When trust is gone

[Zahara]

Why do you say "without discomfort"? He seems very sorry. We've talked a lot these last few days. He explained a few things to me about how things actually happened between the two of them. It really helped me work through the doubt. I'm choosing to trust him.

 

Cheaters that "explain" how things happened! The crying, the apologies, the hows and whys...been there and gone through that. I'm not sure how things transpired between them changes the fact that he's a cheater.

 

You've just thought him he can pull the wool over his eyes, quickly and easily. It only took a week. He scores.

[Kizmet Fisher]

Hi everyone. I've decided to stay with him. We have had very serious conversations over the last few days. He confessed to everything. I knowwatwe have is rally special and no one understands. My best friend is so angry with me. She said she thinks my self esteem is very low,as it took him just a little over a week to convince me to stay.

 

But I really don't think she understands how deep our love is and how strong our connection is. I really think we an work through this since he's now been honest about everything. Am I crazy?

 

Everyone thinks their love is a special little snowflake that no one else could possibly understand, but this is never the case.

 

If he thought what you have was half as special as you do, he would not have done this to you. You've made a huge mistake, and will be right back to where you started here on the boards within three months.

[Zahara]

*your* eyes.

[BC1980]

Hi everyone. I've decided to stay with him. We have had very serious conversations over the last few days. He confessed to everything. I knowwatwe have is rally special and no one understands. My best friend is so angry with me. She said she thinks my self esteem is very low,as it took him just a little over a week to convince me to stay.

 

But I really don't think she understands how deep our love is and how strong our connection is. I really think we an work through this since he's now been honest about everything. Am I crazy?

 

Yes, we do understand how deep and strong your love is. It is not special. Apparently, even he doesn't get how special it is based on his actions. Do you see the problem?

[Simon Phoenix]

Why do you say "without discomfort"? He seems very sorry. We've talked a lot these last few days. He explained a few things to me about how things actually happened between the two of them. It really helped me work through the doubt. I'm choosing to trust him.

 

You probably believe in the Easter Bunny and the Loch Ness monster too. That's how absurd this choice is.

[Confusedbeyondbelief]

Cheaters that "explain" how things happened! The crying, the apologies, the hows and whys...been there and gone through that. I'm not sure how things transpired between them changes the fact that he's a cheater.

 

You've just thought him he can pull the wool over his eyes, quickly and easily. It only took a week. He scores.

 

He just explained that it didn't happen the way she says. He said its been over between them for months. That doesn't make it better, but my relationship with him has become really intense over the last few months. Although we've absolutely been dating for almost a year, maybe this all happened before we became so serious. That, in my eyes, makes it less bad than I originally thought.

 

Do you guys agree with at least that?

[Simon Phoenix]

He just explained that it didn't happen the way she says. He said its been over between them for months. That doesn't make it better, but my relationship with him has become really intense over the last few months. Although we've absolutely been dating for almost a year, maybe this all happened before we became so serious. That, in my eyes, makes it less bad than I originally thought.

 

Do you guys agree with at least that?

 

No. But you do. If he told you that smurfs once ruled the kingdoms of several European countries during the Renaissance, you'd probably buy it at this point. We are not going to agree with your awful, awful, awful decision no matter how much you try to spin it.

[Zahara]

He just explained that it didn't happen the way she says. He said its been over between them for months. That doesn't make it better, but my relationship with him has become really intense over the last few months. Although we've absolutely been dating for almost a year, maybe this all happened before we became so serious. That, in my eyes, makes it less bad than I originally thought.

 

Do you guys agree with at least that?

 

I believe no matter what anyone says, you'll put lipstick on a pig and pretend its a prince. Your self esteem is so shattered that you'll settle for anything, twist and turn to make it acceptable in your head.

 

You'll be back here. I'm sorry but you're doing a great disservice to yourself. Your friend is right to be angry. It's hard to see someone you care for take a downward spiral. And you are.

[Simon Phoenix]

I believe no matter what anyone says, you'll put lipstick on a pig and pretend its a prince. Your self esteem is so shattered that you'll settle for anything, twist and turn to make it acceptable in your head.

 

You'll be back here. I'm sorry but you're doing a great disservice to yourself. Your friend is right to be angry. It's hard to see someone you care for take a downward spiral. And you are.

 

Yep, and she's bunkering down trying to think about how to deal with the OP's inevitable heartbreak. Does she scold her and say "I told you so"? Does she lend a sympathetic, caring, "I'm here for you" ear? Does she ignore it completely. It's basically like preparing for an invasion of hurt feelings.

[Confusedbeyondbelief]

I believe no matter what anyone says, you'll put lipstick on a pig and pretend its a prince. Your self esteem is so shattered that you'll settle for anything, twist and turn to make it acceptable in your head.

 

You'll be back here. I'm sorry but you're doing a great disservice to yourself. Your friend is right to be angry. It's hard to see someone you care for take a downward spiral. And you are.

 

Ok. I get it. I really am just trying to work through my confusion about this. I do get that everyone seems to be on the same page. I'm actually a really smart girl and good person.

 

I don't mean to sound like I'm not listening. I just updated this thread because the two of us are talking and trying hard to work through this. Since he has acknowledged his mistakes, and newconforation about timing came up, I wanted to see if tat info changed anyone else's mind. Or if everyone still thought I was a fool.

 

Is clear to me that it's the latter.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

He just explained that it didn't happen the way she says. He said its been over between them for months. That doesn't make it better, but my relationship with him has become really intense over the last few months. Although we've absolutely been dating for almost a year, maybe this all happened before we became so serious. That, in my eyes, makes it less bad than I originally thought.

 

Do you guys agree with at least that?

 

No I sure dont agree with that.

[Zahara]

I think the hardest thing for OP's friend is to be present in their friendship, while witnessing OP as she dates the douche. It would be difficult to pretend that you're happy for your friend, when you're not for obvious reasons.

[Confusedbeyondbelief]

I think the hardest thing for OP's friend is to be present in their friendship, while witnessing OP as she dates the douche. It would be difficult to pretend that you're happy for your friend, when you're not for obvious reasons.

 

She definitely won't pretend she's happy for me. But she will be there if things turn out the way everyone says they will.

 

Him and I have mutual friends who say he is really distraught about the fact he may be losing me. I think that also shows he likes me more than he liked her.

[Zahara]

Ok. I get it. I really am just trying to work through my confusion about this. I do get that everyone seems to be on the same page. I'm actually a really smart girl and good person.

 

I don't mean to sound like I'm not listening. I just updated this thread because the two of us are talking and trying hard to work through this. Since he has acknowledged his mistakes, and newconforation about timing came up, I wanted to see if tat info changed anyone else's mind. Or if everyone still thought I was a fool.

 

Is clear to me that it's the latter.

 

It's not confusion. It's you inability to let go because you lack value in yourself. Being smart and a good person has nothing to do with it. Your self-esteem has everything to do with it.

 

It doesn't change anyone's mind because you seem dense in accepting that people will tell you what you want to hear and people like you will twist it in your head to make it acceptable. Besides, does it matter that our stance doesn't change? Yours has so stand by your decision with conviction and stop asking for advice, our thoughts. This isn't an update. It's just a sad story.

[reddragon588]

Ok. I get it. I really am just trying to work through my confusion about this. I do get that everyone seems to be on the same page. I'm actually a really smart girl and good person.

 

I don't mean to sound like I'm not listening. I just updated this thread because the two of us are talking and trying hard to work through this. Since he has acknowledged his mistakes, and newconforation about timing came up, I wanted to see if tat info changed anyone else's mind. Or if everyone still thought I was a fool.

 

Is clear to me that it's the latter.

 

I don't think you're a fool, but I do think you're making a foolish decision. You are playing with fire here. Proceed with extreme caution.

[Kizmet Fisher]

She definitely won't pretend she's happy for me. But she will be there if things turn out the way everyone says they will.

 

Him and I have mutual friends who say he is really distraught about the fact he may be losing me. I think that also shows he likes me more than he liked her.

 

No. It doesn't show that at all. It shows he is not ready to lose his devoted, ego-stroking doormat. Also, the fact you seem comforted by the fact that although he had other women at least he "likes you more" is concerning.

 

Clearly you've made up your mind though. In a choice between your craptacular boyfriend versus self respect and logic, you have chosen him.

[Zahara]

Him and I have mutual friends who say he is really distraught about the fact he may be losing me. I think that also shows he likes me more than he liked her.

 

He was cheating on you with her!!!! Who gives an F who he likes/liked more!? You're a little more "special" because he picked you? Puke. He's probably with you because you're an easier target. God, your thinking is so warped and muddled.

[reddragon588]

Him and I have mutual friends who say he is really distraught about the fact he may be losing me. I think that also shows he likes me more than he liked her.

 

So you win this round. What happens when the next one comes along and it turns out he likes her more than you?

 

Not to be cold here but it's a distinct possibility with a guy like this.

[Kizmet Fisher]

So you win this round. What happens when the next one comes along and it turns out he likes her more than you?

 

Not to be cold here but it's a distinct possibility with a guy like this.

 

Distinct probability, more like. This thread is like watching a really horrific car crash in slow motion.

[Simon Phoenix]

So you win this round. What happens when the next one comes along and it turns out he likes her more than you?

 

Not to be cold here but it's a distinct possibility with a guy like this.

 

Possibility? More like a lead-pipe lock. Vegas sportsbooks wouldn't even take bets on this, that's how guaranteed it is.

[h0000]

if he really liked you more, why were he with her for almost your entire relationships? why was he with someone he didnt like?

I think not only hes gonna cheat on you again, he is likely going to dump you in the end for someone else. This exact thing happened to someone I know.

[Confusedbeyondbelief]

He was cheating on you with her!!!! Who gives an F who he likes/liked more!? You're a little more "special" because he picked you? Puke. He's probably with you because you're an easier target. God, your thinking is so warped and muddled.

 

This actually opened my eyes some. Because in reality he didn't pick me. She walked away from him.

 

I just don't understand if she was leaving him anyway, why she couldn't just leave quietly. Why did she have to tell me things that are now in my head. I'm

really hope I can get over them and forgive him completely.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

This actually opened my eyes some. Because in reality he didn't pick me. She walked away from him.

 

I just don't understand if she was leaving him anyway, why she couldn't just leave quietly. Why did she have to tell me things that are now in my head. I'm

really hope I can get over them and forgive him completely.

 

She told you that so you would do what youre doing now. Overthinking

 

You SHOULD hope not get over THEM and forgive HIM BUT to FORGET BOTH OF THEM AND NOT PUT UP WITH IT ANYMORE.

 

You JUST answered your own worry. Reality is he didnt pick you and SHE walked away. But yet YOU hope you can forgive him??????? So being the backup plan is cool? For you just to be around till he finds something better? All you are doing is picking this because your ego is hurt. Thats all. Its not the man you are after, its your pride. Guess what? The only way THAT heals is from you.

[Kizmet Fisher]

This actually opened my eyes some. Because in reality he didn't pick me. She walked away from him.

 

I just don't understand if she was leaving him anyway, why she couldn't just leave quietly. Why did she have to tell me things that are now in my head. I'm

really hope I can get over them and forgive him completely.

 

So you wish that you didn't know you were getting cheated on constantly and getting made a fool of? Seriously, when he cheats on you again after the honeymoon period of you taking him back (which make no mistake he will), I will not feel the least bit sorry for you. You say your eyes were opened some by posters here, but from what I can see you're blinder than ever.

[Zahara]

This actually opened my eyes some. Because in reality he didn't pick me. She walked away from him.

 

I just don't understand if she was leaving him anyway, why she couldn't just leave quietly. Why did she have to tell me things that are now in my head. I'm

really hope I can get over them and forgive him completely.

 

There it is. She walked away. And all he had left was you. The leftover. The only reason he's trying to make it "work" with you is because he has no options. You will provide him sex, company, a warm body, etc. until he gets bored again. When he's comfortable and knows he's secured you, he'll start checking his options again.

 

A woman tells you about your cheating ex, yet you question why she would do that and ruin it for you?! Instead of being thankful, that she helped you dodge an douchebag? She did thinking you'd be smart and walk away too. Instead, you're doing the opposite.