I love my boyfriend but I am physically attracted to someone else

[swtcntrygrl30]

Ok so I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and he treats me good and all. Just he's a little rough around the edges if you know what I mean. He's the country boy type. Likes to hunt, drives a lifted truck, the whole bit. Anyways the guy I am attracted to is kinda the same way stereotypically but he is a lot different. He's not so rough around the edges and is fun to be around. Not saying my boyfriend isn't fun to be around but he doesn't always make an effort to spend time with me. The other guy actually makes time for me so we can hang out. Keep in mind I've been friends with the other guy for a while and he and my boyfriend both work with me at my second job. To make matters worse the 2 of them are friends and the other guy is just as attracted to me as I am to him. I'm not confused about how I feel bc I love my boyfriend with all my heart. I've just never been in a situation to where I was with someone that I am truly happy with and also attracted to someone else at the same time. I know what I shouldn't do so I'm not here for a lecture BUT how in hell do I stop this attraction dead in its tracks before it becomes a huge problem?

[ExpatInItaly]

Ok so I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and he treats me good and all. Just he's a little rough around the edges if you know what I mean. He's the country boy type. Likes to hunt, drives a lifted truck, the whole bit. Anyways the guy I am attracted to is kinda the same way stereotypically but he is a lot different. He's not so rough around the edges and is fun to be around. Not saying my boyfriend isn't fun to be around but he doesn't always make an effort to spend time with me. The other guy actually makes time for me so we can hang out. Keep in mind I've been friends with the other guy for a while and he and my boyfriend both work with me at my second job. To make matters worse the 2 of them are friends and the other guy is just as attracted to me as I am to him. I'm not confused about how I feel bc I love my boyfriend with all my heart. I've just never been in a situation to where I was with someone that I am truly happy with and also attracted to someone else at the same time. I know what I shouldn't do so I'm not here for a lecture BUT how in hell do I stop this attraction dead in its tracks before it becomes a huge problem?

 

For starters, stop hanging out with him. If you continue to spend time with him, it will grow into a big problem.

 

Communicate with him only at work and about work. Don't text, call, or contact each other online. You already know you're on a very slippery slope. I'm not going to throw stones because I've been there too, but nothing good will come of this if you don't take measures now to cut contact - take it from someone who's walked in your shoes!

[Darren Steez]

Stop hanging out with the other guy. There, how simple was that.

 

Start hanging out with your boyfriend... or read a book, or take up a hobby.

 

and that will stop it..dead in it's tracks

[todreaminblue]

you realize what you have to lose and spend less time with the guy you are attracted to and never spend time alone with a guy you are attracted to while in a relationship with someone you love, never talk about your relationship or have intimate conversations with a guy who is attracted to you and you are in turn attracted to him, bad move.....

 

 

 

maintain physical and emotional distance spend more time with the guy you are with and love...............deb

[harrybrown]

Do not spend time with the second guy, go NC with him.

 

If you can not go NC with him, then break up with your boyfriend, spend some time alone before spending time with the new guy.

 

If you do not stop this, you will cause a lot of heartache for you and those around you.

[Maxtor]

Ok so I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and he treats me good and all. Just he's a little rough around the edges if you know what I mean. He's the country boy type. Likes to hunt, drives a lifted truck, the whole bit. Anyways the guy I am attracted to is kinda the same way stereotypically but he is a lot different. He's not so rough around the edges and is fun to be around. Not saying my boyfriend isn't fun to be around but he doesn't always make an effort to spend time with me. The other guy actually makes time for me so we can hang out. Keep in mind I've been friends with the other guy for a while and he and my boyfriend both work with me at my second job. To make matters worse the 2 of them are friends and the other guy is just as attracted to me as I am to him. I'm not confused about how I feel bc I love my boyfriend with all my heart. I've just never been in a situation to where I was with someone that I am truly happy with and also attracted to someone else at the same time. I know what I shouldn't do so I'm not here for a lecture BUT how in hell do I stop this attraction dead in its tracks before it becomes a huge problem?

 

You feel that way because you've been with your bf for a year. Give 1 year to the other guy, and you'll feel the same way.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Ok so I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and he treats me good and all. Just he's a little rough around the edges if you know what I mean. He's the country boy type. Likes to hunt, drives a lifted truck, the whole bit. Anyways the guy I am attracted to is kinda the same way stereotypically but he is a lot different. He's not so rough around the edges and is fun to be around. Not saying my boyfriend isn't fun to be around but he doesn't always make an effort to spend time with me. The other guy actually makes time for me so we can hang out. Keep in mind I've been friends with the other guy for a while and he and my boyfriend both work with me at my second job. To make matters worse the 2 of them are friends and the other guy is just as attracted to me as I am to him. I'm not confused about how I feel bc I love my boyfriend with all my heart. I've just never been in a situation to where I was with someone that I am truly happy with and also attracted to someone else at the same time. I know what I shouldn't do so I'm not here for a lecture BUT how in hell do I stop this attraction dead in its tracks before it becomes a huge problem?

 

It's called self-discipline. Just because you're attracted to someone doesn't mean you have to sleep with them.

 

Also, this "friend" is a clown. He makes time for you even though he knows you have a boyfriend and is friends with him? Sounds like a douche.

[crederer]

I wish there was a facepalm emoticon on here....

 

It's normal to find other people attractive. It's pretty much human nature. It's also quite easy for most to demonstrate at least a certain level of self control.

[GingerGirl2]

You're always going to find other people attractive even when you're in a long-term relationship. It just happens after you've been with someone for a long time and it's totally normal. Guys do it way more than women, too. Maybe the reason this is the first time it's happened to you is that this is the first time you've been with someone as long as you have with your boyfriend? I'm just guessing.

 

As far as what to do, the thing I worry about in your post is your boyfriend not making time for you. Is this in a serious way, or not such a big deal? Because that could blossom into a big problem later on down the road. Having said that, I would not put too much stock in the fact that the other guy does make time for you. This could just as easily stop being the case if you were to date him for a year. People start taking each other for granted, it just happens.

[swtcntrygrl30]

What none of y'all realize is that I've been friends with the other guy longer than I've been with my boyfriend so there's a friendship built there above all else. Trust me, it's not about giving a year to the other guy bc I know him pretty well. I mentioned that he and my boyfriend are friends as well which means he does hang out with him sometimes at our house while I'm there. That makes it really tough. I do not initiate any contact with him. He initiates it and makes it very tough to ignore him. I want to remain friends with him if possible bc that's just how I am. Is that so terrible? Also like I said, my boyfriend doesn't make a lot of time for me. He'd rather be up in a tree stand hunting or hanging with his friends working on a car. I ask him all the time for us to spend time together. It's not as if I haven't voiced this to him. He chooses not to listen and continues to take me for granted apparently. I mean we do live together too but I also work 3rd, he works either 1st or 2nd at his job so we don't have much time together. The one day off a week I do have he chooses to do other things. It's the same day every week so it's not like it's a surprise that I get the same day off every week. He knows when I'm off. He simply chooses not to make time for me in that 24 hour period.

Edited October 22, 2013 by swtcntrygrl30

[swtcntrygrl30]

Actually I would consider myself perfect since I work 2 jobs (he only has 1), I do all the cleaning and laundry (did I mention he doesn't help?), plus I do all the cooking (all the while catering to his pickiness), and I do it all with a smile on my face. So don't sit there and say I'm not doing my part. If I didn't work it might be different but I do. I work 6 days a week and take care of my 6 year old son too. I do everything only to be left at home alone. I'm with him bc I love him but he is not doing his part.

[Maxtor]

Actually I would consider myself perfect since I work 2 jobs (he only has 1), I do all the cleaning and laundry (did I mention he doesn't help?), plus I do all the cooking (all the while catering to his pickiness), and I do it all with a smile on my face. So don't sit there and say I'm not doing my part. If I didn't work it might be different but I do. I work 6 days a week and take care of my 6 year old son too. I do everything only to be left at home alone. I'm with him bc I love him but he is not doing his part.

 

So you are perfect because you work 2 jobs and do the laundry. I guess I'm God then, since i work a full time job, i study, i do martial arts and hit the gym, plus i help my mother and friends in need.

 

Instead of giving us reasons to hate him, why not just talk to him? Or dump him. You say is all great, but then you say he doesnt do anything, but that also you love him. Do you love him, or are you used to him?

[ThatMan]

Actually I would consider myself perfect since I work 2 jobs (he only has 1), I do all the cleaning and laundry (did I mention he doesn't help?), plus I do all the cooking (all the while catering to his pickiness), and I do it all with a smile on my face. So don't sit there and say I'm not doing my part. If I didn't work it might be different but I do. I work 6 days a week and take care of my 6 year old son too. I do everything only to be left at home alone. I'm with him bc I love him but he is not doing his part.

Although I'm thoroughly impressed with your hard work, I think the word perfect is wildly inappropriate. You're perfect? Perfect for who? I would drop you in a heartbeat because you aren't perfect for me. I've known a single mother with MS tackle far greater challenges than what you'll ever experience. We are all rough around the edges in some way. That's what being human is all about. You are only human. Your spouse is also only human. Both of you are going to be rough around the edges. At some point you need to deal with it and grow up already. So no, I'm not going to sit here and try to convince you that you somehow aren't doing your part. You are clearly dealing with a lot right now. Listing the reasons why you hate the man doesn't change the fact that you've come to a message board about infidelity to speak with strangers. That's far from perfect. But that's okay.

 

You are not a hapless victim. Just because you find somebody attractive does not mean you are going to one day suddenly trip and land on top of his penis by accident. Just because you have understandable reasons for being upset, and I would also be equally be upset in your position, doesn't mean there's literally nothing you can do. Is there no room in your world for improvement at all? Really?

 

You have the power to take charge of the situation and decide for yourself to do something about this. Just because you fault your boyfriend does NOT mean there's nothing you can do to be happy. There is plenty of hurt and blame in any healthy marriage. But most couples hold the capacity to forgive. Most couples actually respect each other and openly share any concerns in the relationship. Have you ever expressed your concerns with him before? What happened?

Edited October 24, 2013 by ThatMan

[central]

An alternative is to look into poly and open relationships. For some people it works to have more than one lover, honestly, openly, and consensually with existing partners (who - of course - will have the same options or whatever you negotiate).