avoiding sleep?

[nomoreofthat]

I keep pushing my sleep back later and later. because it is the time when I feel the most lonely. I lay there and I think about all these great memories with him, even ones that were only weeks before the breakup. we were so good together. i love him so much. it hurts thinking about it and knowing that our beautiful relationship was cut short.

 

its been a month now, and in some ways im grieving harder than before. I guess I was in shock before. now my new life without him has really set in and it is so lonely. i have a great family and friends, but still I feel so disconnected from them. hes the one person, even when we were just friends, who ive felt a deep connection with, like they always understood me.

 

I work with him tomorrow. for some reason, im real nervous. i dont know. I guess I just have to go in there and be strong and be fun and rub in his face what he is missing. i was damn good to him and he knows that. I loved/love him with every bit of my soul. I cant imagine anyone loving a person as much as I did/do him. I just pray that one day he is going to wake up and its really going to set in that he let go off a great relationship. anyone else have the dawson creek-esque reunion fantasies? ah, that would be nice.

[Weird]

having a lack of sleep is bad for you. It leads to depression which makes things worse.

[NiCoLe20]

make sure u look extra sexy tomaro!!

[Weird]

the big diff between a men and women. A man gives makes a comment that actually is important (ie you need to sleep) and a woman says something so trivial like "look sexy tomorrow"

 

Gotta love the difference between the sexes.

[HokeyReligions]

You really DO need to get some sleep.....

 

.....you don't want to go in tomorrow with dark circles under your eyes!

 

 

 

I think everyone who has had their heart broken has, in the wee hours of the silent night, played out many fantasies about getting back together. It's part of the process. Focus forward and you'll be OK.

 

 

Oh, and Weird? It might be trivial to you -- but that doesn't make it trivial at all. You don't understand because you are not a woman. Accept that.

[nomoreofthat]

thanks for the concern all. I did get enough sleep last night.

 

today at work it actually went well. at first it was awful. I felt like he was ignoring me, and I just felt like the world was coming down on me and that this person who was my everything for 2 years suddenly stopped caring about my existence altogether. but I think i was just being paranoid. after a bit we both starting talking and we ended up laughing a lot and teasing eachother and just being stupid and silly. it was one of the best nights ive had at work in awhile. i think we've finally made it through the initial postbreakup weirdness. we're finally comfortable together again. thank god.

 

its difficult at the same time. on my drive home i suddenly burst into tears. i do love him so dearly and he's just so fun and sweet and all wonderful things. i miss the closeness we had. i miss being the center of his universe. but we've always had a friendship-first kind of relationship. he is the dearest friend of my life. so the friendliness is good and relieves some of that pain in my stomach. its difficult. sometimes i just want to say "see... see how good we are together". but i dont think id have it any other way. i certainly wouldnt want to have one of those breakups where we suddenly hate eachother and want nothing to do with eachother. and i guess this helps some people heal. but everyone heals differently.

 

I work with him a lot over the next couple of weeks. hopefully things will stay good. I wouldnt say ive totally moved on, but Im making progress. i know that if anything ever changes, and im not expecting anything at this point, it will be down the road. he definitely needs a friend right now, and not a girlfriend, or rather an ex-gf begging for another chance.

 

 

btw, yes I looked cute today. just got my haircut. i know he noticed and liked it.