my boyfriend is jealous of my ex boyfriend..

[jeleetah]

greetings everybody.

 

me (20 years old) and my boyfriend (30 years old) have been a relationship for about 6 months. for the past months we've been arguing over something. here is the story.

 

my boyfriend had a girlfriend, they were in a relationship for 2 years and they get married for 2 years. after 2 years, his ex wife cheated on him, and they got divorce (based on religion. they haven't got divorced based by my country's law). 2 months later, he and i met and began to like each other. that time i had a boyfriend. we were in a LDR (Long Distance Relationship) for 3 years. i was disappointed of him because i feel that my ex boyfriend is cheating. i feel heart broken and alone. there is no love between me and my ex.

 

anyway, me and my current boyfriend met each other. we met each other in inline skate community in my city. we talked and he even teach me some basic tricks of inline skating and we got close. until i knew that he likes me. and i like him back. we start dating, but i haven't broke up with my ex. after 2 weeks dating my boyfriend, i broke up with my ex. my ex doesn't want to broke up with me and he want to talk with my boyfriend and he wants to know the reason why i choose my boyfriend instead of him. so they talked by phone.

 

me and my boyfriend had a very good relationship in the beginning. he was the most caring, romantic and a gentleman! i feel very blessed. and i feel relive that i made the right choice. i chose him, instead of my ex. he always kissed me and hugged me. he was a very sweet guy. maybe he is the dream man of every woman in this world. my girl friends was very jealous when we are together. and they hoped that they get that kind of attention from their boyfriends.

 

we had sex. and he ask me that if i'm a virgin or not. i answered him,

"i'm not."

i answered honestly because i know, if i lie to him in the beginning and he found out at the end he will be heart broken. slowly he gets jealous very easy. he gets paranoid, and he feels like i'm flirting with other man in the my collage. i know what's the reason that makes him like that. so i told him that i won't do such a thing, (since i know the feeling being cheated) and i love him very much.

 

fast forward,

 

he gets very sensitive. he gets angry very easy and when he gets angry, he keep talking about his ex wife. he always told me that he never loved his ex-wife, but he compares me with his ex-wife. he keeps doing that when he's angry. i never compared him with my ex boyfriend. and i never will.

 

and recently when he's angry, he said that he's jealous of my past because of my ex can take away my virginity. he always thinks that i have a very good relationship and a good sex with my ex. but actually me and my ex had a very un happy relationship. my ex likes to flirt to many girls and we do not have a good sex. he keeps telling me that he can't deal with my past and he wants to broke up with me. i keep telling and make him sure that he's the only one i want. in the end he said that he loves me too and he feels sorry. but when he's angry again, and it started all over again.

 

my questions are,

1. how can i make him believe i love him un conditionally and he's waaayyyy better than my ex?

2. i know that he's feeling in secure. and i know that he needs someone who can accept his awful past. how can i make him stop thinking about the past?

 

i love him so much and i don't want to loose him.

please help

thankyou

[Criticality]

Well that certainly sounds intolerable! He wouldn't happen to be Muslim, based on your comment about a religious divorce?

 

As for your questions:

 

1. You can't. And it'll only get worse with time. Even if he could get over the fact that you're not a virgin (which is ridiculous) he'd find some other thing to doubt you about. The problem is rooted in his insecurities, not you.

 

2. You can't. And like with 1. The problem is him not you, and it'll only get worse.

 

Get out while you can, it usually doesn't end well. Why do you think he's not with his ex anymore? You only got his side of the story, but I wouldn't be surprised if she was just like you, when they originally got together, but she either got fed up with his anger and insecurity, or he made up the infidelity in his own head, because of his jealous and paranoid nature.

 

I bet it would be enlightening if you ever called her.

[tlegend]

Well that certainly sounds intolerable! He wouldn't happen to be Muslim, based on your comment about a religious divorce?

 

As for your questions:

 

1. You can't. And it'll only get worse with time. Even if he could get over the fact that you're not a virgin (which is ridiculous) he'd find some other thing to doubt you about. The problem is rooted in his insecurities, not you.

 

2. You can't. And like with 1. The problem is him not you, and it'll only get worse.

 

Get out while you can, it usually doesn't end well. Why do you think he's not with his ex anymore? You only got his side of the story, but I wouldn't be surprised if she was just like you, when they originally got together, but she either got fed up with his anger and insecurity, or he made up the infidelity in his own head, because of his jealous and paranoid nature.

 

I bet it would be enlightening if you ever called her.

 

I disagree.

 

This guy basically says that all people like this are ****ed.

 

That's just not the case. However, he IS right in saying that it is rooted in his insecurities.

 

And unless he's willing to work on those insecurities, he won't get past them.

 

I was like that as well. More than 5 years after I broke up with the woman whom I loved, but could never be with again due to infidelity, I developed and still have issues with love and trust. I refuse to say the love word unless I truly mean it, and even then, I get scared even muttering that word.

 

I was also very angry and very jealous, both of which compound further into bad news should I let my thinking go too far.

 

I still have these issues, but I've recognized them and work on them every single day. I still have hangups and triggers, but it's getting better and better.

 

If he can afford a therapist, I would strongly encourage it.

 

But there is light at the end of the tunnel if you truely love him and want to help him.

 

Just be aware that it is a long ****ing tunnel, with no guarantee you will make it through.

[crederer]

uhh....30 year old man wants to be with a virgin? Super weird and insecurity beaming out his ass. What country do you live in? It seems english is not your first language (I might be wrong about that) and different cultures have different ideals or norms. But this entire post seems weird to me.

Edited October 21, 2013 by crederer

[giblesp]

A man jealous about the fact you're not a virgin is very insecure about himself. He's going to be weak in important areas of life, and is a bad choice as a partner.