WHEN COUSIN is going to MARRY dangerous guy?

[jwizzle]

I originally posted this question in dating. I should've posted it here because I don't understand women who intentionally ignore red flags. I don't understand the cycle of abuse and don't know how to handle this situation.

-----

My 38 year old cousin is a professional, college educated woman, single mom with 3 daughters. She has worked as a software developer for an international company for the past 15 years. About FIVE weeks ago, she met this seedy guy and now they are engaged. She told me that the dude had a rough childhood and a domestic violence incident in 2011 (he punched baby mama in her face for talking mess about his kids) and a assault with deadly weapon (he tried to run someone over with his car after he punched baby mama). She is told me he is 48, has worked off an on as a cook and construction worker, and has no car or bank account.

He told her he is a reformed man and is a Christian.

 

I am a court clerk, so I told her based on what she told me I was going to look him up. I wouldn't have looked him up if she didn't tell me about his 2011 domestic violance and assault deadly weapon incidents.

 

I found that he was arrested 16 times since 2004. Charges include another domestic violence in 2004 (for punching girlfriend with closed fist in her face), driving while suspended, controlled substance possession, multiple stints in jail, restraining orders, several contempt of courts, and probation violation. I also found he was just arrested in May 2013 for disorderly conduct. I also found that he has 4 outstanding ACTIVE warrants since 2006 in another state.

 

I told my cousin about my findings and forwarded police reports and his mugshot. He looks like a skinhead and has grim reaper tattoos all over his body. I also told my aunt (her mom) and her sister because dude is scary. They are upset

 

My cousin's reaction to my information was very disturbing to say the least. She completely flipped out on me stating she never wants to see me again, that he is reformed, I am judgemental and jealous of her relationship with him because I am loser that has never been married. She said she will hate me forever if he gets arrested for his warrants. She said she knew about his entire past all along (which I think is a lie). I haven't spoke to her sense and I will never speak to her about the guy again.

 

My stance is that if he is reformed and a Christian like he claims, he would have addressed the 4 warrants several years ago

 

Why am I the bad guy here??? I don't understand the cycle of abusive relationships and why she is protecting him.

 

And what can I do if he starts abusing her?

[pteromom]

She probably flipped out on you because her rational side knows that she is crazy for being in love with this guy.

 

You said yourself that you don't understand how women stay with guys like this.

 

But guys like this are VERY good at knowing exactly what to say and do to make women fall hard.

 

The best thing you can do is send her a message that says you only care about her and wanted to make sure she has all the information, but that you support whatever decision she feels is right for her. Tell her you are there for her whenever she needs to talk to you.

 

Then... let it go.

 

The relationship is gonna play itself out. She just might need someone to run to at some point. Make sure you are open, just in case it's you.

[d0nnivain]

It's easy to blame the messenger. If it means your cousin & her kids will be safe, I'd give local law enforcement the heads up about him & where he can be found so he gets picked up on the warrants. Eventually she will forgive you. Heck, if he's a much of a Christian as he claims to be, he will be the one encouraging her to forgive you . . . turn the other cheek & all that.