D-day

[peaksandvalleys]

You sound like the only one in this situation who is actually thinking and planning ahead. You are being pragmatic,and if you want to meet with her, that's up to you. She has the option to not show up if she doesn't want to.

 

Funny how when an ow or mm thinks only of themselves and their own selfish needs, that, at least to a certain group of people, is fine. They, after all, can't help it, they are "in love". When a bs thinks of protecting herself and doing what she needs to do to move on, all of it perfectly legal, she is told by this same group that she is crazy, bitter, vengeful. I wonder why they refuse to consider that maybe she was in love, she's been hurt and betrayed and now she is looking out for herself and her children.

 

It sounds as if you were careful and took steps to have everything I place to have the process of uncoupling from your husband go as smothly as possible. I wonder why the ws and ow are so ticked. You'd think, seeing as they are "in lurve" and all that they'd be throwing you a ticker tape parade and kissing you feet for releasing him so they can be together and live the rest of their loves as the star crossed soul mates they really are

 

Now why do you suppose they aren't happy about you being willing to walk away? Could it be that she isn't worth all that you do for him, and your ws isn't good enough for her to leave her marriage for?

 

 

I am doing everything in my power to make sure they have every opportunity to be together. I don't want to stand in their way.

[rumbleseat]

I am doing everything in my power to make sure they have every opportunity to be together. I don't want to stand in their way.

 

Given what you have said about them, it sounds like they are perfect for one another.

[peaksandvalleys]

I agree. I am more than a little concerned that so many people reading this thread are saying that it shows "strength" and "control" and "smart".

 

To me, it seems that OP has gained a false sense of control, but as you said - we are all only in control of ourselves. You can only plan and manipulate so much, and it just seems like a whole lot of self created drama - for what? What does OP "win" in the end? Her self respect? From acting unhinged and lashing out? I don't know, I wouldn't see it as self respectful but I guess OP and others do. ?

 

I see it as someone acting desperately because they want/need revenge. Someone struggling to validate themselves because they feel so invalidated by their spouse's lack of feelings for them. It screams "flailing" to me, not smart. ?

 

 

I hear you. I disagree with you. Yes I want revenge. Yes, I am in control of me. Yes, I am doing things you nor others would do.

 

No I am not creating the drama. But I will play my role. No I haven't lost my self respect or looking for validation because I don't need it. I get that from me. No I am not winning anything but I am letting it be know to the two people who thought they could make my life choices for me know what that feels like. NO I am not unhinged and I wouldn't take that label seriously from someone with the credentials of internet forum user.

 

What ever it screams to you, my only advice would be to cover your ears and as far a smart goes, that is your opinion also. We all have those. Thank you for participating.

Edited October 27, 2013 by peaksandvalleys

[ComingInHot]

Peaks, I was thinking of ALL the adjectives that have been written about you and your post thus far, yet my word to describe you would be, RESOLUTE.

 

I know I've said it before, but I'm so impressed with you! I wish more people (myself included) would be resolute in their decisions.

 

Thank You for reminding me*

CIH

[goodyblue]

I just feel sorry for you Peaks. I really do.

[peaksandvalleys]

Peaks, I was thinking of ALL the adjectives that have been written about you and your post thus far, yet my word to describe you would be, RESOLUTE.

 

I know I've said it before, but I'm so impressed with you! I wish more people (myself included) would be resolute in their decisions.

 

Thank You for reminding me*

CIH

 

 

My parents always said make a choice and stick by it. No decision is stagnation and you can't grow if you are stuck. It hurts like hell but I have to believe that no matter what happens I will grow from it one way or the other.

[peaksandvalleys]

I just feel sorry for you Peaks. I really do.

 

 

Don't. There is no reason for you to. Life is what it is.

[Journee]

Don't. There is no reason for you to. Life is what it is.

 

Good on you. You know this isn't your doing and it can happen to ANYONE. Even an OW/OW! *gasp* His and her actions say nothing about you as a person and you certainly don't strike me as a person that needs pitying.

 

Taking your life back one piece at a time. Good for you.

[rumbleseat]

Don't. There is no reason for you to. Life is what it is.

 

This is true. You are making the best of a cr@ppy situation.

[rumbleseat]

I just feel sorry for you Peaks. I really do.

 

 

Why? I feel sorry for her because she got screwed over by her husband, but that's about it.

[Furious]

I just feel sorry for you Peaks. I really do.

 

 

I don't feel sorry for P&V, she's not a doormat and is a survivor.

 

I kinda,...not really...feel sorry for the WS and his OW because P&V is going to rock their world.

[yellowmaverick]

Don't. There is no reason for you to. Life is what it is.

 

P&V - You have remained classy and dignified in a crappy situation. You continue to show your grace and fierceness - traits that an OW and WS could not hold a candle to. From the way that you have clearly rattled a couple of the OWs on tbis thread, I would say that your cool demeanor is serving you well!!

[peaksandvalleys]

P&V - You have remained classy and dignified in a crappy situation. You continue to show your grace and fierceness - traits that an OW and WS could not hold a candle to. From the way that you have clearly rattled a couple of the OWs on tbis thread, I would say that your cool demeanor is serving you well!!

 

 

Know the analogy about a duck looking calm on the surface but legs are paddling away. I feel like I am paddling without the ability to stop.

[goodyblue]

Are you all going to sit here and tell me that anyone in the mental health industry would tell her she is 'okay' or 'doing the right thing'? Aside from Kathy M whom I seriously doubt is a professional... give me a break. this is so unhealthy.

 

I do feel sorry for you. I hope you find your way out of the madness soon.

[peaksandvalleys]

Are you all going to sit here and tell me that anyone in the mental health industry would tell her she is 'okay' or 'doing the right thing'? Aside from Kathy M whom I seriously doubt is a professional... give me a break. this is so unhealthy.

 

I do feel sorry for you. I hope you find your way out of the madness soon.

 

 

Again, don't. I am fine and as I am sure you do not speak for everyone in the mental health industry I would say you and the one other poster who are voicing your objections are doing so for your own reasons. I really don't care what they are. They are your reasons.

[Betterthanthis13]

Know the analogy about a duck looking calm on the surface but legs are paddling away. I feel like I am paddling without the ability to stop.

 

 

 

I think you are holding up amazingly well under the circumstances, but do you have an idea of where you are paddling to? It seems like you are hyper focused on revenge, (totally understandable) but have you put any thought into your long term goals past divorce, if divorce ends up being the result of this? I don't know exactly how to verbalize what I am concerned about right now, I guess just that the emotional backlash from keeping yourself in such a heightened antagonized state for an extended period of time could be extremely difficult to deal with once the drama those two have imposed on your life subsides.

 

For the record, I am in support of every action you have taken since discovery and I am in awe of your strength. I think I am just concerned about burnout and want to make sure you have your bases covered with looking out for yourself, your health, etc.

[Betterthanthis13]

Are you all going to sit here and tell me that anyone in the mental health industry would tell her she is 'okay' or 'doing the right thing'? Aside from Kathy M whom I seriously doubt is a professional... give me a break. this is so unhealthy.

 

I do feel sorry for you. I hope you find your way out of the madness soon.

 

What do you think about the two people that caused this chain reaction? How do you feel about them? Aren't they problematic and mentally unhealthy for causing this situation in the first place? Blaming the victim of abuse and criticizing their mental health isn't generally recognized as terribly supportive.

[peaksandvalleys]

I think you are holding up amazingly well under the circumstances, but do you have an idea of where you are paddling to? It seems like you are hyper focused on revenge, (totally understandable) but have you put any thought into your long term goals past divorce, if divorce ends up being the result of this? I don't know exactly how to verbalize what I am concerned about right now, I guess just that the emotional backlash from keeping yourself in such a heightened antagonized state for an extended period of time could be extremely difficult to deal with once the drama those two have imposed on your life subsides.

 

For the record, I am in support of every action you have taken since discovery and I am in awe of your strength. I think I am just concerned about burnout and want to make sure you have your bases covered with looking out for yourself, your health, etc.

 

Yes I do know where I am going after everything has ended. I will still be doing what I love for a living. Taking care of my family and enjoying watching my kids continue their growth. I have never wanted many material things, but I have been fortunate in that I don't really need anything.

 

I have some health concerns that I have dealt with for awhile. I am being monitored by my long term doctor. I have always been able to handle pressure for some reason. I deal with it in a way kind of like I am making a business plan. I am a type "A" personality so I can understand why people might think my focus is way off. I just don't know any other way to be.

 

Your concern is appreciated. I don't want you to think it isn't. But I will have to play things out the way the plan is laid out. There are too many other people who are dealing with this mess not to see it through.

[goodyblue]

What do you think about the two people that caused this chain reaction? How do you feel about them? Aren't they problematic and mentally unhealthy for causing this situation in the first place? Blaming the victim of abuse and criticizing their mental health isn't generally recognized as terribly supportive.

 

Better.

 

I don't know. I know that we have no idea what caused this to happen. I only know that she needs to seek some sort of mental health eval before she runs to a meeting with MOW with a gun. Sorry. That is just how I feel. I am not condemning her. I am WORRIED for her. There is a HUGE difference and I can't believe everyone would sit here, looking at all she has said and cheer this on. It is a messed up situation from top to bottom. Of course WS and MOW are wrong, of COURSE. But this woman sounds like she is calm, and not in a good way. More in a Ted Bundy way.

 

Well, I've said all there is I can say. I hope you are well, and if I read about this on the news at least there is proof here on LS that BS was carrying a gun. Good luck.

[Betterthanthis13]

Let it go. I have done some back reading. It isn't worth being in trouble. I don't bend to others wills like that. I really don't care what they think. I will respond if I feel like it and if not. Don't worry about it.

 

I know. I am also type A and I have a problem with people attempting to kick people when they are down with snarky comments, but I am sure you are fully capable of standing up for yourself and ignoring ignorance. I was not in my right mind when I caught wind of the disgusting betrayal and ridiculous lies that were presented to me earlier this year and I didn't appreciate similar attitudes directed towards me from the active posters at that time. But you are right, not worth it.

[goodyblue]

Dear lord. Okay. I am NOT taking her feelings of hurt from her. I'm glad she's being proactive. What I AM saying is that this woman needs to think. I'm not posting as FOW. I'm posting as a human being who sees another in pain, but you know what? If it makes you feel better to take away any positive I might give because I am FOW, feel free. But you would be making a mistake and all of you are making a mistake in spurring this hurt, upset, heartbroken woman on when she is already so angry it seethes through my monitor.

 

Peaks, listen, I understand that you are upset. Your life is topside. But please, before you make any more moves, step back. Take a breath.

[yellowmaverick]

Are you all going to sit here and tell me that anyone in the mental health industry would tell her she is 'okay' or 'doing the right thing'? Aside from Kathy M whom I seriously doubt is a professional... give me a break. this is so unhealthy.

 

I do feel sorry for you. I hope you find your way out of the madness soon.

 

Pretty sure anyone in the mental health field would have more trouble witb the MM who cheated and lied and the OW who screwed him. She who lives in a glass house......

[sweet_pea]

Are you all going to sit here and tell me that anyone in the mental health industry would tell her she is 'okay' or 'doing the right thing'? Aside from Kathy M whom I seriously doubt is a professional... give me a break. this is so unhealthy.

 

I do feel sorry for you. I hope you find your way out of the madness soon.

 

Could you please point out what is unhealthy about P&V's actions? You've mentioned numerous times that what she is doing is unhealthy but haven't specified, so yeah, I'm just curious to know.

 

Anywho, hope you had a decent/good weekend, P&V!

[goodyblue]

Could you please point out what is unhealthy about P&V's actions? You've mentioned numerous times that what she is doing is unhealthy but haven't specified, so yeah, I'm just curious to know.

 

Anywho, hope you had a decent/good weekend, P&V!

 

 

What good would it do to point it out? Nobody here will listen. You're all cheering her on because you were to chicken to do this for yourselves. I am not denying or minimizing her feelings. I'm just worried at how this could escalate. Not you people. You can't wait. Pathetic.

 

This poor woman needs to speak to a professional post haste. Not YOU people who are angry, bitter and helpless.

 

I'll just sit back and watch the news and when I read of this disaster, you can blame yourselves.

 

Carry on.

[goodyblue]

One more thing... just because I was OW does NOT mean that I haven't anything relevant to say. So, she's going to listen to you, who stroke her. Good luck.