Who do women have sex with while they make the new guy wait

[man_in_the_box]

Second, I really don't see the issue. Like I said, we weren't in a relationship, just dating, it was none of his business who I slept with. Like it isn't my business who he slept with - but with his attitude I think he didn't. He could very well be sleeping with other girls too and just lie to me, but I chose to trust him.

 

And of course I like that he was investing in our relationship. It shows he cared about me as a person and not some sex object.

 

There's nothing wrong with waiting for sex during the first phase of dating. I did it myself too but if my gf would've shagged some other guy during that period it only shows me she doesn't think sex is a big deal and the whole point of us waiting would've become nonsensical. Sure, technically you can justify it by claiming there's no commitment but that's not what bothers me. I get the same feeling from those engaged people who **** a stripper because they're not 'married' yet and then apparently it doesn't count.

[LoveTKO]

That doesn't mean she had a bf she was making wait. It means she is looking for a guy, didn't find one, and called you. And if you went on a couple of dates with someone, it doesn't mean jack.

 

 

Oh yes......she's been dating some guy a little over a month and told him she wants to take it slow. Women are something else.

[MissBee]

For the women that have the 90+ day waiting period before allowing a guy to have sex. Who do you see on the side while he is in probabtion?

 

 

This is funny.

 

I don't have this "rule" but I do wait before having sex with someone I'm serious about and if I am serious about them I'm not seeing others on the side and certainly not having sex with others on the side...what would be the point of that?

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I'm at that stage at the moment. I wouldn't really consider myself great boyfriend material on paper. At least one of the girls that I am sleeping with is dating a guy that she won't sleep with. It's weird but it's also fun when you figure out these life hacks.

 

Yeah, it's a life hack....but just think about the time when you're ready to settle down.

 

Will you be able to trust any woman after seeing this firsthand time and time again?

 

How do you think I've become so "misogynistic" (as posters on this board love to call me). I've seen WAY too many messed up things.

[aussie sam]

Yeah, it's a life hack....but just think about the time when you're ready to settle down.

 

Will you be able to trust any woman after seeing this firsthand time and time again?

 

How do you think I've become so "misogynistic" (as posters on this board love to call me). I've seen WAY too many messed up things.

 

Hah yes I have also seen a lot of things that made me reevaluate everything that I have been taught about relationships. But I think that the reason a lot of women do it doesn't come from a bad place. I think really they are more scared about potential boyfriends thinking they are "sluts" (and therefore lower value) for wanting sex, because society kind of tells them that.

 

There is a lot more to it than that, but I would like to think that when I find a girl that I am ready to settle down with that I could provide the right frame to create that trust and avoid this.

[phineas]

Huh? When did I say that?

 

Just because they have views outside of the norm doesn't mean they're miserable. Most of those guys get girls, but they're just against marriage for the reasons I stated.

 

For example, IRL, I'm not miserable and I have a good time when I go out and am very friendly at work. But I also happen to be very opinionated....which comes out on anonymous forums like this (because I can't say most of these things IRL).

 

There is opinionated & then there is f'd in the head.

 

I maintain the majority of people here have serious trust issues with the opposite sex.

so much so it prevents them from having a relationship or even dating because they have so much distrust for the opposite sex.

 

That is not normal real world behavior.

 

And what's funny is the few men and women I know in real life who hold so much distrust for women (all men are players, all women are sluts ect.) are in their situations because of themselves and their own personality flaws.

 

They don't keep meeting people looking to use them, they just keep scaring people off.

[phineas]

Ill give you today's example and I am sure you are going to laugh.

 

Dated a divorced woman 3 weeks ago, I did not expect much, because I am not divorced yet, and I dont like chasing women. So we have a really great time and I was very impressed by her wit, confidence and openness. So I ask her out next day to have lunch the day after, so I talk to her and the chemistry is off the scale, so without much fanfare I tell her she is definitely on my priorities as a person, but It would be stupid to put anything in motion now because of my unresolved issues, so she tells me she is happy I am straightforward and that she likes me a lot too, so we are cool/good. She calls me an hour later and tells me she is so happy I am confident and forthcoming and that I am not playing games with her just to have sex, I tell her I really want to have sex with her, that I like her so much but I dont want to have a lover as I am not divorced yet.

 

I went out with her twice again, one lunch, one breakfast, everything good, now we are calling each other almost everyday..so we are good, she goes on work trips 2 or 3 days, and we whatssapp each other. I help her with a big project that is giving her headaches and economic trouble, she is happy, then one day texting me she makes a mistake and sends me "We had a great time my initials I hope we can do it again, I love you so much"...I read it and I know she has a friend name exactly like me, so I think, ok WRONG message, so I answer back "?????" "I thought you were not dating anyone else", she answers back "ops sorry I sent something wrong LOL", nothing after that, So I did not call her NOTHING for a week.

 

She calls me today and tells me where the hell have I been, and I told her well I am checking the gene pool, since I want to have some fun. SILENCE..... then I add : It seems to me you are having fun isnt it? , she tells me Its someone she hangs out and have fun with, so I tell her: "Look we are both mature here, I could have been more aggressive and by now we would have slept together, but I did not want to complicate things just because I need sex, you could have told me you had someone - she interrupts me and says "but you are very funny, intelligent, successful and I told you I really like you, I wanted to be sure you are the real deal...

 

so I say..Paty, I am the real deal, but you are not.... thanks anyway I hung up.

 

So basically I told her I am really interested, that I want to resolve my situation, she tells me she is happy confortable and she likes me, and proceeds to test me....GOOD LORD.

 

P.D. The incredibel thing is that if I had sex with her, I am sure I would have her texting me all day.... GOD you can never win... and she is my age! LOL

 

sounds like the typical woman in her late 30's to mid 40's that I meet.

I've usually been the nice guy & backed off because they seemed to into me.

Then I realized that they all got some other guy on the side even though they don't want me seeing other women and decided to just sleep with them. But not before telling them it's just sex & letting them decide.

 

Also, a lot of women act like you hurt them but it's really just part of their game because they will go right back to the other guy they are sleeping with without missing a beat.

[Els]

Honestly, people can't generally have things both ways. It's fine if a guy wants sex early on, but then he'd better be okay with the fact that she's probably done that with lots of guys in the past. Also fine if a guy wants a woman with few partners (or none), but he'd better be prepared to wait, because women who have few partners are likely not putting out on the first date. I mean, it's simple logic, yeah?

 

There are a few women who are okay with double standards, but I'm not sure that's the best demographic to go for, for obvious reasons regarding the mindset and self-esteem of a person who would willingly accept such.

 

But I think that the reason a lot of women do it doesn't come from a bad place. I think really they are more scared about potential boyfriends thinking they are "sluts" (and therefore lower value) for wanting sex, because society kind of tells them that.

 

There is a lot more to it than that, but I would like to think that when I find a girl that I am ready to settle down with that I could provide the right frame to create that trust and avoid this.

 

This is probably a good thing to aim for, yes.

 

If you're serious about a relationship with a girl and you show her that you are, you should have no problems finding a girl willing to reciprocate the sentiment. It's probably a good idea to evaluate how she treats you (non-sexually) so that you don't end up being used, but that goes for both genders, and is best done in moderation.

[Els]

There is opinionated & then there is f'd in the head.

 

I maintain the majority of people here have serious trust issues with the opposite sex.

so much so it prevents them from having a relationship or even dating because they have so much distrust for the opposite sex.

 

That is not normal real world behavior.

 

And what's funny is the few men and women I know in real life who hold so much distrust for women (all men are players, all women are sluts ect.) are in their situations because of themselves and their own personality flaws.

 

They don't keep meeting people looking to use them, they just keep scaring people off.

 

Oh my lord, I actually agree with phineas!

[Antenna_Of_Destiny]

A sane human being will only "wait" a while for sex to establish the relationship, IF - and only if - that is their partner's usual and normal standard and conviction. No sane person is going to date you as soon as they sense that you treat them differently than you've treated your FWB and previous courtiers. No one is going to wait to come up empty handed when you have had losers you slept with on the first encounter in the past and have an FWB in the present.

 

There isn't a single mentally healthy individual in the world that would be okay with their future SO withholding sex for months during courtship, while having had sex with losers or "the bad boy" ASAP because they treat her differently on purpose to be judged "non-relationship" material.

 

This type of manipulative behavior by women, teaches men to treat them badly, in order to get sex faster. If women reward guys who treat them like crap or otherwise display non-relationship traits with sex right away, more and more men will treat you with non-relationship traits.

 

This is why you see more guys acting like douche's and jerks now.

 

They see douchy guys and jerks getting sex on demand without any commitments, while boyfriends have to do the whole dinner, movies, be polite, buy her gifts script and not getting sex until the 10th date.

 

Which do you think guys are going to emulate?

 

I'm not relationship minded, but if one day I do wish for a LTR, I will go about it by having sex with her first and giving her the best orgasms of her life, not by playing the part of the white knight in shining armor and going through months of tests to share something she passed out like candy on Halloween to others.

 

I'm not hating on anyone for having sex or how many sexual partners they've had, I'm not ashamed of human sexuality and I think everyone should freely express themselves sexually in any way they choose insofar that it is consensual. What I am hating on is the dynamic of making someone "relationship material" wait when that is not your usual standard and conviction. It is inconsistent, a powerplay, and no one should take anyone who plays that game seriously.

 

In the long term more men will learn they want to be the one ****ing the girl not the one going home alone pretty quick.

 

So laughable, the women who reserve the right to have sex right away, but only in casual type situations or in case she meets someone who isn't a LTR material. If she meets a guy who is LTR material and treats her well, she makes him walk around with blue balls for 90+days, while lying to him about screwing others the moment she meets them. I'm glad I'm not relationship minded.

[Easyguy14]

For the women that have the 90+ day waiting period before allowing a guy to have sex. Who do you see on the side while he is in probabtion?

 

Probably the vibrator.

[HokeyReligions]

Nobody. Why would I sleep with someone if I'm trying to get to know a guy for a potential relationship?

 

The answers you guys are giving and your sucky attitudes to women in general are why you all are single. I can't think who the hell would want to date you if you have such low opinions of women.

 

I wish I could like a few hundred more times for your post.

 

Sadly almost this identical question came up from a 15 year old boy who was possibly entering his first real relationship. He honestly believed that his gf, who was not a virgin (at 15!) Would continue to have sex several times a week whil e she was deciding if she would enter a committed relationship. This kid was really stressed over this.

[Easyguy14]

I wish I could like a few hundred more times for your post.

 

Sadly almost this identical question came up from a 15 year old boy who was possibly entering his first real relationship. He honestly believed that his gf, who was not a virgin (at 15!) Would continue to have sex several times a week whil e she was deciding if she would enter a committed relationship. This kid was really stressed over this.

 

Sounds to me like a smart kid.

[Els]

Nobody. Why would I sleep with someone if I'm trying to get to know a guy for a potential relationship?

 

The answers you guys are giving and your sucky attitudes to women in general are why you all are single. I can't think who the hell would want to date you if you have such low opinions of women.

 

Seconding (thirding) for truth.

[Woggle]

If I were single I would have no issue waiting for sex but only if she was making me wait because she truly believes that sex shouldn't be casual. If I am the stable guy she is making wait while she is sleeping with some other guy then know I don't want to be the safe relationship material she isn't really that hot for. No sane person with self respect wants to be in that position.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

 

There is a lot more to it than that, but I would like to think that when I find a girl that I am ready to settle down with that I could provide the right frame to create that trust and avoid this.

 

Ah the famous last words.

 

Good luck man. And trust me, you will need a lot of luck.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I maintain the majority of people here have serious trust issues with the opposite sex.

so much so it prevents them from having a relationship or even dating because they have so much distrust for the opposite sex.

 

I never said that I did trust the opposite sex. I agree with you completely. Personally, I don't trust a single woman in a relationship. However, this is not based on what I've read on the internet. It's based on what I've experienced and observed IRL.

 

I do have female friends and coworkers though. They are completely fine in that context.

 

And what's funny is the few men and women I know in real life who hold so much distrust for women (all men are players, all women are sluts ect.) are in their situations because of themselves and their own personality flaws.

 

They don't keep meeting people looking to use them, they just keep scaring people off.

 

I won't tell you what I've seen and experienced IRL here (PM me if you want some of my stories), but, no, this is not what I'm doing. I promise.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Oh my lord, I actually agree with phineas!

 

You agree with Phineas because he's saying something that mostly isn't true.

 

He fixes himself in his next response though (so you would not agree with that).

[phineas]

I never said that I did trust the opposite sex. I agree with you completely. Personally, I don't trust a single woman in a relationship. However, this is not based on what I've read on the internet. It's based on what I've experienced and observed IRL.

 

I do have female friends and coworkers though. They are completely fine in that context.

 

 

 

I won't tell you what I've seen and experienced IRL here (PM me if you want some of my stories), but, no, this is not what I'm doing. I promise.

 

I wasn't actually referring to you're posts here.

I'm about to be 42.

I've had women string me along right out of my divorce.

Twice I found out they were banging someone else while telling me "I don't want to be your rebound" (even though I had been divorced & separated for almost 2 yrs).

 

Took me a while to even consider dating after that double whammy. LOL!

[RedRobin]

If I were single I would have no issue waiting for sex but only if she was making me wait because she truly believes that sex shouldn't be casual. If I am the stable guy she is making wait while she is sleeping with some other guy then know I don't want to be the safe relationship material she isn't really that hot for. No sane person with self respect wants to be in that position.

 

... and I want to be the woman he is investing in and getting to know too... I'm investing in him too... not sleeping around.

 

If he's sleeping around while pretending to invest in me... pretending to get to know me because I'm 'relationship material'... that feels just as wrong... and it feels like our values are not in line AT ALL.

[Woggle]

... and I want to be the woman he is investing in and getting to know too... I'm investing in him too... not sleeping around.

 

If he's sleeping around while pretending to invest in me... pretending to get to know me because I'm 'relationship material'... that feels just as wrong... and it feels like our values are not in line AT ALL.

 

I fully agree with you. It seems we are on the same page.

[lindsay1990]

As a woman, all I can say is: "Why didn't I think of this?"

 

 

I mean it. Thanks.

Edited October 31, 2013 by lindsay1990
added 'I'

[lino]

I've seen this at play a few times.

 

I've got 2 friends who were 'on the side' guys multiple times.

I was involved in a fwb situation just over 5 years ago.

It lasted a bit more than 18 months and in that time the girl I was doing it with was dating a few guys.

 

Don't know if she was screwing them or not as she didn't tell

me and I wasn't interested to know.

[Kate9292]

As a woman, all I can say is: "Why didn't I think of this?"

 

 

I mean it. Thanks.

 

Right?

 

Best of the both worlds. Your relationship material guy doesn't think your "easy", yet you get all the sex you need.

 

A girl has needs too!

[RedRobin]

Well, if it makes you guys feel better... I'm pretty sure the guy I've been investing my time with the past couple of months is 'banging' other women while getting to know me.

 

I didn't think so before this week, but now I do. Just a feeling.

 

Time for me to launch, looks like...