nicepuzzle Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 She cheated on him he got hurt and started sleeping around. he chased me and while chase fell in love and told everything that how he uses women for sex but I was special and how he is staying for kids. I saw his hurt side and a person in pain and fell in love with him. We saw each for 5 years and after got emotional broke off sacrificing for his kids sake. I wished him well and moved heart broken and never forgot him. He came back after few years and told me he couldnt forget me and he is same as he always was. Emotional rerun and we got back together and than I got emotional again and started asking him to meet more and questioning about other affairs. And he backed off sayng that he is blocking me and I shouldnt call or text him and it was wrng before and wrong now. I told him thats unfair because he restarted again when I had moved on, and he should explain. he completly shuts down without even responding. I was left to move on again and I tried to wish him well but I needed something... and he absolutely said nothing. Just said he wasnt going to speak to me anymore. And I did call him names and he got more upset and more avoided me. When I saw him socially with his wife, he spoke to me pretending nothing happend and treated me like a friend while implying that he loved me. It was too much to take and I asked him for closure or apology or explaination and he gave nothing. I told him I will tell his wife and I didnt really want to hurt regardless she was a cheat herself. He said go ahead and didnt stop me. I finally told her everything....to finish it for good. and the only question wife had was "Who else knows"? And now after being NC for 5 months i go through guult rides for ending it badly however they both are playing family like nothing happend... I was hurt before and now I am hurt that I made it from bad to worst and he is nowwhere there. Not spoken to me ever since. Wasnt he hurt that his wife cheated and how hew as stuck and cring and how he is back and well with her? Are these pple real? Am I dumb person here. Why do I feel guilty and how do I erase this horrible experience from my memories....? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 They've chosen to work on their marriage. She cheated, he forgave her. Now he has cheated and she has forgiven him. Sorry that you're having trouble moving on and still feeling anger and feel that he deserves more consquences.. But, it isn't up to you to decide his consquence for cheating on his wife. Best revenge is to put him out of your head, live well, be as happy as you can be (fake it until it becomes real) and go on with your life. Forget him, forget her, forget it all and move forward. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 If she is going to stay with him, it's easier for her to hate you, than it is for her to hate him. <3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicepuzzle Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 and why did he cry telling me he could never forget me and we should resume to see each other when we can and have each other in each other's life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicepuzzle Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 They've chosen to work on their marriage. She cheated, he forgave her. Now he has cheated and she has forgiven him. Sorry that you're having trouble moving on and still feeling anger and feel that he deserves more consquences.. But, it isn't up to you to decide his consquence for cheating on his wife. Best revenge is to put him out of your head, live well, be as happy as you can be (fake it until it becomes real) and go on with your life. Forget him, forget her, forget it all and move forward. And how do I forget that he cried and was emotional and swearing about his love for me??? Is he a jerk? Why would he come back again if he wanted to work on his marriage for his kids? Didnt I wish him well already to do just that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicepuzzle Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 If she is going to stay with him, it's easier for her to hate you, than it is for her to hate him. <3 What a mess. I had moved on from this mess and welcome again. They are sick and fake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicepuzzle Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 I feel more angry and hurt about letting this man successfully play with my emotions second time and hate myself for giving control to him all over again. And he didnt bother me telling his wife cauz may he wanted that. I feel like a fool. Did I do good by telling her? Was I really used here? I want to forget it like a nightware in the way I ended it...I ended it so I should be proud of it but I feel guilt about ending it badly. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 And how do I forget that he cried and was emotional and swearing about his love for me??? Is he a jerk? Why would he come back again if he wanted to work on his marriage for his kids? Didnt I wish him well already to do just that? Yes he's a jerk! Who knows his reasons as to why he does what he does. He's selfish and not thinking at all, remember it's all about HIS needs, not what's best for you or his wife. Say NO to him when he comes to you. Ignore him, do all that you can to make it impossible for him to contact you. Mean it, don't just say I will try my best. do it! This is YOUR life here and you get a say in who is IN your life and who isn't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 (edited) all of you sound pretty pathetic. you've wasted enough time(5 years) already. move on. Edited October 18, 2013 by Artie Lang 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Trying to figure out the whys of another...is a fools errand. The only question you should be trying to figure out, is why..after having moved on did YOU start up again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicepuzzle Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 Trying to figure out the whys of another...is a fools errand. The only question you should be trying to figure out, is why..after having moved on did YOU start up again. Because I felt sorry for his life. He showed how stuck he was and I felt for him. I fell in love with him. I thought he loved me too and I was the only one positive thing he had. Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Because I felt sorry for his life. He showed how stuck he was and I felt for him. I fell in love with him. I thought he loved me too and I was the only one positive thing he had. Why did you feel that you had to rescue him? Most would point them to a good therapist, not try to fix them, as it is not our job in life to be that to an adult. Children, yes...we help them...and often...when we don't know the answer get professional help. Only you can answer what it was that made you feel good about fixing him. Not a healthy dynamic in any relationship, even children leave the nest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SunshineToday Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Because I felt sorry for his life. He showed how stuck he was and I felt for him. I fell in love with him. I thought he loved me too and I was the only one positive thing he had. But Nice, that is your fault too. Yeah he is a jerk, but you knew...you knew he had a wife. Now they have each other and what do you have? Please just forget them and worry about only you. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Why did you feel that you had to rescue him? Most would point them to a good therapist, not try to fix them, as it is not our job in life to be that to an adult. Children, yes...we help them...and often...when we don't know the answer get professional help. Only you can answer what it was that made you feel good about fixing him. Not a healthy dynamic in any relationship, even children leave the nest. I know either to a therapist or to the door. It's actually a codependent trait. I think MM play off that to their advantage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicepuzzle Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 Why did you feel that you had to rescue him? Most would point them to a good therapist, not try to fix them, as it is not our job in life to be that to an adult. Children, yes...we help them...and often...when we don't know the answer get professional help. Only you can answer what it was that made you feel good about fixing him. Not a healthy dynamic in any relationship, even children leave the nest. You are right but I loved him. I had magical moments with him. I felt love. And i felt he loved me too. In rerun he apologized for past and I believed it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicepuzzle Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 I know either to a therapist or to the door. It's actually a codependent trait. I think MM play off that to their advantage. Love it. My first smile in days 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Now here is the tough question to answer...did you love him...or love how he made you feel about yourself? Authority, go to person, strong...... Loving someone for who they are (which you admit he had lots of issues, so who is he REALLY) and loving how someone makes us feel (look, they think I am all that and a bag of chips) are very different kinds of love. One is based on them validating our view of our self, the other is because you love who they are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicepuzzle Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 Now here is the tough question to answer...did you love him...or love how he made you feel about yourself? Authority, go to person, strong...... Loving someone for who they are (which you admit he had lots of issues, so who is he REALLY) and loving how someone makes us feel (look, they think I am all that and a bag of chips) are very different kinds of love. One is based on them validating our view of our self, the other is because you love who they are. I loved his other side that he showed me. A deep passionate person, too nice to leave his children and stuck in bad marriage. Deep inside an angel but scared and vulnerable so showed and tough exterior. Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Both things you said, were issues he was having. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicepuzzle Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 I did the right thing to walk away. I was just soothing his ego and getting used. They sre miserable pple and misery likes company Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 If you have a strong desire to help people, get that through your job, not your love life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicepuzzle Posted October 21, 2013 Author Share Posted October 21, 2013 If you have a strong desire to help people, get that through your job, not your love life. I wasnt helping though. I guess i just felt so sorry for him and also he fit in exactly what I needed in a man otherwise. Deep spiritual and passionate. I hadnt met anyon elike that in years. Link to post Share on other sites
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