If the (Dumper) stays in the picture, will a rebound relationship fail?

[landangel]

ColdAlone, you have already lived this scenario. I have already drawn so much from what you have said and I cant tell you how valuable it will be to me as I move forward. Can you assist me with this? The biggest help you can give me is to point out your missteps. Assuming you wanted to salvage things with this woman you were involved with... what would you have done differently?

 

-Your Ex said that if you had left her alone she would have come back to your herself.... is there any truth to that?

 

-It is my opinion that if the Dumper stays in the picture that the Dumpee will have an easier transition into their new (rebound) relationship. You said she enjoyed the attention from two men, do you think there to that?

 

- If you did want her back (assuming her family was not an issue), and wanted to get her away from her (rebound), what would you have done to accomplish that?

Edited October 21, 2013 by landangel

[ColdAlone]

ColdAlone, you have already lived this scenario. I have already drawn so much from what you have said and I cant tell you how valuable it will be to me as I move forward. Can you assist me with this? The biggest help you can give me is to point out your missteps. Assuming you wanted to salvage things with this woman you were involved with... what would you have done differently?

 

-Your Ex said that if you had left her alone she would have come back to your herself.... is there any truth to that?

 

-It is my opinion that if the Dumper stays in the picture that the Dumpee will have an easier transition into their new (rebound) relationship. You said she enjoyed the attention from two men, do you think there to that?

 

- If you did want her back (assuming her family was not an issue), and wanted to get her away from her (rebound), what would you have done to accomplish that?

 

I think she was just a confused girl and I'm someone that girlfriends are drawn to very strongly for some reason. They all came back if I let them.

I don't think she would have come back. Previous breakups I did leave her alone and she came back but she had no one else. I think her comment was based on that experience.

 

In this scenario I also don't think it matters who's the Dumper and who's the Dumpee. It's a new situation alltogether. And it's not a 'normal' girl. IMO doing nothing shows that you don't care and it can backfire greatly.

 

If I wanted her back I would have continued the 'games'. I had the power to stop or continue the whole time.

[landangel]

How did you know you had the power the whole time? What indications did she give you that you were in control of that situation?

 

You have an idea of where things are at with me right now. I am the Dumer in this situation. BTW she is operating under the idea that I too have a girlfriend. She was very pissed as you read but ultimately came back to see me again even though she had a BF.

Also I have never once initiated any contact, it's always been her.

Would you say that I am in the position you were in? I have the power to stop or continue?

[landangel]

Did you love this girl?

 

How did you condition yourself to play the game and not get emotional about it?

[ColdAlone]

Did you love this girl?

 

How did you condition yourself to play the game and not get emotional about it?

 

Yes, I loved her. I didn't really condition myself. It's just the way I am. I'm very calm and rational, but my mindset was 'I need to fight for her'.

She came first, I never thought about what it was doing to me. Or how good or bad it was what I was doing.

[ColdAlone]

How did you know you had the power the whole time? What indications did she give you that you were in control of that situation?

 

You have an idea of where things are at with me right now. I am the Dumer in this situation. BTW she is operating under the idea that I too have a girlfriend. She was very pissed as you read but ultimately came back to see me again even though she had a BF.

Also I have never once initiated any contact, it's always been her.

Would you say that I am in the position you were in? I have the power to stop or continue?

 

Well, it was up to me to continue the games or end them. Like I said, when I would say I was done, she would reach out. Again, up to me if I take the bait or not.

 

You always have the power. You just take it. You deciding what you will do or not do = Power.

 

You can test it a little I guess. Send a txt, say this or that.

 

Don't get the wrong idea here though. It's been 9 years ago, I wouldn't do it again. It was morally wrong

[landangel]

Well, it was up to me to continue the games or end them. Like I said, when I would say I was done, she would reach out. Again, up to me if I take the bait or not.

 

You always have the power. You just take it. You deciding what you will do or not do = Power.

 

You can test it a little I guess. Send a txt, say this or that.

 

Don't get the wrong idea here though. It's been 9 years ago, I wouldn't do it again. It was morally wrong

 

What you are saying is that her feelings for you we're stronger than her feeling for the new guy? You just decided to walk away. Do you think she still thinks about you?

[landangel]

Could you elaborate on doing the "push/pull thing"?

 

ColdAlone, if you we're so inclined back your situation, what could you have done to get the new guy out of the picture? Why did she keep him around... It sounds like she was more into you then the new guy anyway?

[ColdAlone]

Could you elaborate on doing the "push/pull thing"?

 

ColdAlone, if you we're so inclined back your situation, what could you have done to get the new guy out of the picture? Why did she keep him around... It sounds like she was more into you then the new guy anyway?

 

Push/pull = when you push her away, she will try to pull you back and vice versa.

 

She kept him around because he was new and interesting. I was a routine. I changed myself a bit to not be the routine so I became more interesting again. Hence chasing her. Like I said, I somehow always have a strong connection with a girlfriend, they don't break away that easily.

 

I'm not sure what else or more I could have done. I gave her my best qualities, showed her my willingness. After that it was up to her. Basicly you give, then you take away and let her decide. Her family was her main reason she didn't come back. Surely not the other guys qualities

[ColdAlone]

What you are saying is that her feelings for you we're stronger than her feeling for the new guy? You just decided to walk away. Do you think she still thinks about you?

 

She will think about me for sure if I contact her. And will want to see me even. And then if I would want to I could even have sex with her again.

 

I have a habit of really getting to know my girlfriends. And that creates a strong bond.

[landangel]

She will think about me for sure if I contact her. And will want to see me even. And then if I would want to I could even have sex with her again.

 

I have a habit of really getting to know my girlfriends. And that creates a strong bond.

 

So even the fact that she is married would not prevent her from sleeping with you again? Dang friend... You did some work lol

 

Should I wait for her to contact me after the last incident that happened... Or should I initiate contact? Her BF is probably freaking out that she is still contacting me. Seed out doubt. What would be your advice? Initiate, or be patient and wait for me to make a move?

 

If she does contact me first, what would be a good first move, push or pull? She tried to sex me pretty hard last week and I shut her down.. What should I do now if I'm given another shot?

[ColdAlone]

So even the fact that she is married would not prevent her from sleeping with you again? Dang friend... You did some work lol

 

Should I wait for her to contact me after the last incident that happened... Or should I initiate contact? Her BF is probably freaking out that she is still contacting me. Seed out doubt. What would be your advice? Initiate, or be patient and wait for me to make a move?

 

If she does contact me first, what would be a good first move, push or pull? She tried to sex me pretty hard last week and I shut her down.. What should I do now if I'm given another shot?

 

What and when exactly was the last interaction?

[landangel]

What and when exactly was the last interaction?

 

A week go today we saw each other for the first time in almost 2 months. According to her, her BF was out of rown.It started out good. She initiated the invitation, the calls, the texts even suggested I spend the night. When I finally saw here she was telling me about how much she missed me and kept asking if I missed her. Then she tried to rip my clothes off and I told her to slow down. She didn't like that and within 45 minutes she pissed me off to the point I up and left.

 

When I left I did something rash and out of character. Because she said some insulting things I decided to scare her a bit. I drove downs the street to her BF's work place. I wasn't going to actually do anything, but it did scare the heck out of her. She sent me a text saying that she was done with me forever now. (I've heard that hundreds of times honestly)

 

2 days after that incident, she sent me another txt asking if we could hang out that day. I was working so I asked her to hold on. We had a pleasant back and fourth (she didn't mention anything about what I did before). I never actually said "yes to the invitation. Ater in the day she said she was going to take a nap and txt me when she woke up. She never did. That night I sent a txt say I hope she had a good sleep. She didn't respond. That was 5 days ago now... Nothing since.

 

What has thrown me off is that after that stand I really thought she might be finished, but 2 days later she invited me back and didn't sound mad at all about what I did. I didn't take the opportunity because of work and haven't heard anything since. What should I do now?

[ColdAlone]

Well... The dynamic between the two of you might lack some passion. And you should not get pissed off if and when a similar situation occurs again. Just go with the flow and take the sex.

 

Problem is, you don't know when she is with the other guy, or at least able to txt. I always knew when my ex was going there.

 

If you think sex is important to her, send her a txt. And I don't mean flirty, describe what you want to do to her. 'I feel like....' like that. Not 'I feel like making love to you' either, but describe some steps of actual deeds you want to do

If she responds badly you can always say 'sorry, wrong number'.

If she doesn't respond in a week after that you can only wait, or take a bigger risk and say you're finally through with her.

 

Timing will mean alot here. If you think she's on the sofa with her bf, it won't have the same result as for example when she's at work, or wakes up (depending on what mood she usually wakes up in).

Edited October 22, 2013 by ColdAlone

[landangel]

Well... The dynamic between the two of you might lack some passion. And you should not get pissed off if and when a similar situation occurs again. Just go with the flow and take the sex.

 

Problem is, you don't know when she is with the other guy, or at least able to txt. I always knew when my ex was going there.

 

If you think sex is important to her, send her a txt. And I don't mean flirty, describe what you want to do to her. 'I feel like....' like that. Not 'I feel like making love to you' either, but describe some steps of actual deeds you want to do

If she responds badly you can always say 'sorry, wrong number'.

If she doesn't respond in a week after that you can only wait, or take a bigger risk and say you're finally through with her.

 

Timing will mean alot here. If you think she's on the sofa with her bf, it won't have the same result as for example when she's at work, or wakes up (depending on what mood she usually wakes up in).

 

LoL... You are bold my friend, I'll give you that! How old are you, I know you said y were playing this game 9 years ago... You seem.."seasoned" so to speak.

I like the bold over the top approach. It's unexpected and something I she never even thought of doing. She obviously wanted sex... She straight up said so and tried to take it. I wanted it too but thought if I did it it would be too much. Amateur mistake I now that now. One thing is for sure, she would NOT expect that from me. All the more reason if she responded badly or not at all I could play it off like I was trying to txt someone else. That's tactical thinking there.

 

To answer your question sex is VERY IMPORTANT to her. It's one of the few functional way she and I connect. It binds her to me as you said.. She said the same thing. And she is very sexual and freaky too. This will be an interesting play if I go for it.

 

Given our last interaction do you think she will respond in a good way or respond at all. I imagine she is pissed somewhat, then again she did txt me 2 days after I screwed up. I just have to take a risk and give her an opportunity to reject me. She is probably mad and no matter what I say is going to say something crappy or not respond at all. What do you think my chance are given what you know?

[ColdAlone]

You'll get a reaction for sure. It might be delayed, depending on how baffled she is. It's a 50/50 thing I guess. I don't know her.

 

I'm in my early 40s...

[landangel]

You'll get a reaction for sure. It might be delayed, depending on how baffled she is. It's a 50/50 thing I guess. I don't know her.

 

I'm in my early 40s...

 

 

Well that's a good start. My inclinations are to wait for a few more days and see what she does. The longest she has gone without contacting me has been 18 days so this is nothing.

 

Next question is a bit more complicated... How can I get this rebound guy out of the picture? What do I have to do?

 

By me staying around and sleeping with her, is it more likely this rebound relationship will fail, or will it make it stronger?

[ColdAlone]

Well that's a good start. My inclinations are to wait for a few more days and see what she does. The longest she has gone without contacting me has been 18 days so this is nothing.

 

Next question is a bit more complicated... How can I get this rebound guy out of the picture? What do I have to do?

 

By me staying around and sleeping with her, is it more likely this rebound relationship will fail, or will it make it stronger?

 

Depends on how well you'll perform

 

He won't go by doing nothing and he won't go by nagging about him, so just... outperform him. Give her something to think about and come back to.

 

At some point, when you feel nothing changes, you'll have to take it away again and see what that does.

[landangel]

Depends on how well you'll perform

 

He won't go by doing nothing and he won't go by nagging about him, so just... outperform him. Give her something to think about and come back to.

 

At some point, when you feel nothing changes, you'll have to take it away again and see what that does.

 

So what you are saying is RIGHT NOW I have to give something, I have to "perform"?

 

Would a good example of "push/pull" to go over there and rocking her world, and then immediately after finishing getting up, getting dressed and leaving quickly. Let her know I had fun but I have to be somewhere else. Establish that I was the one doing her a favor?

OR

Go over, rock her world, and then stay and indulge her emotionally and romantically and possibly stay the night?

 

Which of those two scenarios works best towards my goal?

[landangel]

BTW, she is under the impression that I have a GF. I know that made her jealous as hell. After I perform, should I use that fact to my advantage? If so how?

Tell her afterwards that I have to get back to my GF and she better get back to her BF?

Again establishing that I am doing her a favor?

[ColdAlone]

BTW, she is under the impression that I have a GF. I know that made her jealous as hell. After I perform, should I use that fact to my advantage? If so how?

Tell her afterwards that I have to get back to my GF and she better get back to her BF?

Again establishing that I am doing her a favor?

 

Nah don't mention the gf unless you have to. Like if you say 'wrong number'. Stay vague about it.

It's not a matter of favors... It's a matter of attraction. Say nothing, be all you can be... and wait. If she strats talking about you and her or whatever, pick up on that.

[landangel]

I just reposted this again. Important question I didn't want to miss out on your opinion:

 

Would a good example of "push/pull" to go over there and rocking her world, and then immediately after finishing getting up, getting dressed and leaving quickly. Let her know I had fun but I have to be somewhere else. Establish that I was the one doing her a favor?

OR

Go over, rock her world, and then stay and indulge her emotionally and romantically and possibly stay the night?

 

Which of those two scenarios works best towards my goal?

[ColdAlone]

I just reposted this again. Important question I didn't want to miss out on your opinion:

 

Would a good example of "push/pull" to go over there and rocking her world, and then immediately after finishing getting up, getting dressed and leaving quickly. Let her know I had fun but I have to be somewhere else. Establish that I was the one doing her a favor?

OR

Go over, rock her world, and then stay and indulge her emotionally and romantically and possibly stay the night?

 

Which of those two scenarios works best towards my goal?

 

Go over, give her what she wants. Stay as long as you can.

 

push/pull doesn't work in an hour. You have to give her time to react. So if after a week you hear nothing, you send another txt. If she pushes and sais no more of this ****, you give it some days and you say ye I'm done with you. You push... Then she will pull. Untill one of you gets tired.

 

I'm not planning on keeping this conversation going for too long tbh... It brings back memories I'm not too proud of....

[landangel]

ColdAlone... Thank you. Your experience has been illuminating. I am sorry if it brought back bad memories. Certainly not my intention. I would hope I can draw upon your experience and wisdom later down the road if I decide to execute on some of this stuff. For now you have my gratitude!

 

I'd like to ask if you would subscribe to this thread. Since I have no way to PM you in the future at least I can make another post and you will by updated. One way I may be able to touch base with you if ever I may need your help. I can only ask.

 

Before we both sign off I just have a personal question. These bad memories... Are they painful because you feel what you did was wrong, or is it because it makes you reminisce and remember a lost love?

[ColdAlone]

ColdAlone... Thank you. Your experience has been illuminating. I am sorry if it brought back bad memories. Certainly not my intention. I would hope I can draw upon your experience and wisdom later down the road if I decide to execute on some of this stuff. For now you have my gratitude!

 

I'd like to ask if you would subscribe to this thread. Since I have no way to PM you in the future at least I can make another post and you will by updated. One way I may be able to touch base with you if ever I may need your help. I can only ask.

 

Before we both sign off I just have a personal question. These bad memories... Are they painful because you feel what you did was wrong, or is it because it makes you reminisce and remember a lost love?

 

I subscribed.

 

It's not painful or about lost love. I didn't say the memories are bad, it's just memories. It's just something I'm not proud of and I'm no longer that person