Author Car guy Posted November 21, 2013 Author Share Posted November 21, 2013 This seem to get a little better each day. She is being more honest with me, and I feel her coming back. We had a long talk on Tuesday, and I decided it was time to move back into the same bedroom with her. She was very happy, and I held her all night long. It is going to take time to bring down the walls I've built, and get over what was said, but I can see her wanting me again. She has done a lot of reading about the Limerence subject, and is taking steps to squash it. I figure if she can keep that up, and be honest with me, then there's as shot at getting this fixed. More to come, thanks guys! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Car guy Posted December 3, 2013 Author Share Posted December 3, 2013 Things are still going well. We have learned to talk about our stresses, and get **** out in the open. Not holding anything back, and it has been much better. She is making big steps to stay away from this guy, and it has been seen from both sides. I understand that this might seem a little "off" to some of you, but to me it feels right. I am learning to forgive, and accept her for who she is. She had a lot of mixed emotions because of where we were, and what we were going through. She made some bad choices that got her to where she was, but the fact is she did not do anything sexual with her crush, and I know that for a fact. She never even kissed him. I can start building trust again, but it will take time. Our MC stated it this way- No matter if you stay with her or go, you will have to build trust. You have a lot of time invested with her, and with the kids, wouldn't you want the same from her if you had a slight misshap? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Car guy Posted January 9, 2014 Author Share Posted January 9, 2014 Things still going well. I have a hard time with it all now and again, but it's much better between us. She see's where and how this crush developed, and how it made her change history between us to justify her feelings towards this other guy. She has cut off all contact with him, but he still works in the same office. She is doing much better, and I feel great about it. We are more open than we ever have been before, and we are doing more together. I can see the errors in my ways, and have made improvements to better myself. We are both working out daily, spend more time with our kids together in the evening. I can really say that I'm glad it happened. We would not have been together much longer the way we were. Thanks to all those that have shared their thoughts. It has helped more than you know. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I'm not going to wait around for her to find the spark for us You won't allow her time to see if she can feel better about herself after losing some weight, feeling happy again? You'd rather bail out on her, your marriage and family unit? You say you've moved and no family is near by, no date nights and life is boring, day in and day out. You have 2 kids, one is young so it is possible your wife has been feeling depressed and not sexy or desirable due to being a "mom" and not being woo'd by her husband. When was the last time you brought her flowers? Just said I love you? Rubbed her back, took the kids and allowed her to have a day to herself? I haven't read too far into your thread so I am hoping your attitude has changed and you're going to give her a chance. this can't be ALL on her, it takes two , so you need to ask yourself what your down fall is.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Car guy Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 You won't allow her time to see if she can feel better about herself after losing some weight, feeling happy again? You'd rather bail out on her, your marriage and family unit? You say you've moved and no family is near by, no date nights and life is boring, day in and day out. You have 2 kids, one is young so it is possible your wife has been feeling depressed and not sexy or desirable due to being a "mom" and not being woo'd by her husband. When was the last time you brought her flowers? Just said I love you? Rubbed her back, took the kids and allowed her to have a day to herself? I haven't read too far into your thread so I am hoping your attitude has changed and you're going to give her a chance. this can't be ALL on her, it takes two , so you need to ask yourself what your down fall is.... LOL, read the story, then reply... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Car guy Posted January 27, 2014 Author Share Posted January 27, 2014 Things are still progressing, and feeling much better about us. MC is working, and bringing us back together. One of the things we have been talking about is the fact that we both miss our family, and have always wanted to move back to Oregon. I did a little job search, as did my wife, and we both found jobs! We are moving back to Oregon by the middle of March. It will be tough, and stressful, but we are in a much better place. More to come! Things all good on this side. Link to post Share on other sites
familygone Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 I found this online, and it sounds like us to a T- "It is also possible that the reason you are not attracted to your husband is simply that you are bored.Perhaps the two of you live a very monotonous life, and you are longing for some passion and spontaneity.If you have been "going through the motions" for a while, you may start to feel as if you and your husband are moving from a romantic relationship to a platonic one, like two roommates.If you feel that this is the case in your marriage, take action to change the humdrum life you have been living.You may find out that you were simply no longer attracted to your life, and you are still completely attracted to your husband.If you are unhappy with yourself, you are likely to project that disdain onto your spouse.Make a bold move to shake things up.Buy a sexy negligee, and surprise your husband by having nothing but that on when he gets home from work.Put on some of your favorite slow songs, and have a romantic dinner and dancing date right in your living room.Be romantic, and tell your husband how you feel.It is probable that he has been experiencing similar frustrations, and he will welcome the change and the excitement that you have decided to reintroduce to your marriage." The reason I say that is she told me the night she came clean that she had already thought about how we can split up everything, sell the house and split the money, and move back to our family's area. This, to me, says she is looking for change, different area, different house, etc... and that has me thinking that we can fix this by changing our routine. I've been thinking about asking her to dinner, at her favorite place(sushi), and a movie or dancing (I don't dance but I'll try) I just don't want to start over with someone else,... I want her.. DO WE HAVE TREND GOING ON HERE? Mine said the same thing to me after 14 years down the sewer.But one person cant fix the marriage .I am the person that believes in marriage vows! The last line you said you dont want to start over neither did i and i told her that it didnt do any good. I didnt cheat on mine either or abuse her.Ilook back i could have done more i thought too,but why should i try to fix things when she did it to us.me and my 7 year old daughter.I dont want another guy around my daughter either but there is nothing i can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Car guy Posted February 7, 2014 Author Share Posted February 7, 2014 So, today was the last day at my job of almost 8 years. I start my new job in 3 weeks, but I got a ton of stuff to move. We are doing well. We have our ups, and downs, but we come together and talk about it. That is the key. I am nurvous about the future, as I will be traveling with my new job, but you can only do so much to show the one that you love that you are "in it". I know I am a good husband, and a great father, so I do my best and if she decides to stray, then it will be her loss. I think she sees that, and that I'm not forcing her to act a certin way, or do something my way, I'm just showing her who I am. That is what has attracted her in the first place. I don't tell her that she can't talk to him, or even that she can't look at him. I just tell her that if she does, it will be much harder for us to be together. I tell her it is just making it worse for yourself. She will know, she will have to live with the guilt. She will have to live with the lie's. This is now at the front of her mind, and she sees it as her decision. That makes us both feel good, becuase it is her deciding to do the right thing. It's hard for some to understand, but I get it. I know that either way, no matter what happens,... the sun will shine,.... the rain will fall, the cows will come home,... I will be fine. I will breath, I will see my girls, I will be happy. It really has helped with MC, so if you are going through the same thing, GET TO MC before it's too late. I wish you all the best of luck. I have a great woman by my side. Yes, we had problems, but we worked it out/working on it, and that is what makes a marrige. Nobody is perfect, but be your best. ;-) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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