forgetmenot75 Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I also asked how it was and my comment was reported Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I also asked how it was and my comment was reported For asking how it went? Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 It's pretty simple. When a poster posts something like this: "Everyone has given great advice here, you are ignoring it. Tomorrow night you'll post here again, broken and miserable. 100%" Then, follows up with this: "I bet she cancel on you. Cancel you first, feel the power!!" Then follows up with the unsolicited question: "Hey bandito, how was the meeting? You two back together again? Huh?" Our other moderator properly identified this as mocking the thread starter and deleted the last posting. I would strongly suggest following my advice in my prior steering post and focus in on the topic and addressing the thread starter respectfully and refrain from discussing moderation, which is off-topic in every instance, else you'll find your posting privileges terminated. I hope we understand each other. Now, back to the topic. Thanks! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
forgetmenot75 Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I'm sorry, I wasn't meant to mock anyone. He came for advice and the advice was clear. I had no intention whatsoever to mock him, I encouraged him to not go to the meeting, and then I encouraged him to cancel it. I wanted him to feel good about himself feeling the power to cancel a potential disaster date. The last comment was a question, given the fact he might already have met his ex, I was curious to know what the outcome was. As he opted to ignore all our advice, I was expecting some kind of follow up. My apologies if it wasn't the best way to answer. Of course I don't want anyone suffering here, more than I've already have been suffering lately. I'd want him to protect himself, that's all. didn't work out, and I feel sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Is there an update...? Why do people keep asking lol. If there was, I'm sure he'll say something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Never Again Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Sorry, can't help it. I'm an eternal optimist, I must admit, I'd like it to go well... You and me both. While heartache has made me a bit defense and cynical, I've had my fingers crossed that things went positively for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 I must be a di*k, because I almost hope they didn't go well. Not because I don't want Bandito to be happy, but because I think something temporarily going well here will lead to even larger heartbreak in the future for him. I feel like something going well will be false hope and that the house or cards will tumble. I would much rather Bandito dump all hope with this girl, find one that's not nearly as manipulative and live happily ever after with her and produce mini-Banditos. I guess I'm cynical. I would love for her to realize that Bandito is the man for her and treat him well, but that stuff seems to only happen in the movies. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Never Again Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Hah, well "positively" also covers him realizing that she's not worth his time, and happily moving on. Regardless of the "how", the "what" I was hoping for...is for him to come out of it unscathed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 I just hope he's not posting anymore thinking we're all gonna say "I told you so". We're all just trying to help, and some people need tough love to get through to them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
forgetmenot75 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Maybe he's cuddling with her right now and we're all wrong (I am NOT being sarcastic here). At this point I guess everything went super. Bandito should had posted otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 I wouldn't be surprised she wanted to be together again. Her coming back has happened 100 times before. But soon after she probably would dump him the 101 time. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 I wouldn't be surprised she wanted to be together again. Her coming back has happened 100 times before. But soon after she probably would dump him the 101 time. I got a brilliant idea: Why dont we WAIT until he ACTUALLY responds to the thread haha. There is almost two pages of everyone just guessing. I feel this thread is going to be locked if it continues. Lets stop now so it doesnt yeah? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Maybe he's cuddling with her right now and we're all wrong (I am NOT being sarcastic here). At this point I guess everything went super. Bandito should had posted otherwise. I don't necessarily think this. If anything, he'd come back here and do a touchdown dance if that were the case. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bandito Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 (edited) Hey everyone. it went okay, but there's a problem, she was with her friends. so not much talking about us, i mean not at all. -___- so she said she wants us to have a talk tonight. at least we were civil. now it's time for us to get to the point. I may just pour my heart out. But now I'm asking for advice. I'm already having friendly relations and now I want to take it to the next step... Edited October 22, 2013 by Bandito Link to post Share on other sites
Never Again Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Hey everyone. it went okay, but there's a problem, she was with her friends. so not much talking about us, i mean not at all. -___- so she said she wants us to have a talk tonight. at least we were civil. now it's time for us to get to the point. I may just pour my heart out. But now I'm asking for advice. I'm already having friendly relations and now I want to take it to the next step... Honest opinion? If you insist on talking to her again (I'm not going to try to convince you otherwise)...keep your cards close to your vest. If you pour your heart out, you'll be exposing all your weak spots. Don't invite the pain of rejection so easily. Be civil. Be cool, calm and collected. Be okay without her. Do NOT pretend to be these things. Actually BE these things - actually BE okay without her. I mean, you can tell her that you care and want to be with her (I wouldn't say anything stronger than that)...but I'd hold onto those thoughts until the right time arrives (IF it ever arrives). This isn't game playing - it's being safe. If anyone should do the talking, it's her. If she has something to say, she'll spill her guts on her own. If you put *any* pressure on her, it'll get real messy real fast. Link to post Share on other sites
NoLeafClover Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 (edited) Then it comes to be that the soothing light ...at the end of your tunnel but Is just a freight train coming your way.. It's a good song, you should listen to it sometimes ps. If you keep it up like this, I'm gonna to have to sing November Rain to you soon. Edited October 22, 2013 by NoLeafClover 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bandito Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 so what exactly should I talk about? i don't want to small talk, cause we're past that. we both know it's going to be a heart to heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 No talking about the relationship unless she initiates and for god's sake, please don't hype this up at all. You hyped up the last one as the Super Bowl and it was more like a preseason game. I personally still wouldn't go but since you will, be cool and don't be crazy emotional guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Never Again Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 so what exactly should I talk about? i don't want to small talk, cause we're past that. we both know it's going to be a heart to heart. You're not past small talk until she decides you are, unfortunately. If she wants something, she'll make the first move. Otherwise, enjoy yourself and catch up I guess. Seriously. We all know you're committed to talking with her at this point. In the interest of self-preservation, you need to let her make the first moves. She'll dictate how the talk goes. You can "take the reigns" and steer the conversation towards the things you *want* to know once she sets the tone...but not until then. This is self-preservation. She hurt you - if she wants to do something about it, she'll make the effort without prompting from you. If you pour your heart out to her, you're asking to get stomped on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 so what exactly should I talk about? i don't want to small talk, cause we're past that. we both know it's going to be a heart to heart. I would certainly not initiate a heart to heart. You really don't need to put yourself in that position. It just opens old wounds. If she wants to have a heart to heart, let her talk by all means. However, I would just listen. I definitely would not give my heart to her by telling her how you feel. She has to earn that kind of disclosure at this point. It's on her. Remember that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bandito Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 (edited) i won't tell her how i feel then, she knows already. i know i shouldn't tell her went wrong with the relationship because its dead, and there's no point in opening up new wounds. i was planning on telling her that she made a mistake, and she doesn't know how to love...but that's stupid, it will just make things worst. this weekend i told her i wanted to talk to her about the possibility of "us" again. she said we can talk about it tonight while we're alone. i'm going to simply say what i want, and ask her think about it. i want to remind her about how she use to say that we had so much potential, and how we've overcome our hardships in the past. i don't want to put too much pressure, and i don't expect her to come up with an answer right away. btw, i'm calm and my emotions are under control for this. Edited October 22, 2013 by Bandito Link to post Share on other sites
reddragon588 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Whatever you do, be honest with your intentions. Don't let her think you're ok with being friends if you're not. You do need to tell her you want to be more than friends. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 (edited) i won't tell her how i feel then, she knows already. i know i shouldn't tell her went wrong with the relationship because its dead, and there's no point in opening up new wounds. i was planning on telling her that she made a mistake, and she doesn't know how to love...but that's stupid, it will just make things worst. this weekend i told her i wanted to talk to her about the possibility of "us" again. she said we can talk about it tonight while we're alone. i'm going to simply say what i want, and ask her think about it. i want to remind her about how she use to say that we had so much potential, and how we've overcome our hardships in the past. i don't want to put too much pressure, and i don't expect her to come up with an answer right away. btw, i'm calm and my emotions are under control for this. Please don't do this. Edited October 22, 2013 by BC1980 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Why couldn't she talk about it last night? See how she's already in control of the situation by delaying the important talk? She's a master manipulator... Exactly, I thought you guys were supposed to meet then to have THE talk. But what does she decide to do? Bring her friends along? That's utterly disrespectful to you and a waste of your time, I'm sure you don't see it that way but it is. Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 When you reach out to an ex, as she did, you relinquish some power. She immediately recouped that, by bringing her friends along to the meeting (no coincidence). She doens't need to control the conversation as such, because she's controlled the environment. Bandito will be reluctant to say anything particularly meaningful because there's an audience. He's outnumbered (her friends are automatically loyal to her, as it should be). Thus, she has delayed any serious talk where she might be forced to make a decision. Now, when the OP is alone with her tonight, she will further exercise that power by making him think that she's into reconciling by using the most powerful weapon - sex. Man, she's good. *shakes head* OP, you've been warned. Cross your legs! The best thing to do now, would be to cancel things in a quick text. Exactly like this: "Sorry, something's come up. Raincheck re: tonight?" Then go dark. No answering any attempts at communication. It'd drive her nuts, because you've just wrestled control from her. You're never going to be able to be in the driver's seat, or even the passenger seat, in a relationship with her. You're the dog tied up in the tray on the back of the truck. That's as far as you get. The only control you have, is denying her anything to do with you. Speaks the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
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