maidai Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Might be 11. I stopped counting. It had to come. An email from a new address as I had blocked the others.... Title * I can't do this* Now I admit I was curious but not that curious and did not open it. I deleted it then emptied my spam. Whatever he can not do is not my problem! This last however many weeks I have learnt that I can do anything I please and have been. It is such a good feeling. I considered leaving LS because the only time he crosses my mind now is when I read here and think yep.. same old, same old but I enjoy offering a little help to others if I can. I will always be eternally greatful to those here who got me through those first couple of weeks. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
SarahJames Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Wow! Congratulations. You've truly come a long way. I cannot even begin to imagine deleting an e-mail from him without reading it, let alone deleting one from an unknown address! Congrats again! Link to post Share on other sites
hippetyhop Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Congrats! I couldn't guarantee I would have that will power; can't say unless I was in that situation. Keep strong and keep going! Stories like this keeps me going. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maidai Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 It took seconds. Literally. Saw it and the penny dropped and I did not even allow myself one second to think what if. I just hit delete on autopilot and then empty spam. I may regret it one day but I think I would have regretted reading it more. I have moved on and past it and can not see the point in re opening old cuts when I know full well what he has to offer is not half of what I am worth. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hippetyhop Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 It took seconds. Literally. Saw it and the penny dropped and I did not even allow myself one second to think what if. I just hit delete on autopilot and then empty spam. I may regret it one day but I think I would have regretted reading it more. I have moved on and past it and can not see the point in re opening old cuts when I know full well what he has to offer is not half of what I am worth. I don't know your story, but are you in the position to ever have to see him again? I'm not sure if you know him through friends and may have to encounter him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maidai Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 I don't know your story, but are you in the position to ever have to see him again? I'm not sure if you know him through friends and may have to encounter him again. Hiya hippetyhop. My back story is I was not the classic OW. We had a full relationship for 18mnths openly with everyone including family, friends and children involved. He was 3 years seperated from his abusive wife who caused him to lose all of forementioned and caused him to have a major breakdown. I had known him for over 20 years. The day the decree nisi was due he ran home to her and is back in the cycle of abuse. He is not half the man I am worth and she is not half the woman I am so to me a perfect match I can make sure our paths do not cross, mutual friends know not to involve me in his life and not to tell him anything of mine. It has all been laid out crystal clear to everyone. I have cut his family off, not because I dislike them but because they are a part of my involvement with him. Everyone knows that loyalty is my main area of strength and they respect me for that and will not cross lines they are not meant to after someone attempted it a couple of weeeks back, so I think I am home and dry. I will go out of my way to make sure I never have to see his face again 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cat Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 It took seconds. Literally. Saw it and the penny dropped and I did not even allow myself one second to think what if. I just hit delete on autopilot and then empty spam. I may regret it one day but I think I would have regretted reading it more. I have moved on and past it and can not see the point in re opening old cuts when I know full well what he has to offer is not half of what I am worth. This is so awesome. I'm with the others. Not sure I'd be able at this point to delete without reading. If/when he does email I'm coming straight here to YOU for encouragement! Seriously you are an inspiration. YOu've been through so much hurt and chosed YOURSELF. My situation is similar--open relationship, met friends, etc, then back to her at the last second. It still hurts, 8 weeks after the end and 8 days full NC-- blocked emails, FB, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Hiya hippetyhop. My back story is I was not the classic OW. We had a full relationship for 18mnths openly with everyone including family, friends and children involved. He was 3 years seperated from his abusive wife who caused him to lose all of forementioned and caused him to have a major breakdown. I had known him for over 20 years. The day the decree nisi was due he ran home to her and is back in the cycle of abuse. He is not half the man I am worth and she is not half the woman I am so to me a perfect match I can make sure our paths do not cross, mutual friends know not to involve me in his life and not to tell him anything of mine. It has all been laid out crystal clear to everyone. I have cut his family off, not because I dislike them but because they are a part of my involvement with him. Everyone knows that loyalty is my main area of strength and they respect me for that and will not cross lines they are not meant to after someone attempted it a couple of weeeks back, so I think I am home and dry. I will go out of my way to make sure I never have to see his face again You are doing everything right. You are choosing yourself through your actions- not only your words. You don't just SAY you are worth more, you know it, and that is reflected in your actions. You are doing what you need to do to protect yourself, and handling this in smart way. By deleting that email, you aren't even allowing your emotions a chance to go there again, and that is awesome! OW- this is what I mean when I say that sometimes we have to babysit ourselves to keep us out of harms way. Sometimes our emotions are so involved that we don't make good choices for ourselves. Keeping NC and having strong boundaries gives you enough distance where you are not putting yourself in the position to make poor choices based on emotion. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maidai Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 (edited) This is so awesome. I'm with the others. Not sure I'd be able at this point to delete without reading. If/when he does email I'm coming straight here to YOU for encouragement! Seriously you are an inspiration. YOu've been through so much hurt and chosed YOURSELF. My situation is similar--open relationship, met friends, etc, then back to her at the last second. It still hurts, 8 weeks after the end and 8 days full NC-- blocked emails, FB, etc. Cat I went no contact the second I knew where he was. I have stayed NC and so has he till this point. I have had some veiled attempts from family to embroil me and find out where my head is at but I have closed down those avenue's also. It is simply choosing YOU! I think it was easier because knowing what the W was like I was able to proceed every single day with the *I* am happier than *YOU* mentality. I would not have swapped and been in his shoes for a million pound and was happy to continue walking forward in mine. I have kept busy with friends, made new friends, climbed the biggest mountain in Wales here in the UK, walked a walk to raise funds and have more planned. I have joined a crossfit class and trust me if I feel the desire to feel sorry for myself an hour there makes me feel sorry for myself for days because I am in agony after At least its a healthy pain. I have been asked out numerous times and said no because I dont feel I need to even bring anyone else onboard within my life at the moment. My son has also now moved into his own home so just me and the dogs, chilling of an evening, going to bed when I want etc. I just love everything about it. I have no one to answer to or please other than myself. If friends call and ask me if I want to go out if I have no other plans then I just say yes give me an hour and I will be with you. Just looking at my calendar now I dont have a day without something to do till the middle of next month! My life seems to have slotted together perfectly and I am happier and content than I have ever been. I suddenly realised he was the annoying last piece of a jigsaw that did not actually belong in that box Any love I had for him deminished the second he disrespected me and what I thought we had. Edited October 17, 2013 by maidai 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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