The W found out

[What Will Be]

Most likely.

 

With a bit of idealistic fantasy...

 

*sigh*

[Eggplant]

He wants to ask her what she thinks about an open R. He could tell I didn't like the idea, but I said that I was certain I'd be more open to the idea more so than she (after all, isn't that what the OW is already dealing with?). He wishes I could move in with THEM! So, I joked about the sister wife thing. He said he'd have to get a larger bed (rather than me sleeping in a separate room). I told him that would mean she and I would be sleeping together while he was at work. All good with him as long as there is no one else in the mix.

He wants both of you. Not you. Not her. He was you both at once.

[JamesM]

 

He told me he loves both of us and that is what he is grappling with.

 

His friends know about me, he's told his friends he loves me

 

He was going to talk to his son's about renting a place together as he believed moving in with me would complicate his D -

 

Then again, I didn't ask specifically if he told her he loves me. He did say she kept asking why he didn't love her anymore and that he didn't respond.

 

At the beginning, you implied that he loved you and not her.

 

Now you say he loves both of you and wants an open marriage.

 

What do you make of this? Is this what you expected from him if this occurred? Didn't you expect him to divorce her?

 

Are you as confused as I am?

[What Will Be]

My MM told me tonight he couldn't hurt me anymore and had to stay because of his 12 yo. Reasonable. Doesn't want me to wait, but hopes we are both in a place where we can get back together when she's 18. Ok, no prob there. No guarantees though. We're ok.

 

THEN He goes to drop me off at my car. Wife comes rip roaring in behind us (neither could have pulled out). He tells me to get out and get in my car. I stepped out, closed his door and was plowed down (she's 300 I'm 120).

 

Fun times.

 

He stepped in. Told her at that point he loved us both. That went over real well as you can imagine!

 

She was livid over him looking out for my safety.

 

Yes, he still went home with her.

 

I messaged him to basically grow some balls and pack a bag.

 

Is it only me, or does anyone else deal with this drama? *smh*

[ComingInHot]

I personally don't ask for that kind of drama by not putting myself in that situation ie; A.

My advice... Do NOT see him again until he shows you completed, Signed D papers.

 

...but even then...?

[Lessons]

My MM told me tonight he couldn't hurt me anymore and had to stay because of his 12 yo. Reasonable. Doesn't want me to wait, but hopes we are both in a place where we can get back together when she's 18. Ok, no prob there. No guarantees though. We're ok.

 

THEN He goes to drop me off at my car. Wife comes rip roaring in behind us (neither could have pulled out). He tells me to get out and get in my car. I stepped out, closed his door and was plowed down (she's 300 I'm 120).

 

Fun times.

 

He stepped in. Told her at that point he loved us both. That went over real well as you can imagine!

 

She was livid over him looking out for my safety.

 

Yes, he still went home with her.

 

I messaged him to basically grow some balls and pack a bag.

 

Is it only me, or does anyone else deal with this drama? *smh*

 

 

He was NOT looking out for your safety - when he told you to get out of the car, he might as well have been throwing you to a hungry lion. Knowing how angry BS was, if MM cared about you at all he would have told you to STAY in the car while he dealt with her himself!

 

MM has made himself clear - your relationship is NOT his priority. He has made his choice . . . and now you need to try to reclaim your dignity, walk away, and get on with your life. In six years, he will have another excuse not to leave, so please don't imagine that you have a "someday" with him.

 

I know it is difficult to be objective when you are in the affair fog. . . I suggest you copy and paste your posts into a Word document, replace all of the "I/me/my" references with the name of your closest girlfriend or sister, and then reread them. What would you advise HER to do in her situation?

 

Time to exit stage left - this show is over. All the best to you.

 

And no, to answer your actual question - I don't deal with this kind of drama. Nor would I ever . . . no man is worth this kind of self-torture!

 

I hope you can see that you deserve SO much more than him!

Edited October 20, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[Snipercatt]

I messaged him to basically grow some balls and pack a bag.

 

Really? If he'd wanted to do that he would have.

[goodyblue]

Jesus Christ.

 

You've got to get out of this mess. I NEVER dealt with this kind of drama. What happened is scary and you need to just step away.

 

I know you love him, but it is NOT worth all of this. You know dang well that you don't want an open relationship. If he loves her, then he can't give himself fully to you and that is not what you want.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but he is being a right sh*t. Don't put up with it. You deserve better.

[threelaurels]

He wants to ask her what she thinks about an open R. He could tell I didn't like the idea, but I said that I was certain I'd be more open to the idea more so than she (after all, isn't that what the OW is already dealing with?). He wishes I could move in with THEM! So, I joked about the sister wife thing. He said he'd have to get a larger bed (rather than me sleeping in a separate room). I told him that would mean she and I would be sleeping together while he was at work. All good with him as long as there is no one else in the mix.

 

I realize he was partially joking around with you here, but this is probably one of those most true things he has said about the situation to you. It says a lot about his frame of mind right now.

 

He wants both of you. Your feelings and his BW's feelings about the matter are largely irrelevant. Neither of you are happy with the situation and he knows it, but he wants to draw out his time with both of you as long as he can because it's satisfying his needs. He only cares about himself here. He loves both of you, but he doesn't respect either one of you very much.

 

He's LOVING this. You and his wife hanging on for a decision he will never make. This is the very essence of most MM. They won't make a decision to change the situation because they are getting their cake and eating it, too.

 

This. He has two women vying for his love, attention, and affection right now. If that's not an ego booster, I don't know what is. He's playing both of you not only because he doesn't want to make a decision but also because he's loving the competition between you two.

 

THEN He goes to drop me off at my car. Wife comes rip roaring in behind us (neither could have pulled out). He tells me to get out and get in my car. I stepped out, closed his door and was plowed down (she's 300 I'm 120).

 

What do you mean by "plowed down"? Did she just corner you, or was she physical with you?

 

He was NOT looking out for your safety - when he told you to get out of the car, he might as well have been throwing you to a hungry lion. Knowing how angry BS was, if MM cared about you at all he would have told you to STAY in the car while he dealt with her himself!

 

I agree. It sounds like he literally threw you under the bus here. No part of this was done for your own personal protection.

 

You've got to get out of this mess. I NEVER dealt with this kind of drama. What happened is scary and you need to just step away.

 

I know you love him, but it is NOT worth all of this. You know dang well that you don't want an open relationship. If he loves her, then he can't give himself fully to you and that is not what you want.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but he is being a right sh*t. Don't put up with it. You deserve better.

 

I agree here too. If you are so desperate to keep him in your life that you are willing to consider being in an open relationship that you don't want, you need to see a therapist for these self-esteem issues. Somewhere out there is a man who is willing to give you 100% of himself without you having to compromise your own desires and boundaries to be with him. Why are you wasting time on this loser instead of trying to find a man who will love, respect, and treat you the way you deserve to be treated?

[goodyblue]

I personally don't ask for that kind of drama by not putting myself in that situation ie; A.

My advice... Do NOT see him again until he shows you completed, Signed D papers.

 

...but even then...?

 

My vote is 'not even then'.

[What Will Be]

We're done. This thread is closed.

 

 

Thanks to all of you. I appreciate the support, the advice and listening.

 

Love is not supposed to hurt...

[Lessons]

WWB,

 

I'm sorry you're in pain - I and many others in this forum can empathize because we have been there, too. Know that it gets easier - time and distance are great healers - and someday soon you will begin to understand the "Lessons" that come with such an experience. I'm learning mine with the help of IC.

 

Wishing you strength and peace as you begin to heal. NC is your friend.

[JamesM]

We're done. This thread is closed.

 

 

Thanks to all of you. I appreciate the support, the advice and listening.

 

Love is not supposed to hurt...

 

I hope some of this helped.

 

NO, love is NOT supposed to hurt, but even for us married folks (as you also know), it does even when in a committed relationship.

 

I feel bad for you that you have endured all of this pain for a man who seems not to understand how valuable you are.

 

I wish you the best, and please keep us updated.