Life re-evaluation (only upside of separation)

[Monodare1]

Hi guys

 

Since separation I've:

 

1.) moved in with my 88 year old father

2.) reconnected with my friends in my home town

3.) find I'm struggling in my job

4.) find that my current wage wouldn't support having a place of my own

5.) decided to get a new job once my name is off the joint mortgage with the ex.

6.) decided to learn to drive so I'm not dictated to by the ex on seeing my son

 

I was looking for some pointers from any separation comrades as to if they have done a life re-evaluation and how far they have got on with it?

[MrE_UK]

Hi,

 

Since am living with my 85 year old Grandmother now, I have re-evaluated and have been doing the following:

 

1. Applying for jobs - some interviews, but with no fireworks yet!

2. Studying a Diploma in Copywriting (on Assignment 7 now)

3. Going on 1-2 hour walks every day

4. Am writing a non-fiction book (re: hobby - agents said "too niche", so, will self-publish on Amazon and market it myself)

5. Started swimming once a week

6. Not dating

7. Re-connected with an old, childhood female friend - we're meeting for coffee soon (she's happily married btw)

8. Have finished counselling for Anxiety (have read books too, etc.,.)

9. Have written an article and submitted to a magazine

10. Wrote a short story and submitted to a competition

11. Speak to youngest daughter every day on FaceTime and speak to eldest twice a week on the phone

12. Remaining amicable with STBXW - chatting, sharing jokes, talking about daughters, etc.,.

 

Shame there's no quick turn-a-round; but, with hindsight as a motivating factor, am taking steps to have a brighter future. In time...

Edited October 21, 2013 by MrE_UK

[2.50 a gallon]

My Ex and I had been married only 6 months, had moved from a large city (no baseball of football teams) to a larger mega metropolitan area, which had two major league teams. I had caught her kissing the OM and kicked her out and she had moved in with him.

 

This is my list of 30 plus years ago. It was meant to get my mind off of thinking about her every minute of the day

 

1. Make new friends (All of my friends were her work friends)

2. Get back into my hobbies (In order to please her and give her all of my spare time I had cut way back on my hobbies)

3. Get a night job (In my trade, a newbie was first offered night work, I had taken a day job to please her, at less than half my regular pay

4. Get back into the dating game

5. Find me a new apartment with lots of younger tenants (See #1 and #4)

6. See what my new city has to offer

7. Attend some major league games

8. Teach myself how to cook some gourmet meals (See #1 and especially #4, and they take longer to cook, which equals less time to think)

 

 

The results were amazing. I made lots of new friends, some of whom I still communicate, via e-mail and one dear friend we write every couple of months.

 

Got a new job, at over twice what I was making

 

Sex life took off, the gourmet meals were a hit.

 

Got back into my model building hobby, and discovered that the large cities had fish stores that carried rare tropical I had never been able to get before. Thirty years later, raising rare and hard to breed tropical fish is still

my second hobby. With age have had to cut back, from 30 plus tanks to about a dozen

 

In exploring my new area, visited a local university, and accidently discovered that I was meant to be doing historical research. It has been my life's passion ever since. I have written and published many articles and to this day continue to pull new unknowns out of the past that no one was aware of

 

Accidently discovered that many of the females at my new apartment complex were turned on by my baking Christmas cut out cookies, and it became a new tradition in my new life

 

A dozen years later get a date with this long legged gal totally out of my league in the looks department, third date was at my place to do Halloween cookies. That was 18 years ago next week, and we have been together ever since.

 

A month into my new life the Ex realized she had made a bad mistake and began a 3 plus year attempt to win me back. No Way

[UnbreakMyHeart]

Its still quite raw for me - it will be 4 weeks on Wednesday since he left and I have done a fair bit of soul searching and made some changes in that time for ME

 

1. I am realising a dream. I have the opportunity to go to Africa for 6 weeks in March to teach health promotion to the local population. Something I have wanted to do since I was very young

2. Started looking at ways to fund #1 (lol)

3. I have discovered I am actually pretty good when it comes to DIY - all the jobs *he* didn't get around to doing? They're done! It just took a bit of Googling and a whole lot of patience

4. I've reconnected with old friends. I've made new ones - my biggest cheerleader has been my first husbands wife (yeah, it is as confusing as it sounds!)

5. I've started walking. My dog isn't thanking me for it (he is a lazy ar*e) but I am feeling better for it

6. Each morning I write myself a 'to do' list - Yeah, it might sound like mumbo jumbo claptrap. Todays 'to do' list just says 'Count my blessings'

7. I have read... and read... and read... and read! I'm not quite ready to go out socialising just yet but I am filling my time wisely. Gone is the 'me' who spent the first 3 weeks staring in to space

 

I'm lucky - I have a job I adore and if I am truthful, that pays a pretty decent salary. Still, I am substantially out of pocket with only my wage coming in so I spent yesterday downgrading my TV package (I hardly watch it anyhow), changing my broadband supplier, changing my utility providers - Hopefully I should see the benefit in the next month or so. Oh, and I have started being extremely frugal - every plug gets turned off if it is not in use. If I'm cold, I put a jumper on! I also have an interview in a couple of weeks for some agency work so I can do extra shifts on my days off which will bring in some extra cash. I might even look at taking in an exchange student

 

I think what I am trying to say is that my major re-evaluation?

 

I am starting to be proactive rather than reactive