Would you still want to be with MM/MW if...

[threelaurels]

...the reason their M ends is because the BS does not want to reconcile after discovering the A? Would you stay in a relationship with them knowing that, when push came to shove, leaving the M for you was not their first choice? Or would you be happy to finally have your MM/MW regardless of the circumstances under which you got them?

[psm04]

No, I always told my xAP that I won't be a second choice that he'll pick only if his first choice decided to leave him. If he left, it had to be for his own reasons, and for himself, just like if I left my H. It doesn't matter anymore anyway, since the A is over. But, if his W decides to file for divorce for whatever reason one day, and he reaches out to me, I will be telling him to go F himself. I won't be so nice that day :-)

[nicepuzzle]

After being lied to (by omission) for 8 months by a man I trusted and loved (?) and finding out he was married....ah no way. He's tried to make contact with me and has left a few pathetic text messages begging me to forgive him and resume the relationship. I have and will continue to ignore any and all attempts by this lying POS. I don't want him, his BS doesn't want him, he's on his own, though I'm sure not for long. He's quite the player obviously and I'm sure some women will find him very charming regardless of his marital status. I have a bit more self respect.

 

I fantasize this situation for my xMM

[2sure]

I've never been in that situation, but when I was pondering your post...

 

If I were OW and MM was tossed out and divorced by his wife , I would definitely feel like I was just his place to land. That's a precarious position and not a good way to feel. But, if I had been willing to just get pieces of him here and there, even these circumstances might feel like an upgrade. I imagine that a relationship starting like this would be full of insecurity and still leave OW feeling like she was competing.

 

 

On the other hand...if he was a MM that just couldn't bring up divorce , and his wife doing so finally created the change he wanted but didn't have the nerve to do himself....I'm thinking maybe. I mean, I personally couldn't find that lack of confidence attractive, but for someone that wasn't important to...Sure , she could feel ok about moving forward .

[Got it]

...the reason their M ends is because the BS does not want to reconcile after discovering the A? Would you stay in a relationship with them knowing that, when push came to shove, leaving the M for you was not their first choice? Or would you be happy to finally have your MM/MW regardless of the circumstances under which you got them?

 

It would depend on the details far more than what is listed here. I would say no, not regardless of any and all circumstances as there would be some that would have been dealbreakers.

 

So, it depends.

[GypsumSatellite]

There was a small window of time in which I didn't know everything about him that I know now where I would have been fine with him winding up with me in a relationship if he divorced. Once I got to know all his issues and history and problems with women: the thought was less appealing. Frightening, even. Having him full-time, as nice as his attention can be, is unhealthy for the duration. It's nothing to do with him as a cheater and everything to do with his manipulative mindset.

[rumbleseat]

From what I understand, the stereotype of the bs begging the ws to "pick me!" Is often not the case. In many situations, the bs, once they have had a bit of time to process everything (or even before that) they tell the ws toto and be with the ap because the marriage is over.

 

If the ws lies to the ap about that, it's just another example of how an affairs steals away a person's chance to make informed choices about their life.

[cocorico]

I would not want to be with a man who would rather be with another. Whether I was the W, the OW, the GF or anything else - if his heart was elsewhere, mine would be, too.