trust online

[pinaypie]

My online bf is from USA and I am from the Philippines, he is 43 and I am 29 yrs old. I posted my profile on a dating site but I was only looking for new friends who can speak Spanish and who are computer geeks. He messaged me telling me how much he likes to know about my culture, and admire what I wrote in my profile. I told him if he wants to know about it, I could tell him and if he wants to talk online he could add my chat nickname, which he did, and we started talking for hrs; morning my time and late afternoon my time.

 

He was very nice to talk to, he made me laugh a lot. He would send me love emails. He complimented me all the time, made me feel special. My personality is very friendly, I always meet new people wherever I go and I smile a lot.

 

He wanted me to be his gf, telling me that I am the one he is looking for,’his soulmate, his better half’, because everything he is looking for in a woman, I have them all.

 

In his love emails to me, he showed me his luxury car, saying ‘our car’, ‘our home’, he wasn’t my bf that time yet. I never asked him about his job, how much money he earns each month; he just told me himself. And also he kept saying that he would send for me money if I wanted to go to the US.

 

I was turn off about his showing me his car, or telling me that he earns big money each month. I was turn on with the way he talked to me, giving me advices because at that time, I was having problems. He was a very good counsellor.

 

My mother wanted me to go abroad because we are having financial problems. I didn’t want to because I will have to work for a job I am over qualified to do. I told him about it, he offered to help, telling me he didn’t want to lose me, he will send money for phone cards so we can communicate all the time, I told him, it will cost him but he told me, it is nothing for him.

 

After 12 days, I told him that I am falling for him, because he is the one I am looking for too, very romantic, caring, financially stable of course. I thought he was the answer to my prayer, because last yr, I applied for a US visa but this person run with my money about $2, 000.00, and she is nowhere to be found.

 

When he became my online bf, he kept telling me, he will send for me when I am ready to go to the US, I told him that it isn’t easy to go there; he said, he will come to see me and we’ll get married in my country. I said ok.

 

He researched about coming here, his work wont let him leave, so it will take time to come and see me, but he promised to come very soon; he just didn’t know when would that be.

 

I told him, I didnt want to go abroad, I will only wait for him, he said, ok, and I told him that I really need help here financially. I would have not asked about it if he didn’t offer before. He asked how much I need, I told him $300.00/month is fine with me since I am not spendy. He said, he will send $300.00/weekly, I told him that is too much, he said, he is earning big enough, he could afford to send.

 

A day after, he emailed telling me that I am a scam, he was a victim of a scam before and he will not ever send money to women he met online until he met her in person.

 

I emailed him back telling him that he was the one saying to send before and now that I asked for it, he said I am a scam. I told him to forget about sending that I will wait for him here, he said ok. We were ok.

 

We talked about me leaving for abroad, I told him I really don’t want to since I am so in love with him it’s difficult to communicate because there is no pc, no cellphone, and phone cards cost too much. He offered to send again,I told him, he didn’t have to, he kept repeating he will, I said ok, if you really want to help me, I will be so thankful. And I told him that if he promised, not to break it.

 

A day after that, he emailed me again, saying that I am a fake, that I am only for a visa, and his money. I emailed him that I am not, I told him he didn’t have to send, he was the one who kept saying he will send help for me. I asked him why he is breaking up, I already told him, he didn’t have to send help that I will still be his gf even without sending help.

 

He told me the truth why. That he pays too much bill each month, divorce paper is pending, attorney’s fee, etc. how could he afford, he could no longer have this kind of relationship with me because he is having financial problems.

 

I told him that I understand. I will wait for him still. He promised again he will come as soon as the divorce paper is done, after that, there would be no problem.

 

The first time we met, he told me; he’s been married 2 times, he only have 1 child from the last marriage, he was a drug addict and was about to die and alcoholic too, but now he has never done them for 20 yrs now. His parents divorced and his step dad abused them verbally and physically. His mom’s mouth is too much and his dad is ok and step mom was very nice to him.

 

When he was courting me, several days after I immediately took off my profile from the site where we met. He invited me to join in his network of friends in another site but I declined to do it. He told me he took off his profile and told me what’s the point in doing so.

 

When he accused me as scam, I thought I would never hear from him again, so I went to the site where we met and reactivated my profile. Few days after we were ok, I couldn’t remember my password, so I couldn’t log in to my account and delete it.

 

He saw my profile accusing me as being dishonest because my profile was still there, I explained to him why, he listened to me, and few days after I remember my password so I took my profile off and never went to the site again.

 

When my pal was at home, she wanted to try online dating, so I told her I knew a site where I found my online bf, so my pal created her profile and began searching. While searching, I saw my online bf’s profile still there, but I didn’t accuse him as being dishonest to me since I am very considerate person, I thought maybe he forgot his password too and couldn’t delete his account liked what happened to me, and he kept telling me he is always faithful, I believed him.

 

I spent hrs talking to him. I am not supposed to drink coffee but I do because we talked in the early morning my time, I couldn’t concentrate properly while sleepy. Ever since we became bf’s I never ever talked to my online pals, I spent hrs making him ecards, and never missed sending him everyday, at least 1-4 ecards a day, I made him poems too.

 

2 months ago, he told me; I do not love him, I cannot love him, I never cared for his feelings. I told him I spent hrs making ecards, spending hrs to talk to him even sleepy, spending lots for internet connections, telling me I am a fake again. When I told him those, he said I am manipulating him.

 

Sometimes, I am delayed to answer his IMs because I am very sleepy, he thought I wasn’t interested and also because I would miss asking how his day was, what he did. In my culture, most men would hate to be asked, so I didn’t ask, but it didn’t mean I don’t care about him. I asked him how he is all the time, but I kept missing asking about his day.

 

One time, he also asked me, what will I do later, I told him I am meeting a pal, he asked if it is a date, I said no, and I am eating free lunch, and it’s a girl pal.

 

He emailed later telling me, that I don’t love him, fake, etc. So I told him the truth who I met, I told him, I met this family friend who owes me money and I didn’t tell him because I was thinking he would asked if this person paid or not if she didn’t pay, he would offer money again, and I didn’t want to talk about money to him again because he used to tell me, he will help when he can, find another job;2 jobs so he could help me, send money each month or each week. I didn’t want him to do it because he would get tired, and I am fine here. He listened to me. We were ok again.

 

And also, several weeks ago, he told me ‘goodbye, look for another, leave me alone, you don’t love me, you cannot love me, etc”.I couldn’t believe he would tell me to find another if he really loves me. Some people told me that maybe he is having an affair, that he has found another. I told him why he doesn’t trust me, that we talked about trust before and I am committed to him, that I am faithful to him, I told him too that he is the reason why I didn’t live for abroad because I am waiting for him and how much I spent money already for our online talks, spending hrs talking even sleepy, that is the truth, he called me manipulative. I would send him links about trusts, trust yourself first before trusting others, he insulted me plenty of times, saying I am dishonest, etc, I never lied to him. I am a born again Christian and I read the Bible often and learn from it. He told me before about being afraid of losing me. I told him that I learned about no fear from him, why was he fearful about me, the links I sent is very helpful to save relationships especially long distance relationship, he judged me before listening to my side of story.

 

He said that I am a big liar, I never lied to him, I told him everything about me, I told him he is the liar because, he told me about his car, but it doesn’t exist anymore but he still showed me pics of it, I told him he doesn’t have enough money why would he offer, he never called it lying, he called it fate, I told him he said before he only have 1 child from the last marriage, but when I asked him again how many kids he has, he didn’t answer right away, it took him few minutes before saying he has a 14 yr old son from the first marriage, he made fun before telling me. Despite of them all, I forgave him even thought he never said sorry.

 

He told me that even before people say things to him, he already knew if there is a problem, that I am dishonest to him. He said he meditates a lot and learned about reading minds, he has a gift of reading minds. I told him what he thinks about me is wrong. He kept saying I am manipulative. He could feel about trouble even before it happens.

 

He didnt’t talk on chat when we had arguments, he would do it by email. So many accusations about me as a liar.

 

Few days after I emailed him how sorry I was about things I said that I still love him, we were ok after. But he was never sorry about his insulting words to me. I learned from reading that forget about past because it will hurt when you think about it.

 

He reminds it all the time. Few days after we were ok. He told me again, to find someone new, a lot better, who will love me completely. When the first time he told me to find another, I told him that he is the one who doesn’t love me because he wanted me to leave and I didn’t want to, so I told him I will look for someone who will love me completely.

He accused me again as a liar, ‘good bye’, I was so angry with his words, it was too much and was all untrue about me.

 

I decided to ask for my online pal to be friends with his girl pal from here, he told me about this girl too. At first I was jealous about her because she sent him naughty things and a thong, he told me about them too, he got upset when I told him that if he doesn’t stay home, don’t see me instead see his girl pal who lives near the international airport.

 

I told him not to see me in my place because he remembered what I told him about people would talk about us when he is here because he is of different race.

 

In my country I am always attractive to men here, I told him that I have never seen Americans marry a beautiful woman from here, most US men marry the ones who are unwanted by the guys here. He was hurt.

 

I told him, not all US men likes ugly girls from here, they don’t care about looks they care about attitude, but not all ugly women from here are faithful.

 

He was hurt, he said, my family would be humiliated if he comes here because people would talk about us. I told him, we don’t care about what people think. My family is fine, the accept you. He said, it is better to see each other another place.

 

 

So I told him, if he wont stay at home, better not come and see me and meet his girl pal instead.

 

He emailed, saying that I am the one unfaithful because I am accusing him that he is having an affair with this girl from my country. I said I was sorry. I was jealous. We were ok after.

 

 

I hardly ever get angry in my life, I don’t get upset easily with nasty remarks, and I am always forgiving, but that time I was so bad, I threatened him telling him I will show to people his emails and then they could tell who is untrustworthy between the 2 of us. He never replied to me, I also told him never ever emailed me again ever, but still he emailed me, saying despite of everything, he is sorry. So I emailed him that I was sorry too, I wanted him back, we were ok again.

 

Also I am attracted to him, I always love older men. And I like looking in his web cam. He only see my pics, no web cam and we just talk on phone weekly, sometimes he missed it. It was always fine with me.

 

When he said good bye and look for another who will love me completely, I was confused again. We just talked about commitments and few days after he told me again about looking for another.

 

So I asked my online pal to be friends with this girl, and this girl and he never had a relationship. He learned that I asked someone to talked to this girl because I told him that I never doubted he is unfaithful to me because I believed him yet he was always doubtful of my love for him.

 

This girl never got angry. He kept saying this girl is hurt, called me manipulative again. I asked forgiveness from this girl, she was ok with it. I would talked to this girl, she forwarded everything to him. he said he understood.

 

We were ok despite of what happened. I never like recalling the past, I want to learn from my mistakes. I was so sorry about everything.

 

Few days after, he couldn’t forget that I contacted his girl pal, that I broke his trust. I said sorry by the thousands already. Insulted me again as a liar, manipulative, etc.

 

I was so angry, I told him, lets see what his girl pal would think about him, I told him I will forward all the Ims we talked about this girl.

 

I did forward. This girl emailed him telling him she was hurt but she understood me, and that is just normal for a gf to know why her bf wanted her to look for another.she also told me that on her email.

 

This girl and I became pals. My ex excused me, I was thankful. He said he understood. When we were back again, I told him I don’t want to hear from this girl anymore or this guy pal who talked to her.

 

My ex didn’t say ok that I can be pals to this girl. This girl contacted me, we chatted. We became pals, talked about places.

He said he got an email from her. I told her this is girl is nice, that I told this girl if she wanted to go to my place she can stay at home and I will show her around She was hurt, but told him that it’s just a test about friendship.This girl excused me already and him. he couldn’t forget about it. This girl still wants him to be her pal yet he said good bye to her, not going to be pals to her anymore. She told me that too in her emails that she told him how much I love him and that to forgive me and my reaction was normal only, after all, I contacted her when my ex and I broke up.

 

He emailed me again that he is sending dark energy, I am a liar, low self esteem, manipulative, broke her trusts etc, that I said I never wanted to hear from this girl anymore, I never thought he wouldn’t like it since he didn’t say so.

 

I emailed him again saying how sorry I was, he never said he forgave me, but asking how I was doing. I emailed 4 times already, he didn’t say anything, I thought he forgot about me already.

 

3 days after He emailed saying that I am making him confused, accusing me again that I have found another, take care, good luck with him. I never did. I told him that I love him, he said he loves me too, we were ok after.

 

Every Monday I am expecting his call. Sunday I told him, I missed his voice, I will wait for his call. He never did, he said, he had a cold. I said I understand, he promised he will call his Monday, I waited, I sent IMs to him that I am waiting for his call, that I will go offline now, (I cannot be contacted while connecting to the internet), he never responded. When I went online again I told him I missed his voice, I said which one he prefers cell or landline, he said whichever is ok, I told him, cell is better so we can talk too online at the same time, he said ok, I waited to about 7 minutes, cell didn’t ring, I said maybe because of the weather, it is windy here, I said how about landline, he said ok, I waited for 30 mins, still no ring, I checked the phone right after I went offline, it was ok.. so I went online again, telling him I am waiting, sent plenty of IMs already and told him, I will go offline so he can contact, I waited for an hr already, so I went online again, for about 15 mins he IMed telling me the phone was busy I said it was not used right after I went offline right after I said bye, he didn’t say anthing instead sending emoticon that means ‘not talking’, I said, to him fine he didn’t want to call. He emailed right away telling me that the phone is busy that I am talking to other men. I wasn’t. I told him days before that I wanted to hear his voice that if he couldn’t contact he could have use the cell instead. He said I am a big liar again. I was online waiting for the cell to ring while talking to him online 7mins is too long to dial to reach me, that would take only few secs to dial and reach me even thousands of miles away.

 

He said he don’t like me that I am a liar. I told him that I am not lying, He used to tell me to look for another and I told him that, now I am telling him to find another. he sent me pics of women he wanted to be with. I told him he can have any women he wants, that is his choice, I cannot do any thing more if he doesn’t believe me, that everything I tell him is a lie to him. He would say he believes me but keeps accusing me as dishonest.

 

When he accused me of being dishonest, he would say that he doesn’t love me anymore, very fast to forget about me, that I was only a joke to him that he is actually dating someone while playing with my heart that he will face 5 yrs in jail for scam. But I told him that I don’t want to recall the past hurts I will only recall our good times together and smile too. He said if I wanted to he could show me pics of his gf. Before he told me that he is actually engaged to this girl from here and they are getting married next yr. But that isn’t true.

 

He would also tell me that he will write a book, but when I asked an American pal to read one of his emails he couldn’t believe his first language is English because his grammar are always incorrect and lots of misspelled words too. He would change the topic when I asked him when he is coming.

 

He would tell me that to have patience, I doubted him before of coming, he asked if I doubt I said sometimes, he said what energy I am sending him is negative. I stopped doubting after that. He got angry right away.

 

I would always searched about trust in a relationship and would sent him helpful links. He would call me manipulative. He never trusted me, everything I told him is a lie, that is not true, I was always true to him. he even told me I need help.

 

What was wrong with me. I am always forgiving and I don’t have enemies here, when I am insulted, I don’t fight back, I ignore them. I am always admired by a lot of people. I am a very good person, I follow what the Bible says.

 

What is wrong with this person?, what do you call a person like him? what was wrong with me?

[Merin]

Sorry.. but I couldn't get through your entire thread..

 

From what I did read and the rest I scanned through.. I saw a few words used A LOT in your thread..

 

MONEY

COST

LIAR

MANIPULATION

DISHONESTY

 

I'm sorry.. but regardless if you were or are having an "Online romance" at this point that is really all there was to it.. you don't know anything about this guy except what he tells you, and he knows nothing of you.. except what you tell him..

 

IMO asking a guy you've never met, never spent time with for financial support isn't okay. Even if he did tell you he has the money blah blah.. You don't know him.. really.

 

Keep things in perspective.

[Naive]

Originally posted by Merin

Sorry.. but I couldn't get through your entire thread..

 

From what I did read and the rest I scanned through.. I saw a few words used A LOT in your thread..

 

OMG you took this right out of my mouth!!!!!!! Anyways, I picked up the same thing. All I can though is "be careful" and "money does not mean happiness".

[morrigan]

Pinaypie, be cautious anytime you meet someone online. Whether you had feelings for this man or believed he could assist you in improving your life, you didn't know him in actuality. All you knew of him is what he told you.

 

Who knows about his finances? Someone wanting to impress women isn't going to say that they are dirt poor and live in a shanty. What's troubling is that the man claims to have two failed marriages, going through a messy divorce, and he's ready to be in love/marry a woman he has never met. He also sounds rather domineering. Would you really want to put yourself in a situation, far away from any family or friends, with a man who could be potentially abusive? Be careful.

[Barby]

Damn it girls, now what I am I suppossed to say j/k I too think you were way out of line in asking him for help. He did offer to help and after the first time of him saying you were a scam you should have left it alone...never asked or accepted again.

 

You're very much younger than him and for you to be having financial problems at home sounds to me like you were looking for a way out financially...

 

Was it like a mail-order bride service or something? And someone stole your 2000.00? Come on that sounds fishy to me as well..(but I know it could happen).

 

I agree that he probably lied about his financial situation..it's clear that if he could have helped you then he probably would have done it by now...but none the less it isn't his place to do so...

[HokeyReligions]

What was wrong with me. I am always forgiving and I don’t have enemies here, when I am insulted, I don’t fight back, I ignore them. I am always admired by a lot of people. I am a very good person, I follow what the Bible says.

 

What is wrong with this person?, what do you call a person like him? what was wrong with me?

 

There is nothing wrong with you. You sound like a caring and trusting person and I think those qualities are wonderful. Sadly, more people can take advantage of you and hurt you.

 

This online guy is a loser. He has problems -- don't get caught up in his problems, just let him go. Block him so he can't email you anymore and move on with your life.

[gwennebe]

I agree he is a loser! He seems to be looking for someone nice as yourself to take advantage of. For all you know he could be in prison!! I wouldn't trust him and I would block him from contacting you. Heck I struggle for money too and barely make ends meet but there is no way in He&& I would take money from a man.

 

The last guy I went out with that bragged about how much money he made actually made the comment to me that I should be glad I found him so now he could take care of me. I immediately left the table (we were at dinner) and never talked to him again. To me that just isn't love.