Author Car guy Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 We just had our first hart to hart talk. We both want the same things at this point. We are going to thin out the house (get rid of a lot of crap) and get ready for the split. We went over things like who is getting what, and where all the money is. She is trying to be a better person at this point, so I'm taking what I can get. I'm just glad we are talking. We agreed to pretty much everything, and placed a move date sometime in early Jan. She is very sorry for what she has put the family through, and I think in time, she will understand it more. I guess her mom came unglued when she told her that she confronted her crush, I love that lady. I think time will heal these wounds, but right now we are %110 working on our daughters. They are gonna suffer more than us in this, and we will have to help them the best we can. P.s. I guess her crush told her he hopes MC works for us, and that he doesn't see her that way. I still don't think they slept together or anything, but I'm pretty sure they kissed. Time to move on, grow from it, and start to heal. I will update more when I have some. Thanks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 P.s. I guess her crush told her he hopes MC works for us, and that he doesn't see her that way. I still don't think they slept together or anything, but I'm pretty sure they kissed. Time to move on, grow from it, and start to heal. I will update more when I have some. Thanks Is he married? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Car guy Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 Is he married? Mr. Lucky Yep, and I have her info as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Car guy Posted October 30, 2013 Author Share Posted October 30, 2013 Well, we did MC tonight. It was powerful, hearing the doc say, "Huh?" to most of her "points". I think he believes her to be crazy. He told her that he is amazed that I am in the room. It was good for her though, as one of the issues brought to light was the fact she is a Psychology major, and she has been self diagnosing herself, which is a HUGE no-no. She has been believe everything everything she has told herself. As she has been attracted to the new guy, she see more faults of mine, and as the guy's "crush" grows, she see's even more of my faults untill she remembers none of the good in me. It makes sense now, but it's gonna hard to forgive her if she even tries to fix it. He told her she needs to move her desk away from crush, don't chat with him, don't see him, and focus on me. I'm not sure I want that, but if it was the other way around, and I had lost my marbles, I would want her to try. I don't know,... more thing to think about while I don't get any sleep. All and all, I feel better, and we are going to continue the MC seperate for the next few weeks. More later. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Car guy Posted October 30, 2013 Author Share Posted October 30, 2013 Either she is going through what 90% of people go through at this stage in life/relationship and can't remember the good because she has focused on her crush, and was not medicated post baby (when she should have been),... Or in fact she has never been head over heels for me and got this far in our relationship because of fear of being seen as a failure to her Dad.....9 years of life (been with her since feb 05')..... I don't even know how to process that....... Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 Either she is going through what 90% of people go through at this stage in life/relationship and can't remember the good because she has focused on her crush, and was not medicated post baby (when she should have been),... Or in fact she has never been head over heels for me and got this far in our relationship because of fear of being seen as a failure to her Dad.....9 years of life (been with her since feb 05')..... I don't even know how to process that....... I am so sorry you are going through this. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 Stay strong, Car guy. The clarity of mind that you're exhibiting now is terrific. Hold fast to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Car guy Posted October 30, 2013 Author Share Posted October 30, 2013 Thanks guys,... I am strong when I need to be (in front of the kids/her) but coming here helps me vent, very greatful I found you guys. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nbman Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 I am in a similar situation. I have my fingers crossed this works out for you and your children.. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 9 years of life (been with her since feb 05')..... I don't even know how to process that....... Don't be guilty of practicing the same revisionist history she is. I'm sure there was much good in the 9 years - kids included - so don't beat yourself up. Onward and upward... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Car guy Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 I know, I know, but I'm really, really down about this whole thing. She is %100 head over heels for this guy, and she keeps telling me about it. I gotta seperate myself from this, and write a book... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Car guy Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 This is what the Doc said she has- Limerence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 This is what the Doc said she has- Limerence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Yep, also known as the "fog". Like many things, it's temporary and passing. Get ready for her to wake up one day and say "WTF have I done?"... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Car guy Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 Doc seemed to think it'll be years.... Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 I know, I know, but I'm really, really down about this whole thing. She is %100 head over heels for this guy, and she keeps telling me about it. I gotta seperate myself from this, and write a book... To cheat is one thing..to rub it in your face is almost worse than the act. How absolutely *****ty of her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 What have you done to kill the affair? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Car guy Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 I'm told to stay out of it by the doc. He said she has to make the choice, and squash it. If I do it, it'll be seen in a very bad light in her eyes, and will cause a ton more problems. We are getting along, which makes it easier with the kids, and the division of property. She has such blinders on because of the crush, she is unaware of the pain it's causing. It's like she is addicted to this feeling toward the "crush", and because he told her no, and told her to do the MC, she just wants him more. It's like a knife to the hart to hear. I'm more pissed that she is in pain, than I am about the fact that she tried to cheat. It's a ****ed up deal, but, it's something she is going to need to fight. Not me. I've been working out every day. Once in workout mode, I'm clear, I can think, the pain fizzles, and it drives me. I just wish I didn't see her every day. She is wearing cute little dresses, and looking really good, but I know it's to get the "crush"es attention. It's like she turned a light switch, and she is a different person. So painful... Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Either she is going through what 90% of people go through at this stage in life/relationship and can't remember the good because she has focused on her crush, and was not medicated post baby (when she should have been),... Or in fact she has never been head over heels for me and got this far in our relationship because of fear of being seen as a failure to her Dad.....9 years of life (been with her since feb 05')..... I don't even know how to process that....... Don't buy it. I'm getting the same thing from my STBXW. 8 years together and suddenly she "doesn't love me and was never in love with me." It was very hard to process at first, but I've come to terms with the fact that she is just re-writing history. She now forces herself to remember things different than they actually were. I've stopped trying to worry about it because perception is reality. The more I try to fight her on her memories, the more effort she put in to remember it her way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Car guy Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 Don't buy it. I'm getting the same thing from my STBXW. 8 years together and suddenly she "doesn't love me and was never in love with me." It was very hard to process at first, but I've come to terms with the fact that she is just re-writing history. She now forces herself to remember things different than they actually were. I've stopped trying to worry about it because perception is reality. The more I try to fight her on her memories, the more effort she put in to remember it her way. Sounds like my deal exactly. This sucks.... Halloween and I can't even enjoy it. Happy Halloween everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
AZtragedy Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Sounds like my deal exactly. This sucks.... Halloween and I can't even enjoy it. Happy Halloween everyone. I agree - Halloween was/is "our" favorite "holiday" that we always spent together and had so much fun with. What is happening in your situation is so much like mine, except my wife has left already and counseling is not an option. She already moved in with her new guy while she is still married to me. It hurts, but at the same time, I think of how foolish and sick that is, and how she could live with herself. At any rate, I empathize with your wanting to still make things work. It sounds like she is very confused about things, and has to work things out in her mind before she should be with ANYONE. I say this because this is how I feel about my wife right now, and it is so difficult to understand and to come to terms with. I wish you well, and Happy Halloween to everyone, as well. Link to post Share on other sites
conf Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 (edited) Out of curiosity, how old are you and your wife? Did both of you have many experiences? Edited October 31, 2013 by conf Link to post Share on other sites
Author Car guy Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 I'm 36, she's 35. I have been married before, she hasn't. I have 1 son from my other marriage, but he only stays with us in the summer. We have 2 girls together, 2 and 5. We've both had about the same number of sexual partners. Link to post Share on other sites
Movingforward2 Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Sounds like my deal exactly. This sucks.... Halloween and I can't even enjoy it. Happy Halloween everyone. In the same boat with you guys as well. 7 year itch, basically discovered the affair on Monday......and it's killing me as well. It has consumed my whole week. I pray one day this will end, and she looks back and says "what the hell have I done"........... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Car guy Posted November 1, 2013 Author Share Posted November 1, 2013 another down day today. We had friends of hers come over last night for Halloween. They didn't know our deal, so we had to fake it. It felt nice for what it was worth, but was worse in the end... I'm a wreck now because of it. I told her I'm going out tonight on my own, and she seems worried. I'm not planning on doing anything with anyone, but seeing her worried makes me wonder.... more thoughts to keep me awake at night. Such a train wreck.... Thanks for listening. Link to post Share on other sites
dumped2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 My ex acts like she still worries about me. She texted me Happy Birthday today and I did not answer her. It takes time dude. You will make it. Time does heal all wounds but some take longer than others. Be safe tonight. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts