nicepuzzle Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 All A end up in sex. Is he really into u or u are his sex side? Mine saud he was in love with me but afraid to turn it into a relationship so his family doesn't break up. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 I believe they do love you, but they may love their wives too. Some MM can compartmentalize and keep both worlds separate (affair and marriage). Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 If the relationship is moving forward. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Quit having sex with him, that would clear things up? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Quit having sex with him, that would clear things up? So many things can show you if a man truly loves you. Actions speak louder than words. Pay attention to them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 So many things can show you if a man truly loves you. Actions speak louder than words. Pay attention to them. Yes actions always speak louder than words. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 It does go by how they treated you. Just as WTHF and Bentlychick wrote. It's the little things that speak louder than the words. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 All A end up in sex. Is he really into u or u are his sex side? Mine saud he was in love with me but afraid to turn it into a relationship so his family doesn't break up. It may not be just sex, but the problem is, even if it isn't just sex, it still may not be love. I have cared for men, had sex with them, valued them as people but wasn't in love with them, still, I wasn't just using them for sex. I enjoyed them as people but didn't see myself permanently with them. I think such is the case for many MP...they may genuinely care for the AP but aren't inlove or at least don't love them in the sense that it means they plan to leave for them or think the love is worth starting a new life. So I suppose the question would be:what is love for you and is it about if they love you or if their idea of love/actions are what you want out of love? My exAP loved me, it wasn't just sex, as we didn't even sleep together until a whole year and some months in, but in the end his love wasn't what I needed out of love. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 All A end up in sex.Not necessarily, but apparently so in your case. Is he really into u or u are his sex side? Love is a verb, so actions of love demonstrate it. Care and concern for and interaction in your life beyond the bedroom. Interest in your pursuits. Support of your challenges. Whatever you would consider love as a verb in general to be for you. The main difference with an affair partner who's married is that they cannot legally commit to you, presuming polygamy is disallowed in your culture/jurisdiction. They can still 'be into' you and love you in the manner which they choose to. I learned this from MW's, mainly through the school of hard knocks. Great education though the cost stung a bit. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 All A end up in sex. Is he really into u or u are his sex side? Mine saud he was in love with me but afraid to turn it into a relationship so his family doesn't break up. All A don't include sex. If he said he loves you chances are he does, but he's also bestowing honesty to you and saving you from planning a future with you while staying with BS, this you will appreciate, no matter what comes of your relationship. Do you just meet for sex? If you want to be more than just the OW than this man is not the man for you, and he was honest with you about this. Again enjoy being the OW and the love you share within the A, cause he doesn't want more Link to post Share on other sites
solostand Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 Like others have said, do they spend time with you doing things other than sex? Do you have sex every time you meet up, or do you do other things? Do they pay attention to your life? Remember things you said last week? Support your pursuits? Cheer you on? Help you if you need it? Listen to you cry or complain about situations? Are they happy for you when you succeed at something? Pick you up and dust you off when you fail? Do you talk on the phone? Do they act like a friend? Do they say they love you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tweetiebirdie Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 After being the OW for awhile, I was struggling with this question myself, and after an open and honest conversation with my MM and the advice of a close friend, I had a huge realization. Up until that point, I had "compartmentalized" men into two categories: either they are horny bastards just using you for sex, or they are deeply in love with you. However, there is a third option as well. Men, just like women, often desire intimate companionship in other ways besides just sex. My MM finds in me someone to have romantic dinners with, someone to hold hands with and walk along the beach, and someone to share life with in many other intimate ways beyond simply having sex. At the same time, despite our strong connection and the length of our relationship, we've never said "I love you" to each other and I wouldn't describe our relationship as being "in love." Link to post Share on other sites
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