In order to meet someone, do you have to drink?

[Leeway Harris]

It seems like drinking (alcohol) is such a huge part of most social scenes. Sometimes I think it's obligatory. I drink sometimes, used to drink a lot more. I like beer, and I like whiskey. But I don't like to drink as often as I used to.

 

However, I do want to be social, and meet people. But all the opportunities for doing that seem to revolve around drinking. And if you want a sex life? Forget about it. There WILL be drinking involved or else nobody is going home with anyone. It's like people need an excuse or something.

 

Do you guys think drinking is necessary in order to be social? If you don't drink, or drink only rarely, do you think it's a hindrance to your social life?

[theothersully]

It seems like drinking (alcohol) is such a huge part of most social scenes. Sometimes I think it's obligatory. I drink sometimes, used to drink a lot more. I like beer, and I like whiskey. But I don't like to drink as often as I used to.

 

However, I do want to be social, and meet people. But all the opportunities for doing that seem to revolve around drinking. And if you want a sex life? Forget about it. There WILL be drinking involved or else nobody is going home with anyone. It's like people need an excuse or something.

 

Do you guys think drinking is necessary in order to be social? If you don't drink, or drink only rarely, do you think it's a hindrance to your social life?

 

If you feel it will help, just cheat. Drink something non alcoholic and party it up. Nobody will know the difference.

[Polak]

Agreed with theothersully. Nobody will know the difference, as long as you get some kind of beverage. I don't drink regularly, so I'll usually snag a Dr. Pepper since it's so tasty.

 

That being said, it's not necessary to drink anything! To me, it almost feels like people want to hold something in their hands while mingling, otherwise their hands would be in their pockets. However, I've been around a few people who aren't really into drinking and they are in the social scene with everyone else, drinkless, and not really giving a damn whether they are holding something. It's really up to your comfort level!

[ThomasD]

Regarding the direct question, "Do you have to drink to meet someone?", it wasn't necessary for me to drink to meet my wife. If anything - drinking would have been a detriment since she comes from a family of tea-totallers. You can find the story by going through my old responses.

 

As a general rule, very few would choose to be with someone who's drunk, or even "buzzed". (And that's "be with" in a purely social setting, much less as a sexual partner.)

 

Yet there is a very strong social pressure to imbibe in alcohol. I suspect I was (and am) much like you; maybe even less of a "social drinker". (I'd estimate that my annual alcohol consumption, averaged over the last 20 years or more, is around 2 or 3 beers and less than 1 bottle of wine per year.) In a social setting I might have one beer or a single glass of wine, but it doesn't bother me at all to ask for a plain Pepsi or 7-Up, or grab a cup of coffee if it's available. I don't recall the last time anybody ever asked me about that choice much less challenged me to defend it, but I run in circles where others do likewise.

 

When I was much younger this bothered me more. Of course in your teens or early 20's you'll encounter people who openly challenge you to "be a man", or "join the party", if you aren't on your second drink by 30 minutes into the gathering. More common are those who notice, perhaps ask you about your choice, and give you a look that says, "I understand - you must be one of THOSE people.". (Depending on who gives you the look, "THOSE people" could be anything from recovering alcoholic to Mormon missionary. I assure you - I am FAR from fitting either description.)

 

Of course, you could always pretend to fit some category of "THOSE people". For a while I tried to put together some plausible arguments based on how alcohol was bad for my health, or it could affect my performance at some task (work, bowling, midterm exam, etc) scheduled for the next day, or how I needed to drive somebody home later on. (This last one has a LOT more social acceptance now than it did 40 years ago, so use it if it's true.)

 

Eventually I hit on a scheme that seemed to work well: I'd order my own drink, and ask for my cola or lemon-lime soda, but ask the bartender to put it in a cocktail glass with a cherry in the Pepsi, or a lemon twist on the 7-UP glass. The request was never challenged, and few people were ever the wiser. The simple addition of a garnish made it look like I was partaking like everybody else. Occasionally I'd be asked about what I was drinking, and I could often get by with declining to answer, but cloaking my response in some ambiguous reference such as "What does it look like?". Or offer the questioner a sip, and let them guess what it was. Or, just admit "Cherry cola".

[Grumpybutfun]

Leeway Harris:

When I was dating, I actually was loathe to meet anyone when I was drinking or they were drinking due to the fact that no one is really who they are when they are hammered/tipsy. I was in the military so drinking was a social event most weekends and it was really fun, yet I was wary of girls who were sloppy and came onto me. Drunk sex was lacking in so many ways, and so I would rather meet women through other venues than clubbing, bar-hopping, or drinking parties.

What are your interests? Do you have any hobbies? I met girls at art galleries, live music venues, libraries, sporting events, fishing excursions, hiking, zoos, parks, pool halls, car shows, theaters (plays,) or through friends/families/co-workers. I never once used a dating website.

Also, never drink if you don't enjoy it. I cannot tell you how many of my friend's wives hate that their hardcore military drinking husbands still drink. You cannot change someone else...ever.

Be Yourself, Everytime,

Grumps

[hppr]

I think a lot of people (especially ladies) are very repressed and need alcohol to loosen up and be sociable. Guys on the other hand are often shy, don't know what to say...need that liquid courage to talk to a girl.

 

Does that mean you have to drink? No, of course not. But when everyone else is doing something odds are you will too.

[El Brujo]

Like Polak says, it's just a prop.

[SearchingforPlayer2]

Being a designated driver for a group of friends isn't the worst thing in the world either. I enjoy a night of drinking every now and then, but a lot of times I just don't feel up to it and volunteer myself as the driver. Sure you may miss out on some of the drunken antics, but come the next day when you find out that someone you were talking to at the bar the previous night tried to drive him/herself home and ended up getting pulled over, spent the night in jail, and lost their license, your friends just may appreciate you that much more...

[FitChick]

Drink something non alcoholic and party it up. Nobody will know the difference.

That's what I do. If I am going to have empty calories, I will always take sugar instead! You could always get something like a wine cooler and just sip it all night. Less alcohol in your system.

[KathyM]

Maybe try to limit yourself to one or two alcoholic drinks, and if you feel you need to have a full drink always in your hand or at the table, mix in some non-alcoholic drinks with that. I think a lot of people feel the same way you do, but rather than the drinking helping them, they end up drinking too much and coming across as douchebags because of it, or doing something they end up regretting, such as driving while drunk and getting a DUI. So moderate drinking is the way to go IMO (no more than two alcoholic drinks a night). It may help to relax you so that your social anxiety is reduced, but it's not so much that you would make a fool of yourself, do something stupid, or have a nasty hangover the next day.

 

And I would suggest socializing in other venues as well, as some posters suggested, that don't involve drinking.

[Leeway Harris]

Thanks for these responses. I'm making an effort now to only drink when I want to, and not because I'm in a social situation where it's expected of me. I know it sounds like a problem for a kid to have, not a fully grown adult, but it's easier said than done, even for grownups.

 

Where do people meet each other? In bars. Why do people go to bars? To drink. And it's understandable, because it does lower your social inhibitions. I guess I just wish there were another acceptable way. "Dating" is over, a relic of history. People go to bars, get drunk and hook up. And half the time they regret it the next day. I'm just over it, is what I'm saying.