CrashBurn Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 So I'm a newbie here and could really use some advice, long story short: witnessed cheating between friend's bf and another woman. Saw it with my own two eyes, and no said BF is not in an "open relationship. The problem is I'm the only one that witnessed it. BF is in our group of friends and I don't have the guts to confront him and give him an ultimatum about coming clean. I feel burdened by seeing this and wish I didn't, but now I'm debating how to filter this information to the GF. Question is how do I do this without it coming back to me? I was able to find her email address and I'd like to do an anonymous tip off of some sort...I definitely don't feel comfortable telling her to her face and I'm sure the BF will villify me. I have no interest in the BF. Like I said, without getting in the drama the goal is to hint via email and have her take the lead in calling him out. After that it's up to them to sort it out. Any ideas on how to put this message together? Link to post Share on other sites
mercuryshadow Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 So I'm a newbie here and could really use some advice, long story short: witnessed cheating between friend's bf and another woman. Saw it with my own two eyes, and no said BF is not in an "open relationship. The problem is I'm the only one that witnessed it. BF is in our group of friends and I don't have the guts to confront him and give him an ultimatum about coming clean. I feel burdened by seeing this and wish I didn't, but now I'm debating how to filter this information to the GF. Question is how do I do this without it coming back to me? I was able to find her email address and I'd like to do an anonymous tip off of some sort...I definitely don't feel comfortable telling her to her face and I'm sure the BF will villify me. I have no interest in the BF. Like I said, without getting in the drama the goal is to hint via email and have her take the lead in calling him out. After that it's up to them to sort it out. Any ideas on how to put this message together? An anonymous tip-off is not going to solve anything. I would go directly to the boyfriend and tell him calmly and concisely what I saw. You don't have to mention that you were the only one who saw, but let it be known that it was witnessed amongst your group of friends. It may spur him to fess up to his gf. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 You could send her something anon using snail mail. Then she could follow up to make sure it was not his sister. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrashBurn Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 An anonymous tip-off is not going to solve anything. I would go directly to the boyfriend and tell him calmly and concisely what I saw. You don't have to mention that you were the only one who saw, but let it be known that it was witnessed amongst your group of friends. It may spur him to fess up to his gf. But I was the only one who saw, literally walked into them at this party and had to awkwardly walk out of the room. I can't make this up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrashBurn Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 Sadly the majority of women are dumb and shoot the messenger instead of directing their anger where it should be: the boyfriend. Because of this I advise against telling her (unless you think she is really mature and level headed....most women arent). I have been in this situation twice and I ruined 2 friendships. Its hard to find decent girlfriends. Tell the boyfriend you saw him cheat and hope he will man up. Odds are he wont because few cheaters confess but theres always a chance I think she's level headed but obviously like anyone would naturally get upset if someone told them that her BF cheated. That's why I think if I can hint something to her that she'll take the hint and run with it. I feel like my conscience will be clear and at the same time I can help her out. 2 birds, one stone. Just trying to figure out a way to do this... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 I agree with the poster that said the messenger tends to get shot. I've been there and whitnessed it with other people. At the end of the day, are you more so friends with her or him? How would you want your friends to act if they were in your shoes? Follow that instinct. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrashBurn Posted October 19, 2013 Author Share Posted October 19, 2013 (edited) I think she should know and for my own personal peace of mind I want to be able to get this out of my head. I have my reservations about how much to get involved here. The closer relationship is with the BF but confronting him is out of the question, I don't want to have to call him out directly. It will also cause problems with other friendships. A lot of people are in the bro-code MYOB mentality. I'm not close to the GF, not even facebook friends. But despite the fact she's not my BFF I still think she should know. Through some research was able to get a hold of her personal email - I want to take advantage of this. I think sending her a message from a fake FB would be too obvious. Edited October 19, 2013 by CrashBurn Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 I wouldn't bother with an anonymous e-mail, it might strike anxiety into her heart but she'll probably just laugh it off, because it is not credible. I had a couple of anonymous facebook messages sent to me one month apart while I was seeing a guy earlier this year, I didn't even find them until after we had stopped seeing each other as they hit my 'other' folder. It said: 'just think you should know cos I've heard you are seeing J, that he cheats on all of his gfs just ask *name* and *name* I don't think that scumbag should ever be allowed to do what he did to me again, he uses women for sex and then dumps them' Well, I was in stitches when I finally saw that, because he was a lovely guy, we were friends with benefits for a while and he wanted more but I really didn't. He never tried to force sex, he wanted to make me his girlfriend etc. It was also funny because of the fact that they were so clearly desperate to split us up that they sent it twice and got stoney silence from me lol, obviously I told him about it and he said he thought he knew which friend it was and she does it to all of his girlfriends. If you're gonna spill, just have the guts to come right out with it to her face. If it was a friend of mine and her bf cheated, I'd ask him to tell her and if not, I would, because I believe she has a right to know who she's sleeping with and spending her life with when he's disrespecting her so massively. I don't know any of my friends that would turn on me for doing that, the worst that would happen is they might just say maybe I'm mistaken and try brush it off and be convinced by the bf and just bury it. But if she went nuts at me and blamed me or called me a liar then CLEARLY I'd have been choosing my friends very unwisely! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrashBurn Posted October 19, 2013 Author Share Posted October 19, 2013 I was hoping the anxiety would force her to at least ask him if he was cheating..that's all I really want to happen. I don't want to get more involved then that. I just don't want him to know that it was me, I was hoping that having her email address would take the heat off of me since I don't know her that well. I don't want to solve their relationship problems, my only goal is to have her question it and question him. But to do it in a way that hides my identity. Link to post Share on other sites
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