Ace Posted January 14, 2001 Share Posted January 14, 2001 Just let me know. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 14, 2001 Share Posted January 14, 2001 Well, I'm here but unfortunately I can't read your mind so I have absolutely no idea what you need advice on. sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Ace Posted January 14, 2001 Share Posted January 14, 2001 Sorry, I just got this email from her: adam, i am sorry but i really need to get this off my chest i don't know if i have a right to email you right now but i need to say this cause i have thought it for a while. i just don't understand how now all of a sudden you are so interested in the activities that i am involved in, but when we were ddating it would have killed you togo to event that was important to me...this also applies to the last time we weere broke up you try to seem so interested in my life when we are not together but when you had me you didn't care of about these things and that is what makes me the saddest.thank you whether or not you read this i at least have a sense that i released this anger and sadness and i can move on with the rest of my life now with no qualms about what i forgot to say. What do you think of this and what do you think I should write back? I still want to get back with her even though it may not be the right decision but I still want to give her a good impression of me. This is what I have wrote but I haven't emailed yet: I understand why you are feeling like this. I don't have a direct reason for you because I really cannot tell you myself. I just revunate whenever we are apart and I realize the things that I have done wrong. I DID care about the things that you did. It is just that I really didn't see how important these things were until I lost the ability to do them. While we are only "friends" now, I was trying to do the most things I could to show you that I really do care. I guess I was trying to show you that it is inside of me to care for you. Why else would I do these things now? I guess it is also a way of letting you know that I am not a bad person and that I really do care about those things. I am sorry about the times when I didn't go to your events and I am sorry that you ended this. I hope that sometime down the road, we can still be great friends again and you can become to realize that I am really not a bad person in anyway and that all the times that I did not go to your events, I did care and still do for that matter. I guess I was just thinking about what I would think about things. "Do unto others what others unto you". I really f***ed up on that aspect because I have learned the hard way that that is not the truth at all especially with you girls. I am stronger now and have learned alot out of this and I hope that I or you don't have to go through this mess again. I hope your art show went well! P.S. Why couldn't you simply call me or come over and talk about this? Email is a little cheesy. Adam I just wanted to see what you thought before I did. It would be an option to not even email her back but I want to email her something. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 14, 2001 Share Posted January 14, 2001 Use this instead. Dear XXXXX: Received your Email and completely understand what you said and how you feel. I did make mistakes but it wasn't because I didn't care. Sometimes, I think we fail to realize just how important things are at the time. Be assured I always cared about you and all of your activities but perhaps didn't show or express it a way that was visible or appropriate. For that I am truly sorry. My desire is that in time we can restore a great friendship. Meanwhile, I do wish you all the very best in everything that you pursue. Adam __________________________ Don't invite her to talk...say nothing more...put the above in your own words but keep it just as short and to the point. What she was expressing to you was frustration and anger...which is why she broke up with you. You were not showing her that she was important. She is further pissed that you are behaving now as she wished you would have behaved when the two of you were seeing each other. You basically made the same mistake a lot of guys do by taking her for granted...by not paying attention...by not putting the required energy into the relationship. It will be a while before she gets over her anger...a little Email won't even come close. But if you go into detail about how you screwed up and all that other stuff, that will further pisss her off. She just wants to know you have learned from this and my version tells her that. Now give up on this and STOP sending her more Email after this. It is not necessary and you are just making your hurt last longer. If you want to know exactly what she is feeling, go get a copy of Willie Nelson's "You Were Always On My Mind." If you have Napster, download it and listen to it. You are the guy who is doing the singing, OK!!! Now, just drop this. The more you write her after this, the more you stir this up...this angrier she will become. You really screwed this one up for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Ace Posted January 14, 2001 Share Posted January 14, 2001 I didn't email her the first time. She emailed me and I don't want to be a dick or anything by not replying. I still want to keep in touch. Thank you for helping me. I am not going to say anything else in here about her unless it is really important. Thanks again, Adam Link to post Share on other sites
Ace Posted January 14, 2001 Share Posted January 14, 2001 Well Tony, I sent her almost the same email that you told me to but customized it a bit. She hasn't replied back and I doubt if she will. I am just going to see how things go from here on out. Adam Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 14, 2001 Share Posted January 14, 2001 Adam: I just wish you could get it...I wish you could understand. It's over for her for now. If one of you doesn't decide to stop answering the other, the two of you could be 90 years old and still answering this stupid Email. The first person to stop answering this stuff is the smarter and more mature of the two of you. GIVE IT UP...FOR YOUR SAKE!!! I urge you to let this go and move forward with your life. Now, if you have learned some lessons from this, it has been a positive experience. I hope you have learned not to take your lady for granted, to participate actively in her life, to listen closely to what she proclaims her needs to be, to listen and watch out for non verbal communication, to understand that relationships just don't go on automatic pilot...and, most of all, I hope you have learned that if you don't nurture your relationship in a mutually satisfying way, it will die a slow death that often cannot be revived. I know this hurts for you, but lessons hurt sometimes. If you have learned something here that you will remember, you will not ever be hurt for the same reason. If you don't leave this lady alone, and stop responding to her Emails, you will not have learned your lesson and you will be entitled to more hurt at a future date. The universe has a way of kicking our ass over and over until we learn. Too bad some people's butts aren't as thick as their heads...then the buttkicking wouldn't be as painful. Link to post Share on other sites
Ace Posted January 14, 2001 Share Posted January 14, 2001 I have got it and I know that it is over, Tony. I am not saying that I am going to respond or initiate any contact whatsoever. I am simply going to lay back and take my life the best of what I can make it. All I am saying is that I am going to go on with my life and that I am going to try not to worry about her. If she calls or emails about something friendly, I am not going to simply ignore her. I still want to be friends with her because of all of the time that we have spent together, I think that we could still be friends. I am not saying that we are going to be big friends now, but in the future, I still want to be friends and I am sure that is what she wants too. I AM NOT GOING TO SIMPLY FORGET ABOUT HER! I feel that that is not the best approach. Maybe that will be good for some people, but I am still going to be friends at least with her. When I say friends, I am not meaning to be friends and then get back together. I am meaning just to be platonic friends. Just good ol' friends man. We will still see each other at school occasionally and I want to still be friends because there is no way that I am going to let someone that special out of my life totally. We had too much together to just simply lose all touch. Thank you for all of your help on this and I have gotten the vibe that I need to shut up now. Adam Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 14, 2001 Share Posted January 14, 2001 You just can't let a message go unanswered. Let's just see if you're man enough not to respond to this one!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ace Posted January 17, 2001 Share Posted January 17, 2001 I responded, hehe. j/k Later Adam Link to post Share on other sites
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