2sunny Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Did he move to the new place yet? If not, where is he staying until he moves to the new place? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 I will update soon, tonight about more . Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Yes they could R and not D. I can't control that. So I'm trying to not worry about it, You are right. Hang in there and lean on your good friends for now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jlola Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 They're getting along good (mostly). Why would I go rub it in her face, she doesn't know about our R. What do you suggest I talk to her about? If he and I stay together I'm sure her and I will become friends, or at least friendly. We're not taking our R public right away at all. Not for months No, no.Never said to rub it in her face.Said since it is amicable in a few months I doubt she woyld be upst if WS is dating. Perhaps then as GF not OW you both can discuss. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 Lol I went and did a mini makeover today, I needed to breathe. Everythings moving forward, so far so good. His new place isn't some dive you go and throw money at and move on in, but papers are signed, money out down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 No, no.Never said to rub it in her face.Said since it is amicable in a few months I doubt she woyld be upst if WS is dating. Perhaps then as GF not OW you both can discuss. I'm gonna just go with alls well that ends well and if everything works out and everyone is happy in the end and getting along I'm not going to worry about investigating into it. The topics come up from her friends and the story is pretty much parallel. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Lol I went and did a mini makeover today, I needed to breathe. Everythings moving forward, so far so good. His new place isn't some dive you go and throw money at and move on in, but papers are signed, money out down. Where is he staying now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 He and BS are alternating staying at the home, and are there together at times, she has helped pack some of his stuff, lol. Her and I both have separately (obviously) been helping him buy new furnishings, etc. when she and the kids go with him, he sends me photos of what he's looking at They have had bad times though, she pulled some sneaky stuff regarding assets and he found out. But generally it's been smooth sailing. The asset thing is huge though, and will be hashed out eventually Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 He and BS are alternating staying at the home, and are there together at times, she has helped pack some of his stuff, lol. Her and I both have separately (obviously) been helping him buy new furnishings, etc. when she and the kids go with him, he sends me photos of what he's looking at They have had bad times though, she pulled some sneaky stuff regarding assets and he found out. But generally it's been smooth sailing. The asset thing is huge though, and will be hashed out eventually Are you allowed to call him whenever you want now? That is a sign. My lying exMM tried to tell me he was "alternating" being at the house with his W. Link to post Share on other sites
jlola Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 I'm gonna just go with alls well that ends well and if everything works out and everyone is happy in the end and getting along I'm not going to worry about investigating into it. The topics come up from her friends and the story is pretty much parallel. You also said, "She also has a strong circle of friends who according to him back her decision and have D experience themselves". People usually do not back up their friends divorce choice unless the marriage was truly horrible . So it seems the friends have insight to a lot. Most friends would advice a person who wants to divorce because "We fell out of love" to seek counseling to see if you can get together. Especially if there are children enough. Most MP know relationships ebb and flow. The "in love" feelings are not there all the time. Interesting BS's friends backed up her decision to divorce over something most couples go through. Be careful, BS may know a lot more than you think. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 I could contact him whenever I want, but by my choice I am not so much while he's spending time with his kids, this is something I've Always done and even when he's in his new place will probably continue as their time together is precious, and above anything else in life this mans a dad, his kids are his world. As far as MC, I actually brought that up and asked, it's was one of the freaking tough Q's I had for him. He says they hAvnt had any romantic feelings in so long, like close to 10yrs that it's not something he's entertaining, and she in her speech to him said she just wants to "pull the knife out" so they can heal and move on I. Separate directions, she's not interested. Neither party are interested at this point in playing happy couple for the kids sake, they quoted the D rate, etc and said if those people can make it work so can he. I know people can full out D and then R after, so that fuels my anxiety, speculation, I'm trying to not be naive and just roll with the punches. I wish I could just celebrate and be in la la land. But I just seem to be anxious, paranoid, and pessimistic, and all for no real solid reasons, he keeps reassuring me, my messed up self esteem is killing me lately. Link to post Share on other sites
threelaurels Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 I don't know why I care how their M ended, I've spoken to mutual friends of his and hers as in our "web" their pending D is common knowledge. What he says aligns with what her friends account of things. Which I didn't prod for, since the mutual friend doesn't know about us, she was trying to "gossip" to me Bout them, I just soaked it in,,,, it's what he's already said.... Mostly. Minus a sediment or two that was said between BS and said "friend" What do you mean by "mostly"? Do this friend's statements indicate that he has lied or that he has just omitted some stuff? Also, do you think it's possible that this friend was trying to fish for info to take back to the BS? Her and I both have separately (obviously) been helping him buy new furnishings, etc. when she and the kids go with him, he sends me photos of what he's looking at What is he telling her about the stuff you're buying him? Is he making it seem like he's the one buying them? They have had bad times though, she pulled some sneaky stuff regarding assets and he found out. But generally it's been smooth sailing. The asset thing is huge though, and will be hashed out eventually Is the asset thing something that happened recently? If so, eek! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 No, the friend was more gossiping, and didn't ask me anything at all, and the mostly part was little things that aligned with his story, just like the telephone game most likely enhanced by the gossiping friends recollection. But the sequence of events and feelings of BS were the same as his story of it. Nothing to indicate he lied to me or anything. As far as the stuff he and I together acquired for him, they have already separated the need to "answer" to each other. He has his own space within their house for now. They have exchanged keys to each others vehicles and she is well obviously not. Party to his new lease. So about the new stuff, either she doesn't care, he doesn't care or neither of them cAre or are worried about it. As the assets go, yeah! Eek is right. As long as I'm happy, he's hPpy and my needs Are being met, I'm playing wait and see and trying to stay sane through it. Of course I'm searching for shooting stars to wish on thT everything will work out and he and I will be happy together, all at the same time fighting my fears and insecurities that it won't. Wish I could fast forward through the transition, he was by my side through my seperTion, so I will try to stay strong through his like he did for me. Day by day, heck hour to hour right now until the transition is more complete. Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 I don't know why you're having anxiety. From what you wrote the BS sounds like a logical, strong woman without that inclination to force her H into MC to "work on things". She probably realized they've been living a mediocre life and decided she, he, the kids all deserve MORE. And you're lucky that she is not like many basing it on destroying her STBXH. You should probably work on your own divorce, not sure if you mentioned that, but he might be before you with the way things are going. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Good luck lil x Sounds like their seperation is well and truly mutual. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 Thank you CIF and water woman:) Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 I honestly do not believe him and his wife will get back together. It seems very mutual that neither wants to continue it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jlola Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 I honestly do not believe him and his wife will get back together. It seems very mutual that neither wants to continue it. I agree with that. The wife was too quick to run to a lawyer and a home appraiser. Funny thing is a few months back, Li thought they had a sort of d-day here the wife asked about Lil. But now it seems like the only thing she cares about is getting him out of her life and settled into his own. Perhaps she is having her own affair. Who knows. All I know is she is burning rubber to get the divorce. She is even furniture shopping with him. That says it all! No worries for Lil. The marriage is over!!! I do feel good BS seems so anxious to get rid of him. She will heal quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 What kind of grown man needs his STBXW to furniture shop with him? Does that mean she's paying for his furniture? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 It's them all including the kids, to ease the transition, they're trying to get along and include everybody in this. My xH and I also did stuff like that together, paid for out of mutual money Link to post Share on other sites
jlola Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 As far as MC, I actually brought that up and asked, it's was one of the freaking tough Q's I had for him. He says they hAvnt had any romantic feelings in so long, like close to 10yrs that it's not something he's entertaining, and she in her speech to him said she just wants to "pull the knife out" so they can heal and move on I. . They haven't had "romantic feelings " in 10 years. Seems his kids are very young. So they then decide to have kids instead of divorcing when there are no kids? Why do people do that? Do they think kids will make a failing marriage better? As for her comment of "pulling the knife out" . People usually refer to this when they feel they were backstabbed by someone. It seems her friends are your co-workers? You seem to be in the loop with her friends and privy to a lot. I would think if her friends were at the same place you work, they would have figured out your affair. Since body language and chemistry between 2 people is hard to hide. Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 It's them all including the kids, to ease the transition, they're trying to get along and include everybody in this. My xH and I also did stuff like that together, paid for out of mutual money Now that you explain, seems wise! Wow, three adults who, so far, seem to be behaving well in difficult circumstances! Happy for all of you! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jlola Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 It's them all including the kids, to ease the transition, they're trying to get along and include everybody in this. My xH and I also did stuff like that together, paid for out of mutual money Lil, Some advice. Keep your pic off avitar. Ya never know who can be reading theses boards. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 As for her comment of "pulling the knife out" . People usually refer to this when they feel they were backstabbed by someone. Yep I thought the same thing when I read it. I have a feeling his BS knows way more than he thinks she does. She sounds like a very smart woman and has wonderful friends to support her through this. Maybe the BS knows but doesn't want anything aired in the public. I believe that their M had been dead, but maybe this wasn't his first time cheating either. It sounds like the BS has a lot of resentment towards him. Lil I wish you the best of luck, I hope this man does not hurt you (your heart). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 Lil, Some advice. Keep your pic off avitar. Ya never know who can be reading theses boards. Good idea thank you Link to post Share on other sites
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