D-day

[Furious]

See there we go twisting words... You people are unbelievable when someone disagrees. I think I made it pretty clear I don't disagree with most her actions. I just am not the type of person who finds pleasure in other people's pain, no matter how well deserved.

 

Her H was disgusting. And now he is losing everything except for maybe a crazY MOW (oh yay!). And now he has to face his family, friends, and children hating him. Financial ruin and life of regrets. And he has only himself to blame. So sue me if I don't find that exciting or enjoyable.

 

 

It seems you are projecting and accusatory to those who are supporting P&V in this difficult time she is going through.

[yellowmaverick]

Where did I say elswise... In fact I said that Very thing.

 

I am not talking about the OP per say (though the way she handed him the divorce papers is an example of what I personally do not enjoy) but rather the people on here who actually are enjoying his demise.

 

I don't see that anyone has enjoyed his demise, although I don't feel empathy for him and his mistress either. Some of us are applauding her strength and her ability to focus on doing what is best for her right now. I applaud the fact that she did not just roll over.

 

The fact is, when people are treated like sh*t, are betrayed and lied to, they have two choices - they can be a cowering, sniveling doormat (yeah, I am ashamed to say I was there for a couple of days), or they can fight back and regain their lives, ON THEIR OWN TERMS.

 

Good for PV for choosing the latter. She is going to be just fine.

[jlola]

Where did I say elswise... In fact I said that Very thing.

 

I am not talking about the OP per say (though the way she handed him the divorce papers is an example of what I personally do not enjoy) but rather the people on here who actually are enjoying his demise.

 

He created the situation. It is like telling the public we should not be happy the killer(this man is an emotional killer) is going to prison and we are bad since we are enjoying his demise.Everyone should have consequences. why is that considered someone's demise?

 

We are not enjoying demise. We are saying the way she handled the situation well and instead of internalizing and being a blubbering mess,she pulled the rug out from under him.

 

WS and OW created this whole mess. Just like a thief,a dealer or a murderer creates his own mess. Had both WS and MOW been so unhappy, they could have divorced and avoided this mess. Now there may be a child involved and a sexually transmitted disease. But..... WS is victim?

[2sure]

As a person, not as a WS, I will never take delight in a person being purposefuly set up to experience the greatest amount of pain possible.

 

I totally get what you're saying. I questioned my own behavior after the fact for quite some time...because I had to, hurting anyone literally hurts me. And that includes my X, who was truly horrendous to me. I was angry yes, but vengefulness...it's just not something that motivates me to action.

 

It was something different. Ahhhh, I cant explain it but...it sort of felt like I needed to do it to show myself that I was not as broken as I felt, not his unwilling victim, not someone's whose life you could trash or toy with.

 

I know that I was very cold during the final processes and it must have seemed that I had hate and bitterness for my X. But you know, it just wasn't really about him.

[Furious]

This is very true... But there are a lot of people in this world who enjoy seeing someone suffer. Not just the justice part. People who enjoy seeing revenge. I am just not one of those people.

 

 

Is regaining your life and reality "revenge"?

[velvette]

Falling in love with someone else is NOT to hurt the BS, it is not a positive intentional act. It is human.

 

UNLESS you have actually done that, you have no idea, like explaining what colour looks like to a blind person.

 

PV you are going through some sht and it is a process, acknowledge it before it destroys you. Anger, grief, denial etc.

 

I understand your anger, i really do. If you were not angry i would be worried.

 

What a load of crap. Every human act is positively intentional unless you are mentally ill. There are a million inappropriate actions you have to take to fall in love with someone who is not your spouse.

 

Just because you are able to shut down or ignore the thought process it takes to cheat doesn't mean its not there. Disregarding it is just as intentional. Its usually the mo of people who shirk personal responsibility for their actions.

[2sure]

I agree with the mob mentality.

 

Im one of those people that has to inject humor into even the darkest parts of life, it's how I cope, balance, and communicate.

 

I know that as much as some BS and OW might be enjoying PV's play by play....

This is her life, her process, and make no mistake IT HURTS LIKE HELL.

 

I stayed away from the thread initially because it was too painful for me to read.

[velvette]

See there we go twisting words... You people are unbelievable when someone disagrees. I think I made it pretty clear I don't disagree with most her actions. I just am not the type of person who finds pleasure in other people's pain, no matter how well deserved.

 

Her H was disgusting. And now he is losing everything except for maybe a crazY MOW (oh yay!). And now he has to face his family, friends, and children hating him. Financial ruin and life of regrets. And he has only himself to blame. So sue me if I don't find that exciting or enjoyable.

 

Financial ruin? Maybe some temporary financial difficulty, but reading between the lines and knowing the money Peaks is spending, I'm guessing there are a fair amount of assets that are going to be divided. That's hardly financial ruin. Normal result of a divorce.

 

Yes, apparently he will be needing a job as the business which Peaks funded for him and is majority owner will be sold. Oh well, I guess he should have thought of that. Not like he didn't know she could sell it and as I recall he has the option to raise cash somewhere else to buy her out.

 

What should she do? Keep funding his employment after she divorces him?

[yellowmaverick]

Ever heard of mob mentality? It is a real thing. And I am pretty sure each individual in the mob thinks they are only seeking justice.

 

Well is is the INFIDELITY forum, where there is likely to be more support for the person who was screwed over than the people who did the screwing!!

 

BTW, from PV's perspective (and SHE is the one seeking support), I am sure she views a "mob mentality" in the attacks and name-calling from a certain faction.

[Furious]

There is a difference between supporting someone and drooling over revenge. If you are only supporting why then did my statement anger you? Besides that I neger said it was wrong to take delight in revenge. I just said for me, it isn't in my personality. Me, I.

 

The comment was made because so many seem to think if you aren't clapping your hands over each step you must be somehow supporting or on the ws side.

 

Wrong.

 

You may just see the whole thing as sad but necessary.

 

I was not angered in any way...if anything Coolit I think you're a good person and wish the best for you.

 

We may have a difference of opinion but we can agree to disagree.

 

I really don't think P&V has done anything horrible or crazy or out of control. I think she is being misjudged by some and it's sad that those who are supportive of her are being called an angry vengeful mob who are enjoying her situation.

[Cali408]

If you go to any of Peaks original posts, you see the evolution of someone who knows her marriage is lousy and trying to figure out why.

 

She is now in anger mode. I don't blame her for being angry and wanting a scorched earth approach. She is not taking glee in it. Do you really think she is happy going through this? It's her way of coping.

 

Why should she take it easy on someone who had so little respect for her that she slept with her husband?

 

As a WS, i don't blame any BS for being BS. The OW is mad because her little fantasy is destroyed.

[jlola]

Oh there are plenty of people who are thoroughly enjoying this. And not just her taking "control"... Obviously people are or my saying I personaly don't find pleasure in it wouldn't upset so many people and make them twist my words and then somehow I am saying I wish he didn't suffer any consequences.

 

Sorry I mentioned my own pov. I didn't realize things could be so twisted back to me being a ws once again.

 

Ever heard of mob mentality? It is a real thing. And I am pretty sure each individual in the mob thinks they are only seeking justice.

 

 

What mob mentality? Has she hit him? No! was there a riot? no! Has she put a hit on him? No! Has she stalked him? no!

 

Do you think it is a mob mentality if a child stole, parents gave him tough consequences(nothing phsyical) and a majority of other parents agreed? Can people not agree on logical consequences without having mob mentality? Right is right and wrong is wrong. many understand this and think this way.

[jlola]

The mob mentality was used to show that people can think they are merely upholding justice when what they are really delighting in is revenge. Still no one really bothers to read my posts so why try? Obviously because I am not one to enjoy revenge (i am talking unnecessary actions here) I must be on te ws side.

 

Loveshack can be very much a mob mentality. People read and misread posts depending on their stance. Head over to the ow/om forum and you will see a lot there (probably more so because people usually only see the bad in those they disagree with. They don't see where the BS gang up and twist the words of those who do not feel the same)

 

I am tired today. Tired of being damned if i do damned if I don't. I should have never made a very true statement (read the opening post and you will see where I cannot find pleasure in pvs action) but somehow it has got twisted into me somehow wanting her to go easy on her cheating husband. No, she will do what she feels she must. I, for one, ws status aside (after all a year ago I would have felt the same without the label) do not find how she handed his divorce papers enjoyable. Read some more posta and not te support some have showed but the obvious delight they have over what her H is now facing.

 

Necessary- yes

Right- yes

Enjoyable- not for me and I seriously doubt it is for PV

Who says anyone is enjoying this? We feel very bad for P&V. But we feel she is taking her power. I would have loved for my mother to be logical when she dealt with my cheating father.Acted like P&V. Perhaps then he would not have kept disrespecting her and us.

 

Even my sister's ex's taking control instead of letting my sisters destroy them. Internalizing their pain. But I would have had no joy in seeing this. But been proud of them and backed them up for taking action.

 

Perhaps I have seem too many BS's destroyed,lose self esteem , trust when faced with infidelity. It is like seeing the victim fighting the bully back. Noone takes joy. We back them up for having the strength and not backing down. BIG DIFFERENCE!!!!

[jlola]

Noone has suggested anything violent to to P&V. Not one person has said 'Off with his head" you need to do more, you need to abuse. Not one!!

 

Mob mentality escalates from what was originally done to violence usually.

 

Everyone has been respectful, been supportive. Many have said "I admire you and wish I had dealt with betrayal in that way". Nothing escalating or preaching violence about those comments.

[2sure]

After my last post I looked at some communications w/ my X from that period , wondering if I was horrible and if I felt differently now. In it, I told him I would ruin him in every way possible. I regret my excessive use of capitalization , but that's it.

 

That was before the STD test of course, when "ruin" was sufficient.

 

So, my advice to PV would be to sally forth as is.

Edited October 28, 2013 by 2sure

[Stellar Wench]

Call it justice. Call it flailing. It doesn't matter. What this thread is about is consequences. There are consequences when you get caught cheating, and a cheater doesn't get to decide what those consequences are. Like it or not. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time, they say. The OP of this thread too may face consequences for her actions. As long as she is okay with that, who but God can say if her actions are wrong? This is about living your life with integrity and accepting responsibility for your actions. Novel concept.

[georgia girl]

I cannot believe I got sucked into posting here again, but here I go:

 

In my professional opinion (whatever that may be), P&V is doing everything right. Marriage is a legal and binding contract. When one desires to end th contract and has an effective means for assuring a distribution of acquired assets in a manner more favorable to him/her, that is an ideal situation.

 

Nothing to do with anger or revenge, but merely assuring what one has worked a lifetime to acquire isn't undone by one partners failure to uphold a legal and binding contract.

 

Great job, P&V. Document everything, follow advice and let those you are now paying do their jobs.

 

As for those who defend WS and OW, be cautious. Financial justice is real and thos who propose a future with marital assets in play are foolhardy at best.

[velvette]

Peaks came here with a plan already formulated which basically included a PI, computer expert and lawyer hired to get the truth, file her D, make sure the truth was presented to all parties simultaneously so the cheaters couldn't spin the truth. She has the additional complication of a business to deal with and had a plan to protect her financial interests in that and her home.

 

These are all things she would have been advised to do if she had come here with no plan wanting to D rather than reconcile.

 

Shes angry. So what......its only been a month......that's normal.

 

She has anxiety. That's normal and likely exacerbated by the stress of holding her cards close to her vest as well as the wacko OW accosting her when she was out with her daughter. I'm sure the panic attack was scary, but no one ever died from one and hopefully she has taken that message her body sent her to heart and is doing what she can to minimize her stress.

 

All the drama from OW here is just that ......drama much like the OW in Peaks sitch.

[ladydesigner]

I am pretty sure setting up a fantastic evening and gift wrapping the divorce papers was also neccesary...

 

That is an action that many would enjoy. Not me.

 

Wrong or right has nothing to do with it. Just as I said. Not in my personality to enjoy someone being set up for pain whether BS, WS, OW, or regular ol S. If you find pleasure or satisfaction in it. More power to you.

 

Coolit no one wants a D. I'm sure P&V doesn't either. Her WH is still with the OW no? Sometimes D papers are the perfect wake-up call for a WS.

[2sure]

I'm surprised we disagree so much, but it isn't important of course, and I respect your thoughts.

 

But gift wrapping divorce papers, in the scheme of things, seems like a really mild detail that will be forgotten during the real trauma of the divorce. It made her feel better in a very small way and he was disappointed it wasn't a paperweight or a humidor. Either way, he got his divorce papers and that's always the same result.

[HopingAgain]

I still see it as pure revenge. I don't know if it gave PV any satisfaction or not but it was one part I did not find humerous or enjoyable.

If others did and they are okay with enjoying it then obviously they should be okay with me not.

I also don't like the VERY FEW (like one or two and maybe their fake accounts to back them up) posters who have thought pv is mentaly unhinged. IMO they are just making themselves look better.

 

I don't think that PV found it very humorous or enjoyable either. She did find it neccesary as a means to take HER own power back. Any pain inflicted on WH or MOW is of their own doing and by the result of their OWN actions!

 

What is it about taking responsibility for ones one actions and the consequences that follow that WSs and OWs can't seem to grasp?????

[Furious]

I'm surprised we disagree so much, but it isn't important of course, and I respect your thoughts.

 

But gift wrapping divorce papers, in the scheme of things, seems like a really mild detail that will be forgotten during the real trauma of the divorce. It made her feel better in a very small way and he was disappointed it wasn't a paperweight or a humidor. Either way, he got his divorce papers and that's always the same result.

 

I agree 2sure....it was harmless and a way for P&V to feel better.

[jlola]

I also don't like the VERY FEW (like one or two and maybe their fake accounts to back them up) posters who have thought pv is mentaly unhinged. IMO they are just making themselves look better.

 

 

I agree with you on that. There is a "Sybil" here who have made this about some sort of Betty Broderick situation,which this s far from. More like Maria Shriver who did all she could legally to get what was hers in the divorce.

 

Arnold was very horrible and disrespectful. Had she given him a gift,with divorce papers inside, I would not have thought that cruel. Not after all the disrespect he has done to her and the children. It does not compare at all.

[stillafool]

Of course everything did not go as planned but what can one expect in a chaotic situation I guess. I was informed the papers would probably be served today. So last night had to be the time for the presents to be delivered. Had a nice meal, some nice music playing. He talks about his plans for expanding the business and maybe going on vacation this year for the holidays instead of the traditional family gathering. I let him talk. I let him ask questions which I answered as vaguely as possible. We watched tv until I got the texts from my friends that they were where they needed to be.

 

I told him I had something for him and went to get a nicely gift wrapped box. The grin on his face was so big. He opened it and then begin to read. Needless to say he turned twelve shades of green. I had pictures on top followed by emails and text. Under that was the paperwork for selling the business and the house. I thought he was going to have a heart attack right there. Then the ultimate question that almost sent me over the edge....."WHY?"

 

The blind rage hit so hard I was shaking. How f*cking dare you ask me why? You POS. :mad::mad: Why? Go look in the mirror and you have your answer. I also told him that the divorce papers would be served very soon and to prepare for a new place to stay. He starts to apologize and say how sorry he was. That he just got caught up. Well I handed him the last surprise....that I had hired an investigator and I know absolutely EVERYTHING he has been trying to hide for years. That isn't getting caught up that is planning a life of lies.

 

My phone started ringing non stop from OW and her BS. I told BS I would met with him if he wanted to. If not I will no longer contact him. I suggested he see a lawyer ASAP and get a paternity test. He is in shock of course. She left messages on the answering service when I wouldn't answer her calls. She is screaming on some, crying on others and calling me every name in the book that I have ruined her life. Yeah well....I don't give a f*ck. She needs to be prepared for the audit of her accounts at her job.

 

My head is pounding and I am spent. I feel sick to my stomach but I feel like now they know what it is to spend years building something only to have someone kick your life from under you. I got to go talk to my kids and let them know what is going to happen.

 

I can't think of all the details of what happened at this minute. Kind of an emotional blur. But I sick of hearing his sobbing and whining. He needs to leave.

 

 

You are my hero! You're AMAZING!!!!!

[jlola]

What is it about not enjoying vengeful actions but agreeing the WS deserved it and more that BS can't seem to grasp?

Who says we are enjoying the consequenses? We all have said we see it as deserving and really support P&V . But noone has said they are enjoying this. That is your take.You keep on insisting on this POV Most people have said they wish they had the foresight to think as logically .

 

Just like a person who supports a parent giving tough love or anything else that requires consequences. We do not enjoy watching. We are in support of the person who refuses to be a doormat and allow WS to "control" her life and future. She is taking control. For that I am proud. As I said before, I wish my mother had done that! Perhaps my father would have thought twice about disrespecting all of us.