Not at three am but any speculating about the 3 am factor in this sitch is just that, speculation. My guy did the same thing. It was decided that day and he left a few hours later. There was no pussy footing around. Seems to me that it is a GOOD thing when they just leave. No sleeping on the couch for weeks, no indecision. That is, I think, what made my relationship work. If he had gone back and forth I would never have stood for it. He knew what he wanted and he went for it. Lil, I'm so glad things are going in your favor. I hope that you have a little bit of calm in your life. It's such a tumultuous time! I've been there, and it's tough. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
jlola Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 I agree. My parents were both A partners when they met and both left their M's within a month to be together. It happened VERY quickly for them and they are still together 40 years later. Anything is possible. Yes, people do leave,but leaving at 3;00 am ? Especially a man who talked about wanting to tuck his children to bed every night. If it is amicable, why not sleep in a guest-room or on the couch and start planning to leave. You can still look for a place to live while living amicably at home while planning a divorce. What happened to cause such a drastic reaction? Why not take a few more weeks to let kids adjust? Let everything settle. Daddy lives here today and when they wake up in the morning, he does not live with them anymore. He is looking for a new place to live with no previous problems kids know of ? Mom has a divorce lawyer and realtor already set practically the next day. Bit harsh I think for two people who are trying to make this an easy transmission for the kids. I think it would be more traumatic for children this way. Link to post Share on other sites
legalgirl Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 So glad you are finding happiness. I hope one day I can be in your shoes, moving forward with our relationship!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Some personalities are quite decisive and organized and the description by Lil of MM's W sounds as if she might be one of those types. My exH came home from work one day out of the blue and announced he was leaving. There was no indication at all of this prior to his announcement. And that was that. He had it all planned beforehand, let me know, and left that day. Not at three am but any speculating about the 3 am factor in this sitch is just that, speculation. Well, I better add that he left that day in that he had very little to do with me after that but he did stay in the house for two or three more weeks, though was out-of-town on "business" for part of that time. Still, the point is, it was a sudden break up. Link to post Share on other sites
jlola Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Perhaps my red flag radar is off. I just hope Lil is able to talk to the wife perhaps a few months from now hen things settle. If all is ok, BS should not mind her husband dating and perhaps can give her side of the story. I am all for BS and OW talking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 Perhaps my red flag radar is off. I just hope Lil is able to talk to the wife perhaps a few months from now hen things settle. If all is ok, BS should not mind her husband dating and perhaps can give her side of the story. I am all for BS and OW talking. They're getting along good (mostly). Why would I go rub it in her face, she doesn't know about our R. What do you suggest I talk to her about? If he and I stay together I'm sure her and I will become friends, or at least friendly. We're not taking our R public right away at all. Not for months Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 You think it makes sense to ask her if he's lying about how their M ended? I don't know why I care how their M ended, I've spoken to mutual friends of his and hers as in our "web" their pending D is common knowledge. What he says aligns with what her friends account of things. Which I didn't prod for, since the mutual friend doesn't know about us, she was trying to "gossip" to me Bout them, I just soaked it in,,,, it's what he's already said.... Mostly. Minus a sediment or two that was said between BS and said "friend" Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 I'm not bat **** crazy, not gonna ask her, what her side of the story is. It's none of my business, they didn't separate because of me, so that's my cue to stay on the sidelines as far as their separation goes, they have to have the closure they need, the separation was by all accounts mutual and amicable. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Yes, people do leave,but leaving at 3;00 am ? Especially a man who talked about wanting to tuck his children to bed every night. If it is amicable, why not sleep in a guest-room or on the couch and start planning to leave. You can still look for a place to live while living amicably at home while planning a divorce. What happened to cause such a drastic reaction? Why not take a few more weeks to let kids adjust? Let everything settle. Daddy lives here today and when they wake up in the morning, he does not live with them anymore. He is looking for a new place to live with no previous problems kids know of ? Mom has a divorce lawyer and realtor already set practically the next day. Bit harsh I think for two people who are trying to make this an easy transmission for the kids. I think it would be more traumatic for children this way. True I agree. I think something had to have set it off. Maybe he gave her the famous 'ILYBINILWY' and that was enough for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 If she did know, she doesn't care enough to mention it, so I assume she doesn't. They are definitely as of now separated, heck things change, but he found a place to live, has spent lots of $ in furnishings already Nd they already have some mutual things separated/divided Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 True I agree. I think something had to have set it off. Maybe he gave her the famous 'ILYBINILWY' and that was enough for her. Yes they both expressed the ILYBINILWY and decided to not live like that anymore. This info comes from her friend Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Yes they both expressed the ILYBINILWY and decided to not live like that anymore. This info comes from her friend Well this does seem like the best possible situation if his BS was this unhappy as well. One thing that just has me worried for you Lil is whether this separation is leading to D or to R. I know you believe what your MM tells you, but is there any way to verify this other than his word? Have you gone by his new place? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 Yes they could R and not D. I can't control that. So I'm trying to not worry about it, 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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