D-day

[peaksandvalleys]

People aren't proffesional counsellors. But good to know you are doing the counselling thing. I have been confused about your kids ages because Of how you sometimes talk about them that i thought at least one is at home/underaged.

 

 

I have never given their ages. I just said they were on their own and doing pretty well.

[keesy14]

Unless I missed something, I don't really see anything wrong with what the OP did or is planning to do. Yes, she is hell bent on revenge but so far, all she has done was serve her H divorce papers and inform OW's BH. Everything else that happened was caused by OW and OP's husband. The OW was the one who showed up at the restaurant unannounced while OP was with her daughter.

OW and WS are actually being more dramatic than OP.

[HopingAgain]

In all things, consider the source. PV, if you look at the posters who are attempting to convince you that you are unglued or reducing you to a possible Lifetime movie Cariacture, you will find that they are all OW and WSs. So yeah, that lot is not going to be happy about any BS standing up for themselves and not taking crap lying down. At all!

[peaksandvalleys]

In all things, consider the source. PV, if you look at the posters who are attempting to convince you that you are unglues or reducing you to a possible Lifetime movie Cariacture, you will find that they are all OW and WSs. So yeah, that lot is not going to be happy about any BS standing up for themselves and not taking crap lying down. At all!

 

 

I did recognize that after I looked up posting histories. They have voiced their concerns and they have been noted.

[peaksandvalleys]

Nothing I have said has anything to do with me being a WS. But if people on here wish to dismiss my concerns or belittle me simply because I screwed up and was honest on here about that then more power to you.

 

 

You aren't the one who called me crazy, unhinged, bipolar or ted bundy.

[2.50 a gallon]

p&v

 

Although I know you don't care, you have my full support.

 

Sometimes for some of us the situation we are put in, the taking the high road just does do it, when we can kick some shins.

 

Who cares what they think?

[jlola]

Dr. Phil has a book called "Life Codes". In it he describes toxic people to avoid. He calls them BAITERS . Know who BAITERS are and ignore them1

 

 

Detect a BAITER by noticing these telling characteristics:Identify the BAITERs

 

(Backstabbers, Abusers, Imposters, Takers, Exploiters and/or Reckless people)

Edited October 28, 2013 by jlola

[jlola]

On a lighter note:)

 

[ChooseTruth]

Hey there, I haven't posted in this thread yet because I saw someone who was totally taking control and had zero questions.

 

I'm guessing you are here just to vent?

 

My main question is: Is there anything you need from us other than the supportive "AMEN! OMG YOU ARE BADASS!"

 

I'll give my unsolicited opinion (since everyone else is ^^) that I do like to see families stay together but if you are done you are done and noone can blame you for leaving a cheater. Power to you!

 

Do take care of yourself, because the stages are (as everyone knows)

 

Denial

Anger

Grief

Acceptance.

 

Anger is driving you right now, and that's fine. When you have done everything you can and the dust starts to settle, you might find yourself in terrible grief. If that happens, just remember to take care of yourself, and we'll still be here as well.

[almond]

Yes Peaks is angry - who wouldn't be? She wants them to suffer the full consequences of her actions, and she has consulted with professionals to ensure that she is going about this in a legal, legitimate way. I cannot see the problem?

 

She has blocked their phone calls - she is not engaging. She has respectfully met with the BH. She has not inflamed the situation out of emotion or engaged in any personal attacks.

 

She is merely executing her legal rights to ensure that she comes out of this betrayal as best as she can. Sure, she would also like them to pay for their actions, and rightfully so. But I feel that this is almost secondary...first and foremost, she is acting out of pride and self-respect - she is reacting to immense hurt and betrayal, and is doing so in the best possible way.

 

The OW is being investigated in her workplace because of something that was dug up in the investigation - Peaks did not even care enough to find out the details of this. It is secondary. She is hardly hell-bent on revenge. She is hell-bent on maintaining her independence and integrity, and not letting these two arseholes walk all over her any more than they already have.

 

It's time for Peaks and her husband to separate, and she is strong in her resolve. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her doing what she has been - she is going through the correct avenues, and showing much maturity and strength along the way. Her words might display her hurt and (very understandable) anger, but her actions are of a woman who is clever and calculated in the midst of a crisis.

 

Go for it lovey - keep doing what you're doing. You're strong and you are now proving this to yourself, your children, and your POS husband. Not only are you setting a good example for those around you, but for anyone that happens to find themselves in a similar situation and stumbles across this thread.

 

Two thumbs up from me.

[jlola]

I see support and compassion coming from most. The hate is coming from the BAITERS who think consequences and actions for disrespectful acts are mean. Even if they are well thought out and logical. and within the law. By the way, anger is part of the healing process.

 

BAITERS love spineless doormats . People who give consequences are accused of being crazy, to make BAITERS feel better. I wish my mother took P&V's approach. I am a compassionate person. Being a Libra, I weigh everything out and am more than fair and logical. But people who F**K with me are always surprised that I can give back just as good! They mistake kindness for weakness and get all bent out of shape when reality hits.

 

Have you ever watched a mafia movie or seen people in jail talking about snitches. They can dish it out, They can backstab,lie,steal,manipulate. That is ok, . But when someone retaliates and does not play the doormat, they get good and angry.

 

All of the sudden, the victim becomes the bad guy who needs to be dealt with. Or rumors are spread the victim is crazy. Good criminal defense tactic. The victim is supposed to take the high road and forget all that is done to them. It's all about ME! My feelings,my wants,my needs. YOU(the abused) cannot have feelings or act in any way other than what they(the abusers) think you should. You cannot have a voice.

 

I was raised by one of these people. Amazing how they can twist things.

[almond]

What good would it do to point it out? Nobody here will listen. You're all cheering her on because you were to chicken to do this for yourselves. I am not denying or minimizing her feelings. I'm just worried at how this could escalate. Not you people. You can't wait. Pathetic.

 

This poor woman needs to speak to a professional post haste. Not YOU people who are angry, bitter and helpless.

 

I'll just sit back and watch the news and when I read of this disaster, you can blame yourselves.

 

Carry on.

 

Lol, on the news? Talk about a flair for the dramatic!

 

You continually state that the OP is "unbalanced" and needs professional help immediately. You even liken her cool exterior (while typing, on a forum) to Ted Bundy.

 

Yet, when asked to specifically point out what the OP has typed that allows you to come to such conclusions, you simply state that there is no point outlining it and backing up your unfounded claims, because no one will listen.

 

Why post in this thread at all then?

 

If you go around spewing claims about someone's mental stability, be prepared to back them up when asked to. If you refuse to do this, then your posts are nothing more than a waste of space.

[threelaurels]

You aren't the one who called me crazy, unhinged, bipolar or ted bundy.

 

The whole Ted Bundy thing is riddiculously offensive. I used to live two blocks away from where Bundy killed one of his victims, and I grew up hearing those stories. Comparing OP to a serial killer, seriously?

Edited October 28, 2013 by threelaurels

[almond]

The whole Ted Bundy thing is riddiculously offensive. I used to live two blocks away from where Bundy killed two of his victims, and I grew up hearing those stories. Comparing OP to a serial killer, seriously?

 

The Bipolar reference is also very offensive, and laughably inaccurate. Not to mention "crazy" and "unhinged."

 

The poster that is saying these things is hardly doing so out of logic. I think we can all agree that it's best to just ignore them from this point on, so as not to allow them to derail Peak's thread

[Solcita2]

I'm confused... I don't know what happened in the last couple of days I was not around... I just want to say I admire you OP... I'm your fan... don't understand where all the bitchy is coming from...

We have a saying in spanish (which I translate) that says "to stupid words, deaft hears"...

 

You are a strong woman who knows what she wants, don't settle for less and keep walking towards what YOU want...

[unicorn farts]

Good grief. If someone can read your story and come away from it thinking you are some kind of deranged affair avenger, peaks, I think it says a lot more about THEIR mental state than YOURS.

 

1. Peaks discovered the affair.

2. Instead of confronting WH in tears and allowing him to deny and trickletruth, she gathered evidence.

3. SHE decided what SHE wanted to do in HER marriage without her WH groveling and gaslighting and begging for a chance. She decided she wanted out.

4. Peaks arranged to get evidence to BH so that he could learn the truth about his own marriage.

5. Peaks chose to surprise WH with her knowledge and decision. Let's get real, she did deserve to have this small bit of "revenge".

6. ALL the pain that WH and OW are going through right now (besides that small, tiny revenge!) is of THEIR OWN MAKING.

7. Peaks is now doing NOTHING but remaining firm in her decision and proceeding towards the divorce and selling of the business. Is this the action of a madwoman?

 

Peaks is not seeking out communication with either one of them. She is, in fact, not taking calls from deranged OW. She is not interested in speaking to her WH. She is not abusing them. All that she is doing (and what people are apparently finding so offensive) is staying firm in her decision to leave the marriage.

 

I guess a BW insisting on divorce is just too much for some people to handle. Poor MM was nobly staying for 'finances'. He and OW are the victims here, all they did was fall in love. BW should have allowed him to sweet talk her into giving him another chance so he and OW could carry on their fantasy life...

[goodyblue]

Good grief. If someone can read your story and come away from it thinking you are some kind of deranged affair avenger, peaks, I think it says a lot more about THEIR mental state than YOURS.

 

1. Peaks discovered the affair.

2. Instead of confronting WH in tears and allowing him to deny and trickletruth, she gathered evidence.

3. SHE decided what SHE wanted to do in HER marriage without her WH groveling and gaslighting and begging for a chance. She decided she wanted out.

4. Peaks arranged to get evidence to BH so that he could learn the truth about his own marriage.

5. Peaks chose to surprise WH with her knowledge and decision. Let's get real, she did deserve to have this small bit of "revenge".

6. ALL the pain that WH and OW are going through right now (besides that small, tiny revenge!) is of THEIR OWN MAKING.

7. Peaks is now doing NOTHING but remaining firm in her decision and proceeding towards the divorce and selling of the business. Is this the action of a madwoman?

 

Peaks is not seeking out communication with either one of them. She is, in fact, not taking calls from deranged OW. She is not interested in speaking to her WH. She is not abusing them. All that she is doing (and what people are apparently finding so offensive) is staying firm in her decision to leave the marriage.

 

I guess a BW insisting on divorce is just too much for some people to handle. Poor MM was nobly staying for 'finances'. He and OW are the victims here, all they did was fall in love. BW should have allowed him to sweet talk her into giving him another chance so he and OW could carry on their fantasy life...

 

Derrr.... I never said anything about not divorcing, or even the MM and OW being responsible for their actions. I'm just worried about the OP's state. The anger, the things she talks about. You can take it out on me all you like, but I'm not wrong. I'll just wait for the news blurb. I'm bowing out of this disaster waiting to happen. I am disappointed in anyone who tells her revenge is okay, that carrying a gun is okay when she is clearly distraught, that meeting OW when she is not thinking clearly. I am completely in favor of supporting her in her time of need, but that means supporting her emotions, not her decisions to do things that could turn out badly. Scary business.

[Got it]

Okay, I am going to post my two cents as a very much acknowledged WS/OW.

 

In regards to Peak's actions, while I worry about the mental strain of all of this and a break down moment for her when the present drama subsides, I do not think she has been . . . . inappropriate (for lack of a better word) with her actions.

 

I recognize that anything is fair in love and war and outside of anything illegal it is all fair when the affair is discovered. I knew that as a WS/OW. I too am a pretty logical and analytical person and suspect I would behave some what similar if I was in her shoes.

 

If this were to continue on for weeks/months on end, if Peak starts to look stuck then that would be a concern. I agree there is a disconnect in her tone but I think that is survival speaking and the sheer emotional impact will follow soon. There may be a bit of compartmentalization to get task completed but we all deal with trauma differently.

 

I have said that an affair is russian roulette so at some point the chamber won't be empty. The best thing that her WS and the OW can do is hunker down, start looking at their legal rights and plan accordingly. Now is not the time to rail against any injustice or disagreement about what is happening, that horse left the barn awhile ago. Now you figure out what the current landscape looks like and if you didn't plan accordingly already for the worst case scenario you better start doing so now.So shut up, stop reacting, and start thinking.

 

It is every man and woman for themselves at this point.

[cozycottagelg]

How were the interactions with your ws and kids this weekend?

 

I'm more interested in your day to day life than listening to you have to defend yourself to people who think you wave a gun around all day

[road]

We are clear that I am talking to people right? I have friends, family and legal advice. My children are young adults who are out of the house and they will decide if they need counseling no matter how many times I might suggest it. As I stated before WS wants to go to counseling and my lawyer said that it would look good. I listen to his advice as he hasn't led me wrong and been very honest with me.

 

 

If a WS is not in NC with their AP going to counseling is a waste of money and time.

[road]

Nothing I have said has anything to do with me being a WS. But if people on here wish to dismiss my concerns or belittle me simply because I screwed up and was honest on here about that then more power to you.

 

There are WW's and there are FWW's.

 

The F stands for FORMER.

 

The unrepentant WW's only promote their unmoral decisions to have an affair as being justified.

 

So to see if a WW's comments hold value on here one must be able to read in between the lines and she what there motivation for posting on LS are.

 

Many WW's have come here and are repentant. Many come here and want to end their affairs and need the support to do it. They get and take the support end their affairs. They become a FWW. They are making atonements for what the damage they have done.

[road]

Okay, I am going to post my two cents as a very much acknowledged WS/OW.

 

 

You are morally bankrupt. You do not have two cents to put in. No one is perfect. Though to be proud of transgressions against innocent persons is nothing to be proud of.

 

 

I have said that an affair is russian roulette so at some point the chamber won't be empty. The best thing that her WS and the OW can do is hunker down, start looking at their legal rights and plan accordingly.

 

 

Legal rights. There are no legal rights to address. This BS is not doing anything wrong.

[Got it]

Okay, I am going to post my two cents as a very much acknowledged WS/OW.

 

 

You are morally bankrupt. You do not have two cents to put in. No one is perfect. Though to be proud of transgressions against innocent persons is nothing to be proud of.

 

 

I have said that an affair is russian roulette so at some point the chamber won't be empty. The best thing that her WS and the OW can do is hunker down, start looking at their legal rights and plan accordingly.

 

 

Legal rights. There are no legal rights to address. This BS is not doing anything wrong.

 

Road, reading comprehension is an amazing thing.

[rumbleseat]

I find it interesting that some seem to have such a problem with the path the OP has chosen and the actions she is taking.

 

If the roles were reversed, and she was a married man divorcing his bs to be with his ow, I have a feeling that they'd be in full support if he did the things the OP is doing. They'd be telling the ow that the BS was "stalking' her if she came up to her is a restaurant and confronted her. they'd be trumpeted the idea that she needed to get a peace bond from the legal system, that the bs was dangerous, that the mm was only standing up for his rights as a man to keep what is rightfully his.

 

Funny how, when the tables are turned, and the bs doesn't just "go quietly into that good night", she's somehow in the middle of a breakdown.

 

The OP is merely taking back control of her life, and it is a good lesson for all bs, whether they divorce or reconcile.

 

When it comes to carrying a gun, well,, I have to say that I;m not in favor of guns, but given what she has been through, and the fact that she doesn't know about the mental stability of the ow, I can see how it could bring her peace of mind to know that she has the option to do so if she feels she needs to. Of course, she may not ever do it, but the option is open to her, and to do it legally.

Edited October 28, 2013 by rumbleseat

[sweet_pea]

Side note, but I find it surprising the name calling being done by a few. Wasn't there a thread on the OW not too long ago admonishing name calling (which I agree with, it shouldn't be done)? So why is it ok here? Why is it ok to call Peaks things like crazy/crazed , freakin' Ted Bundy, to call other posters pathetic and a slew of other names?