! I have a crush on two of my professors!

[jackierosa4]

I am a 22 year old college student. I make the honor roll every semester and I am generally outgoing.

 

I am extremely attracted to two of my professors who are in their 40s. They both constantly smile when I am around, and consistently make eye contact with me during class. Whenever I walk by either of them in the halls they make it a point to speak with me. They say things like "Oh! Here comes trouble!" or "Hey trouble!". (Trouble!? why trouble!?) They both act like high school guys around me, and it is so cute! I tend to slightly flirt with them back, in a non-slutty way of course.

 

My one professor smiles and winks at me whenever we are done having a conversation. Not sure what this 'wink' means. We meet up sometimes and he helps me with my school work.

 

Also, No. They have never made me feel uncomfortable. They are very professional and sweet.

 

I've never seen them do this with other students. They are definitely kind to the other students, but not as bubbly.

 

Are they flirting with me? Or am I crazy?

 

Of course I would never get involved with them - for obvious reasons. However, I find it extremely hot if they are. Cmon! It's every young girl's dream!

[scorpiogirl]

It could be that they know you have a crush on them and perhaps are just teasing you about it ( and they've probably talked with each other about it). A girl with a crush on a teacher is so transparent. Lol I speak from experience.

 

I had the biggest crush on one of mine and I thought nobody could see because I'm not even the flirty or giggly type. Turns out EVERYONE in my class knew.

 

And because he must've just seen right through me he often looked at me more often than he did others because I looked at him more often.

 

Crushes can be fun and make lectures a lot more interesting but don't read anything into it

[Trimmer]

Crushes can be fun and make lectures a lot more interesting but don't read anything into it

If you keep them in perspective, they can indeed be enjoyable, but if you don't keep them in perspective, there can be real trouble ahead...

 

(a) as scorpio points out, don't read too much into them - depending on the culture and regulations of your school, stepping over a boundary could mean career death (for a prof), so you should start with a baseline assumption not only that nothing more WILL happen, but that nothing more CAN happen;

 

(b) do not, EVER, tell the subject of your crush that you have one. Only bad things lie in that direction. Either boundaries will be maintained and things will henceforth become awkward instead of fun and pleasant, or boundaries might be broken, and people could lose jobs, position, reputation, etc. Keep it fun and pleasant.

 

© don't try to keep pushing the boundary - it's essentially the equivalent of the above. It's like playing with a toy more and more roughly until you inevitably break it. If you need to keep pushing that boundary, eventually you will reach the point of awkward boundary enforcement, or dangerous boundary breaking.

 

And don't attempt any of the above, unless you know - really know - that you can keep things in perspective and that nothing more can happen.

 

Finally, understand and consider - now - where your boundaries are, just in case one of these guys actually does makes a boundary-crossing move. In spite of your excitement, can you be rational enough to shut it down?

Edited October 20, 2013 by Trimmer

[InnocentMan]

Yes, they probably are flirting with you a little, and yes, you do seem a tad wacky. Hope this helps.

[Trimmer]

As far as people saying it's going to threaten a faculty member's career, relax; your concerns are incredibly exaggerated. No one knows what's actually happening--it's just pure speculation for drama's sake.

I wasn't claiming that the flirting, kept where it is, would do that. I was saying that it is possible to step over the line (i.e into an actual relationship, if both sides let it, which does happen sometimes), and that can be, in certain environments, a bad thing for a faculty member's reputation or career.

 

My advice is: enjoy it, but don't get too close to the flame...

[jackierosa4]

This. No one's going to make a stink about it since the other students are obsessed with their grade above everything else.

 

As far as people saying it's going to threaten a faculty member's career, relax; your concerns are incredibly exaggerated. No one knows what's actually happening--it's just pure speculation for drama's sake.

 

haha you are awesome! I agree. It's all in pure innocence. I'm sure he would never actually pull any moves on me. And I would never pull a move on him either. It's just cute and makes going to class a lot more enjoyable.

 

Everyone has had/has crushes on professors. No one cares at all!

[Trimmer]

First of all, you'll note that I am all for her enjoying the crush, if she can keep it in perspective (which it sounds like she is.)

 

It CAN be, but you don't know if it would.

Thus the reason I used the words "can be." (I even underlined them.) You're responding as if I claimed it was a certainty - I was offering the OP possibilities to consider.

 

You're speculating without a shred of evidence or knowledge about what actually goes on.

I based much of my response on the "shreds" in this post, and others by the same poster in that thread, who is a professor and had a very useful inside perspective. If you have a similarly useful (and maybe different) inside view as a professor, administrator, or maybe a student who's been involved with a professor, then the thread is open for you to provide your perspective.

 

Edited to add: In re-reading, I now wonder if you believed I was speculating that the OP was planning to become involved with the professor, is that what you think I was saying? It wasn't my intention.

 

Here's the thing, though - as the professor posting in that other thread pointed out, it can be a pretty bad thing if it does happen, and although it usually doesn't, sometimes a professor steps over the boundary. If that happens and an impressionable student dives in as well, then things can go bad. That's the point I was bringing up for discussion; see the other thread for more detail.

 

I don't believe that the OP is likely in this position, based upon her "I would never...for obvious reasons" comment (to the OP, if I came off that way in my posts to you, it was not intended.) But things in life - affections, intentions, boundaries - change and shift, so it doesn't hurt to consider what CAN happen as a guard and fortification of one's resolve.

Edited October 20, 2013 by Trimmer

[Trimmer]

OK, I re-read OP. If you have an interest in TWO professors, and not just one and they are BOTH saying the same things about you, there is a good chance that you are being a bit too flirty and borderline sexual in your interactions with both of them.

Wow, after the hard line you've taken in this thread, you don't think this is "completely speculative and unfounded fearmongering"?

 

Frankly, I think it's a possibility worth considering, and worth bringing up. That's what we do here - offer lots of different ideas that are all possibilities, and then the OP can sift through them, consider them, discuss them with us, and pick and choose what applies to her particular situation, which she knows best.

 

That doesn't mean it's all intentionally stirring "internet drama," any more than your equally unfounded (but potentially possible) suggestion that she's being too sexual.

[jackierosa4]

Haha yes, now that I think about it I am sure they have spoken about me with each other. However, no I am not sexual with either of them! I've never winked back. I smile and say goodbye. Is he being sexual by winking? It's a fast wink with a smile. Guys my age don't generally wink so I am not familiar with the gesture.

 

Also, I do agree that people go over board with thinking of the worst possible scenarios. I'm sure they don't do it intentionally, but I've also noticed

[jackierosa4]

Wow, after the hard line you've taken in this thread, you don't think this is "completely speculative and unfounded fearmongering"?

 

Frankly, I think it's a possibility worth considering, and worth bringing up. That's what we do here - offer lots of different ideas that are all possibilities, and then the OP can sift through them, consider them, discuss them with us, and pick and choose what applies to her particular situation, which she knows best.

 

That doesn't mean it's all intentionally stirring "internet drama," any more than your equally unfounded (but potentially possible) suggestion that she's being too sexual.

 

 

No, I appreciate you commenting and helping so much!!

I love getting advice from people I don't know. It's great to hear everyone's point of view!

 

However, no I would never get involved with either, my mom would kill me! And they are way ahead of me in life. And they likely have wives! So no thanks I just have crushes, which will fade so quickly let's be realistic haha.

 

I just was very curious if anyone else thought they were also flirting! I'm sure teachers have "student" crushes. Just cute little crushes that fade!